Re-read my reply. I acknowledge it's easy for me to say, but hard for him to do in reality.
I only gave him my perspective of what I would do.
Sorry, but I'd dump the ATF he's having sex with if it were causing trouble in the other relationship. It's only my opinion, but the ATF can be replaced. The true friend and business partner would be harder to replace and far more valuable in the long run.
For the ATF, it's all about the money. I'd remember that and choose the one I make money with.
One is a friend and one is a sexual partner. Why does one care about the other, and how are you stuck in the middle.
One would hope their opinions of each other would not affect their opinion of you. If that is what is happening I would set the boundaries you need to set with these two to be able to conduct your life the way you want to rather than the way they want.
But we need a little more info as to what you want help with.
Your ATF has simply been thrown a 'wrench' and is not quite sure what to think about it. She is used to running the show, calling the shots, and having all the cards in her hand - and God forbid anybody stand in her way!
It is her NATURE to 'react', and to react as you've stated in your more descriptive private message to me. How unfortunate.
I agree with Megapig in a previous thread where he discussed his feelings about ultimatums. I'm the same way. It's a sure fire way I'll slam the door behind someone's a** if they give me an ultimatum!
I will go into more detail with you privately, but here I will say, let her cool a little and digest a little. Let her think how her actions might've easily just hurt her, while she so greedily grasped to maintain her 'security'.
You're only 'in the middle' because you're allowing it! They know your soft spots and are manipulating you as a result. Stand up for yourself, be your own man, and do what YOU want! Not what somebody else dictates FOR you! Give your ATF the ultimate shock treatment - give her an ultimatum! Treat YOU like the fabulously loyal and faithful good client you are or there are more fish in the sea..!
Sully, how right you are, my friend. Sometimes I feel like the lone pinball in some woman's arcade game, getting bounced around trying to navigate around the "danger" zones while still remaining in play. I think I am about to "tilt."
Just not easy mabye. If your ATF did return the emotion, then it would be complicated. I'd say move on. Of course we don't know if they have "issues with each other" that have nothing to do with you. That would make the situation a little clearer. Otherwise I can't fathom your "friend's" attitude either.
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