My new ATF called yesterday and asked for  $1,200.00. What it's for isn't important in this discussion. Having read several threads on these pages that relate to this, I hope it's not the last time I see her. She'll be here in an hour...

you get by a temporary cash flow issue?  Would you even broach this reverse situation with her if you were in this bind?

Now I realize that some will argue the two situations are not the same.  She may have a time sensitive need for the cash while horny you can certainly wait to get your poontang when you have the cash.  I recognize this difference.  However there is a trust factor theme that runs through each case.  

At the end of the day trust is what this is all about.  Only God and your ATF know if her intentions are pure (and BTW I'm assuming there is a promise to pay you back) and you and you alone are going to make that decision.  The fact that you posted this thread suggests to me that you some degree of inner doubt.  Perhaps it is best to listen to your own self...



     

I told her it was a no-strings attached gift. No repayment needed, no discounts on future meetings. It's Christmas, it's a good time to help someone out that is special to me.

The Vanilla Knight

but you're not alone.

SINCE THERE ARE NO STRIINGS    CAN I HAVE $600 YOU DON'T WANT IT ANYWAY PLEASE FORWARD TO "YOU ARE A DUMBSHIT .COM"

Reitto.

Now what are you gonna do the NEXT time? And the time after that?  When you get the call that she doesn't have any food, is out of food for the cat and the cat is crying. Too late now but you should have done a Barney Fife and nipped it in the bud!

I suspect that you mean what you say, but were it me, I know that I would be always looking for that  minute or two extra?!  I know me.  

If you keep to your word - you are indeed a good guy - and the lady is lucky to have met your acquaintance!  Lucky - indeed.  Happy HannaRamaQuansMas... to ya!

I don't get it. Did the lady in question ask for a loan or not? Or did you decide to make it a gift due to the track records of these situations. I applaud you for your generous gift.

she never mentioned loan, she just desparatly needed the money. I made it a gift based on what I've read here and made it clear that it was a one time deal. If she desparatly needs cash anytime soon, then I'll know that I've been played. Won't be the first time but it'll be cheaper than the last....

don't be surprised if you don't hear from her again. As you said this is the season for giving and we should always give some one a helping hand and never expect any thing back.

Did you see her again?  The problem with a gift like that is that she'll feel like she owes you, and you'll want something in return, whether you say it's a no-strings gift or not.  My guess is you'll never hear from her again.

I was dating a younger girl at work.  She knew I was making good money cuz of my position and we started dating.  She was in college and came home for a summer job.  But when I was with her she always needed things and money.  It never felt painful to give her sums of money like you just mentioned.  I was in love and giving to her made me feel good.  Eventually she went back to school in the east coast and she tried getting money from me.  She would call and give me sob stories but I wasnt getting rewards so I ended up telling her she was a good lay and I used her and she used me.  Moral of the story is giving is only fun when something is given back in return.

Actually, I have been fortunate enough that some of my closest friends have helped me from time to time with generous loans and we worked it out in visits...in fact, I still owe my fav daddy 2 more visits to repay his kindness (as soon as he stops working so much!!) I know that in this business people get ripped off alot, but I hope if nothing else in this world that we can believe in in this little community of ours is that trust is paramount in the special relationships we have formed.
I dont know what to advise you, hopefully you know her well enough that you can trust her. If she takes it and runs, consider it an expensive lesson. If someone doesnt pay me back, I just consider it a gift and not help them again.
Best of luck with it. Money does make things awkward.

At one time or another, many of us have run into this if we have been around.
A more normal approach is to ask for help and in return, you would get some session time with her.  I have done this in the past when a provider was struggling for some reason to help out - you seem to forget that this is a BUSINESS.
I am not saying we never have personal feeling about the ladies we see - that is unavoidable.  It is what we do with those feelings that count - sounds like she may really need the help, but have you also thought about being there for her mentally in addition to the f'n money?  In the long run, if things do work out - I am betting it is the friendly support she gets from those close to her she will remember more than the cash.

-- Modified on 12/20/2006 2:37:23 AM

If pink floyd is somewhat loaded, what does 1200 bucks really mean? Chump change for some, a small gift for him. A lot of dough for me, but that's a different story. Point is, he's worried that he won't see her after that. OTOH, he's saying it'll be cheaper than the last. So pink is either a compassionate sucker or just has a lot of money to burn. Which one is it, bro?

I hate replying low in the thread, I figure I will get lost in the shuffle.

You know that half the replies you will get are from cynical guys who are ever-wary of getting ripped off, and the other half are from white knights who will applaud your humanity. As always, the truth is somewhere in-between.

The main question is, can you afford the $1200? I have been in many situations where a friend or acquaintance needs some cash. I have never made a loan in my life expecting to get it back - and so I have never made one unless I could afford to lose it. I have had people say to me "gee, I hate to ask you, but..." and I have replied "don't ever say that - always ask, but don't hate me if I say I can't do it".

To ask someone for $1200, you must EITHER feel that you have a fairly close and trusting relationship, or you have to be a player. Only time will tell you which is which, but all that should matter to you is whether or not it is worth it up until this point, and whether or not you can afford the loss if the latter turns out to be true.

As Clarence37 says...
I assume you can afford the 'loss' of the money
& you hold no expectation to either get the money back or any other reaction/action/anything.

That is a GREAT way to think of a gift!
How it makes you (the giver feel) important & you should feel good.

What the ATF (receiver) does with the gift is not relevant.

Happy Holidays Santa!

Three days later and I heard from her last night. Couldn't thank me enough for making Christmas happen for her disabled mother, she needed the funds to pay the balance on a motorized wheelchair.

When I asked about seeing her again, she replied, "Whereever, whenever, for whatever. Just say what you want". So I think this is going to work out this time. Money is relative to your resources, I was able to afford it or I wouldn't have done it. My concern was that it would change the relationship...

thanks to all that weighed in

Perhaps a little naive, but good. At the very least let her work it off. If she were truly your friend would she be charging you for time at all? Keep this as a biz because, you'll get burned for such altruism.

but I saw her again last night. The gift was the right thing to do.....