back in early june.
well i get the phone call
"i'm pregnant"
"ummm ok"
"what are we going to do"
"we?"
i guess after she didn't get the answers she wanted to hear,the call quickly degraded.
she never gave me the chance to tell her that i have been fixed since 2000(checked every year) and there was no way i was the lucky guy.
i found out she now has legal council,so do i
1.go ahead and nip it in the bud and present 4 past vas test which are negative.
2.play the good guy till the last minute then bail
3.let her spend boo coo money taking me to court(i'll win)
she was seeing someone else at the time i did her on a regular basis,i only did her twice.
i feel sorry for her cause the other guy who maybe the dad will bail on her even if it is his kid.
marcb(never played a t.v. repairman on t.v but i have the tool set so i can fix anything)

3. She's trying to screw you in the worst possible way (18 YEARS of cash supporting genes that aren't even yours).

Make her PAY.

I don't know try doing the honorable thing and go for #1.

You get back what you put out.  For her and for you.  Get it over with quick.

Being fixed seems a simple thing to communicate, before or during the time she's calling you with the bad news.  Or do you just take pleasure in letting her think that she found the right guy, expensively dragging your ass to court for nothing?  Doesn't her time mean anything to you?  Doesn't your time?

You have some kind of dominance issues with women here.  I have no sympathy for you about this.
 
/Zin

...what is the big deal with telling her the truth? So maybe she can find someone else to bring into this and not waste time and money on trying to prove something you already know the answer to, unless being in court is entertaining to you...

Let her know the chances are slim to nill-- if she doesnt bite, let her have the baby and take the paternity test and be done with it? Why is this even an issue?

By the way-- option number 2-- bad kharma... why (how) would you even say (think) of something so hideous as to play with a womans life, whom you had enough in you to sleep with, but cant even tell the truth to when she is faced with one of the biggest steps in her life which she will obviously now be taking on her own?

And number 3 is just plain dumb and rude and runs along the same lines as number two with kharma; sure run all of whatever money she may or may not have on going to court and legal assistance, when you know she will need whatever she can get for the next 18 years of her and her childs life.... dont be an ass.

Just tell her, or get the test, besides you never know-- wouldnt it be screwy if it really was yours? Things like that happen, dont say no until you find out for sure... but be a good guy about it...

Dani-Banani

the first thing you would have said is, it can't be me, I've had a vasectomy.  And if you didn't, what on earth is YOUR problem.

i was going to play nice until she was the one that started to get crappy first.
i am going to give her tests results from the last 4 years today and she if she still wants to persue the matter.
marcb(not an anchorman and never played one on t.v.)

" Hi There Marc... This is xxxxxx"
" Hi there xxxxxxxxx... whats going on "
" well remember that hat busted ? Im Pregnant now "
" its not mine.. Im fixed ..But good luck"

P.S. Amen zinavel

That's an important question.

If the goal is to make yourself feel good, then go with door number 3. (Being aware it will cost YOU mucho dinero at the same time and you may NOT win!)

If the goal is to help her LEARN not to deceive, then an object lesson is in order. There is no choice in the 3 items you gave for that because object lessons have to have a lesson in which the person decides for themselve ON THEIR OWN not to behave like this.  Door number 1 will not teach her a lesson. She will just try and attempt it on another guy.

Remember now, there is a potential tiny human being involved in this equation as well. And IMHO that is paramount.  Funny none of the responses so far have mentioned that part....

I don't know what state you are in, but in WA state, if a woman gives birth to a child and puts your name on the birth certificate, you will be required to pay child support. AND, this is very important, regardless of your med tests.

What can and has happened here is:

You will go to court.
You will be noted as the father and required to pay child support, because the child is most important.
You will show the court your vasectomy results.
The court will order a DNA paternity test under penalty of contempt of court charges for failure to both you and her.
You will go get the test.
The mother may or may NOT get the test.
The mother may or may not get the test for the new child.
The court will NOT charge her for contempt of court if she fails to get the DNA paternity test because they have the child's best interest in mind and will NOT jail the custodial parent.
You will continue to pay till the DNA paternity tests are done.

So you need an attorney at this point. Money is what she understands. Your attorney meets with his attorney and starts getting court orders for chorionic villi or amniocentesis tests to determine the paternity of the fetus. She will probably either not get the tests or realize she it is costing too much to go after you and will look for another suck....er guy.

Long post I know, but the solution is to get HER to decide to stop, not force here. The state nowadays sides with the mother in most cases regardless of the facts.

OH BTW, get some thicker jimmy hats  hehehehehe

TMT

Save yourself the headaches and quickly nip it in the bud, by presenting your proof of the negative vas test. I think after seeing them she will quickly back down especially if she knows there is a possiblity someone else is the lucky guy, & her lawyer will most likely advise her to look for another tree to bark up

Think of all the crap she is going through. She is pregnant. Obviously she is stressed about her choice for the father. What ever she said to you are just words. They have no meaning.

Call her and tell her that you are sorry that she was mistaken to you being the father. That you were fixed and you have tests to prove it.

Tell her that is why you reacted negativly to her informing you that you were the father. Own your part of the breakdown of communication. She already knows hers and is feeling the pain of the anger every minute she still has it. Releave her and releave yourself. You know it is the right thing to do.

Then, let her know you hope she and her baby are healthy and happy. Offer her your human kindness and empathy.

Even if she gets tough none of what she says is true. Only if you make it so.

and wear a large chicken in your underwear!

Sully
after gettin' small...

I'm so glad you're giving her the results.  Thanks!  You needed to rise up to realize her crappy stuff has longer term crap than your crap, thus explaining her backed into a corner-attack mode crap.  You done good...it should give her one less avenue to dump her resources so they can be focused on the child where they belong.

u gotta let us know what happened

situation is cooling off,she has copy's of post vac test's.
we'll see what happens next.
marcb(not a horses ass and never played one on t.v.)

Missing important information, and then misunderstanding your response to her crisis, I could see how she could get crappy, especially under this much stress.    

Better to let the woman know from the start.  

BTW, I wouldn't trust the courts to come down in your favor even when it's this obvious.  This is the same court system that executes obviously innocent people.  It is better to deal with her about this.

i tried but i wasn't given the chance,i do believe that when she called me she fully expected me to deny any resposibilty,and when i told her it wasn't mine it went down hill....quickly.
i have followed up and given her vac test but i refuse to maintain any more contact with her based on how crappy she got.
i'm not apologizing because she came after me with a vengance.
i know she has a regular boyfriend all i did was 2 seperate occasion's.
when people want to play nice with me i will bend over backwards for them but when it turns shitty,i get evil.........
marcb(not the devil and never played one on t.v.)

All the nicety crap is horseshit.  She tried to pin you with a child that is not yours. She should have said up front I am pregnant but there is another guy or 7 and I am not sure who the unlucky guy is.  She is manipulative and should not ever been trusted.  I had a friend who this happned to he was not shooting blanks.  A custody issue came up when the child was 15 the mother was on drugs, he went for custody she then tell him the baby was never his.  He paid support for 15 years and it was not even his.  However, he did do the honorable thing he still went for custody of the child, he had the support of his wife and children.  All turned out well his two younger children have an older brother that lives with them permanently.

Just because another woman calousely used your friend doesn't mean that's what's being done here.  Different person.  Different pair of people.  As far as I can tell for marcb, maybe it was a false positive and he was the *only* one. Or maybe there are several guys, and he f*cked her in the way that that a "fixed" guy would: like he didn't care if she got pregnant.  Given that, and his response when she called, and she might have been baffled.  Baffled under stress doesn't make for a friendly combination.  

The situation with your friend took some time to build.  Being fair at this stage doesn't lose you any opportunities to defend yourself from an unfair suit later.    

/Zin

Which is why it wasn't mentioned.

/Zin

with a smile