The condom could be the issue.  With age I have found that after being used to bb with the S/O it is difficult reaching a happy ending while using a condom.  Since I have started using the female condom, it is so close to the feeling of bb that I have no problem ringing that elusive bell.

Now we all know about how some gentlemen have trouble orgasming, especially for round two, three, etc. This post is not about that.

I have a good friend who told me that with the all women he has been with (10 ladies), he would rarely ever come from sex. Midway thru the act a lady would have an orgasm, get tired and basically say "That's it." If he wanted to come he would have to get there on his own. I guess according to these ladies he takes "too long" to come. Not every girl did this on purpose. He even told me of one lady who became so upset she would cry over the fact that she could not bring him to orgasm.

I was shocked for two reasons. First, the woman ending intercourse after her orgasm sounds the opposite of what one (or maybe just me) might expect. Second, having this happen to him with more than one woman much less all of the women he has been with was - ASTOUNDING!

So is what happened to my friend something that happens often? Any similar stories out there?

Kisses,
Vanica Love

Stayed hard for a long time and never came.  And the ladies already came and said 'aren't you done yet'.  Circumstances this happened when:

1) When I'm tense past a point, I can't release.  Solution: Have to be more relaxed.  Or the lady must be good at making me at ease.

2)  The rubber feels too tight with my thick girth. Solution: Use Magnums for extra large and put some lube. I always bring lube.

3)  The lady was physically attractive but there was no sensual connection. Solution: Don't go see provider again which you don't connect on a sensual level.  I posted this issue on the Erotic Highway.

4)  At some point, cock gets de-sensitized.  Solution:  Give cock a rest.  Maybe this guy masturbates too much.

5)  One more solution - maybe stick to a lady who can make him come.  With one lady, I popped 3 times  in 90 minutes and I could have popped a 4th time if we still had session time.  This lady is rare to me, so that's why she's my ATF.   So,  maybe he has not found the right one.

i used to have the impression that i was difficult to please, that i would take too long. but it was hit or miss. one of my early favorites would sometimes just call it quits while another would never fail to make me happy in 20 minutes. but it was always only one pop per session. i like long dates so there would be a couple hours of play that would end happily, then dinner then more play that would be nice but with no happy ending. usually i was offered some wine or champagne before.

anyway things changed and i found a remarkable lady who is quite health conscious. i still like long dates but with her all the play time comes first: BEFORE dinner and wine and drinks. so there is a nice long early playtime and 2-3 happy endings before we stagger off to dinner and very pleasant conversation.

Establish rapport
Be genuine. Obviously fake orgasms can delay the man's orgasm.
Don't treat penis like chew toy.

A form of externally guided meditation can help. Help him concentrate on what he is feeling instead of what he is thinking.

I didn't really want to mention this before, but this "friend" and dated for quite some time.

With me he never had a problem having orgasms. On my end, I didn't notice anything unusual. Didn't take too long or seem difficult. He told me I was the only girl he always had orgasms with and the only girl to he ever came with in positions other than missionary. So I doubt it was him as I never felt I had to do "tricks" to get him to orgasm.

Kisses,
Vanica

As I get older (I am 39) it takes me longer to get off. I have had a few sessions that I did not get off at all. I did not feel it was her fault as a lot of effort was put forth. I was happy about that and it felt good. One of my favorite providers did not get me to orgasm the first two times I saw her. I have seen her about 3 times since and all went well. My last gf didn't mind too much, as I could go for a long time, which she liked. Of course, we were not under any time restraints. At this point sometimes it gets to where I feel bad that the provider is having to work to hard! There was a thread recently about that very subject. A provider was saying that she did not want to see a guy because he was too much work. I have not had that happen to me. I like to think that is because, even though I may be a little more work, I am respectful and pleasant to be with. I also hate condoms. Don't get me wrong, I don't want or expect to not use one when I am with a provider, but I usually dont get off with one on. I prefer to get hj/bj at the end of my session. I try to take care of her first! Anyways, that is my experience with it. I am ok with it. Sometimes it takes a while, sometimes not, but I always have fun and try to make sure she does too.

Around the age of thirty the same thing happened to me.  It is near impossible climaxing during intercourse, and even when I am getting a BBBJ it can take awhile.  Some women can take it very personally as they put a lot of the self-esteem into being attractive and they feel that men are not that complicated and therefore it means we're not attracted to them.  The idea that as some men get older our libidos can become as complex as theirs never enters their minds.  Some get self-conscious while others get angry.

I did have a girlfriend that was very understanding and liked the fact that I could motor on for such a long time, then she would give me some of the best BBBJ ever until I came.  She was also very nice about it and told me that it's not entirely uncommon for guys but most of us don't talk about it.

The problem seems to abate itself if I feel myself falling in love with my partner, so clearly it is an emotional trust issue for me.  It started after a very bad breakup that frankly had me kind of screwed up for awhile.

Obviously with a provider love is not an issue, which is why I tend to look for FBSM or french-oriented sessions as either allows me to relax which makes it easier.  But it causes anxiety for me, even with a provider, and especially with new girlfriends.  It kind of sucks frankly.

Happened to me once with a lady who was borderline Schizophrenic, IMHO. She would have her orgasm and lose all interest and want to kick me out. I stopped seeing her, but then she started blowing up my phone wanting to see me. I kept telling her I was broke, as in no money, but she would then offer to see me for free. I never took her up on her offer and changed my phone #.

It seems like he is seeing the wrong ladies. He should stick to the ones that get him off.

In many instances there could be a problem where the ladies he is seeing are not tight enough for a variety of reasons. They need to be instructed on how to exercise there kagal muscles. Some women have it down to a science where they squeeze with a vice gripe. Others can squeeze in a twisting motion with they have an O, lol.

First, the orgasm, male or female, is hugely a mental thing. If your mind is elsewhere, or anything, it might not happen. Breathing and focusing in the pleasure/sensations. Too often a gut might worry about "her" and "her pleasure", which is worse than thinking about your mother, sister, baseball, etc. As mentioned, fake orgasms from the "pros" can make things better for some guys and worse for others.

If the ladies are having orgasms (sounds like this might be a civvie thing), as we know, many ladies cannot handle direct stimulation (oral or penetration) after they have an orgasm. Again, as with any relationship, even the sex requires communication and negotiation and compromises from time to time.

Not so obvious physical issues. Check with a plumbing doctor.

Other physical issues such as medications (anti-depressants, sleep aids, allergy meds, etc) can desensitize. Also, in P4P, if the lady really isn't into it, lube can be an issue. For me, if she isn't nice and wet (natural or otherwise) it is worse than trying to jerk off with my non-dominant hand. I was having a great session a little while ago and she was getting dry, and I didn't realize what the issue was at first as I was trying too hard to make it happen.

However, based on your second post, I am leaning towards mental/emotional factors getting in the way. Also, communicating what works for him to the lady. Maybe he felt comfortable enough with you to have his own pleasure, or your MO played into what he likes.

Some guys like/need a slow build the whole way. For me, slow is OK, but eventually I want things fast/intense to finish off. It is easy for an interruption in the rhythm to cause a major setback in progress, as well.

He needs to communicate this up front and work out solutions with a good/patient provider/lady. She needs to find a comfortable position that will work in the long haul, so that she can continue for the duration as needed. Usually it's the other way around, but he may need lot's of foreplay so that they are in the same general ballpark.

Too often we let the stereotypes of the sexes rule our actions. Even when these stereotypes are based on our youth (guys get hard thinking of pussy and ladies need all the foreplay), and the reality is that later in life the ladies are more sexual and the men less so (in general).

When I was a young man, I found that my girlfriends always had a better experience the longer I could go.  So I trained myself not to finish.  Worked great when I was a kid, but hurts me now that I am older.  However, I really enjoy my sessions if I have picked the right lady, and it doesn't really matter whether I finish or not (which is about 50% of the time).  I like the trip more than the destination.

I'll bet you 10 spanks that if he posts his story on The Erotic Highway, TheLoveGoddess will tell him to put his weiner on ice for 30-60 days. Heads I win, tails you lose :^)

**Midway thru the act a lady would have an orgasm, get tired and basically say "That's it."

If it was P4P I wonder if the women offered him a refund for quitting on him.