Providers how do you feel about reference checks? this subject has been discussed before and I think that to different providers means different things.
This is completely hypothetical:
I got a request for a date and i was given a provider's name and contact as a reference. I contacted the provider and she spoke positively about the the individual requesting the date.
This is where my "hypothetical story" took a turn into something i had never had happened before:
The person was somewhat hard to communicate with and we ended up not meeting, and a few days later i heard back from the provider (the guy's reference) telling me she asked the guy about what happened and he told her. She mocked me saying that "i got spooked" by him. She then proceeded to tell me how i should have handled the situation to be able to serve him better.  
I thanked her again for the reference check but told her to please stay away of how i do things, and it was rather unprofessional for her to inquire about my business or his business.
She proceeded to insult me and claim she was just trying to help me.

Long story short... her concept of a reference included sticking her nose in my business. Which is why for a while now I seem to understand better why is it that some providers avoid giving or asking for references as a form of screening.

What do you girls think about reference checks? is it an outdated form of screening? is it reliable? do you think it opens the door for situation like what happened to me? what is the concensus about references nowadays?

please discuss.

Sweet Sasha,

...as always, you are pithy & articulate, and well-organized on how you write your point... and sorry that you had that one rather nasty experience... i think that anyone that knows you,  or knows of you,  would realize instantly that you deserve much better, and i trust your character and unquestionably exceptional repute, to not just spread stories or make things like that up.  

...for me, i personally don't mind reference checks, and will of course do my homework on the referenced provider as well as actually encouraging them both to do the same with me,  on my end as well..  

... at least that way, one can hope that everyone is on the same playing field at the same time... i would also prefer to have some in-person (at least telephone, if not email, or both) and some warmly open shared dialogue with the fellow provider, prior to giving the ok, either way...

So far as i know, all references either given, or provided, have worked out for the seeker, provider, and myself over time, and i have never had any frictions that i am aware of as a result... have even made 1 or 2 positive connections with other GG providers, which i also *adore* being able to do...

best of luck always, and i will still encourage sharing references both ways, until or unless anything untoward happens as you have described here...

Safe Travels & Love Allways,

Namaste'

TheAngelaGirl

It's not surprising that you're butthurt about someone trying to give you pointers. Having a big ego is a very masculine trait after all.

sorry for not being able to meet you the other day. LOL

I think you've confused me with someone else.

 
Not that I'm opposed to meeting you, just that if it were to happen that we'd keep everything g-rated.

END OF MESSAGE

You just finished bashing me for playing the TS card against a hobbyist on another board, and then you do it yourself to Sauce?  WTF is that all about?

lol you are really looking for a scapegoat now CDL. Im not the enemy here. Keep fishing.

presented as hypothetical, but never are.  

I will respond promptly to any ref requeat so that providers that do rely on it can work but 95% of the time i dont use them.  

I've had girls give rave references and come to find out the guy was strange, boundarycrosser, hygeine issues etc but they were too afraid to mention it im assuming. Maybe they thought i would go back and tell the guy.  

I've also found that guys who try to use ref alone are using an alias and i require real world info and basically do employment screening for every client. Takes 5 minutes and we're good to go so it works great for same day/shortnotice. Back when i used references most times they wouldnt respond or would take 5 days and i would lose the appointment.  

For those reasons and more I don't use references.

Well you literally did what he's saying you did, and you're offering no counter point.

 
My statement still stands however, I'd have no problem hanging out with you, I just don't want to bang you because at least in the biological sense you're still a dude to me.

it for the rest of us Providers whom are timely, reference-friendly, and whom appreciate
the "Sisterhood", and the intel which it offers.  

I can't imagine ever meeting anyone without some form of thorough reference-checking.
I've lost more appointment requests in waiting for the references to reply, however I've
kept a longer life-span in declining those whom haven't them in the first place.

Keep your chin up @Sasha2Cute;  
There's always a  "Miss Know-It-All" and "Queen Bitch",  
in High School, College, the 9-5 workplace, and in life in general.  
It's inescapable, however, now we're just able to "delete, block, delete" which somehow makes it all better!

Just need a good butt fucking. Never met a guy who didn't enjoy me doing it to them more than anything else. You guys don't know what you are missing.

-- Modified on 8/17/2017 11:05:54 AM

Girls who talk to guys about other girls are gals to stay away from. She should have kept her mouth shut to him and purely said she did give to you a good reference for him. It is not for her to speak for you on the why of you deciding to not see him.

Nor was it her place to give you pointers. Maybe she was nicely giving advice or maybe she was being a jerk, I don't know. Some gals like advice but only if it is from someone they know and reach out asking for said advice.

I wouldn't try to be too offended if she gave advice trying to help. Again only you know how it came off.

I would be offended that she was talking about you to the guy and that he also was talking about you to her. There is two wrongs right there. He should have handled it with you.  

I give references to any verifiable gal and at most/worst case, she only has to wait upto 6 hrs- I am timely on that. I take references from other gals as "part of" screening. I don't always trust everyone to be honest with me. I typically do my own research, when I do see new guys, which i rarely do anyways.

I was with a provider recently and she lamented that other providers rarely return reference requests.

 

 
The saddest thing about this thread was.... The most important parts of the initial question were initially completely ignored and only a bare handful of solid discussion replies eventually filtered thru, directly pertinent to the topic.  

 
Pretty much everyone here knows that Sasha is: Not only a former Miss TER, but also has a repute for being kind, honorable, sweet, and genuine in both her practices as a companion and her character, AND, has traditionally been very active on the boards here, often posting good threads and discussion topics.  
 

It immediately devolved into this disgusting morass of adolescent insults and flames and rock throwing back and forth, no matter who has the most impermeable or untouchable glass house.   Just sad, and as well, gave some clearly trans non-understanding people a chance to bash and vent (you are entitled as a free human being, and if the shoe fits, wear it) ....
 

Instead of just sticking with the topic, one of the very first responses was openly mean, superlative, off track to the subject, and unnecessarily downright insulting, and the topic was posted  *CLEARLY*  directed at fellow providers, (first word of the post being "Provider", and i think with the core intent of opening a meaningful, current day discussion, on a topic which is directly pertinent to many providers over the last decade at very least, and could have greater value to all of us here.  

 
How about keeping it civil and Germaine to the topic... we have enough hatred and judgement these days on every side of the fence without adding gasoline to the fire just for kicks or popcorn entertainment, at the expense of those of us that have chosen, in one way or another, to do one of the most often difficult, sometimes dangerous, and controversial arts/forms of making a living, that a woman can choose to do to survive, or devote herself to, whether GG  *OR*  TS...  

 
Have fun, be well, and...

 
Safe travels always,

 
Namaste'

TheAngelaGirl

-- Modified on 8/17/2017 8:36:10 PM

-- Modified on 8/17/2017 9:17:37 PM

I personally use them, in hopes of a genuine reply. I always check the providers profile and website first. I can usually tell if she is reference friendly by something stated on her website, or the fact that she accepts references as a form of screening herself. If she isn't what I would consider to be an actual reputable provider, then I wouldn't bother asking. As for the answers I get, they range from "he's good" to real responses. I would say 90% of providers respond.
The best way I've come up with to get the answers you want, is to be specific in your inquiry. I try to ask stuff like, was he clean and fresh, did he act like a gentleman, rather than just, is he safe to see.  
When I receive reference requests, I promptly respond, and with my honest opinions. If I thought he wasn't the best date because of whatever reason, I will tell her, but in a respectful and discreet way without going into any specifics(Fortunately I've only had to do this once). If he was great, I even include a bit on how nice he was or something sweet I remember him by.  
Too bad she was being a jerk, but I think he was the bigger jerk by telling her what happened between you two. Some people just have no filter, and think privacy doesn't matter.
Keep on inquiring girl!

Hey girl! I still ask for references.  I always keep in mind that we are all different, and just because a client got along with  one lady, doesn't necessarily mean I will. I've had ladies tell me a client was great. Then when I met them, I was like what?!? But more often than not, reputable ladies give me the basic details and everything works out. A good rule of thumb is to only accept references from reputable providers that have seen the client recently, say within 6 months. References are just a small part of my Screening process. The more real life information you have, the better. It's all trial and error. Find what works for YOU and makes YOU feel comfortable and safe!  Good luck! 😍

END OF MESSAGE

Thought I would pass this on:  You can take it for what it's worth, or not.  Was with a well-reviewed provider (125 + reviews on TER) in Las Vegas a month or so ago and during pillow talk this is what she told me about reference checks:  "I never check references because I don't know the girl and don't know why I would trust anything she would say. What I always do is talk to the prospective client, and within 60 seconds I can tell whether I'll meet with him or not.  I've had about 500 clients, some dates are better than others, but I've never had a bad one."

I wouldnt go as far as to distrust anyone who i do not know personally. Sometimes by verifying theyre established and have a good reputation would be enough for me to trust her judgment about clients. That doesn't mean she would be responsible if something goes wrong between the client and me of course.  
I just thought it was unprofessional of the imaginary person in my fake story that she would be like that, and when I (and i really was careful about my choice of words) told her I didnt appreciate her inquiring about what happened and try to give me advice on how to do my business. She took it very very bad. I felt bad about it because i really was grateful for the RC but at the same time that wasnt an invitation to pry into how i conduct my business.  
For the most part i have to admit i have not had problems doing this until recently, and i wont stop giving out RC as i do believe in keeping the community safe and helping others. This world is hard to navigate i guess and we have to be careful sometimes.  

thanks for the input

References check should be asking if client safe or not..F*ck all bullshit and chit-chat between professionals. A lot of professionals come up with million excuses because their ones not making money off clients.

If a client has p411 (or other) ok's do you bother with checking with the ok giver?

I think references can still be important. I would like to hear more than "he's ok", and try to give at least a little more than that to any lady inquiring.  But I don't think reference info is to be shared back and forth with the client, that really defeats the purpose.  Ladies are not being discreet, or minding their own business, and the client can often use or abuse that to his liking.  He usually knows if he stands out as a great guy, or has some issues that may be trailing him.

I don't think references are as effective as they once were, at least in the parts of the country that actively use them, but I appreciate the guys going through the hassle of doing proper screening in that manner, and the ladies that understand how to use the system. Even being overly careful (yes, I get inquiries, etc from P411 ladies).

 
But like anything here, sticking your neck out, tends to get you bashed, sooner or later.

References are only as reliable as the girl who gives them.

 
I don't ask for them.
   
What a guy does with one girl  
is probably not the exact same thing he's going to do with me.

It's easier to learn to do business without them.

I'm still relatively new that most of my clientele are hesitant to provide workplace information, though that is clearly my state preferred way of screening. So I have to rely on provider screening to get through. I try my best to answer reference checks. I don't want anyone else' business slowed down because of a delay on my part.  

I do want to say that I wish there were better guidelines for reference checks. I do my best to have a list of questions when I am reference checking. It's great that he's "safe" but I also want to know if he's going to dawdle etc. Other providers may want to know other details.  

I do want to get to a place where I am not relying on reference checks. A lot of clients that provide reference checks often rely on me on not using the reference checks which is so strange to me.  

I don't think reference checks should open the door for unprompted advice (especially given condescendingly). Unprompted advice given rudely is unprofessional in ALL industries - if you feel compelled to provide advice, politeness goes a long way. And if it is not taken, shrug and move on. How does all the name calling benefit anyone....

I would say: while reference checking a client, it is also useful to check out the provider herself. I don't think reference checking would necessarily open up a business person to rude encounters - it is a risk, but not a 100% risk I'd say.

Which is frustrating sometimes to come her to ask