I think I know what I need to do, but I would like some imput from you guys.  Resently there have been several threads about providers with boyfriends, well tell me what you think of this situtation.

About two months ago a saw a young (21) provider that was very new.  She was relucant to do some things I enjoy like DFK & DAYT, but all in all was a good experience.  I wrote a review on her for our local e-mail group and she got a number of clients, one guy I know saw her three times in less than three  weeks.

Two weeks ago I got a call from her and she wanted to get together with me and a girl friend and have me do a review on a threesome.  A discount was discussed.  Well when the time came the girlfriend backed out so I met with her alone.  We had a great time and what a change in 6 weeks.  Now a real GFE and much more at ease.  So I was glad to write another review.

Then yesterday I get a call, she tells me that a friend totaled her car and is there any way I could help her out.  She said she would do anything and suggested I have her filmed for a porn web site with a guy I know you does this and keep all the income. We had discussed her doing a site before so this was not out of the blue.  

I was not in a position to loan her funds and was relucant to do that, but did have the possibilty of getting her a car until she could put together a down payment.  I told her there might be a chance of doing this and she was very pleased and again said ahe would do anything any time.

Later I call my friend that does the web sites on another matter and his assistent answers as always.  Now this girl is cute, sexy and has done some shoots with him and some with other girls and I know she is bi.  She tells me it is her birthday today and am I going to take her to diner.  My mind races through the possibilities and I say sure.

I call the first girl back who also likes girls and ask if she would like to join us after diner, go to a club or two and than the three of us go back to the house.  She says sure immediately and sounds rather excited by the prospects.  I call brithday girl back and she says great!  So it is left that car girl will call me about 8:30 when we should be finishing diner and we will pick her up nearby.

Well at 9:00pm no call so I call car girl and she apologizes for not calling on time, but she has a slight problem.  Her boyfriend just left, and he thinks she is not feeling good, so she is afraid to go out with us and he might find out she is not home.  To make matters worse she tells me boyfriend has no idea she is working as a provider part time.  But she doesn't want him to stand in the way of what she wants to do.

Now this is a nice girl and I can get her a car today for a few weeks, but this could get messy.  I certainly don't want boyfriend to know about the house my friends and I use for providers and I don't need any wildman making noise with my family.  I try to be a good guy but I think this may be to dangerous.  I would also like to hear from providers that have been at this awhile and get your opinions has to how involved we men should get with the women we see when they have problems. I would certainly see this girl again but she is not an ATF.

As always, in the end, you need to do what you think is best, not what the rest of us think. But this one seems to have to much that can go the wrong way and not enough that can go your way. You've made some good points in your post about the possible down side of what might happen. My advice would be to listen to yourself and stay out of it. Explain your reasons to the girl so she understands, but stay out of it just the same.

and sloooowwwwww down a bit..
secondly....seems like this "GFE" has exceeded the bounds of the GFE definition and your now in Ann Landers territory with excess emotional and financial baggage.
Take a few steps back and think about what your getting involved with here...and why you call providers in the first place.
This situation sounds like its about the mula!
Good luck!

This one's a no brainer, pal

NO!
NO!  NO!
NO! NO! NO!  
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Answers don't GET any simpler than this one.

Unless you're prepared to enter a personal relationship with this girl you do NOT loan her money, you do NOT get her a car, you do NOT help her get one.   You don't have NEARLY enough experience with her, her mind, heart or her life to even PRESUME to know whats really going on with her, the friend, the boyfriend, etc.

It goes back to an earlier post about "saving" providers and even though you're not mentioning that you want to save her .. you're following a stereo-typical pattern of behavior here - and - by the way ... so is she.   How did she get along this far in life without you?

More important ... and if you really think this girl is a good person and has a future .... ask yourself this:


Do you really want to be a part of teaching this young and fairly new provider early in her career that she should turn to clients she barely knows to help her out when life gets a little tough?    This may be a critical time in her life, when she can learn that clients are a source of EARNED income -- or you can be a part of teaching her that clients are easy-touch money objects.


The choice is yours .... but hell .. you already knew what you were going to do before you posted.


Regards,
Pig

if it was me, I would ask her to delete my name and number and let her know that when I like to see her I will contact her. how many other guys do you suppose shes asked for help with her car problems? she wants money, not a car for a few weeks the only car problem she has is the fact that you arent buying her one or offering to give her the cash for one. how do you think her bf would like her driving home in a new car? it might raise a few questions and not all guys are gullible especially a jealous bf that might start following her and burst in on the 2 of you. .i wwould run away from that one

Been there, done that ... never again

I don't know why guys do, but I NEVER get involved w/a provider other than the time we spend together.  If she isn't someone that I'm going to be emotionally involved with, I don't extend anything other than the donation.

As I said; "Sir, step away from the provider!"

Her problems are not your problems.

I see this all the time.  Guys help girls and get burned.  Unless you are in a relationship with the provider, I would strongly suggest you let the provider resolve her own issues.

-- Staff

P.S. LawDawg - That was funny....

Can't add much to what the others have said.  Don't be a sucker.  Time to walk away.

you think you can follow through pretty much to the end of a stage, you really shouldn't get yourself involved.

The more you help her with things other than money, the more you will get involved with her daily life.  Sooner or later, you'll feel responsible to her future welfare.

Since you mentioned your concern about your family, even though it is an attractive offer, you might want to take a pass, especially when you are in no position to loan her funds.

Good luck.



-- Modified on 8/2/2003 10:03:49 AM

It's an old saying, even a cliche, but oh so true -- never get emotionally involved with someone whose problems are worse than your own...

I just had to put my two sense into this one.  I see the threads over and over again.  Bottom line, this is a biz and yes, fine lines are there that are all to easy to be crossed.  

I agree with everyone else and think you should leave this one alone.  I think if anyone should help her, it should be her boyfriend and/or family and friends in her personal realm.(and wonder how the hell she would be able to come out and have dinner and play with you if she didn't have any transportation to get from point a and b)  

I think in the normal scheme of things one would think twice about going for help to a virtual stranger as opposed to someone that you know on a personal level for one and would think that gents would do the same and think twice about having been approached in such a manner.  Wouldn't you scratch your head if your doctor, attorney, accountant, mechanic or the like came to you out of the blue and asked for a loan?  

Mixing personal and professional is done in every walk of life, and yes, have been in those scenarios (Both ends), but it was more of a business transaction with notes and the like than just putting faith into a person that I have only known on a professional, but friendly level.  

It shouldn't be any different here, but in this realm it quite easy to cross lines because of the personal nature of the biz itself and dangerous because sadly, there are those ladies (and gents too) out there that will scam in a heartbeat because of it and feed on the discretionary needs that have to be met here.

There are a lot of extrenuatating cirmumstances that do befall people and the community has pooled together to help.  The lady whose home burned to the ground had everyone pitching in with clothe, furniture and yes, even funds to get her back on her feet or the lady who had cancer and couldn't care for herself any longer, the community pulled together to make sure her last couple months were comfortable and even went out to their way to make sure that her children were taken care of.  These are examples that are truly exceptions to the rule and the ladies have long standing and excellent reputations that have been known to do the same for others (even after passing the community still thinks about the lady who had cancer, remembering the anniversary of her death-that says a lot about the lady).  Exceptional ladies and exceptional predicaments.

God forbid, if I should be in a predicament in which my car was totaled, but I would seek help from my personal friends first(which hasn't been a problem thus far) and if put in a position in which I would have to go to a client, it would be one I trusted implicitedly enough to divulge my real information to and one in which a note would be attached to any loan.  Business is business.

Lauren

I got taken by my first provider in a similar situation.  While that is not representative of the many providers who are nice and have their act together, most of them would not be in the situation this woman is with the circumstances you described.  Too many red flags.  Unless you have money to potentially throw away and can let time prove whether she is for real or not, you can do enough of a good thing by being a supportive friend and not taking her problems on.

I can say that I have been there and done that also. and I got
burned! I had a provider give me the sob story of how her car
broke down and so I felt bad for her and loaned her a down payment for a car, I also had her sign a note in front of a
noterey public ect, well long story short is this, She skiped
town and I never seen my loan to her repaid.

I'm sure I'm only repeating what others have already said, but I'll do it anyway if for no other reason but to add whatever emphasis it might.

1.  An age-old rule (in which I believe) is never make a "loan" to anyone unless you can consider it a "gift"...without recriminations on your part in the event you never see the "repayment"--in whatever form you might think appropriate.  

2.  Her "story" is hardly original.  In spite of the fact that you think she's "new", it's one of the oldest MO's around.  I've had a gal (as have probably many other guys) try to use this crap on me.  Guess what?...give in to it & it won't be the end of such requests to help with "problems."

3.  While it's an admirable character trait to be willing to help someone, the simple fact of the matter is that you don't know her well enough to make any sort of reasonable judgement.  To repeat...don't even go so far as to co-sign a loan.

4.  A boyfriend who doesn't know what she does?  Geez...how much of a damn red flag do you need?  All sorts of negative crap is possible!  What if he's a jealous, hot-headed drug addicted  type?  They DO exist!  No matter how well you might be able to "handle yourself"...do you really wanna deal with that shit when it's because of someone you don't really know???

i can vouch from an experience or two (at least)

The one time I did something like this, it was a provider that I had some ongoing relationship with.  It turned out that I bartered a computer for an extended "date".  In that instance it was a win/win situation, and the debt was "paid in full".

Your situation is different in that it's too open-ended and too complex.  Doing "anything" usually means doing nothing.  Like standing you up for that date to the club for fear of her BF finding out.  How much more of a red flag do you need?

Greywolf, and all the rest have it right on the button.  This is a situation that is way too complex to involve yourself in.  I wouldn't.

Good Luck.

and quite another to put yourself in harms's way for someone you don't know with the possiblility of a real problem with the boy friend.  I would find someone else to feel good about helping.
As someone else said, this not the tupe of GFE experience we normally pay for.

You already know the answer or you wouldn't have even posted the question.  You're just hoping someone will talk you into it, but it doesn't look you're getting any takers.

I just knew I would get such well thought-out advise.  I was a little amazed at the wide range of opinions, but than we do have a very diverse group. lol

I delivered a new red Lexus late this afternoon.  And it was worth it as she blew me the sweetest kiss while she drove off with her boyfriend. lol  

Thanks again

Everyone who posted on this topic is definitly correct.It is not a good idea to get that personally involved with a potential stranger unless you feel she is someone you would deem as special to you & can see yourself in a long term freindship with.The fact that she has a boyfreind changes that whole perspective even if a potential long term freinship would be possible otherwise.It seems like she is using the boyfreind excuse as a preploy to have a later excuse to 'disapear' when convienent;i.e.: "oh.I couldn't meet up with you 'cause my boyfreind was around & I couldn't get away"."oh,I couldn't do the video shoot 'cause my boyfreind..." "Oh,I couldn't pay you back 'cause my boyfreind...."Get it.Her "Boyfreind" is just an object to use as a copout device if she ever should need to get out of a tight situation,i.e. keeping her promises.If her boyfreind is such an intrical part of her life,he should be the one to help her in a tight jam like that;otherwise why is she claiming him as her boyfreind.How do you know her boyfreind dosen't know what she does.Chances are if you did get her the car her & her boyfreind will be driving around in it laughing at your ass for being gullible.And when you call expecting  her to keep her promises,she'll be placing her finger over her mouth telling her boyfreind to be quiet while she lies to you..."Oh I'm sorry,I can't,my boyfreind...." You:Oh,ok,I'll catch you next time then,Well will you have the free time?" Her:"I'll call you tomorrow,when my boyfreinds not around". She hangs up &  her & her boyfreind are laughing & talking about your ass.Yea right.You need to tell her to get real.I'm sure she's good in bed & all,but you don't know her like that...now do you.

-- Modified on 8/3/2003 12:57:22 AM

At the risk of sounding sarcastic, oh hell who cares if I sound sarcastic. But I think Slow Start has a problem understanding the english language.

The overwhelming response to his question was to NOT get this women a car, or even get involved.
Yet he does it anyway. It's bad enough that he got her a car at all, had he gone out and bought an older but dependable car, one that when she flakes(not if, but when) so that he can just write it off to experience, I might be a bit sympathetic. I find it incredulous that he finds the answers offered as diverse. With the exception that I interpreted as non-commital, all the rest urged him not to do this.

Why did he even bother asking for advice if he was going to do what he wanted anyway?

He says that he delivered(delivered no less) a new Lexus and this person "blows him a kiss" as she and her BF drive off into the sunset. SS You may have the money, and if you do great, but if you want to dispose of cash like that, I suggest donating it to your favorite charity. At least you'll get a tax write off out of it. So sad. The fact that she had the gall to blow him a kiss is a perfect segue to the next installment of "Name that Movie". This is a film that SS clearly never saw or he might not have acted the way he did.

In what movie did a famous actor make the following statement.

"I like to get kissed when I get f#$*ed".

SS do yourself, and your bank account a favor, and listen to the advice when you ask for it.  

As I said in the beginning, perhaps I missed something somewhere. If I did, will someone PLEASE explain it to me?

Thank You.

Caharmon,  what does  lol  mean to us on this board?

But thanks for your concern.

-- Modified on 8/3/2003 3:01:58 PM

That final message from slowstart is (to me anyway),very ambigous. So I respectfully ask,did he,or did he not,go contrary to the advice offered and give her a car?

I know what "LOL" means. I just need to know if he actually did as I thought, or do I need to fire up the barbecue in preparation to eating my hat. Now does barbeque sauce go with CharBroiled Baseball hat or not...Hmmmm?

He was being sarcastic;I don't think he really did it that's why he added the thing about the nice car & the boyfreind;so um....I heard A1 sause was really good...lol.Ta Ta. xoxo

-- Modified on 8/3/2003 9:22:07 PM

Please don't grill a good hat.  Just send it to me, after the fucking down payment on the car I need anything I can get. no lol here.

-- Modified on 8/4/2003 7:28:03 AM

-- Modified on 8/3/2003 9:40:13 PM

now you've lost me too.I guess I'll have to join the baseball hat barbeque...lol.