To both providers and clients:

Recently, an unsettling realization came over me and I have been trying to cope with it and come up with an answer.

As we are all mortal and subject to depart this veil of tears at any time quite unexpectedly, I wonder what is the right thing to do vis a vis the numerous ATF's I currently have regarding notification of same should I suddenly croak.

With all our friends and family, there is, of course, a whole network that knows us and will in a flash notify those who should know, but what of our loved ones on this side of our lives?

It raises issues of whom you should and could leave the information with, and then there is the problem of how I could dump this gruesome responsibility upon someone who may view my activities with these gals with some disdain.

Then there is the issue of the provider who may feel that their privacy is being jeopardized if I were to give out their contact information to someone else.  Besides, do you even care to know?  I would like to thing so, but maybe that is the big ego talking.

Has anyone dealt with this and have some insight to offer?

Reo you? Should you?...

I assume that since they are all ATFs, they may know something of your real identity.  It so, and they don't hear from you for some unusual amount of time (because you're dead!) they can make inquiries in a discrete way if they care enough to find out how you're getting along (not well since you'd be dead!).

On the other hand, if they don't know your real identity, I wouldn't worry about whether they know of your demise or not.  Probably not that critical to their existance.

How can someone have numerous "All Time favorites"?

That is like saying there are 10 best restaurants, or 10 fastest cars, or....

As to your question though, I would guess that if you stopped making appointments, they would consider something to be wrong, and either investigate, or just let it slide.

...just messing with you, as I know you're not married.  Seriously, I doubt any of them would want to go to the funeral.  But if I'm wrong, tell them to check the daily obits in the newspaper (or the newspaper's website).

List each and every one of your numerous ATF's in your last will and testament (their cell # or e-mail address will need to suffice).  That way when you drift off, your attorney or executor will automatically contact them and will inform them of your passing.  If your numerous ATF's are upset that you shared their contact information, they will have the consolation that they're getting a little cash out of the deal, so that should make them not feel quite so bad.  If you feel uncomfortable in sharing this info with your executor, then simply arrange for a nondescript Paypal payment to your numerous ATFs, and leave your executor instructions that these payments are for some Ebay transactions that you did not want to make when you are alive.  Or you could say they are gambling debts that you made with people, betting that you would live to be 150 years old.

On a slightly different note, have you made provisions should you croak while WITH one of your numerous ATFs?  

Honestly though, I don't think any of your ATF's will really care.

Reo you? Should you?...

It seems to me that these things have a way of working themselves out over time without having any type of a plan in place.  

Personally, it does bother me when I see someone on a regular basis and he drops off the face of the earth.  I do worry and wonder.  

Kate

but there are several women who I see on a steady basis, maybe 3 to 6 times per year, some for over 17 years now, whom are the ones I am refering to.

that over the years one or two of my ATF's have disappeared without a trace and that has made me also wonder, as well as made me sad.

mrfisher.  My ATF is retired and living on the other side of the country now, but we still chat about once a week.  I've grown very fond of her over the years and it would be awful if something happened to her and I didn't know about it.

One of the unfortunate consequences of this being an unprofessionalized profession.  I don't have any answers.  Perhaps there should be a website that could operate as an otherwise anonymous clearing house.  

As for Kate's comment - yeah, the issue of someone disappearing is troubling -- but there are those (many) who feel that what they pay for is the right to disappear w/o saying goodbye.  (i.e., "I pay you to leave when we're done.")  How do you square this concern with that?

Perhaps we should ask ter to post a hobbist/provider obit board.lol Seriously seems like word spreads fast on the boards so you're probably covered when the time comes...until then enjoy...I plan to!

their work info using their work name & work ph # or email...

I am sure youn have a trusted friend.

I sure hope they bring a casserole.

xo Lisa

Reo you? Should you?...

Best idea I can think of, if you want people you know in this part of your life to know if something happens to you is to have someone that does know of this world and your involvement in it inform those you wish to have know.

I have made some friends in this world.  A few ladies and a handful of gentlemen. These folks have become friends we hang out when they are in town, some even stay at my place while in town, their names and phone numbers are in my phones, as well as other contact information for some.  If something were to happen to me, a family member or "civvie" friend were notifying others of my demise, they would most likely call those numbers in my phone.

If I then wanted others to know if anything happened to me, I could perhaps have one of those friends know who I wanted contacted and do so to inform them of whatever I wanted them informed of.

Reo you? Should you?...

What a wonderful human thought!  As a man, I have two potentially life threatening conditions.  These would not likely result in instant death, but are degenerative in nature. So, I communicate this to two very precious ladies who respond with genuine concern and prayer.  If you communicate with regularity, and then suddenly stop, they will know and discreetly pass on the word to those who matter. A kind, loving, preparation. How horrible to think they wouldn't care or would be burdened.  They should know and cherish the joy and pleasure they brought into your life and think kindly that your cared to prepare them.

Most providers are the caring type...

I would want to know if something had happened to a client.  A gentleman I met at a M&G.  Another provider I correspond with...

But that's me....

While I suspect that it would be a great gesture to be include your ATFs in network to be contacted, if you cannot do so in a way that includes their real names and addresses, then why bother. Your instincts are correct, unless they want their "real" names revealed and in the context which they knew you, forgetaboutit. Providers get enough grief from would be friends and loved-ones who think them lesser than for what they choose to do. Why instigate further scrutiny because your time is up and your last breath drawn. They will get over it (you). Sorry, Fish, that is the cycle of life.

...have a death pool?

would miss me?

DON'T FOLLOWME

Thank You

Perhaps...it's like someone passing away and nobody telling him or her about it...and vice versa.

...but nobody ever plans on "checkin out" anytime soon cause they still haven't made a reservation.

although the only thing certain in my life is taxes, traffic violations(have car in NYC) and death.

What was the question?

Yoo-Who!

Maybe we should also have a TER NoLongerGivesAShit board, too!