It's the damnedest thing, but it happened: I was with a beautiful, sexy lady and for the life of me, I couldn't stay hard enough to f*ck. Of course, the more I stressed out about it the clearer it became that I was never going to get a decent hard on during that session.  To sooth my bruised pride, and in attempt to avoid a repeat of that debacle, I've told myself that it was just nerves and won't happen again.  It won't will it?
Has this happened to anyone else?  Ladies, how frequent an occurrence is this, and what's the solution?

It has happened a couple of times over the past year or so. My personal solution is spelled D-A-T-Y. Works perfectly every time. And you're right - its just nerves. Don't stress out about it.

You've already experienced the 'bad news'. Now here's the good news, and it's all good news!
The good news is that it happens to many, at least once.
The good news is that it's 'us' you're with - professionals in this industry who are there to accomodate YOU.
The good news is we're not judging your manhood, your abilities, nor taking note of your 'failings'. This is WHAT we do. We've been there, we understand that, and yes, it happens in our personal lives, too.
Any good, caring provider will hopefully put you at ease and move on to something else to get you relaxed. This special, unique relationship we have is one of TRUST. You will see that the more you entrust yourself to her, the better all things become.


-- Modified on 9/3/2003 9:44:15 PM

VIAGRA can work wonders! Never hurts to have some "insurance".
444

I agree..nerves and with some soul searching.. a touch of guilt maybe? Hey..I'm catholic and we feel guilty about anything that's fun. Viagra is one solution. The other might be to take your mind off it...suspend reality..and get lost in the moment. It's happened to all of us....just laugh through it and DATY. (For me it's the smell of a wet pussy that always does the trick.)
I'm curious what the providers think?

You bet it happens!  When it's happened to me, the provider was always very understanding -- basically, she just ignored it and focused on having a good time.  

I heard recently somewhere -- maybe it was on one of these boards, that in fact MOST hobbyists have difficulties.  I'm not sure I buy it, but it's an interesting thought.  Ladies?

-- Modified on 9/3/2003 9:44:39 PM

I have definite struggled with this issue, either from nerves, dislike of condoms, or too strong of an expectation of the evening.  If you are with a professional (which I have been with when it has happened), it is a non issue.  There is either ways to get htings back around, or alternatives that are almost as sexy as doing the wild thing.
This is where you separate the women from the girls...if they can walk you through this scenario, gentlemen, you have a winner!

You're terrific!!!
444

Anybody ever tell you you're a Provider of sorts yourself?
You certainly provide me with a good laugh! LOL
(you nut!)

am just a few months old in the hobby.  I have had problems since day one.  Here are my reasons/excuses
Condoms.  I can be in tightest situation and hell it sucks.  No feeling.  It should be hot and it should be wet.  Nothing but latex.
Blood Pressure meds.  They suck also.
Condoms again.  Not using a condom until I was 46.  They Suck
Emotional issues.  One lady man trying to change his ways.  I figure if I can learn the game then the game can't learn me.
Sometimes even a HJ won't get me off.  But I will keep playing.  If at first you don't succeed keep pounding away.  My personal goal is to over come the condom issue and have sex with every attractive provider I can find.
I have found professional help and she says she will get me there.  As I have said before.  The nicest women I have ever meet are in this business.  They really care.

What are his rates?  He seems very nice.

In this thread one unspoken component is definitely a consideration in the failure scenario --NOT being attracted to a provider. Don't under-estimate the need for some chemical reaction. Without it, sometimes its much harder to fully salute the flag.

Great point.  It surely makes a diffrence if I like the person and if she likes me.  Seems like the other stuff just is not so much of an issue.  At that point you no longer care where it ends cause the trip is enough.

I hear you brother!  Condoms are why I love BBBJ so much.  I actually prefer not to have intercourse anymore.  I wish I had a girlfriend so I could have condomless intercourse again.  I almost forget what its like.  There's somethings you can do of course like put lube inside the tip and make sure its big enough for you.

Why should we (men) beat ourselves up about this?  Its very common for women to have difficulties getting aroused despite our best efforts.  Men and women have to realize that there are conditions that have to be met to enable us to function sexually.  Young men can usually perform despite not meeting these conditions but older guys like me have to have our needs met.  For example, for me, passionate kissing is not optional.  Its what I need to get started.  Try to figure out what you need and make sure you get that.  Trust in that, relax and you'll be fine.

Cheers,
cy

I can totally agree with the chemical attraction issue,
I have seen women on many different occasions and if there is
no chemistry between us then no matter how hot that they may
be it still just turns out to be very difficult for me to
get the flag pole to rise to the greatest height.

by getting on top and jumping up and down on my dick.  Nothing causes me to lose an erectioin faster.  I like to control the pace according to my arousal level.  Peaks and valleys, ride the wave, whatever you want to call it.  It's the only way I can control and maintain my erection, when I orgasm etc.  

When a woman gets on top of me and thinks she's going to show me the time of my life (or get 10's for performance) by jumping up and down at hyperspeed, I'm immediately turned off and I lose my erection.  Partly it's a function of not being able to feel my penis while wearing a condom- a condition that's made worse when she's on top- but it's also because I can no longer gauge what I'm doing.  

In any case, two people both trying to grab the steering wheel doesn't work for me.  I want to have someone that's responding to me, and me to her, not just jumping on me so I'll cum.

But to answer your question, yes, it happens to us all and the other posters have given many of the reasons.  Sexual compatibility isn't always automatic or guaranteed.  I've even had GF's that I really liked in every other way, but we just didn't click in bed.  

Yeah, I wanna know too. He makes me lagh, and I love his high school appearance. Singleton,,rates?

If you have difficulty doing it yourself, see a doctor.  It might be wise to see a doctor anyway and get the plumbing checked.  

Your response to a lady depends on lots of factors -- the way she looks is only one of them.  Try to stick to ladies with lots of experience and good ratings:

Condoms are NOT the issue.  They are a necessary part of the hobby.  Getting (or giving) an STD can ruin your whole life.  The loss of feeling is more than compensated for by knowing that you are dealing with a lady that is smart enough to protect you and herself from mistakes that your little brain can get you into..,Harry

Wow I thought that I was the only one that hated that behavior.  In my youth anything would work.  What I like know is slow sweet and build up to whatever we need.  Speed is not a good thing for me with sex.  But I agree kissing flips my swith.

Brad Pitt for $2000/hr .... and/or  .... Eugene Levy  for $200/hr


your pick honey  

Viagra, Viagra, Viagra!
444

Cheers!

I am glad there's a bunch of older guys doing this! Feel less alone and less intimidated when reading the reviews and all the guys sound like olympic gold medal winners in "sexual gymnastics." The other factor in arousal is the woman's response. I need a genuine response from the woman and I think I can usually tell if it's fake. That's where I think we have it over the young guys. They don't seem to care as much about that. (I didn't way back when).I think the gals also appreciate our considering their needs and respond better when we do.
444

I've heard it mentioned by visiting providers that American men do seem to suffer in this area. I'm not sure whether it's a function of the men seeing the escorts, their age (or even the fear of LE knocking on the door) but it doesn't seem to be unusual for it to be the case.

Of course it may also be the escort trying to make me feel better about our own time together

Relax and enjoy yourself.

I have only my own view on the subject,  but it goes like this:

You're right:  Guys have that problem.  And for the most part we bring it on ourselves.

Yes, Condoms ARE a big factor.  Don't care what the package says, it takes away sensation and even just KNOWING that Big Lincoln is being put in a cage of sorts can be a downer.

But we also work too hard and too long at work to make the extra $$ to enjoy the hobby.  We stress ourselves and then complain that we can't enjoy.

Some of us "hobby" too much.  We do it when a new girl comes along, not when we genuinely have the urge to break out of a rut.   "Because she's there" shouldn't be a reason to run out and hobby her.

And yes, I agree about what the girl does.  If I want her on top, I'll put her there.  If I want to go slow or fast, I'll do it - because I maintain that control.

I also resist the urge to try to rock HER world every time I hobby because that takes a lot of energy.  I like it best when they take care of THEIR orgasms before I get there ... so we can both focus on what she's being paid to do .. which is see to MINE.

Sometimes I use my time with her in other ways, too.  Have her lap dance for me - do a stripper routine.   Or maybe just meet me somewhere for a drink ... dressed just how I like her and acting just like I want her to ask.  That's just as sexual but all mental.   A Hand Job under the table at Mortons can be just as satisfiying as back at her place swinging from the Jungle Jim.

But mostly ... I solve the problem by just waiting until hobbying climbs up the priority scale to the point where it's an imperitive, not just because I have an extra hour to spare.

Condoms, that is.  I have the opposite problem with condoms--even with them, I am pretty sensitive and come sooner than I want.  I thought I had found the answer with the condom that is has the texture of a canvas boat cover and includes "desensitizing" cream.  Not.  The head of my dick went numb in the middle of the action.  This was one of the strangest feelings I ever encountered.  But the immediate result was--end of action.  I had to wait about 20 minutes for sensation to return.  Good thing I didn't have to think with my dick during that time!!

Steep, you give a whole new perspective to the term "cramming for a test."

VIAGRA,yet!!!! Alas, the mind IS More powerful  than the penis..
It happens, even with a beautiful lass, but alas, it does rise to the occasion again!!>

Happens to me now and again.  even with my ATF.  Especially when as Megapig says, I scheduled because I had the opportunity or the time but not the desire.  Stress is also a real killer too and you increase the stress when you aren't performing like the pornstar you were meant to be.

Viagra can be a 2 edge sword because the beauty of it is it only helps you keep an erection when you are sexualoly aroused.  If you are not aroused by the lady you are with it is not going to help you.  Then after that sometimes Viagra can keep you from ejaculating.  That is one of the known side effects.  Increasing the dose makes it worse so the solution is to take the minimal dose you need (none if possible) and don't keep taking more if things are working.

Thanks for starting this post.

The difference between a Gentile wife and a Jewish wife:

The Gentile Wife demands of her husband  "Buy Viagra!"

The Jewish wife says "Buy Pfizer!"

candid and helpful responses to this post.  You guys and gals are the greatest!  I posted this yesterday before leaving work, and just got in to find all these wonderful responses.  I'm blown away. Where else could a guy ask such a sensitive question and receive honest and sincere responses like this?  Only here, I tell you!  Thanks again.  You've all made my day.

It happenes with my clients every now and then.  It seems to bother them more than it bothers me.  In all honesty I feel badly for them because 1. it embarrasses them (it shouldn't, it's just one of those things) and 2.because I feel they have been short changed by not getting to "cross the finish line."  

How do you help it?  Relax and allow yourself to enjoy it.  It IS possible to get sexual pleasure out of the session even if you don't get hard.  This was news to me, but a few of my clients were able to relax enough to enjoy me working my magic mouth on them even though they never became fully erect.

Chalk it up to nerves and try to relax next time.

Good luck!
Red

from "The Real Party in Interest", so if, heaven forbid, it happens again, I'll remember your magic mouth and I should be OK.  Thank you.  It's nice to know I'm not alone.

Caffiene can be a culprit as well, stay away from coffee day of. Works for me. Or, maybe Ive just convinced myself of that and created a nonplacebo placebo.(EG)

Diltiazem 360mg in morning (for blood pressure)
Wellbutrin 150 mg twice a day (for depression)
Remeron 45mg at bedtime (for depression)
Niaspan 1500mg at bedtime (for cholorestoral)
Flomax 0.40mg at bedtime (for prostate inflammation)

I've been having this problem for about three years. The meds have varied a little over that time. It started with my wife before we broke up. It continued with two women I was dating. One of them thought I needed therapy because I had anger toward women. With my separation, that's a possibility.

I had the same problem with the one provider I've seen, back in spring 2003. She was able to get me off orally.

I've tried Viagara and all it does is give me a headache.

Help!!!!

The Pig never lies.  You have some great info in your post.  Things I had never actually considered.  I think the most important issue to me is letting my body tell me when I need to hobby.  Great info.  I also have an appt. with the plumber to make sure my pipes are okay.

Alcohol.  Drinking increases the desire but cuts into the abillity in men.  If getting hard is an issue, stay away from alcohol for a few hours before sexual activiity.

Can definitly relate on the condom issue and the loss of sensasion.But since safety is paramont we just gotta deal with it right?I've just returned to the hobby after a 20 yr hiates,and have a long time SO.I'm so use to rideing BB had problems at first maintaining erections and finishing with providers.The one two punch that worked for me was viagra and durex avanti superthin condoms.Hope this helps!

Andropause.  Check it out on the internet.  It's the male version of menopause and starts effecting men from their mid 30's and up.  I'd imagine that a number of men using Viagra are more likely to benefit much better from testosterone therapy.

EOM

I'm not a doctor but I can tell you what I've learned from personal experience about a couple of your meds.

A few years ago I went through some personal problems & my doctor put me on Prozac for depression.  That resulted in erectile problems that I'd never had before & they even lingered for a while after I quit taking the Prozac.  It was only then that my doctor told me Prozac had sexual side effects.  But if you think about it, the thing that any of these anti-depressant drugs do is to put your mind on an even keel..no highs & no lows.  And with the mind being the most powerful sex organ, it stands to reason that any of them will then inhibit performance.  I suspect that the Wellbutrin & Remeron might be a the bottom of the problem for you.  

I have high blood pressure myself & am taking Diltiazem myself..300mg.  Have taken others in the past & they all have a somewhat negative effect.  I'll usually skip taking it on the day of seeing a provider...I'm able to do this without any problem.  I'll also pop a Viagra as insurance...I can manage without it, but usually not quite as well.  With it there's no problem.  The Viagra gave me a nasty headache when I first began taking it, but seldom does any more...but I still pop a couple of Advil to be on the safe side.

Naturally all this is something you should discuss with your doctor in detail.

But there are a couple of other things you might want to avoid...too much caffein & particularly too much alcohol--beer in particular.  

Aside from all the above, which is dealing with the physical issues, take care that you're not adding to the situation mentally by having performance anxiety or something of that nature.

When I was in my early 20's, an "older woman" GF (read, 28 or so...) showed me this trick: (warning, this is very graphic so those of you who don't want to read anything of a mature or explicit nature, turn your heads away) have your partner take your d!%* between her thumb and forefinger.  Point the little head at your other one.  Lift the little one up two or three inches and drop it gently (or briskly - whatever floats the boat) on your tummy.  This isn't labor intensive.  Drop the little guy 30 or 40 times.  When my "older woman" did this, even after I'd already popped and just wanted to watch football, it always worked.  She said she read about it in a sex advice book.

BTW, I agree with the other posts: When you want it to get small again, just slap on the condom.  Poof!  All gone

I also take blood pressure and medication for depression.  When I talked with my doctor about it, he switched me from Celexa to Lexapro, a similar drug with far fewer side effects.  that helped a lot.   Viagra also helps, but the headache can be a bitch.  Lately, not so bad.   I also will reduce my dosage (not skip) on day when i have a date, and this helps *a lot*, but I pay for it later.  Generally speaking, screwing up your dosage schedule is a bad thing.

At this point, I don't know what else could work better.

On the other hand, with some of the beautiful and talented providers I've seen, it has not been an issue!   Maybe I'd suggest paying a bit more and getting some premium service.  It will sure get your mind on the right track.

Perhaps my situation with the blood pressure med is a bit different than yours...that's entirely possible.  My b/p is controlled very well by the med & the only time I vary from my schedule is on the day of an appointment.  I've done this for quite some time & there's never been the slightest hint of a problem.

As to your suggestion of getting premium service:  If your remark was directed to me (your post appears as a response to mine), it was mis-directed...I'm having no problems & am getting premium service quite regularly, including later this evening.