I have seen a provider for about five years and one thing has led to another and it we're going to get married!  It was her idea actually, she apparently stopped seeing clients over the past 9 months when we shared how much we love each other, and she now wants to get married and so she actually asked me, or actually told me that it's been a long time we've been seeing each other exclusively  and we either need to get married or she'd have to move on.

I give her a good amount of money each month to cover her expenses - no questions asked.  But when she told me she wanted to get married she also told me that for the last 9 months she has not seen anyone else. Now I stopped seeing anyone because that's how I am, but I never told her because I didn't want her to feel any pressure that could have actually ended things between us.  I just figured she'd keep her business going and never asked but being human in my own way I'm really glad she stopped as it was a hard pill to swallow but I had such strong feelings for her that I felt if these were the terms then so be it.

Now here's the lingering question.  Given the number of reviews she has, and using the 1 review for every 10 appointment theory she probably has fucked 500 guys in the past 6 years.  But now thinking back, when we've been together for the last 9 months sex has not been a given at all. I'd say about 1/3 of the time we go to her place or my hotel room (we live about 4 hours apart) and have a good time in bed (i see her every two weeks on average), but without the creativity she showed when she was providing. The other times she just wants to go out to eat, take in a movie, have a picnic - but no sex.  She may even say it's her period so she can't (even though that never stopped her before as she knows what to do)

I'm not complaining per se but still trying to understand how this is evolving with someone who  was such a sexual dynamo with me and if you believe 50% of what was written in her reviews, obviously with many others too.  

But now I'm thinking that for her sex was just work, and that she really wasn't as into it as it seemed.   I may be a chump and just a meal ticket, but I don't think so because by marrying me she'll get supported by me as she has been (I give her a lot already), but now she'll be stuck with my charming personality and bad 'male habits' (toilet seat up, socks on the floor, drinking from the milk carton) on a much more regular basis lol.  

So I guess what I'm wondering is whether any monger who has been in a relationship with a provider has found this 'sex drop-off' to be the case, and whether as a provider, sex with someone you love is differently than sex within the hobby. I'm not looking for sex every day - well, ok maybe I am but i value my life lol - but if she's not seeing anyone else and is satisfied getting fucked once every six weeks in real life, I just wonder if this is my future.  

I love her and want to marry her, and if in the end it's like marrying a small town girl with small town values who happened to be provider, and just plain burned out sexually, that's all fine as I'm not marrying her because I want a provider - I want her. But sometimes I wonder if she is really not all that thrilled with sex, or just not all that thrilled with having sex with me but likes the rest of the relationship and is afraid of losing it.  PS she apparently was into a lot of BGB in the biz and had a 'friend' who she offered to bring (I never partook) so it seems as if there may still be a guy lingering out there and even though she says there's no one else, and I have no reason not to believe her, I guess I still wonder.  

Any thoughts are appreciated.

and at some point the sex has ALWAYS dropped off, it's natural and not necessarily a by-product of her profession.

 
But one thing I have also noticed is that in my case at least, sex with hooker GF's have usually changed from "hooker sex
when I was a client, to typical "Girlfriend sex" once money was taken out of the equation. I have never minded this as I am not really a "freak" and as long as there is still a lot of kissing, oral (giving and receiving) and I get the feeling she is having sex just as much for her own pleasure and not just "doing her duty", I am just fine with "girl friend sex"

 
Now for the bad news, I have had hooker GF's who I could tell were really "fucked out" and only had sex for money or "duty" not because they still got any enjoyment out of it. You can only fake passion for so long in a "real" relationship and believe it or not, I have broken up with hooker GF's because of our lousy sex lives.

 
OTOH I have had hooker GF's with extremely high libidos who were perfectly willing and able to see five clients a day for work and then still fuck my brains out in the evening. The short answer is, there is no short answer. lol But you might want to have a frank conversation with her about your sex life. Do you really want to marry an ex hooker only to end up cheating on her in the very near future because she no longer wants to have sex with you? Wouldn't that be an irony of all ironies? lol

I had a feeling that it would be hard, and even a bit embarrassing, for her to keep up the hooker sex thing.  At the same time, as an aside, it really helps to underscore the fantasy that is being sold, and how it's miles away from real life.  

I do think a conversation is in order. 'Duty' is not a great way to go into a marriage and I don't want to cheat on her - can't imagine doing so but couldn't imagine it with my first wife either and here I am.

 I haven't mentioned anything thus far thinking she'll 'perk back up' but so far it's not happening.  I guess it's sad as she didn't get into the biz because 'she loves what she does' (though she sure can act like she does).  She got in because her husband left her, she had two kids and no marketable skills, and few other viable choices.  Kids are grown and doing well - she put them both through college - and it had to wear her out.  Many reasons to love her, and sex will not be a deal breaker for me as marriage #1 devolved into no sex for many years, so some will be better than none, and life is so much better when I'm with her.  Plus, I do have the memories of her begging me to 'fuck her little pussy' back when things were new lol.  

Still, it will help me to know what to expect as I'm beginning to think my destiny is to hook up with women who once they get to know me, decide sex is too high a price to pay to be with me lol

-- Modified on 8/26/2017 2:48:36 PM

and marriage is what you want where you support her, then you're on the right track.  

 
But if you are like most of us here, and need sex regularly, then you better have a talk with your betrothed and see if she will be ok with you still hobbying.  

 
I am married to a former escort (We met in the hobby.) and while the wife and I still have a decent sex life we live far apart, and I had (and still have) many long term favorites I intend to still see. She is very understanding of that and she sees a few people herself, so all is in balance.

The gal with whom I am sharing a bed with at this very moment (Who shall remain nameless) says to not say anything to get and just sneak off and get your rocks off. Jesus is cool with it.

. . . and the sex between me and my beau has gotten better and better each year. I am always excited to see him as he is the only one that unleash all of my sexual desires with. (I'm not about to go into detail either, lol).  

On the flipside, while sex is mind blowing it's not the glue that holds our relationship together. You might have to sit back and look at where sex falls in your relationship pyramid.

Are you planning to start a family  and raise kids for the next 20 years?  Do either of you want that?  

Before you get married I would suggest you give her half your stuff.  After a month, if  she is still around, then I'd go looking for a ring.  

That's right, Like!   A wise man once told me it's great to love them but you have to like them. He was right. The sex will wane, the passion will fade, the oral will largely stop eventually. What will you have left?  You need to share common values and enjoy being with each other as friends.  Do you like her intellect, sense of humor, communication skills and interests?  Is the relationship relatively easy or is one or both of you often dissatisfied with something creating tension and arguments?  Do you have similar  views on money? Can you trust each other or will you panic when she cannot be reached on her phone?  

Her looks and sex drive will fade. If a really good friend with whom you get along well and trust remains, you might just make it.

Actually she would like to get married. I am fine never getting married again but it's important to her and I have a feeling she may not want a relationship without a commitment as commitment is important to her.   And I think she already has half my stuff lol.  And to her credit she doesn't want a ring - she says she just wants me and to know I'll be there for her and she will for me.  Sounds sort of old fashioned - funny with how we met, but maybe not.

Yes. Genuinely!  We talk every day for about two hours when we're not together.  I cannot think of anyone else I'd like to be with more.  We know each other really well - and I think part of it for her too is that she doesn't have to try to hide how she made her living from me. She said she'd never have done it any other way, but at the same time she hasn't told any of her friends or family.  But yes, we both genuinely like each other.

What you're experiencing is perfectly natural.  I'm in my sixties and I've been in love a time or two.  There's always a "honeymoon " in the beginning of a relationship where you cant get enough of each other.  The sex is hot and passionate.  I recently had a year long relationship with an escort.  After a period of time as her client,  we crossed that line to a loving partnership.  The emotional attachment was an added element to our lovemaking that far exceeded what I had experienced as her client.    But yes, as time went by it became more routine.  That 's not to say there weren't times when she had a busy day and still wanted to fuck my brains out when she got home,  but it wasn't sex on demand.  She once told me you can have me as your escort or you can have me as your girlfriend but not both.  Good luck.  The majority of the time these type of relationships don't  have a happy ending

What a human ATM machine looks like to her, take a look at yourself in the mirror.  

Hate to be the pessimist here, but your story sounds like she's evolved into your sugar baby, not a provider.  As some SB's do, she now want's to lock it down with a ring.  That will ensure (depending on the laws in your state) that half of everything you earn after the marriage is legally hers.  

As to her professional activities, two questions:  

1. How do you know she has stopped providing? She can easily ask clients  NOT to post reviews. Are you with her 24x7x365?  If not you just don't know what (or who) she is doing when you are earning a living (for her).  

2. How do you know she will NOT still provide after you get married? She can still easily ask clients  NOT to post reviews. Will you be with her 24x7x365?  If not you just don't know what (or who) she is doing while you will be earning a living (for her).

Last thought:  

The best way to get some clarity on this is to take all the questions you have in the OP and ask them of her. None of us can tell you what she is thinking, feeling, or planning.

For gods sakes, don't get married.......

Not to seem jaded but she's getting your money but not interested in sex.  Do you think it'll get better if you marry her?  Because it won't.    
I do feel that sex IS IMPORTANT.  A marriage should include regular sex.  It's the glue that holds a relationship together.  Having sex once every 6 months or less really sucks.  If you start out that way it can only go down hill.  Many women seem to think that sex is only to attract a guy or make her babies but otherwise, forget it.  I may be exagerating but not by much.  
Sure sex does slow down once one is married... but to start out that way sends the wrong message. If you accept it... being the gentleman & considerate finance'... you will regret it.  Sorry!    

A relationship that no longer hiinges on sex and cash.  She wants to know and experience life outside that world. Get to know her intimately outside the bedroom and your sex life can go to all new places. You are going to be able to have sex with her the rest of your lives.

So many great points, and of course they all lead to a need to have a conversation on this point.  No I don't want to put a PI to tail her and see if she really is faithful so I'll have to go on faith alone unless it hits me in the face. I know, it's a chance I'd be taking and not a start I want to have sex only every now and then (and now it's ever six weeks - not months thank goodness).  What makes me feel this is just who she is, is that she keeps getting upset that I'm not able to come see her more often - I give her what I give her only once a month so seeing me more often is not going to get her anything other than a nice lunch or dinner and about 5 hours of time together.  She seems to want to have more and more time outside the bedroom, and it's not like she has totally shut down as to sex like my first wife.   I'm a believer in actions speaking louder than words and my problem is i don't know how to interpret her actions.  I guess I'll have to resort to words.
Thank you all for great advice coming at this from many different directions.

I was seeing an AMP girl for quite some time and we had the same issue about sex. She claimed she was "too tired" from work to be interested in sex on her night off. She worked 7 days a week, but Saturday night she would get off early and started work much later on Sunday than her usual 7 AM every other day so we spent just about every Saturday night together, and of course we would see each other during most of her down time due to Aunt Flo when she would take a few days off.

For the first few months it worked out just fine, but after a while although we still saw each other every Sat Night and we spoke to each other every day many of our Saturday nights turned out to be sexless. It became quite frustrating to drop "my girlfriend" off at work with blue balls knowing full well the first guy who walked through the door with a few hundred bucks was going to fuck my girlfriend after she had just refused to fuck me. It was not a pleasant feeling, but I really liked the girl so I put up with it. (naturally, I was getting laid all the time with other women, so it wasn't like I truly had blue balls. lol)

 
The final straw was when she took a rather long vacation, a full month. This is when I resigned myself to the fact it was not going to get any better. During that entire month off of work, we only had sex maybe three or four times, at that point I came to the realization our sex drives were simply not compatible and we went to simply being "friends"  I have a higher sex drive than most, at almost sixty I still like to fuck pretty much every day, this was over ten years ago and at that point in my life I liked to fuck at least ten times a week, so it was plain our long term prospects simply were non existent.  

 

Hopefully your expectations and her appetite are not as out of whack as mine were with this girl, but if you are even considering something as drastic as marriage, you really owe it to yourself to find out before making the plunge.

I'm sorry if I sound crass, but u give her a lot already, but it's on your terms.  U get married and she is entitled to 1/2, on her terms.  If the feeling are real, and she really just wants your company, a pre nup will cut through any concerns.  

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The odds of a marriage succeeding in this country is 50%.  If you went skydiving and the instructor said 50% of the chutes won't open, would you still go? LOL. If you're young and in love, want the experiences of being in a marriage and starting a family, I can understand that, but if you're over 35, or worse over 40 and you want to legally bind yourself to another individual who then is entitled to half of everything you own, including your retirement, or  pension, I'd say what are you thinking?  

Since I left high school the majority of my friends that got married are all divorced, (usually around 7-10 years) and lost their house to their wife and most of their rental properties and are paying alimony. I know a guy who pays 2k a month for alimony right now. That is a lot of money to pay someone you're not even with anymore! He works 7 days a week for the overtime so he can live beyond that payment. Another guy I know at the lake got married around 55 and his wife had nothing but cardboard boxes full of her belongings when she moved into his house. That lasted 3 years and she took his boat and got half his house. 1200 days and then - poof.  

I'm all for love and companionship, but have soured on marriage, especially now that I'm middle aged. I agree with the prenup idea that was mentioned in another reply. I bet you're the one with all the assets right? Does she own a home?  Does she have a retirement savings or a pension? Does she have children that you could be forced to pay child support for? (California) if you are the only one who stands to lose any assets in this relationship if it goes south, I would absolutely bring up a prenuptial agreement before I let my feelings cloud my judgement. If she's been employed for 15 years and has built up a retirement savings, owns a condo, or a house, has a degree and employment history to show the courts she isn't reliant on your income to live the lifestyle she becomes accustomed too and has her own money, then she also has something to offer/loose if it goes south. Then you both have skin in the game

Does she have a legit profession or career?   This applies not just to escorts -- any dame transitioning from a profession she'd rather leave is ripe for becoming accustom to free time and not working if her expenses are covered by you.

(Yeah guys can sponge of the dames too, but dames are less likely to entertain the idea of getting started in such a relationship in the first place.  Dames are a lot more mercenary than guys.)

She might love love love the first guy to provider her an easy living.  But if it really isn't love, what's she doing and who is she seeing when you are off at work?

The whole thing gets frustrating and I agree with you. Always a good thing to make sure everything matches up with a SO, esp sex drive before it's too late.

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Add "Daily sex, BBBJ 2x daily, Greek (## per week)...." in the pre nup.....