Consider yourselves lucky for those of you who have a mother- daughter relationship....I was abandoned by my Mom at an early age,my Dad wanted a divorce and she got pregnant...needless to say he still got the divorce and I was in foster care foe years until my Father's parents got on his ass to get me. I'm not looking for sympathy here but I wish I had a Mother who was there for me good or bad!
I am a Mother of a young little girl who I dote on, probably too much ( I have no guidelines only from parenting books I've read which all differ on opinions). But I want to give my daughter what I didn't have and I will always be there for her good or bad....and if I drive her crazy so be it, it only means I care enough to get involved in her life and offer my suggesstions when she gets old enough to be out on her own.
So for those of you who complain about your relationships with your mothers....give them a break...they only want the best for you, even the ones who complain about your n not living your life the right way...they wouldn't put out the effort if they didn't care.
Another thing is if a Mother has some negative trait about herself and sees the same trait in you she will definately try to change that.
So let's give our Mom's a break and be thankful we have one.

Dee great insight but let me add that nowadays there are many Father-daughter relationships that should be commended. There are many of us single dad's that have taken on the role of father and mother full time for what ever reason. I could never imagine not having my little girl around no matter what the case.
And fathers out there no matter what the situation should paly an active role in what they can to help out .

If you will be there for her, good or bad, then she is fortunate to have you as a mother.  A mother's guidance is a wonderful thing for a daughter.  I am very sorry that you did not have that yourself.  The need for the motherless daughter is to learn how to "mother" herself - if she can learn how to do this, she can still have many of the things that she did not get as a child.

As your daughter grows into a woman and begins to have her own identity, she will sometimes disagree with you.  The important thing is for you to not see these disagreements as a betrayal or a rejection.  She is just growing into her own woman.  She will still always need for you to be there for her, and you will still always be the most important woman in her life.

A parent has failed if they cannot keep their daughters off the "pole." This is not judgemental, its based on the longer view of seeing young girls looking for easy bucks and a fast life. They all want to be their own person, but this leads to BIG mistakes. Tough love and gently guiding them when they want to quit on themselves is the answer. Relentless parenting is not a bad thing. Don't give into the conventional wisdom. More of our daughters are being turned out, not because they don't have parents, but because the parents don't care or are seriously messed up themselves.

that both my parents, in their 80s, are still reasonably healthy, lead active lives, and are just great to be around.  I'm sorry you missed out on that but it seems you've played the bad hand you were dealt well.

Pay attention to Truthsayer's words.  Disagreement, refusal to follow your advice, even real anger on occasion are part of growing up.  They do not mean rejection or lack of love.

I have read so many parenting books and I think I have a well rounded healthy idea of being a good mom...I hope so anyway.
I know when the teenage years come around I'll have many disagreements and lot's of attitude from her but I expect this as a normal process of her exerting her independance and own identity, and a part of growing up.
I do know that whatever good or bad things happen I will always be there for her.She is the best thing I've ever done!
Thanks again for your thoughts and kind words.
Hugs,
Dee

Well to start off with, I am a father, and a mother of sorts
and I know all to well of how one parent can abandon children.
Lets start off with my father who was a drunk, and an abusive
man, who went as far as attempted murder, on me no less by
cutting my throat with a busted milk bottle. and when my mother
divorced him, well he disappeared from my life. It was a blessing
and a curse for me, but at least I am here to tell the tale.
So now I grow up, I am attempting to be the best father ever
seen in this world, My wife and me have two children, then she
decidces to have an affair and get pregant by the other man
then run away! and so now I am a single parent, of a Son and
a daugther, I raise them both the very best that I can.
Then enter the ex Wife, who all of a sudden pays a little attention to the kids, My son is 25 now and refuses to speak a
word to me for the past 4 months, Talk about a kick in the
teeth! but thank God for my daugther for seeing things for real.
and still seeing me as one great Dad, in spite of any mistakes
that I have made along the way.
Go figure?
Trooper

I agree and I dissagree. Mother - Daughter relationships can be a beautiful thing in some cases. In any case mine is not. I have a mother who was severly disfunctional for the majority of my life, this was do to her use of Prescription drugs in several combinations as well as a failure on everyone's part to realize she was suffering from Bi-polar Disorder.  I was controled and manipulated by a woman with a fierce and abusive demeanor. She is one of those who casts stones without realizing she lives in a glass house. Finally she was diagnost with Bi-polar as I was turning 18. At this point in time I had already been living several hundreds of miles away for nearly three years, with a strange man as my guardian so I could go to school. In fact the only reason I maintain any contact of any sort is now to benifit my child, as I feel it would be unfair to him to grow up without a Grandma, and she has in a sense become a new person once properly medicated. I grew up unnoticed for the most part by her. I had either one of two extremes no rules or all rules under her house. So over the years of this crazy exsitence I found a Mother who was not my flesh, but none the less my mother. She was my best friends mom and followed me, protected me, guided me, and best yet never judged me for who I am and what I choose to do with my life. She was not the best role model in the world heck she worked the streets. But the love was thier none the less.

It is very important for you to realize, as I think you do, that the reason your mother treated you the way she did when you were a child was because of her bi-polar disorder, and not because of you.  Your mother was not able to give you what you needed, but I am glad that you were able to find another woman to give some of those things.

Successfully resolving your relationship with your mother is a very important thing for you to work on at this point.  Understanding her as a person, and especially how she was formed as a person by her personal history, is a key part of doing this.

It sounds like you were dealt very similar cards in your deck of life as I was...my Father(when he finally got me out of foster care) was very strict and not very loving and old school, a good beating was the way to correct children and children were to be seen not heard and do as they were told and should only be told once or suffer the consequences! He did not try to kill me but I do remember some good beatings growing up. But my Father also taught me good values, to work hard, and he was a great role model for me where your word means everything...in the end all a man has is his word.
It sounds like you are a good father who did the very best for your children giving them what you did not have from your father (I do the same). It also sounds like you didn't bad mouth your ex-wife to your children which I believe is very important!But it sounds like your ex is bad mouthing you and trying to make it seem like she abonadoned the kids because of you...I know this is hurtful, but your son will see her true colors give it time and let him formulate his own opinion, but also try to open the lines of communication so that any lies on your ex's part can and should be cleared up, not in a mean or malicious way but as a matter of fact way.
Good Luck
and I have much respect for you and what you have done, because parenting is the hardest and the most rewarding job there is! And for a single man I believe it is even harder!
Much Luv!
Dee