This is a frequent topic across the boards on Ter.

No call no show or NCNS almost seems like a common occurence in the hobby now.

The courtesy of calling or emailing somenone that you can't make the appointment doesn't seem that hard.  

When the NCNS occurs is that something that should be brought up on the boards to inform others or is it best settled privately between the provider and hobbyist?

Settle it privately first if you can. Sometimes life gets in the way while you are busy making plans. Sometimes even with the best of intentions, a NCNS is unavoidable. If the party responsible has any integrity though, they will do their best to make up for the inconvenience if at all possible. So before you 'out' someone for a NCNS, first try to give them an opportunity to explain the NCNS, and make up for it if possible.

Last Friday, for the first time ever in nearly two years of providing, I NCNS'd a fellow. I felt truly terrible about it, and as soon as I could after the deed had been done, called him, apologized profusely, explained what went wrong, and when I see him again, will make it up to him with a special rate.

Even the best of us sometimes have to deal with emergencies that screw up our schedule. How we handle it is what really matters.

I agree with SOTF.  Life just gets in the way sometimes. Hobbying is a unique endeavor on both sides and a little understanding goes a long way towards truly enjoying the time spent with these ladies....Even in the case of the occasional false start.

Are there bad providers and bad clients out there who blow people off indiscriminately? Of course there are and that's what the boards and blacklists are for. Before drastic "outing" measures are taken it is always best to try and contact the other party in private and figure out not only what happened but how it can be fixed.

...said it very well.  Life happens!   I do recognize the possibility of circumstances out of my control causing me to NC/NS, thou it hasn’t happened as of yet (**looking around for wood to knock on**).

However, I have had plenty of NC/NS’s in my time as a provider.  In the first few months of my fulltime career, it would burn me sideways but with a little experience I realized it’s just the nature of the beast.  I understand how easy it is to feel like it has become “common occurrence”, because they cause such anger/disappointment, but don’t take it personal.  I would guess it has been occurring since the business was taken out of bars, brothels and off street corners to the internet.

As SOTF said, try to handle it privately.  There may be an explanation and it would unfortunate for you to blemish a reputation unnecessarily.

XO
Melanie

that it was some kind of "family emergency" or other emergency.  This NCNS issue has been brought up many times (also recently) and it is always the same answer...an "emergency" unexpectedly came up.  When a provider uses this excuse here, TER and the white knights ALWAYS come to the defense.  Give me a f@#*ing break! Unless you are physically incapacitated (or hit by a truck) there is no reason you can't call and at least just leave a message.  Oh, but I guess the cell phone is broken or out of batteries and you don't have a quick charger.  In my opinion there is NO EXCUSE to not call somebody when plans change.  Oh I lost my cell phone and I don't have any other phones. Or it was such an emergency that I couldn't get away for TWO seconds to make a call.

-- Modified on 1/13/2008 2:45:31 PM

I wish a couple of girls that I had scheduled appts with were just like you SOTF. I never complained about being blown off by them on the boards, and both promised(but never delivered) make-up sessions at reduced rates. All you can do is move on and try to maintain your dignity. That isn't always easy. Hopefully karma will come into play....for BOTH sides.

Depends how flagrant it was and how often it happens. If it's going to be "reported" formally, the problem is it offers a new line of attack for an unfriendly party.

As it is, I'm afraid it's about as solved as it can be till changes in the law make other solutions possible.

and they hold true for hobbyist as well as provider.

Hold on there buddy. I count a very small handful of men that I see regularly who I know enough about to know that I can call them on their cell phone without being worried about creating an awkward situation for them. Other than these few men, wild horses couldn't force me to call a gentleman out of the blue because I have no idea who might be answering their phones.

Maybe you are a single guy, and its no problem if a lady calls you up the night before you were planning to see her to cancel. But for the average gentleman, a phone call out of the blue when they weren't expecting it is NOT welcome. Its how some men wind up in divorce court.

Yes, i could have called him the night before, but I wasn't willing to risk causing a MUCH bigger headach. When it comes to expecting the provider to get in touch with a client, you just can't make hard and fast rules. This isn't a perfect world, and sometimes our best plans go awry, hence the phrase "shit happens" if I may be so crass.

As I said in my first post, and as others have also said, it is what the person - hobbyist or provider - does AFTER that matters. In my case, I will make up for the disappointment by offering a special rate. Can't ask fairer than that.

-- Modified on 1/13/2008 7:04:46 PM

-- Modified on 1/13/2008 7:02:40 PM

NCNS is one of the most consistent, perennial problems of the hobby, and yet AFAIK the review structure doesn't allow reporting it. It's not a review to say she stood you up, every day of the week for a month.

Yes, it's he said/she said.  So is every other report.   Of course it can be falsified.  So can everything.   It's all statistics.  

Yes, hobbyists no show too.  But this is a hobbyist's board, so far, not providers - and I wouldn't have a problem if providers reviewed hobbyists to include the NCNS.  It's about getting information out there for everybody's benefit.

Yes, hobbyists no show too.  But this is a hobbyist's board, so far, not providers -


Wow. I did not know this. Probably because my alias isn't Einstein. But thank you for letting me know that I belong only in the provider only forum. My apologies for making any posts on your hobyist's board.

Maybe it started out as only a hobbyist board; it seems to have changed the industry and evolved.

That you're afraid to call someone because you are worried about "creating an awkward situation for them" or that "a phone call out of the blue is NOT welcome."  You guys/gals have it all covered.  Think about that next time a client rearranges his day or week and spends an hour or more driving to see you and gets a NCNS.  Like you said, there are no rules and shit happens.  So when shit happens, be courteous and alert the other party.  If the SO finds out....like you said, shit happens.  What don't you understand?  I can hear you say... "For your own sake, I didn't call you because certainly you're not smart enough to be the only one in possession of the contact number you gave me, so I figured I'd just let you waste your time and efforts and NCNS."
SinsOfTheFlesh, listen to your own words...shit happens and "you just can't make hard and fast rules."  As in all walks of life, a bit of courtesy goes a long way.  If a hobbyist is compromised in any way as a result of a provider taking proper action and responsibility, than so be it.  Shit happens.  If a hobbyist is found out by a SO or whatever, it's his own fault.

Yup. How dare I take discretion seriously, and err on the side of caution. I bet my guys just hate knowing that I would rather be thought a flake than put their discretion at risk.

I merely pointed out that there are perhaps a few factors you haven't taken into account. Sorry if the revelation that there are exceptions in even your ironclad world ruffles your feathers a bit.

You might consider that your situation is not necessarily the situation of every other man. You might not mind a call at 9 o'clock in the evening, but I suspect some other gentlemen might be just a tad bit upset to get a call from me while they are sitting there watching the evening news with their wives. Just a hunch.

Since this isn't "my" board, can I get a refund on the fee I pay for my VIP membership???

My God, some of you guys really are a piece of work. Honestly.

I must have missed that memo...Seriously Al, get a frikkin' clue would ya'!

and its definitely not Albert

Though the general board is better, I don't think they receive enough of it, and outside the hobby there's a dearth of it, so there's some making up to do within the community. I also go by a certain theory of communication between the genders.  

I'm like that in civie life as well. I live what I believe.

And then there's flirting with them. Consensual sex is just a very friendly act.

-- Modified on 1/14/2008 8:18:16 AM

and that is, the rationalization of TER is to provide mutual support and information exchange among hobbyists; and that the primary marketing is to hobbyists, who pay the freight.

The fact that any economic activity is a 2-way street is only a matter of success of the original  model.   Overload the hobbyist with ANY type of cost, and you will undermine the original model.

But all you white knights knew that.  Must be a slow night.

somebody who disagrees with you

...but it's pretty much not accurate. I've been a member here for about five years and the provider input, quite frankly, goes a long way towards making these boards as useful and entertaining as they are.  While it is true that the reviews are there to help the customer they also certainly benefit the provider in no small way. Sorry Al but it's not "all about you". TER is a community and both sides of the hobby are welcome and encouraged to participate.

Yes, it would be easier for guys like you if you could say whatever you want without having to put up with those pesky provider's and their opinions but, much like the hobby, this board is not a one way street...

while I might have made it more clear with an apostrophe, the only fair sense is that it's the hobbyist primarily - nowhere did I say exclusive, nor is that a fair inference.

Tempest in a teapot.  And if ya haveta know, I've been here way moren 5 years.

Nowhere did I say you used the word "exclusive".