Warning: This will be quite a long story. I'll try to trim it down as much as possible, but if you have some time while you sip your morning coffee, feel free to read on. I would love to hear your thoughts, advice, encouragement, or whatever.

First off, let me just start by saying I have no idea why I'm posting this here. I guess it's because no one knew the true details of how our relationship started, and given the nature of this community - it's probably the only place I feel comfortable venting, letting off steam, and divulging most of the details. I won't give all the details since I'm a little paranoid this will somehow find its way into the wrong hands. I'm not a regular poster on these boards but I just came up with the idea of posting this here, as weird as that sounds. Let me also say that this girl is NOT an escort, and I did not see any escorts while with her. I was 100% faithful. Anyways, here goes.

Over this past summer, I started posting ads on craigslist looking for a "sugar daddy" type of relationship. I was looking to have casual fun with no strings attached - but given my young age (I'm just gonna say 28, +/- a few years for security reasons), it was highly unusual. At that time, I had been single for about a year, coming off a 5 year relationship. It was after that 5 year relationship that I started seeing escorts to (1) feed my sexual needs and (2) temporarily fill some sort of lonely hole in me. I had heard about these sugar daddy relationships somewhere online and thought I'd explore it and see where it went. One thing led to another and I was fully involved in this scene.. I saw a few girls, and it was ok. I was having a good, although expensive, time. However, I still felt lonely.

I signed up for an online dating site, and to my delight, I was messaged by a cute girl. As soon as we started dating, I called things off with the "sugar babies" I had seen. We went on two dates. I thought things had been progressing well, but things pretty much ended after the 2nd date. I went back to craigslist to post another sugar daddy ad. My heart wanted a real relationship, as I was still lonely, but I decided this would make do until I found another girl to date. I'm not gonna lie... some weird part of me wondered if I could actually find a girlfriend this way, as highly unusual and unlikely as that would be.

Eventually, another cute girl responded to my sugar daddy ad. Let's just call her Mary. She liked what was posted in my ad. I seemed down to earth, normal, and I offered friendship as well. I guess that was my lonely side speaking. This girl was young, a college student, and she needed help with tuition. She had never done anything like this before, and decided to explore it because she learned about it from a friend and was desperate for financial help. She actually did want someone normal and who could be a friend, not just someone who was "all about sex", as she said. Although I admit I just wanted sex at that time, not knowing a relationship was possible, I played along.

We actually texted for quite a while before meeting up. And we would text almost non-stop, like a new couple. We were hitting it off really well. The very first time we met up, we simply hung out, kissed, and cuddled. It was a little unusual for her, doing that with someone who she hadn't even been on a date with yet, but she was okay with it. After that, we would continue to talk, and the subject of sex was brought up. I didn't want to push her into it, as I was really starting to kinda like this girl, but I was wondering when our "arrangement" would go into effect. One day, we talked about having sex that week, but she was still unsure. I got a little frustrated and said "forget it, we're not doing it tonight. You don't seem ready." I picked her up from a party later that night, and brought her to my place just to hang out for a bit. She ended up choosing to have sex with me, and it was pretty magical.

It's that night that she says she realized she loved me, and it scared her. Fast forward about a month later. Our relationship was really growing, but we were still technically in an arrangement, although we were friends. She told me she loved me. I asked her to be with me as my girlfriend, and she was hesitant. She was afraid of the label due to a bad experience with her ex boyfriend. That should have been a red flag. I didn't understand, as she just told me she loved me. After a little bit of talking and meeting face to face, she got over her hesitancy and agreed to be my girlfriend.

Things were going very well. Money wasn't an issue anymore, as after I had given her enough to help cover her semesters tuition, she said I could stop the arrangement part of our relationship. We were seemingly extremely happy together. However, there were some red flags... she would get upset at random things sometimes that reminded her of her ex. I decided to overlook these things, and hope that with time, it would pass. Fast forward a little more, and she starts telling me that her ex is beginning to drunk text her, trying to win her back. She promises me she won't respond to him and will ignore it.

The texts don't stop however, and eventually, she tells me she may still be in love with her ex and that she needs to break up with me to sort things out, as it wouldn't be fair to be with me if she's not 100% committed. I fight for her for a while, but eventually she realizes that she's really still in love with her ex, and that I can't wait for her anymore. So here I am, writing this story of how we met. I don't really know why, to be honest, as this last part has no relation whatsoever to TER, but whatever. We talked things out, and we're still on good terms. Even though I know I have to move on, part of me will always want to be with her. We were incredibly happy together. She's very sorry about what happened, and never intended for a relationship to start out of this, but she did love me, and always will care for me. However, because of her ex, she was never truly IN LOVE with me. She also says she could definitely see herself back with me if things don't work out with her ex, and that the potential to be IN LOVE with me, hypothetically, exists if things don't work out with her ex. We remain friends, and even hang out still once in a while. I do still love her though... and I hope her relationship fails so that one day we might end up back together again. However, I have no regrets and wouldn't change a thing. I guess the moral of the story is... crazy shit like this actually does happen.

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...to you when she needs you to pay her next semester's expenses in advance.  Then she'll go back to her ex until she gets you to pay the next semester's expenses.  Do you see a pattern here?

I guess I should of expected this kind of response. I'm leaving out some details so I guess that's to be expected. She had issues with financial aid this semester, but they've been fixed. Money won't be an issue anymore.

So she's the one that told me to stop payments, and dated me for another 3 months for the hell of it? She bought me random gifts, a birthday and Christmas present, wrote me love letters, and introduced me to her family to "fake" it? I guess I understand the cynicism, given what kind of message board this is. I know what I had was the real deal and that's all that matters. I probably should of included those details but its 5am here.

-- Modified on 2/22/2013 5:26:56 AM

-- Modified on 2/22/2013 5:28:03 AM

You were with her for about a month or so, how can you say you love her?

-- Modified on 2/21/2013 10:55:29 PM

They can, and I do know of some relationships that started off as arrangements and became intimate.  However, it is very rare.

I would encourage you to look at these arrangements not as vehicles to find love, but as truly arrangements.

Good luck.

is to want them to have whatever they want, no matter the cost to you.
It is financially devastating....You give them everything without counting the cost.
It is emotionally devastating....They may want someone else.
It is nearly humanly impossible.....We are way too selfish.

But I find it wonderful in trying. Those beautiful female creatures are worth everything.

It's good you have no regrets, and the end of the story hasn't been written yet so there is no moral of the story yet. Don't waste away over it, be the best you can, move on, and you'll be fine, with her or someone else.

Believe it was just a youth temporary infatuation. In the begin she also truly believe she is in love and maybe was but afterwards when it is gone... she is not getting money from you and cannot "earn" them elsewhere, because she committed to you. So she finds out that story easily back out still innocent and with a good girl image in your eyes.

She can't tell you straight to your eyes - hey baby i got bored with you and wish you start paying me again if not sorry i have to go... She afraid the same questions "so what was that... you lied to me all that time this doesn't mean nothing and bla bla bla shit....

P.S she showed you to her parents so they now know from where those expensive gifts money and ability to pay for studies... good alibi for now and for a future..... what can i say... clever student

Interesting story over morning coffee, but a couple of things to consider:

As others have noted, these type of relationships hardly ever work out in the long run.

This 'world' of P4P whether it be Escorts, Sugar Baby/Daddy, Friends with Benefits, etc. is what it is, and that is Sex for Money or other gain.

Let's fast forward to the future and say things Don't work out between her and the ex.

You're still Plan B for her and always will be. Do you really want to have to look over your shoulder the rest of your life in case Ex decides he wants to try again with her?

Real love means You are plan A,B,C,D, etc.,etc. and No one else matters.

Chiguy

He should be happy he had an experience like that, learn from it but not dwell on it.

We have all had people who have touched our lives deeply and they can be difficult to let go.  Just be careful that you don't get played for a fool.

Good luck.

MM

That's what make real love so unlikely. You can't be played for a fool if you go into it with eyes wide open and give without regret.

So often "gifts" of money or time aren't really gifts. They are payment for some expected return on investment. When that expected return doesn't materialize, the "giver" gets all upset and feels like a fool. Others who have experienced the same, call them a fool, and yada, yada, yada.

If you love someone, give freely. Like water poured out in the street, which cannot be recovered. Think yourself a fool only when you look back and try to make sense of it. Love doesn't have to make sense. Like the bond of a parent, who changes shitty diapers, it's just what you do, regardless of what others think or are willing to do.

Any who have loved as deeply as I have and do, would all agree.

modified to take away the stupid smiley face

-- Modified on 2/22/2013 10:16:12 AM

I didn't call either one of you a fool, simple said don't get played for a fool. Trust me when I tell you that I always give everything I can often to a fault. I treat all women with respect and always get the same in return. We have ALL been "played", in civie life or here or both.

I hope to never be one of those cynical people, it's just not who I am.

MM

She is a College Student, being a College Student.  Females of that age and situation are not ready to settle down.  Some volatility is to be expected.  I'm going to play Devil's Advocate...  your feeling may be real (though I hope your provider experiences have prepared you to separate the Post-Coital hormone surge with L-O-V-E.  I say this because at your age, I hadn't the experience & apparently was taken in.)  So you are falling in LOVE with her.  She may have been Falling in Love with you, but she also had not fallen OUT of Love with previous guy who is likely a peer.  

I will say that you must not "wait for her".  She may never come back.  After a hot 1 year romance, I comtinued to circle back for 4 years because I loved her...  In the meantime, I did not pursue other opportunities.  In the end, I realized she would never be mine...  and my opportunity to date co-eds was gone...  most were now married off...  the rest were divorced or single for cause.  

You are young enough that you might just find a keeper either through the SD world or a dating venue.  But do not delay.  

There's nothing wrong with remaining friends if that is possible...  but SHE broke the SD/SB arrangement.  I would not revisit that.  That should be over.  If she wants a relationship as you seem to, then there needs to be a on going relationship, not a ATM at bill time.  It's just dumb to set yourself up to be taken advantage of (voice of experience).  

To summarize, remain friends but restart your dating (civie, SD, P4P) but start it up again.  
Best Wishes,
HV

Move on....

If in a year or so, SHE comes back to you, you'll know her other feelings are over with. It took me a while to get over an ex too, and there is still a lot of turmoil inside of me where he is concerned. I don't love him, but I feel like I need more closure for all he put me through...just a damn apology, would be nice.

So, did all this happen before or after you reviewed the six providers next to your name? A bit hard to be deluded into thinking you've found love, when you're out banging random hookers. Not saying that is the case, but I have a short attention span so I may have skipped over a few words on your story lol.

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I wasn't trying to call you out, just general thoughts on the ever-evolving subject.

And, trust me, It's easier to muse about than to live it.

S64

Love is a wonderfully crazy, scary, terrorizing and beautifully intense emotion.  It may seem like there's no rhyme or reason why we fall in love with one person and not the other 100 standing in front of us.  Or is there?  After 30 years of relationships and lots of self analysis, I discovered why I am attracted to one woman over so many others.  I'm not referring to their  physical appearance as I've loved blondes, brunettes and one wild red head.  My former paramours have been thin, athletic and one who was quite chunky with small, medium and a couple blessed with DDDs breasts.  I am attracted to women that possess certain emotional traits in how they view life, deal with difficulties, defend their opinions in discussions, and also how they handle personal finances, their political views and what they want from life.  Additionally, and as importantly, I respond to how they treat me when we are happy but even more importantly, how they act and react when I or we are going through a rough time.

Life is short.  Let me repeat this.  LIFE IS SHORT!!!  Learn from your experiences.  My advice, worth about 2 cents, is that if she really loved you she wouldn't have responded to the ex-boyfriend's text, or at least would have told him to stop.  Love is like Amway, we will get rejected a lot.  So, pick yourself  up, move on and say to yourself "There's an amazing woman out there who deserves my love and who will think I am amazing."  Until you find her, keep shopping.

Last suggestion, this hobby is about finding Ms. Right Now, not for finding Ms. Right!  When I starting in the hobby I just wanted sex and I had a great time.  And after a time I wanted intimacy.  And the two rarely ever happen in this hobby.  Not ever, but rarely.  If you really want intimacy stop seeing providers (my apologies ladies) and focus on civilians.  Otherwise the time you spend with a provider may be the night you could have met the next Ms. Right.  

Life really sucks at times, but it does to give us a comparison of when it's really great.

My dear London.
Shall we go into your monthly love lesson from S64? You know some of my personal business on the subject. Read above posts, and do tell what you disagree with.

Excuse me? He was the one who said he fell for this girl, not ME! He said he tossed all other women to be with only her, and it was MORE than just sex. I didn't pull that assumption out of my ass...his post confirmed it. Yes, I do agree with your posts, especially about not getting played because your eyes are open, and you give freely. Too many times girls are flat out telling guys, "I am not, and never will be in love with you," yet the guys don't want to hear it. Then, when she wants to move on they cop a damn attitude and start acting like a 2 year old, as if she somehow 'Played them." How can you be played if the chick told you from jump, she did not and does NOT want a relationship?

-- Modified on 2/22/2013 11:08:42 AM

Altogether it was for 4+ months.

Your assumptions are wrong. She's not in another P4P arrangement, and I've made that perfectly clear. She showed me pics of her ex. I've seen the text messages. People are not looking at all the facts and are just assuming the worst, given how the relationship started.

Let's see if you remember this.....

"So, did all this happen before or after you reviewed the six providers next to your name? A bit hard to be deluded into thinking you've found love, when you're out banging random hookers."

It kinda supports my header, no?

1) You can love someone and "bang random hookers".
2) You can love someone else who is fu*cking a thousand others, AND NOT YOU.
3) You are not damaged, or unavailable to love, under any such circumstances.
4) You can fall in love with a **insert whatever vile name you want** in this hobby.
5) Love is what you give, not how others make you feel.
6) You can love someone without their reciprocation. in fact, if you expect anything in return, it is an investment, not love.

I also know something of you, and how you think, albeit just a little, my dear friend.

Thank you, someone that actually read and looked at all the facts. SHE broke the sugar daddy relationship. We're still friends right now. We talk, we hang out, we text. The sugar daddy thing is way in the past and will never be brought forth. If it is, then obviously I know what the deal is. But it won't.

I didn't see any providers while I was with her and I was 100% faithful to her. As mentioned, I started seeing escorts while I was single after getting out of my previous 5 year relationship.

I know what you mean though. I still want an apology for things my ex of 5 years did.

Thank you. As I mentioned, I did NOT see any escorts while with her. I was completely faithful to her. Those reviews are from times when I was single, mostly coming off my previous 5 year relationship that ended well over a year ago.

She did tell him to stop texting her ex at first, but eventually it just wore her down and she realized she was never completely over him. I give her credit for breaking up with me rather than cheating on me or something to that effect.

To your last point, yes, you're right, and I am aware of that. After a session I would still feel empty inside, it was just to satisfy a temporary physical urge.

You're right, I don't want to be Plan B. But plan A's, as far as relationships go, change. I used to think my plan A was my girlfriend that I dated for 5 years.

There is no question I would take her back if she came back to me. However, that would ONLY be if she was completely over her ex and could be in-love and 100% devoted to me.

Anyone who tells you they have "love" and relationships figured out is full of shit.  No one does, at any age.  You both go with what you feel and learn from your experiences.  Specifically deciding what you do and don't want out of your next relationship.  

That said, be careful.  Women only want to remain "friends" because they want a fall back.  I am not talking about finanacially, I am talking about emotionally.  Which means she keeps you hanging while she decides if the ex is her best route.  You don't want to be the fall-back guy.  She will play that game over and over again.  And you will be crushed each time.

She is not leading him on, and if he does not heed the obvious, that's on him.

that you've decided "what & why you think what you think."  You even state "let me just start by saying I have no idea why I'm posting this here."  Clearly you don't.  

Every time someone offers a different perspective, you introduce "new" and previously undisclosed "factoids."  and a tad defensive.  Remember, YOU are very emotionally invested in this saga, we (TER guys) are not.  We have no emotional skin or money in YOUR game - you do.  Take the comments for what they are - a different perspective.

Have other of us experienced similar stuff?  yes, I have.  MY SB was married - had a kid, in fact in the 5 year affair with her, I went through 2 marriages, one divorce and one pregnancy... and yet, she told me she loved me, and would do anything for me... well, except commit to me.

I knew the score, but told others differently.... just kidding myself.

So, you want our sympathy, sorry - all out.  gal with cancer took some, my beauty who committed suicide took more, the stripper who can't get out of the abusive and suppresive situation with her ex also took some.... as did many many more.  Just flat all out.

And In case you want my opinion, she is a SB - escort, high end hooker etc.  she took money (no matter the purpose) for sex.  believe me, my UTR gals would be very upset by that statement, but in my mind, this arrangement is no different than my ex while in our marriage.  $$ for sex.

Correct, she is not leading me on. She has been very honest, and I give her a lot of credit for that. She did say that if things were to not work out with her ex, she could definitely see herself back with me. But she said this because I asked her. She didn't go out of her way to give me hope. In fact she told me not to wait for her and move on, and if the opportunity arises, we'll see. We had a great time together and were very happy.. it's just that she wasn't able to be 100% committed because of these feelings for her ex. I know I have to move on, but I'm not gonna lie. I will always hope to have another chance with her.


lol London you clearly read the whole story, thanks.

I do appreciate the advice though swingsbothways, thank you

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You're right, I'm pretty much set in the way I think. I looked for sympathy and advice, yes, but I was open to all comments.

Most of the people that are offering different perspectives aren't even taken into account all the facts that I posted in the original story or in follow up responses. Yes, I did leave out details, but I did that for my own privacy and also because I was typing it up at 4 in the morning. It's the cynical comments like "Oh she left you for another P4P" or "she used you" that I take issue with, because it couldn't be further from the truth. Take into account all the facts and the timing and that seems quite clear.

Was she a SB? Yes, I guess you can say that she was for a brief while. Our relationship was much longer than that, and meant more than that. Is she currently? No. Even when she was a SB, she worked a full time job. In my mind, and more importantly in her mind, I was not paying for sex. She even mentioned this to me, now that I think about it. We were friends who became lovers, and I helped her out with some cash, just as she helped out some of her ex boyfriends (she once helped buy an ex a car, etc). So I take issue with people making those comments without taking into account all the facts or looking at the full picture. Again, not unexpected, given the type of board this is. I assumed there were some who have been in my shoes or in similar circumstances but I thought I'd receive more support rather than some of the comments I've received. In the grand scale of things, the cash I helped her with wasn't even that much. Since I mentioned it was for tuition, some may be assuming it was tens of thousands of dollars. Not even close.

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-- Modified on 2/22/2013 5:29:01 PM

How long and hard did you have to look on CL to find someone attractive?

PMed you.

I don't generally do skepticism but, "(she once helped buy an ex a car, etc)"
                                              WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Modified cause I think I have serious OCD when I'm on these boards.

-- Modified on 2/22/2013 5:12:40 PM

Yes. Not a brand new car, it was used, but it was a couple thousand dollars, I believe.

Bwahahaha...yep. Sorry....

lol okay buddy... sounds like you speak from experience. It's amazing you have the whole complete story down based on the few paragraphs I wrote. Not.

-- Modified on 2/22/2013 10:48:55 PM

In the last year I went through a breakup with an ex and I cannot fully explain the reasons.  For the record there was no cheating, deception, or financial reasons.  I still care for her and even love her, but I could not take her back because I don't feel I could ever fully trust her again.  We do still talk on occasion and if something were to happen to her I would be supportive.  

There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.  I hope your situation works out for you.

Thank you for the kind words. We were both extremely happy with each other, and love each other. In love? I'm not sure. She's not in love with me. She says she's still in love with her ex. But if things don't work out, she could see that potentially with me. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to be the fall back option or Plan B as someone said. I would love to have her back, but only if she can be 100% devoted to me one day. Was I in love with her? I'm not sure, maybe not. But I felt like it was on the way.

-- Modified on 2/23/2013 12:02:37 AM

"She also says she could definitely see herself back with me if things don't work out with her ex, and that the potential to be IN LOVE with me, hypothetically, exists if things don't work out with her ex. We remain friends, and even hang out still once in a while."

Cringed when I read that.  But certainly different if you had to prod that out of her.  

Best of luck...

I think a lot of people a always skeptical because we all have seen someone in a dysfunctional relationship where one party ends up waiting for the other to come back only to miss out on opportunities for happiness for themselves.  Some are even harsh on people because they have been burned by being that plan B.  

Maybe you were meant to be friends and not lovers.  On a purely curious aspect, I would be very interested to hear what her reaction would be if you began dating someone else.  In the end I hope you end up happy and she figures out what she wants to make her happy.

Thank you.

I had this conversation with her just the other day. She says she loves me as a best friend and cares for me. I asked if there were any romantic feelings there, and she declined to answer that, especially since she has gotten back with her ex just the other day. It has been a little over 3 weeks since we broke up. During that time, I fought to win her back while she was still undecided on if she wanted to be with me or her ex. However, eventually, she told me to stop fighting for her, and that she realized she was still in love with him. She got back with him just the other day. Being that she declined to answer, I would think there will be some feelings in there buried deep down that I hope will be reignited one day.

Although she said she couldn't be 100% committed to me because of her ex, I asked her how happy she was with me. Her response was a 7/8, where a 9/10 would be heads over heels completely in love. I asked that, hypothetically, if things didn't work out with her ex, if she could imagine herself being back with me, being completely in love with me and devoted to me, and her response was "yes, absolutely."

I know I have to move on. She has already said she hopes I find someone great, but yeah, it'll be interesting to see how she reacts if and when that does happen. Not gonna lie though... part of me is going to want to be with her, and I still hope that's the case one day.

Great suggestion!  This entire thread has me floored. Had to put a sock in it. Sorta.  
OP, you got valuable, common sense advice. I hope you give it a shot. Worth trying, unless you'd rather delude yourself.
 You may not be comfortable letting her know you've found someone else. However, she had no problem flaunting her preference for the ex.  
 Still find this thread hard to believe.

-- Modified on 2/22/2013 10:30:32 PM

She didn't "flaunt" anything. I'm not sure what gave you that impression. We were happy together, but she called things off one day when she realized she still had feelings for her ex, who had been texting her, and wasn't being fair to me. She tried to ignore it but eventually it got to her. We took a break to allow her to sort out her feelings, which lasted a little over two weeks. During that time I fought to try to win her back. She never led me on, and she was always honest when I had questions. Eventually, she realized she was still in love with her ex, and told me to stop fighting for her as we couldn't get back together. I'm not really sure what's so hard to understand about that. Then again, I can guess where some of you are coming from. But for all the people who still knows what having these feelings feel like, I thank you for your kind words and support. I'm done answering to all the cynical comments that people continue to post without looking at facts.

I'm a writer and could take apart every one of your posts, sentence by sentence. No man on earth would be so naive or flaunt it publicly.
You're fake and appear to have an agenda. My suspicion is you're a female journalism student, lookin' for plenty of fodder.
This is not a freak show little girl.  Real people, engage on this forum. Shame on you.

Lol... kay. Point proven. Some of you are so jaded it's sad. I'm done responding to you.

Yes, I asked her. She didn't volunteer that info. That would certainly be different.

Except you did. Didn't you?

for being so harsh.  I don't know why this story and the way it continued to unfold, irritated me so much.
I still find it hard to believe, but you have the right to post whatever you want without me calling you names. Shame on me.

More typo modifications. Oy!

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-- Modified on 2/23/2013 2:39:05 PM

is that she might 'come back' or 'start over'...  but never give up on the BF.  You know the ones that keep going back to the bad boy or what ever.  IF she comes back, I would require a lot of convincing over an extended period of time.

Im not gonna lie, if she came back, I'd take her back. But you're right, it would require a long talk and for me to be convinced she's fully over him. As someone said, I don't intend to be plan B or have to look over my shoulder again.

Apology accepted. I understand the skepticism given how it all started and the type of message board this is. I can't say I expected such a negative response but I see where it comes from. I included most of the major details but if everyone had literally every detail, they'd see where I was coming from.

Happy to lay down the gauntlet.  From now on, I mind my own business and try to remember I have no qualifications to judge anyone. (Heck, my punctuation should proclaim that fact. Some writer, eh?)

 If you're really dealing with this situation, you have more important things to think about than my b!tshi-ness. Maybe only time will help and allow you to move on.  

 I only know what I've observed. Many men have been used, frustrated, ignored, rebuffed, heartbroken, emotionally or financially destroyed by women who claimed to love them. Can only shake my head.

 The same can be said by many ladies.
Just my little meandering thoughts.
Take good care,
                          Dez

Yeah, know well what the being a plan B is all about.  Usually happens when you meet someone you really click with right away.  You feel that it may be mutual.  Then you find out the other person is on the fence favoring a guy who seems to care less about her, and she keeps stringing you along as the back up plan.  I'm a straight forward one woman kind of guy, either I care about one person and take is who I want to be with, or not.  I admit to having a hard time understanding someone who wavers back and forth and can't make a permanent decision.   Best of luck on the situation.

Why would someone look for a girlfriend in P4P land?  If you read the OP carefully, the answer is buried within the sentimental dreck: