I just read an interesting article in a magazine where a woman has just written a book about being a professional 'sugar babe'. She basically made it her living to seek out rich men on websites who would support her.


In the interview in the magazine, she gave many valid points about how most women trade sexuality and beauty to attract rich men for security, and believes no matter how liberal women are and no matter how successful women are, that it's simply inherent in our natures to want to be taken care of.

That seemed to be a very sore point with the interviewer, but I've read and heard TIME and TIME again from women who say things like," I would never want a man to take care of me."


Well, you know what? I've said that too, and no matter how independent I am, I've realized through the years that I DO want a man to provide security for me in addition to love and romance and all that. I LIKE it when men pay for dinner and have spoiled me with gifts. I had a very hard time myself admitting that but I just decided screw it.


But in the interview, the interviewer asked a question. " You can't seriously tell me that these rich men's wives tolerate or allow them to openly have a mistress!!"


Well you know what? WHY is it so hard for WOMEN in particular these days to accept the fact that particularly with wealthy men, that these men's wives might not openly 'admit' they know about mistresses but that they turn a blind eye to it. On occasion a wealthy man's wife might actually not even care, as long as she gets what she wants at home and he is discreet about it. That's how I would feel if I was married to a rich guy.


But I don't get why women in general can be so much in denial about " Well I can't believe that his wife stays with if  he cheated/ has a mistress/sees providers." The point is that I truly believe many more wives KNOW or have an inkling about their husbands' extramarital activities but just don't say anything, or may even just overlook it.


What do you guys think? And what would your wife do if she 'found out' you had seen a provider or had a mistress you were taking care of?

Sorry but after getting out of a 27 year marriage the last thing I will EVER do again is get involved with a woman who wants to be "taken care of".  I really don't believe that the majority of women would want to be "kept" financially.  Emotional support is another matter of course but it is possible to be deeply involved with someone emotionally, sexually etc and still be your own person and be financially independent. In fact, I believe it is much healthier for both people involved.

I honestly don't know if my ex ever figured out that I was seeing escorts for pretty much most of our marriage.  She certainly didn't let on if she suspected anything.

You're not asking women but I'll reply anyhow - yes, I think it's human nature that women want and should be taken care of.

I know a number of women now, getting older, who are waking up to the fact that yes, they deserve to be looked after. And realise they've missed a lot of opportunities whilst keeping their cute toy boys around who contribute nothing but sex.

That said, I don't believe a woman really loves a man who puts up with him screwing around. Love is territorial, absolutely.

Tamara G x

I tried the mistress path when I was younger - wined and dined her, and took her to travel with me and we'd go to hotels/motels to shag. She enjoyed the nice life. She was 20 and I BBFS her in every way, and boy - she was a real squirter. It was not really a sugar-daddy arrangement, but I recommended her to a nice high-paying job as I was in a position of power and also got her an apartment. In a way, I helped her acquire a stable life and a superb career. She depended on me in so many ways that she said 'she'll commit suicide if I left her'. I kinda believe her at first, until I realize it was the ultimate blackmail so I won't leave her.  

I got caught by SO, and it all got shitty. My SO and I worked things out and we're still good till now. It was painful for me to cut everything with the mistress, since we really had a great time together. I gave her a fat check and never saw her again. But that was the only time I gave her cash.

Problem is a couple of years back, my SO had no interest in sex anymore. Turned into the brother-sister couple. So, the provider thing works for me now. Mistresses and Sugarbaby are more difficult to maintain - that for me is a certainty, and I would never go to a mistress/sugarbaby arrangement.

I think it's inherent in men to want to take care of a woman ( NOT to be taken advantage of) and for a woman to want security, so that's where we differ in our opinion. I think many women fight the urge. I'm very independent and have bought my own house, my own car, and have everything I want that I purchased myself, but that's not to say I wouldn't mind having a man buy me things or be married to someone where I wouldn't mind him buying me another Benz LOL.

Most women today DO work. But very few outearn their husbands, and in many areas and wealthy communities, I've heard from some of these women that they didn't CARE if their husbands cheated. One even said " I don't care if he cheats til his dick falls off as long as I get what I want." She herself, before she married this guy, had a job makng 150K as a businesswoman.


I would NEVER quit a profession ( my other profesion is as a personal trainer so that will always be my thing) but I wouldn't mind partly being taken care of as well.


My point was that also, there ARE some women who are well aware of, suspect and or tolerate, their husband's activities on the side. The interviewer seemed to think this was SHOCKING. I don't find it shocking at all.

having been married several times and having had long term live in SOs i supported i have to say it depends.

monogamy has never been a requirement of mine. OTOH the ex spouses and SOs demanded it.

in one case i was extremely surprised since that spouse had been quite the wild one by civy standards. think volume on a 1-2 a day scale....

yet this lady insisted on monogamy... go figure.

i think that many spouses who wouldn't be inclined to be possessive for sexual or "moral" reasons migh be possessive for financial reasons. they don't want to share the loot....

Ava, I share your sentiment and opinion about this subject. Many women who are married to wealthy men, turn a blind eye to that man's "extra-curricular" activities, as long as they do not feel the threat of being substituted or replaced as the primary beneficiary of the wealth stream.

The fact is that many women who are married to the "captains of industry" the Hollywood moguls, A-listed actors and prime-time sportsmen, may very well make immediate financial gains by way of exposing their cheating spouse and seeking alimony through divorce, but will NEVER attain the same level of other benefits and the status symbol that come by remaining married to these kind of men. Donald Trump and Koby Bryant come to mind, without even having to think too far and too hard about this.

You don't even have to be super wealthy or a "whale" in terms of wealth to witness this concept. many women who are married to men with networth as little (not being facetious) of 5 Millions or so, even put up with their cheating spouse as long as the cheater does not do it in such an overtly embarrassing and obvious way. Yes, the sense of security is that important to women, albeit, even the self-professed independent ones.

Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. There was a thread a week or so ago, debating as to whether all men eventually end up paying for sex, in one form or another. A poster (john...something?) wrote and interesting bot about the concept of: "love as a response to values". If I had the time, I'd dig it up, but I don't. But I do agree with that poster that in some very rare cases, that is the exact exception to what we have agreed upon, for the major part, in here.

Or how ignorant they want to be.

I'm not an "insider" in my day job world, but I see most the insiders at work and play.  Their play time has lots of kept women of one sort or another.  Some have their own income stream, others don't.

are not married to rich men.

If she found out, I wouldn't be married. As for 'sugar babes,' I guess that is a nice euphemism for under the radar provider? BTW, some women might be able to handle an affair, but not an affair with a prostitute, porn star, or anyone that sells their body for a living. That's the skinny I get and I know a few wives married to very well-heeled guys.  It's a rotten double-standard, but it exists.

If you read women's profiles on dating websites, on cheating websites (!), even provider websites (!!!) there are far too many women who say they like to be spoiled and treated like princesses. That is the ultimate turnoff for me, but I know a lot of guys respond to that kind of nonsense.

In a relationship I prefer independent women, not women who whine about deserving jewelry and cars and whatnot. Any woman that would tolerate my cheating because she doesn't want to give up her lifestyle is not someone I would be the least interested in keeping around. I'm fine with being an ATM for an hour or two at a time, but not in a marriage.

Well, I'm not a whiner or a princess, but there probably are a lot of women who are. I simply enjoy being treated like a lady and being spoiled with things, but I've got plenty of my OWN things.


You're right though that there are men who would tolerate that.

...I think I maybe should have simply stated, A QUESTION FOR EVERYONE because I do want to hear from women.

I HAVE known a few clients who said ( and this is just what they say but it could very well be the truth) that their wives had no interest in sex (menopause, illness, etc) and that they knew their wives would never divorce them over their affairs, or seeing escorts because of that lack of sex.


At least your wife forgave you and you worked thngs out. But it sounds like your mistress was way too needy and dependent but that you helped her onto her own independence. But now with regard to you seeing providers, is your wife cool with that? Or is it more of a 'don't ask, don't tell' kind of thing.

MOST women I've talked to say that they would be more forgiving of a one-night stand or if their man saw an escort because it was clearly a no-strings thing. When emotions get involved, as often do with mistresses or sugar babes, that's when a lot of women get real mad because of the emotional component.

Physically, pound for pound we are stronger and just meaner.

Its the way of the world and it spins from there.

Anything else is superfluous bullshit.

But it has to be because the man wants to, not because he HAS to.  It's a big turn on to me to be with a woman who is self-sufficient and allows, not demands that I do things for her.  Also, reciprocation is nice every once in a while.

When they hop on the 'entitlement' wagon,i'm done with them. I fully expect a woman to act like a woman and a man to act like a man. Not a cro-magnon. Not a materialistic money grubbing witch.

Character counts.

I do differ with your need for independence. With my apologies i will state that we were designed to be our brothers keeper. Watch out for and assist each other. This whole 'I don't need a stupid man' or 'I don't need a nag in my life' idea(s)has destroyed our society as it was designed to be.

In aswner to the OP's question of what would you do if your wife found out you were seeing providers? -- the wife of a good friend discovered this a year ago and she's still pissed.  They're still together because the marriage has a lot of positives, but there are obvious strains and good and frequent sex hasn't been part of it for years.  Her main concerns seem to be (1) "money down the drain," and (2) the hurt and betrayal of an affair/infidelity -- "cheating is cheating and it's a violation of marriage vows."  His concern: the relationship still works but his wife should cut him a little slack since he's not emotionally involved with the providers beyond the boundaries of a session, and his involvement will inevitably slacken.
Jack Morin's wise book, "The Erotic Mind," differentiate between "flirtation," "dalliances," and "affairs, seeing the first two as essentially harmless and probably therapeutic as long as they don't get out of control, but affairs are serious breaches and usually lead to big trouble.  My friend's wife makes no such distinctions.
Among my mostly upper middle class professional peers, marriages more than 20 years old with people older than mid-50s usually survive, or not, on little or no sex.  The wife might say she likes affection and closeness but is no longer willing to deliver the goods.  
Hence the massive participaption in the hobby among this cohort.  It is a necessary and therapeutic good for many, and our dysfunctional social mores will eventually have to recognize this glaring fact.
A wise younger woman friend who has never been married but has had several LTRs says "the primary killer of love is marriage," because one or both partners confuse marriage with ownership.

Come on now....we all want to be taken care of in some way shape or form. A woman's desire for the respect and freedom that a truly Independent woman (like Oprah) owns can really make her say some crazy things.....but even when that true independence is obtained, we still want a man or some form of significant other to take care.

Thats just my 2 cents. I have no interest in parading around like Beyonce acting as though I don't need some form of care taken of me by others.

No darts please

Yeah, with providers, it's 'don't ask don't tell'.  As long as there's no lady calling my home, she should be ok.

My wife is a jealous woman and selfish in the sense that she does not bother to understand my sexual needs, and she can't fulfill it anyway. However, she Ok with me jackin off everyday to porn - no problem. But not with another woman.

I don't consider pure sex as cheatin on her, because I'm not giving my heart to another woman.
She's still the one and only. But I need sex elsewhere, since she gets annoyed with physical intimacy as she just don't want to be bothered.

Life is too short and everyone deserves to enjoy it.

Do some women turn a blind eye to their husband’s infidelity? Absolutely
Do some women make it their mission to find a man to ‘take care of them’? Absolutely.
Do some financially independent women secretly long for some rich man to sweep them away……sure.

Do ALL woman want a man to take care of them? Would they all be willing to put-up with the BS that comes along with that? Absolutely NOT.

Not every woman can be bought with a nice house, a fat shopping allowance and a Mercedes. If that is what she wants, great. But, there is a price to be paid for that.

Personally---not a chance in hell. The first time my SO tried to tell me what I could, or could not do, what I 'should' do, where I could go and with whom, how I should dress, what I could buy…..whatever, (and likely justified that by reminding me who was bringing home the bacon)  the honeymoon would be over, and battle lines drawn….lol….

In fact, I cannot think of a single woman I know, who is married, who does not work (some of them making more money than their husbands).

And, I can guarantee you not a single one of them would simply ‘ignore’ their husbands screwing around. Not_for_ one_ second.

just one woman's 2C's.....

Wow. Shocked at how many people here think women want a sugar daddy.

My wife makes money hand over fist. A lot more than I do. Maybe she's a good liar but I don't think her secret desire it to be with a paunchy, balding rich guy.

I take care if her in a lot of ways and I make a lot of family decisions.

It's a new world. Yes, men will always earn less since they drop out of the work force to have kids. But lots of women are making a lot of money so their relationships aren't driven by what the man earns.

as long as she doesn't have an attitude of entitlement. My wife doesn't work, I provide for her and don't mind it at all. She is thankful and not demanding. In fact I wish she would spend more money on herself. Today she trimmed her own hair to save money on a haircut, which is crazy considering my income. I practically have to force her to buy something nice for herself.

Those little princesses that think they deserve to be spoiled and pampered? You can keep 'em.

I love women and I do not mind taking care of them. However it is a 2 way street, My sugar has to make me happy to. In my case with the SO there is no sugar for me as I do not find pleasure in the giving because she is ungrateful. So I hobby.

If the sugar baby started taking me for granted and there was no joy for me I would dump her


If my SO found out She would divorce me and take all my money if she found out. But I do not care life without happiness is not a life.

Women or men being sugar for a married man or woman is becoming more common in the states, so is marriage of a young person to a person decades older. The driver is economic uncertainty. As the standard of living in the US goes down due to loss of industrial base and high debt, the percentage of young people looking for relationships to be taken care of in will increase.

Well, once, I asked a question on another board about 'what would your wife do if she found out you had seen a escort?' and it was a poll. 65% of the men said she would divorce him. The other 35% said she'd be pissed, but no divorce.


I have clients who have wives who make just as much if not more money than them. And you're right about the fact that if their wife found out, those men would be in the dog house. One of them in fact did get caught, and when he came home the next day from work, found all the locks on the doors changed. Then he was served with divorce papers shortly afterwards.

Whose husbands believe their wives would be pissed, but not actually divorce them, would be making that decision from a position of power---and not resignation at the reality of their situation?  

Personally, I think how much infidelity a woman is willing to ‘accept’ in her marriage, has almost everything to do with what her financial options are.

Women who are able (and willing) to provide financial security for themselves (and their children), do not have to  ’accept’  their husbands keeping a mistress, having a GF, seeing providers....no matter how discreet he may think he’s being.

She may choose to ‘not see this’, for any number of reasons.

But, she does not HAVE to choose between either, pretending it’s not happening, or potentially finding herself (and her children) in a difficult financial situation after a divorce.

To follow up on this premise, I asked four women today (small sample, for sure) whether they thought it was more palpable for their husbands to be involved with a mistress or a provider. I got the unexpected unanimous response that there was NO difference between them. So I guess it depends on what's at stake as to why a woman would leave. For Mrs. Tiger Woods, well, he did both, and she found 750 million reasons to not stay.

-- Modified on 7/18/2010 8:56:08 PM

With the current economy, Younger ladies are looking for more stable men for long-term financial support.

But I'd rather rotate my 3-5 fav providers than get one sugarbaby.

But if I was single and unattached, I don't mind having a sugarbaby who is really my type and is a nympho who can suck me dry .. and I mean to the last drop.

Where have you been?  Young ladies have been looking for stable men for long-term financial support since the earth’s crust cooled.

But, no worries. There are plenty of takers out there; who are …cough…“really your type”, and are “nymphos” who can suck you dry---to the last drop…..or….. at least give it a convincing effort

... are every bit as high as those among husbands.

Again -- because of their higher degree of financial independence, they have no economic disincentive to cheat.

But essentially selling sex for money is quite another.

I have no moral qualms with a woman selling sex for money; so long as she is up front about it.