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I hope this is in jest..... And as the TER banner indicates "For entertainment purposes only"

I suggest you hang on real tight to your day job  because you're not funny. Get some new material and try again

-- Modified on 8/7/2015 4:25:32 PM

It's like reading me when I rant about marriage

Haven’t run into anyone fitting your description in 10 plus years of hobby.

I'm hoping this was in jest, but I'm so sad for you if these are your genuine experiences in the hobby. You know what they say, a little bit of truth behind every just kidding.  

P4P ad deciphering code:  
   
BBW = fat      
Voluptuous = fat      
Curvy = fat      
Curvaceous = fat      
Thick = fat      
Rubenesque = fat      
Womanly = fat      
Hourglass = fat      
Super sized = fat      
Pic of face only? = fat      
Pic of body under bed sheet? = fat      
Gives bra size only? = fat      
Busty = either saggy or fat      
Naturally busty = saggy and fat      
Real woman = saggy, fat and ugly      
     
Slim = no boobs      
Svelte = no boobs      
Slender = no boobs      
Dancer's body = no boobs      
Runner = no boobs      
Spinner = no boobs      
Yoga = no boobs      
     
Bombshell = fake boobs      
Baywatch = fake boobs      
Playboy = fake boobs      
Model = fake boobs      
     
Brazilian = black      
Butterscotch = black      
Caramel = black      
Chocolate = black      
Cinnamon = black      
Creole = black      
Cuban = black      
Dominican = black      
Ebony = black      
Egyptian = black      
Eritrean = black      
Ethiopian = black      
Exotic = black      
Hawaiian = black      
Mahogany = black      
Mocha = black      
Mulatto = black      
Nubian = black      
Mixed = black      
     
Mature = old      
Courtesan = old      
Gracious = old      
Graceful = old      
Refined = old      
Elegant = old      
Classic = old      
Conservative = old      
Original = old      
soft skin = old      
     
Age = generally add a few years, here are some frequent exceptions:      
College Student = late 20's      
Just turned 18 = mid 20's      
19 = possible jail bait      
21 = late 20's      
28 = late 30's      
no age? = same as "28"      
     
Intelligent = brunette      
Sorority Girl = blonde      
Selective = overpriced      
Exclusive = very overpriced      
Classy = can't afford lingerie      
Freaky = doesn't shower between clients      
Nasty = doesn't shower at all      
Upscale = snooty personality      
All American = all trailer trash      
Princess = I have an attitude problem      
Party girl = I'll be high on drugs      
On fire = active herpes outbreak      
Las Vegas = Bellagio prices, Motel 6 service      
coed = plain looking with acne problem      
girl next door = looks like the boy next door      
Goddess = If you believe this is me in the pictures...      
Real Doll = Bubba brings you an inflatable doll, no refunds  
Energetic = methamphetamine addict      
Down to earth = boring      
College graduate = sleeps with professors      
open minded = openly accepts tips      
two girl show = one girl shows, one girl steals your stuff      
     
New to business = changed name      
New to area = changed name and moved across town    
Only here for a few days = staying until bad reviews run me out of town      
     
Up to an hour = 1 shot and she's gone.      
Discreet = I check your ID      
Discrete = I can't spell      
Advance notice required = you'll never get a hold of me      
Seeks generous gentleman = ROB for the elderly      
Seeks generous businessmen = ROB for out-of-towners      
Once in a lifetime experience = you won't repeat      
I love what I do = I'm desperate for clients.      
Satisfaction guaranteed = I guarantee I'm getting your money      
     
snowbunny = white girl with a black daddy      
Available 24/7 = my daddy doesn't let me sleep      
AD WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS = my daddy can't type      
aD wRiTTeN iN mIxED cAsE = my daddy is learning how to type      
     
You won't be sorry = You'll be disappointed      
You won't be disappointed = You'll be sorry      
     
CMT = good massage, bad sex      
FBSM = bad massage, good sex      
     
What an ad DOESN'T say, is also a source of information:    
Unless specified, you can assume:      
hair color = brown      
hair length = to shoulder      
eye color = brown      
age = mature      
height = short      
weight = heavy      
cup size = small      
measurements = large

The "complete list goes back to USENET in the 90's. I think it needs additions.

For your seemingly infinite capacity to embarrass yourself.  You are the gift that keeps on giving.

It appears that "somebody" needs lessons in board trolling.

I'll make it up to you = Haha, you just got hosed pervert!

...but to each his own I guess?