REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
 

With her consent--- 12 Calories
 
Without her consent-- 2,187 Calories
 
 
OPENING HER BRA:
 
With both hands-- 8 Calories
 
With one hand-- 12 Calories
 
With your teeth-- 485 Calories
 

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
 
With an erection-- 6 Calories
 
Without an erection-- 3,315 Calories
 
POSITIONS:
 
Missionary-- 12 Calories
 
69 lying down-- 78 Calories
 
69 standing up-- 812 Calories
 
Wheelbarrow-- 216 Calories
 
Doggy Style -- 326 Calories
 
Italian chandelier-- 2,912 Calories
 
ORGASMS:
 
Real-- 112 Calories
 
Fake-- 1,315 Calories
 
POST ORGASM:
 
Lying in bed hugging-- 18 Calories
 
Getting up immediately-- 36 Calories
 
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately
816 Calories
   

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
 
If you are:
 
20-29 years-- 36 Calories
30-39 years-- 80 Calories
40-49 years-- 124 Calories
50-59 years-- 1,972 Calories
60-69 years-- 7,916 Calories
70 and over-- Results are still pending
 
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
 
Calmly-- 32 Calories
 
In a hurry-- 98 Calories
 
Her father knocking at the door-- 5,218 Calories
 
Your wife knocking at the door-- 13,521 Calories
 
Results may vary!
 

THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD
 
Right now, as you read this, 69 Million Americans are having SEX!  And you're on the computer!!!
 
Kari~~

Sounds like you're assuming one can not have sex while on the computer. You should try it, gives a whole new meaning to computer sex.

Now wait a second.....I should be a beanpole by now according to that scale!

Oh wait, I have in fact lost 17 pounds since the start of the year. Now I know why

Karizza, You neglected to give the scientific basis for your conclusions.  How many people were in the two sample populations?  

I know, this was for fun.  Thought I'd show my scientific background.  LOL

My subjects wanted to remain unknown.  Since I never kiss and tell, you will just have to take my word for it.  

To think, all my clients thought the wires and electrodes were a part of kinky foreplay!

You told me to wear the eye mask because it was a double blind experiment!

All day long around the office I keep hearing:

"This f*ucking computer!"

You know the kind of night I'm talking about. I felt the heat of the night pulsing through me like a heathen tempo beating out a tattoo relentlessly upon my very sex.


I was wild and restless, yearning for something cool and hot and hard and rough to fill me up, to quiet this restless beating inside of me.


And then I saw it. Sitting there in its quietness and innocence. Calmly beckoning to me. It played a sirens song across my aching senses. It whispered to me of passion and wild abandon. Into my mind came the hope of filling up this aching need and slaking my thirst on this hot steamy night filled with the jungle pulse of wanton need.


Slowly I approached, my ugent desires welling up and drawing me forward until I stood naked and breathing before it. I resigned myself to elicit debauchery in one great longing tug.


But though I pulled, and twisted, and stretched with all that I had, nothing......nothing worked. I simply could not get the goddamned condom on the keyboard. Thank God though, that someone invented vibrators.

Perhaps I could yodel for you!!!

I will offer you a trade....

I will play a long, slow, lingering tune on the skin flute if you will hum the entire length of the Ballad of 1812 on my little man in da boat.

Sound fair??

That, my dear, will be a concert fit for royalty. I'll be sure to have my instrument in tune.

Very nice

Got me hard and then made me laugh. One day, I'm gonna have to track you down and finish the experience.

Re: Very nice

Should I paint a landing strip toward my door to help you find your way?

And is there anywhere else that a landing strip might come in handy to ensure your navigational accuracy??

Re: Very nice

Once I get there darlin', I'll know exactly where to go and what to do.

Re: Very nice

LOL after reading your post about seeing escorts at the tender age of 17, I have NO doubt about that

That was a very cute and sweet story BTW