So I'm a newbie and this is my first post. Just this past weekend I visited my first provider. I expected it to be a one time thing, mostly for financial reasons. Well it was one of the most unforgettable experiences of my life. For 3 days straight I couldn't stop thinking about it. Felt like I was in a dream. I couldn't hold out any longer and made another appt just three days later. This second appt was just as amazing as the first.
I've been lonely for so long and she helped take that feeling away. I was on top of the world with her, and now ... I'm crashing down, feeling worse than I did before I first visited her. It's like tasting heaven (no pun intended, fine, well maybe a little) and now i can't get it back. I imagine this is what doing drugs is like. I even said to her the second time that I think I'm addicted to her. And yeah I definitely am hooked.
So what's my point? I have no idea. How do I get past this? I'd visit her every week if I could, but I'm poor and trying to save up for school, so every penny counts. I already spent more than I allowed myself. Probably should be talking to my shrink instead of bumming out you folks, but I don't have an appt today. Sigh.
Can anybody out there feel me? I'm sure I'm not the only one who's fallen for his provider. Thanks
This can be emotionally overwhelming at first, it sure was for me. You have to gain some perspective about the nature of the relationship. Enjoy it for what it is. Its fun to fantasize but always remember reality and the context. Try to relax, take a deep breath and focus your thoughts on being happy that you have found a positive outlet to get some of your physical and emotional needs met. I know that is easier said than done. The way you are thinking will just continue to make you feel miserable. You are not going to be able to see her every three days so take a little break until you gain a little more perspective and can afford to see her.
If you act too needy with her and try to get all of your needs met you will scare her off. Even a real girlfriend cannot meet all of your needs and make you happy. I used to email to much so take it from me that is not a good idea
Good luck!
-- Modified on 5/15/2008 12:46:45 PM
I also found that when I began hobbying a little over a year ago it was difficult not to think about it all the time. It got even more difficult when I had my first GFE. But, I'm also on a budget and can only afford to hobby about once per month. I think you just have to enjoy the time you spend with the lady you met, and then save up and see her again when you can afford it. I also think it's important to remember that especially for those that are on a budget and hobby infrequently, the provider is one of a few or maybe the only, but to the provider, we hobbyists are one of many. Enjoy the time with her but don't let it dominate your thoughts, or you will just become more and more miserable. I really enjoy it when I can see a lady, and because I can only partake about once a month each session is very exciting.
First of all, congrats on such a successful first hobby experience. You are either very lucky or you did your homework and thorough research to find the right provider for your first time.
I know what you are going through. Been there done that. The only difference was it wasn't my first provider that I fell for, so that helped, because I had a little better frame of reference. IMHO, your mistake was seeing the same lady again so soon.
My suggestion is that until you have sufficiently bankrolled yourself for another visit, do some shopping on here. I especially suggest you read the boards to find a lady whose personality strikes you. Then check her website and reviews to see what other hobbyists think of her and see a different high quality provider the next time. Don't worry, you're not being unfaithful! LOL
It will help you to put the first experience in perspective. You'll discover that many of the special ladies on TER can make you feel the way your first lady did. Then you will be able to enjoy the pleasures of variety along with the occasional return to your first provider.
Besides you can't really have an ATF if you've only seen one lady. Good Luck and enjoy!
-- Modified on 5/15/2008 3:53:09 AM
Beautiful, expensive, no reviews, actually I didn't know about reviews so I figured that out later. Acted like she was ultra sophisticated but she wasn't. Condescending attitude and could not even pretend to enjoy my companyHow anyone could not enjoy my company is beyound me but thats another story lol(self deprecating humor) It was a positive learning experience. For understandable reasons she is no longer in the business or at least her ad is no longer up. Fortunately I've only had two of these learning experiences
being in provider wasteland,the 1st time, I traveled 85 mi. to find that she had the dates crossed. Finally she agreed to meet @ 11:00pm...no makeup & just out of the shower...just about walked away but wtf. did the deed...don't remember much but her bitching about her recent boob job. Figured it had to get better but next time the 1st words out of her mouth was "I need more money". Can you say "delete"!
Next I scheduled a date with a noted provider & she got ill. She sent another gal & after listening to all her problems I didn't have the heart to do her...totally ruined the mood...kinda like doing your sister. I'd pretty much wrote the hobby off when the other lady gave me a call back a few weeks later. Damned sexy voice & playful attitude, wtf it's only money! Hot damn that lady was/is something, that's been yrs. ago. Been a few in between but
we just click & I'm lusting for our next date!
That's not to say that I don't look @ that pasture across the road but the grass is pretty green & lush in the one I'm in.
No, You never forget your first provider. Mine wasn't my first but close. Many of us have fallen for providers, which you would see the threads if you scan back a few pages on each of the boards. {Especially the Newbie board & Erotic Highway board... menu to the left}
I saw my ATF for over a year, mostly exclusively... and started having boy friend feelings about her. I was concerned that if I told her, she might refuse to see me. I forced myself to take a break & date others. I had several less than great experiences but did find another Fav (so far, I'm having a first date today. Wish me luck!)
But what I'm coming back to is I saw the ATF the other day. Yes, I paid but it was a tryst between lovers. Best Sexual Experience of my life (late 50s, there's been a few). And the feelings are back.
It is so easy to Fall for the ILLUSION of the provider. No Problems, Great Sex...
You MUST get some mental dicipline to control this. EXPECT to Fall for your providers. You need to space out your dates to fit your budget. My Prescription is "Do not see this provider again until you have seen 2 others"... and not all in the same week!
skb (6 reviews)
The provider is not in love with you. She is being paid by you to act as if she were in love with you. To that extent, she is like a very good actress.
We often view fine actors and actresses on the stage and they bring joy to our hearts and tears to our eyes, but we do not hold it against them that they are just acting.
In the same vein, you must view the escort the same way.
Be thankful that you have met someone who is so good that they transport you to the state of bliss you seem to be in, and enjoy the time you can afford to be with them. Treat it as a gift, but don't let yourself be fooled lest you ruin a very good situation.
In time you will develop the balance and perspective needed to truly enjoy the hobby.
I think you have a good, realistic perspective. It's taken me awhile but I deeply enjoy the way I feel without worry or anxiety. I don't have a care in the world about this aspect of my life. You know my relationship in my two marriages and with significant others sure had it's share of illusion and deception, many times in a negative way. This seems more honest in many ways.
My only dissapointment is you seem to be implying I will not be able to find the third Ms. Showmecal this way(another feeble attempt at dry humor) Actually two was probably enough for this lifetime.
but seriously, there's nothing particulary contradictory between hobbying and civie dating, and who knows? She may be right around the corner.
but she is wise - and very patient - and very much up to walking hobbiests through their infatuation with her... and we are now friends.
but what to do about you. dude.... I have actually fallen mildly for a number of providers... some of them are very good at what they do... and to provide a true GFE they must create the illusion that the affection you feel is real.
I have two things to offer. First you say that you are saving up for school ! GREAT! as you save, reward yourself for saving a certain amount as an intermediate goal - for example if you save $3300 - then take $$$ of that for a session.... when you hit $6300 - another session.... and keep in mind that you are trying to get enough of an education to allow you the financial freedom to partake in the hobby should you choose.
The second is, it seems to me you are young... I suspect that you could attract a real girlfriend... take what you've learned with the escort, and apply it to your civie relationships.... by that I mean, what she taught you or you experienced in the bed room... AND - I'll bet you treated the escort with a high degree of respect and courtesy... do that in real life.
I know that it is hard to do both of these when your thoughts go back to the lady in question... now, as was suggested by others.... see another lady... I suspect that your feelings are more to the atmosphere and the whole experience and not necessarily to the lady (no slight intended). Seeing another provider will help you to come to grips with that.
Good luck.... you actually sound like a nice dude.
Remember its a business transaction, nothing more nothing less.
Yes its that simple.
If you want to keep the magic moments don't see her more than once a month. Also make sure that you see other providers so you won't get overly attached. If it is that bad take a break for a few months and see someone else.
I feel your pain.
Most of us who have hobbyed have fallen for a provider and spent more money than we thought we would. Some of us could afford to do that, some of us could not. Only you can truly evaluate your position.
Like most of us I have had an ATF who I thought the world revolved around. There are many other women out there, some you need to pay for and some you don't. You may find if you choose to, another provider who can provide everything this provider is providing for you. You may find a civilian who is even better than the one you have seen. I always thought my ATF was the best ever but when I really thought about it, I had had better sex with other providers and was treated better by other providers. I was the one who convinced myself that my ATF was my ATF, not her. I spent a lot of money on her that was disposable so I didn't risk any goals to be with her.
You have a goal, to go to school. Going to school will presumably lead to a better income which in turn leads to more disposable income to spend on providers. If spending your money on this provider prevents you from reaching your goals, you will up funding her goals while denying your goals. that is the harsh reality you are facing.
I would suspect the vast majority of the guys posting on this board have burned at one point or another. I don't think any one wants to see you get burned. We share with each other on the boards so we won't get burned.
So I am not saying don't have fun, by all means have fun but don't let your fun get in the way of your goals.
The three most powerful addictions are sex, gambling and nicotine. You mention that you imagine that she is like a drug. She certainly can be and it is gooe that you are aware of that. I would humbly suggest that if you are seeing someone you might mention that you have seen a provider and see where the discussion leads. It may provide some insights for you towards your feelings.
I wish you luck!
Be happy, joyous and free
"Addicted" "hooked" "fallen" Those are warning signs!
RUN! RUN! RUN! This is not good.
#1 Rule: Don't fall for a provider!
You sound very young mentioning school... You have your entire life to enjoy what you've experienced. The important thing is to get the education and the career so you can have the other things life has to offer. This hobby should be just that, a hobby. You can't let it take over your life or it will ruin you.
My God, you will be in school where coeds roam! Enjoy that life! Hit on every girl you meet if you have to. The worst thing that will happen is you get turned down. Really.
If you want to treat yourself to a birthday present once a year... ask everyone to give you cash. 
I gotta thank everyone for their responses. Good to know there are people out there who understand.
It’s funny that all the advice you’ve all given are all things I could have figured out myself, but my head has just been in a different place since my experience with her. Like I knew going into it that her goal was to be make me feel comfortable and at ease, and (even though I hate to admit it) tell me what I wanted, or rather needed to hear. I warned myself before it started to just take it for what it was. But her words – genuine or not – made me feel better about myself, so now my mind keeps replaying those events trying to recapture that good feeling even as I tell myself it wasn’t real.
I’ve got a bit of an obsessive personality, which is great when it comes to problem-solving and focusing on work, but it also means I get these hang ups that are so hard to overcome.
I’m fairly young I guess - 25. I’ve only had one gf. She was my high school sweetheart and we broke up a few months ago, so I am feeling much needier than normal. And I think I may have just done too much too soon, and I really do need to just chill out and breathe and focus on my real long-term goals. So I’m gonna try. I know it won’t be easy – hell, a paragraph ago, I started daydreaming about my provider again and wondering how much more OT I’d have to do to see her. (Ha, I said “my provider” as if she exclusively belongs to me. Sheesh!) But I know that the time I spent in her place was all fantasy and you can’t live in fantasies. They’ll just leave you feeling empty.
Again, thanks everyone. Everything you’ve said are things I needed to hear. In regards to seeing a diff provider if I do hobby again, I think it’s a good idea. Now whether or not I’ll follow that is a whole different issue. It would be so tempting to visit her again, but I think I’d be back in the same lousy place again. So I’m gonna take it one day at a time, and I know I’ll get past this.
Stay safe everyone!
The week after a meeting is the worst, but you have to keep strong and resist the feeling.
I'm handling almost the same issue, but set up some rules for myself:
- Do NOT repeat within 2/3 months
- See some other girls
- Realize she is not your girlfriend
- Enjoy the time being with her
- Find things you don't like about her and think about that
Time is the healer, but it still hurts every day!
