Ok so I read A LOT on this site about how "we made a connection" or "there was an obvious connection" etc. etc.

Now maybe you guys are having MUCH different experiences than I, or maybe our definitions of "connection" are VERY different.

But in my brief experience with this hobby I've not once had a "connection" with anyone.

To me this gets about as personal as the girl that cuts your hair.

In fact, that's about as perfect an analogy as there is IMO.

I mean, yes, every provider (with the exception of one) that I've gone to has been very sweet, very friendly, and pleasant.

And physically knock-down gorgeous (I did my homework on here)

BUT, once the whole sex thing begins it always seems like something clicks over in the girl's mind and it becomes a sort of routine.

Not that I would be surprised if it is. I mean this is what they do for a living. After a while I imagine it would become rather routine.

Every girl I've seen (again except one) has gone out of her way to act like this or that feels good or that they are enjoying themselves.

But in the end, it's an act. And now it's OBVIOUS that it would be! Why it wasn't before I started in the hobby I have no idea.

I mean, you meet this woman who you don't know and who doesn't know you, and after about ten minutes you're both naked on a bed in a room and you're off to the races.

I've had a few one-night stands in my lifetime but hell... even those took longer than ten minutes to get to the action!

So... why am I posting? Here's why:

When I started doing this, when I decided to take the step from reading about this stuff to ACTUALLY doing it, I had this notion in my head.

I had this idea of what it would be like. (As I'm sure everyone else who does this had)

I thought that if I saw a lady that was well reviewed and was a GFE and all of that, that somehow it would be this amazing thing where we would both have this experience and it would be awesome.

I thought (foolishly I suppose) that there would probably be a connection as I'm not a bad looking guy, in shape, etc... I figured that the girl would enjoy it, that we would have a connection if for anything else that I'm not completely obese or something of that nature.

But in reality, you are a client, a means to an end. A man with a white envelope who the provider hopes isn't a psycho or something, or LEA or I'm sure many other crazy things.

I'd be petrified if I was a provider. I couldn't do it... and my hat is off to these ladies for sure.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I haven't enjoyed myself. I'm not saying that the ladies I've seen have been anything but accommodating. On the contrary, they're pretty amazing if you ask me. So, I have, in a way, enjoyed it.

Just wasn't what I thought it would be.

I guess what I am saying is to all of those who might be thinking of taking that step... don't for one moment believe you are going to have some sort of "connection."

In fact, don't expect or fantasize about it at all because, like in pretty much everything else in life, the fantasy will ALWAYS be better than reality.

Will I continue? I doubt it.

I had hoped that doing this would give me that something that was missing from my marriage. But it hasn't.

Why?

The fantasy was better, by far, than the reality.

It IS a fantasy. And if it is not meeting your needs do not waste anymore of your time, money and emotions.

Maybe sex with the wife was not that bad after all eh?

I'll stick it out a while longer, like until I drop dead.

Good Luck to you.

Well, I don't bowl or collect stamps, but yes maybe I'm not suited for this.

I've never been much of a strip club guy either. And I guess it's in the same realm.

My point of writing the post wasn't to ask for advice of weather I should continue or not... I can figure that out all by myself.

It was to maybe inform some people who were like me, who haven't made that step to actually call a provider.

So that perhaps they wouldn't build it up into something it's not-- like I did.

You would think that with all these reviews about "connections" that there's some kind of genuine act going on, but in my experience it has not been that... and I would suspect that it's that way across the board.

Maybe I'm not self delusional enough to forget that the whole thing is an act.

Or maybe I just don't want to.

As far as sex with the wife.. one has nothing to do with the other, for me at least.

Why am I always cynical when reading this stuff ?
Like someone ( I.E., a SO ), put this guy up to this,else she'll divorce him & financially clean his clock. So the veracity of what has been written is "questionable in my book". But, let's take it on face value. He hasn't found a "connection", or "the reality" hasn't approached "the fantasy". Could very well be. Maybe he hasn't hobbied long enough. That said, why rain on our parade ? Dude, we all know that fantasy is a part of it. That's quite obvious. But, whose to say that many providers/hobbyists
( who know their boundaries ), haven't made "great connections" or haven't had mind blowing sexual encounters ?!------SHIT-----I've had them ! & I'll bet many others have also !

So-----instead of blubbering here, why not go to the "sex addiction" clinic that Tiger woods goes to,or a like minded website ?

Caramaba-------I used to think of myself as a "gray knight"----------was a fellow traveler of Dark Knights,but could never fully embrace "their dark side" .However, their wailing about manginas on this board has been been quite accurate lately------this posting is simply the final straw.

Maybe I should change my handle to "Darth Priapus"---------LOL !

Too fucking much.

from your reviews, you must have gotten something out of it so far, unless they were all "acts" too. Some of us may indeed be delusional to think that we "connect" with a provider. So be it. For that 60 or 90 minutes, I get special treatment and "connection" that I don't get anywhere else. And that's what keeps me coming back. But, to each his own. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

The connection or feeling many mention can only be reached if the heart and soul are open. It is real and is  not some fire and brimstone hitting you on your head. It's one human being feeling close to another and not just sexual.

I find that connection with many but I will say it is not instant gratification. If you never allow yourself to get close then you won't and if you try to make it happen it's a lost cause.

Peeling back our emotions and letting nature take it's course is not natural in this skeptic ridden hobby. The nature of the beast is to drink as much from the cup as you can even if your gulping it down without enjoying all the flavor.

Kisses Haley

Yes, like I wrote, I did enjoy myself, have enjoyed myself.

But my point was that it's not what I expected or fantasized it would be.

And it's kind of a let down (or at least it was to me) when you find that the fantasy doesn't meet the reality.

And hey, I'm not saying that I don't wish I COULD "connect."

Like I wrote, I don't know if it's just my limited experience, and that there are people that do "connect" or just the way it is for me personally.

Not trying to bash anyone here believe me...just the opposite... if indeed you are getting that "connection" I wish I could do the same.

Just offering a perspective.

You made an assesment that works for you.

For what it's worth, you aren't the only one to feel this way at your stage of the game, and for exactly the same reasons.

Maybe your post would have been better suited to the newbie board. For the most part, the majority of readers and posters here are already past the point of no return. We are whores and johns (unpopular yet accurate labels) who made our decisions as well.

Don't let the angry reactions to your post get to you, or spend too much time responding or clarifying. You'll be talking to closed minds.

Do what's best for you and be happy.

You're entertaining...

I'm a mangina? Ok, well I would think someone so "hard" wouldn't think I was "raining on his parade" because I wrote something that hurt his feelings.

Just offering my perspective... sorry if it differs from yours...

help?? Pass up on his post. Fuzzy and Khym can't drive EVERY thought here.

Thanks for the reply, yeah I should have posted it in that section... didn't think about it.

(If a mod wants to move this feel free)

Of course, I know how to get it and make it mutually beneficial.

Yeah I've only done the one-hour sessions.

I've thought though that perhaps I should try longer sessions.

Maybe the time factor is the thing... I imagine it definitely has something to do with it.

Thanks for the link.

& "hurting my feelings" ?!-----------Impossible ! LOL !

1. Why would you expect to find "connections" any more frequently among providers than among the general population? How could that even be possible?

2. You may not have tried enough ladies. I have been doing this for quite a few years, and in all that time I have had real "connections" with a handful ladies.

3. Be careful what you wish for. What do you want a "connection" to consist of? Maintaining a connection typically involves frequent interactions of all sorts. It appears that you are married. A "connection" may be more than you can really handle.

If the hobby's not for him fine, is it changing any minds, I don't think so. So relax.  Your post would suggest that he not be allowed to post such an awful thought at all.  I don't see escorts when I'm in a full time relationship?  Are you gonna ask for my membership back during that time.  
Doc

I don't have a clear picture of what you've tried, or what you specifically mean by "connection." Those who put that word in their reviews may have something totally different in mind than what you have. Though I've felt a connection, I've never put it in a review. I've found seeing someone longer than and hour, and more than once, increases the odds of feeling a connection with a provider, though for me it happens more like 1 time out of ten. Also, not every guy or gal here wants to, or is open to feeling a connection. Things can get pretty messy when that happens, if both people can't handle it maturely.

Perhaps considering what you envision a connection, with a provider, would be, and if that is realistic. When I use the word it means we seemed to be attuned to each other, and that attunement led to each of us sharing more of ourselves than we normally would have under the circumstances.

One other thing to consider is how you experience disappointment. Some of us feel it more deeply than others.

Let's examine one of his statements : "You would think that all these reviews about "connections" that there's some kind of genuine act going on,but my experience is it has not been that & I will suspect it 's that way across the board"

Sounds a tad condescending & patronizing, dont you think ? & How does he know about the subjective mindset of the board ? Is he endowed with the power of mass telepathy ? If so,I envy him. He's gonna make more $ than Bill Gates. More likely he's engaging in "transference", putting his disappointing hobbying experiences onto others.

I certainly don't begrudge him his 1st Ammendment rights to post here-----as my rights
& others to criticize his post. I'm sure some share my sentiments that posts such as his are a self-indulgent drag to the many happy hedonists who inhabit this board.Do most care that someone is giving up hobbying ? Wouldn't it make more sense to pm your "friends" here & just quietly & gracefully exit ?

Connection is an over statement. When reading your post I notice that the focus of your sessions seem to be you. Attempt to turn the table somewhat and make the provider the focus of your fantasies, as long as they are erotic and safe for her.

A recent fantasy date......- A gorgeous young lady (20 years my junior, playboy bunny in appearance),
- An atmosphere of pure romance that she created (dim lights, sexy music playing)
- A delightful welcome – “I am so happy to finally meet you” – “I loved your emails”  type of whispers as she comes into my arms and kisses me deeply in her silky baby doll outfit
- Then a magical hour of the most extraordinary unhibited “beyond my wildest dreams” non-stop sex
- Then a passionate fairwell kiss
- The next day an email telling me how amazing she thinks I was, and how eager she is see me again
-
Now this happened for real but it was a fantasy – in reality, I sincerely doubt that a blonde bombshell in her late 20s, with a wild passion for sex, truly found me that great or “eagerly awaits”  me again.  But – the experience, the fantasy, was fantastic and I loved it and love the fantasy –the memory still!

Boy did i feel connected and I have seen her several times since.....I am connected to this fantasy!    But, to your point, its not like we are "soul mates" or "in love".....the hobby doesn't support that sort of connection......but semantics aside.....this relationship is worth having....to me!

Peace

HobbitGiorgio

I have been with so many escorts that remembering the number was a capability lost long ago. I had a soul to soul connection with four. Memories of my time with the special four will be with me on my deathbed. A soul to soul connection with any woman is special and for a married man, can present unanticipated problems. Naz need focus on giving and receiving pleasure and let the connection quest fade to black.

.... connections are:

- Going to dinner, off the clock, afterwards because you are enjoying each others company
- Connections are free overnights because you enjoy each others company
- Normal dates with women you met as providers - things like dinner, theater, etc. because you enjoy each others company
- Being invited to stay, off the clock, so she can make you dinner because you are enjoying each others company
- Hanging out with women you have met at local bars because you enjoy each others company

Of course you have to be open to these connections which suggests a different state of mind than you portray above.

Dude, it's just pussy. Did you want any other outcome other than to get laid? My first couple of times were nothing special and it wasn't until I met a couple of providers that I really like them for their personalities. I still see one of them and that will be six years in November. I still in all this time haven't felt the connection you are talking about, perhaps because we live in different cities, she fucks lots of other men for money and I pay to fuck her too? It's called a business.

LOL. You pay like the rest of us. Instead of talking her to death, try long dicking her. She wants that sometimes too.

The price of pussy is money.

The price of connection is relationship.

You don't have "connection" of the sort you are describing because you haven't invested in what creates it.

Now, if connection is TRULY what you want; I'll tell ya how to get it in spades. But half the time when people get that ... they end of with "I've fallen and I can't get up." So maybe I won't tell.

i can see your pt. but not everyone is in your shoes looks good good shape you're assured many intangible important things. someone who does not need to fall in love with you nice to have regular change besides many couples fall into the same routine therefore change is good not replacement just a hint of spice as the saying goes. sometimes people have work changes they move away move back good to reunite. over time could be months people have their lives we get to know each other so it is exciting communicating is key to anything refreshing with excitement takes two to tango... extended time together makes it better even a day together is an exciting escape.



Kim i pass here often. have a sensational monday great tue wed thu. have a good day to all

Taz

We have been friends for a very long time.
With the "connection" it's something that
over time happens. There are different types
of connections .The ones that gradually develop
and the ones that two people have where sparks
are flying and the kind we call can't get enough
crazy kind. But honestly in 1 hour it is so difficult for two people to recognize if it is
a "connection" or not when they just met.

You should not leave the hobby but indeed
schedule a couple of hours at a time and
let yourself unfold with someone you dig.
It cannot happen in 1 hour but if you cut yourself off completly from any type of communication which I don't think you will
then if there is a special someone out there
for you how will you ever know? Start out with 1 hr appts and if in each others company you both
want more of each other then turn it into a
2 hour. You're young and cute and everyone likes
you very much. Connections take time in establishing alot of things before a connection can be made  and when chemistry takes place
it is  a start.Good luck .

(Hugs)
Angela

Kidding....


Set yourself up for success.

I do multi hour sessions to ensure chemistry has it's effect. Usually 4-6 hours.

Once you have a rapport, you can do shorter sessions if need be.



-- Modified on 3/1/2010 10:02:27 PM

you two share. No offense John.

I guess sometimes it takes 'a minute or two' to truely convey a message.

its a bit difficult to have a deeper connection when you just met her 10 minutes ago. Try a dinner date. Some people no matter how much time you spend with them are basically discoonnected to begin with. You seem to believe it's that she was not able to connect with you. It's a 2 way street and takes 2 to tango. Maybe you first are expecting far too much from a 10 minute *how do ya do* and the connection you want is a bit much for someone you just met. you want a true connection well its going to be few and far between to find someone you click with right off the bat after only meeting for 10 minutes. You are expecting a great deal out of a stranger.
You said your experiences were great as far as sex goes and the sensuality, but no connection. You also may be trying to force a connection, it doesn't happen that way. These things, the type you seem to want takes time and getting to know someone.
Maybe you should try finding a lady you like a great deal do more than the one appt with her, maybe a multiple hour appt or a dinner date and allow that true real connection to develop.
Its a fantasy to expect too much out of a 1hr introduction may be defeating the purpose of this p4p situation. just MHO.

Reducing the session content to "pussy" makes it unappealing to me. If I were to hobby, I would want  someone into all sorts of contact, something that would raise me up, high up, so I'd have some tension to release. Providing is a skill-set, just as much as the skills I pay for in medical environments (where it is very nice if the medical professional is an attractive woman, such as that little Asian who took an impression of my teeth for a night-guard: "Don't bite me, now! Breathe through your nose..."). Don't good providers do a bit of consultation with the client at the beginning to get an understanding of what turns him on? Just as a good cook does not have to be your mother.

Sometimes a connection can be as simple as haveing some giggles with her. People read too much into connections. A connection is different for each and every person.

You aren't with her to make a connection, so I wouldn't worry about it as long as you got what you wanted..

Just lay back and enjoy it for what it is..

There DO exist providers who specialize in what you are describing.

They are not ordinary. Either they have special inborn skills with men or have devoted enormous study to the field. (sometimes both) In action, they are nothing short of awe-inspiring.

I have met providers who tailor their approach based upon inferences from the direction your eyes point while recalling information. Their inferential powers are so strong they can tell you things about you that they'd have no way of knowing directly. And they can do it so seamlessly the client isn't even aware of how they do it.

But this allows the creation of "connection" from the standpoint of the client out of seemingly thin air. But, really, its a skill.

I have also met providers adept at using "speed seduction" techniques based on the use of trance words and building rapport similar to the way a good hypnotherapist will do. This also accelerates the perception of connection.

And, of course, as you point out, they are excellent communicators. So good, in fact, that they can often ascertain sexual preferences without asking.

I would put it this way.

Providers have a number of skill sets. One of which is establishing and dealing with clients at a psychological-emotional level.

Not every provider is equally adept in this realm. But those who ARE can truly provide a mind-blowing experience in terms of the connection the original poster seeks. SO mindblowing the client can become emotionally confused because the experience seems so real.

And -- physically -- NOTHING seems mechanical or rote.

But for this to happen, the original poster would have to do two things.

First, specifically select providers with these capabilities.

Second, honestly comply with their communications. They are using those communications to gain the insight needed to blow him away.

Indeed.

I don't know that I was looking for something other than to get laid... perhaps I was.

I'm not sure really.

Like I wrote, I think I just had this idea of what it would be.

And it wasn't that idea... that's all.

I wanted to really let others who hadn't done this yet to know that they really shouldn't have any fantasy or preconceived notion of what was to come.

It's interesting that you are examining my post so closely and you still haven't realized the point of it.

I didn't post to let anyone know I was "giving up hobbying."

That really was an afterthought and has nothing to do with the whole point of the post.

The POINT (now read it this time) is that I wanted others who may not have taken the step to actually picking up the phone and calling a provider to not build up some kind of fantasy or idea about what the experience will be.

My quitting the hobby or NOT quitting the hobby really is irrelevant.

As far as being "patronizing," "condescending" or otherwise I'm sorry you took it that way.

Again, it seems like you are AWFULLY sensitive for someone who called me a mangina?

I didn't mean to impose my experience on anyone.

Just wanted to offer my perspective to others that may be thinking of taking that step.

I agree with you totally.

1. I honestly don't know why I expected it.

That was kind of the thing I hoped to relate to anyone who might be thinking of hobbying.

To not expect anything really. To not build up the encounter in their mind... to just go and see what happens.

2. That's absolutely true.

I've been seeing different ladies every time, and wondered if I should maybe just focus on seeing one that I like more than once... or continue to try to see different ladies.

3. I think the connection I was referring to was simply a genuine interest or enjoyment of each others company.

Not a relationship or something complicated.

But I think some others have given good advice about perhaps having longer than an hour appt.

I think that it's just too difficult to have something real in that amount of time.

My idea of "connection" is just something real, unforced, genuine.

I think you're absolutely right about making appointments longer than an hour.

I'm definitely going to try that.

Now see here's something I've NEVER experienced either.

I've never had any kind of online correspondence with a provider either.

Usually I get one-line emails about the appt.

I've never gotten a follow-up email or anything like that.

I think a little online foreplay would be awesome, but I've never experienced it.

I understand though, I mean these ladies have a life that doesn't revolve around my online flirting needs heh.

But I HAVE read that others have had these online exchanges.

That's awesome man.

Ok see, to me, these are not my ideas of "connection."

To me connection is simply a genuine experience.

Something that isn't forced, or routine, or otherwise.

That's what I would define as connection.

I think it would be cool to go to dinner afterwards as well... never happened though.

Yeah I understand that.

I just wanted to offer my perspective and I totally understand that it differs from others experiences, I didn't realize how MUCH it differed until after I wrote it

Yes, I'm going to definitely do that.

I think you're absolutely correct.

Agreed 100%

my illusion of desiring a connection with the lovely lady I was with evaporated after an hour or so. I came to realize that I felt there was no one to connect with. I might return for just the sex, but I had no illusion of a connection forming. But, with a couple, after an hour or so things just seemed to open up for both of us. One lady I still consider a friend, and she has trusted me enough to be involved on the fringes of her personal life, but nothing that feels messy or burdensome.

Keep posting Naz. At least you can communicate honestly. Lots of the trollfucks are so hardcore, they'd spit on their mommas before thanking her for putting up with them for all of those years. When a guy calls you a mangina, it's because he secretly wants to fuck you so be careful.

paragraph can be longer than just one sentence?  Ever take English 101 or Compositiion class?

it usually means he's a latent homosexual himself. Look in your soul,dude---------

Pus, nothing gay about me buddy, it was gay of you to react so vehemently to a simple post.  I would think that you could have treated him with a little more newbie humility. He was asking what for him was an honest question.

bet ya didn't see that coming did ya radcow.  I agree with ya every blue moon.
Doc

How long are you booking the ladies you see for? Single or multiple hours?

I just posted below and a multi hour was my best suggestion. Also try finding a girl with a personality on these message boards. It has payed off and I'm a 60 min, er second man.

Maybe, for you, a connection cannot happen in an hour (as Haley and others have suggested).

I've found that with dinner dates, connection naturally happens. It's so elemental and instinctual to bond over food and let things evolve in a more meandering leisurely way (this is why I've found I cannot place strict time limits on dinner dates). Connections take time, and I find myself corresponding and communicating in perhaps too much length, especially when planning overnights and more extended affairs. The anticipation is mutual.

Maybe a kept woman, a sugarbabe, a "friend with benefits" is something more suited for you than an  hourly escort relationship. Those have different risks and drawbacks, but maybe (for you) worth exploring.

Best of luck~