Thanks for everyones feedback!

-- Modified on 5/20/2007 7:41:33 PM

-- Modified on 5/20/2007 7:42:02 PM

You only booked 4 hours and that's all you're entitled to.  If you feel cheated, you should discuss it (candidly but dispassionately) with the lady involved before she travels to your city.

Is it important for you that she sees you exclusively and no one else? Perhaps you should've made transportation arrangements so that she would only have 4 hours before she had to leave.

Or you could look at it this way: you would not be able to see her had you not paid for the trip.

postings, and tell her you hope it works out and that she has a great time.  She's a provider, for God's sake, and she'd be nuts not to take advantage of the trip.  Don't be so judgmental, and don't think you're so great that she'd come just to see you.  A little humility and compassion, please!  Support her!  Cheer her on!  You don't lose a thing if she sees someone else.

Thanks for your input.  I really don't care how many other clients she sees.  I feel that the other clients are seeing her at a lower rate than me as I am paying for transportation and hotel.  If she was planning on touring to my city, i wouldn't have agreed to pay a travel fee.

I think I understand how you feel, but you have to kind of put yourself in her shoes. She did not plan this trip, you made the deal which included travelling fees on top of the time you booked. Did you think she would sit in her room and watch HBO for the remainder of her trip? Do you think she should offer you a rebate if she manages to book another date or two - or maybe she can put you in touch with the other guys and you can split the travelling costs....

I'm not trying to be an ass (it just comes naturally). You are 100% correct with your last two sentences - it IS a business, she DOES have the right to see as many clients as she wishes, and you ARE subsidising the trip - as you agreed to do in your deal.

I am not sure what some men want us to do... sit on the edge of our bed, awaiting your arrival, in full make-up, garter and stockings, our heels shined, and the sexiest little skirt squeezing our ass into gear.  Nice fantasy, but, that is fantasy, and I would bet that if she is a good provider, you wouldn't have any ideas that she had been doing anything other than that since she arrived in your city.

Relax, don't worry about those things... those worries are for real life... this is fantasy!

Have fun.

xoxox
Anik

Look at the bright side. If she does well in your city, maybe she'll visit again without your subsity.

You know that posting new ad attracts more traffic on her web, in this point, she did a good job and she would be appreciate for your giving her a chance to do it.

If you pay her part of time of her traveling then please allow her to use the rest of her time. If, she is full of energy after your date she may get a good review from some other men in that way, she would appreciate you more, what you become? a very generous gentleman! So what you lose?

I do travel to meet my clients in Asia, HK, Singapore since I am based in China. but I do book my ticket for seeing him only, when the session is about finish, I just go directly to airport or have some shopping fun ;-p however, I do post ad to say that I travel there to give a hint that Kittyasia does travel in that country. so that I have future contact for my real touring in the future.

Anyhow, you would not be feel subsidising if she has had not post anything on TER or if you see nothing about her touring post. See the difference?

She is a provider to bring you happiness and she would make your session more exciting because that she finds more biz because of you!
Happy hunting and enjoy your date!
Kitty

-- Modified on 5/21/2007 6:44:08 AM

I think she's taking advantage of you and you could perfectly reasonably mention it to her.  If you're paying for her air fare and hotel, then she has no business booking other clients.  Or, she should refund you your expenses, charge you for her time, and see anyone she wants.

My question would be are you going to be able to get past your feelings about this and enjoy the date?

Well you booked her for 4 hours true enough, but she is a business woman and perhaps will be staying longer, who knows
Sure you paid for her trip, but she has a life outside of your appt...dont mean to BE mean, just a fact and as someone else stated here, dont let it upset you during your time with her

I think that would annoy me too, but there it is. Lesson: Don't pay for transportation if it is going to annoy you that you're picking up the frieght for other guys to see her cheaper than you. Once you have your arrangement, that's where the obligation ends for her.

You should have offered her to pay her travel expenses if she didn't have enough business to cover them herself from other clients. In business terminology you should have offered her a put option to sell you unless she was able to book a certain number of other clients.

Since you have already made the deal, you should go though with and just enjoy your time with her. Consider this a good lesson learned for the next time.

Most ladies are not going to start telling you how many guys she has booked, or hours for that matter.  It can back fire anyway you look at it.  If she is totally booked up, she looks like she is taking on a lot of appointments, if she isn't, then you would start to wonder why.

I have made the above arrangements myself - but generally that meant that the person who paid my trip and hotel, was the first person I would be meeting with - what I do afterwards would be my own business...

Maybe you should move up your appointment so that you are her first meeting, if it bothers you that much?

xoxox
Anik

A nice theory, but it would never work in practice. There is no way she is going to 'fess up to how many other guys she plans to see.

You got shafted. Plain and simple. The real deal breaker here is that not only is she apparently planning to see other guys AFTER you've seen her, but it sounds like she's making a day of it by trying to book guys before you even get there. She's basically doing a short tour on your dime.

As a provider, I fully understand the concept of making the most out of a situation. On the other hand, I have to wonder just how insane she has to be - she's already got a 4 hour date planned. How many other dates can she honestly handle?? What kind of quality experience does she honestly think she can provide to you - and any others that she sees if she's already had a couple of dates before seeing you?

Maybe I'm just spoiled, but on the (rare) occassions I book a multi-hour date, I pretty much anticipate that will be it for the day. Given the fact that she's being reimbursed for her travelling time and expenses, the cost of the room, and getting paid for 4 hours on top of it, I'm sorry, trying to take on other dates is simply running up the score, and letting you foot the bill for it.

I confess!! Not gonna post this under an alias but I would like to respond to the situation as this is an interesting one, both specifically and for future reference, and is personally relevant.
I initially said I was uncomfortable traveling away from my home for a first date with a new gentleman. He persisted and offered to pay travel and accommodations, as well as providing great provider refs that checked out. Finally, I said ok- could be fun, get out of Madison, and I like meeting new people- why not?
I initially planned to see only the initial poster; didn't even think of doing otherwise. However, I had a couple requests from gentlemen in the same city asking if and when I'd come see them, and additionally, I don't own a car now, so while looking at the bus schedule, realized I would be spending a significant amount of time alone in that city with nothing to do. So I posted on the board advertising my availability and also called a girlfriend there about meeting for lunch.

If you all want specifics (despite saying that a provider would never honestly share how many appts she had booked etc.) my plan- lol, I am a perfectionist and schedule out my life- was to arrive at 2pm by bus, grab some lunch and check into my hotel, and schedule the following if there was additional interest:

Friday
3:45-4:45: one hour date
6-10: said dinner date with above poster
(? potentially 11-12: a late night quickie)
sleep 8-9 hours)

Saturday
one or two hour date in a.m.
check out at noon, stop by my friend's apartment whom I haven't seen in awhile and have lunch with her, and bus back, departing around 3 and arriving home around 4:25pm

Also, when the gentleman offered to pay, I came up with an even $200 as the amount. I thought it was reasonable- my actual expense: $246 hotel, $40 bus fare, $25 care for my dog and cats, as well as almost three hours of my travel time.

And I know this was not directed at me personally, and take no offense, but I don't think the above booking schedule renders me insane. I have a personal policy of allowing at least one hour, generally more, between appointments, and know my limits despite being new to this. I haven't had a negative review or bad feedback about my performance yet, whether physical stamina or emotional attentiveness. Additionally, it is not like a four-hour dinner date is four hours of strenuous physical activity. It is discounted from a regular rate because of the assumption that the gentleman will be treating me to a meal and we will spend some time getting to know one another (especially since it is a first date), and then more like 2-3 hours of more active interaction, if you know what I mean

Again, I feel given the circumstances it was reasonable, but I also had not even considered the other end of this, and can see how it might have been interpreted as hurtful or misleading- which was never my intent. As one poster noted, I wonder if this will spoil the fantasy for the gentleman involved or create hard feelings towards me. I would hope this can be worked out, but if not I understand- I want to make clear that my intent is not ever to cram as many appointments in as I can, and also that I would not be going to that city if it weren't for said individual requesting me and offering to pay an additional fee for travel.

XoXo,
Marea

I hope I didn't come across too strongly in my first post.. I know there are people who feel strongly on both sides of the issue, but I just wanted to share a little context and my perspective and get some more feedback. The decisions I made, I made with my own common sense and beliefs, but as a new provider, that may or may not have been the right approach as a provider. I don't like conflict and I don't want to upset anyone, but at the same time, I am a pretty assertive person and I say what I think- gets me in trouble occasionally! Of course, I have emailed the original poster and want to work this out on a personal level, but am also interested in the issue more generally, and what should be learned from it or how to approach similar situations in the future. I sort of wish he'd have emailed me first, as I had no idea he would feel that way, but maybe I should have thought about it more carefully.. and I understand that he probably wanted to get feedback before reacting or making any accusations?

I do hope that no one looks at me differently because of this or thinks I am any less of a quality provider.. as I said, I've been doing this for under two weeks, so I'm always learning!

~Peace~
Marea

Marea,

I completely admire your honesty and willingness to defend yourself. Given the situation as you describe it, you are right and I was wrong. The bus situation, which has you travelling several hours ahead of the time you scheduled, does put a different light on it altogether. I apologize for the words I said.

You are something special. I was on your side before you posted, before I had any idea who you were. Now that I read this incredibly honest and open post, I am speechless. I wish I could afford to fly you to Boston

I have two things to comment on...

1. Marere you are one hell of a person to come on this shark infested board and NOT under and alias and tell it truthfully with a more than adequate explantion ( none of which was even required). You seem to have done your homework...stick to your business practices and your code of ethics and realize that you cannot and should not try to be all to every client.

You are young chronologially but wise beyond your years. You are also new and I sincerely hope you do not get too caught up in this board to let the guys decide how you run YOUR business. Their advice is sometime helpful but under it all they have their best interests at heart.. not yours( after all it is a hobbyists board). Having said that if these men are your major demographic...shoot cater to them all you want but stil realize you can please some people some times and not all, all the time.

2. To "Yep not an alias"...kudos for stepping up. You have a set of ovaries on you! It takes a very big person to suck it up and admit you're wrong.

Please come to Boston!

I have to say that you having to full pay for her trip and she's seeing other guys too....not cool.

I've done something similar to this, but not exact.  I had a guy who really wanted me to visit him and coincidently, I have family in the area.

I offered to visit the day he desired me to arrive if he paid for a ticket TO the city.  I would handle my own transportation, living arrangements and return flight purchase.  I also utilized my time up there to have a couple other dates while visiting.

I felt it was fair and not considered taking advantage.  He wanted me earlier than when I intended to come so met him 1/2 way in the scenerio.

Asking for a full ride while going on dates with others though....THAT is really really bad.

Take care,
Ella