I have had a few ladies over the years ask me my marital status during a date and I have always been truthful with them (yes, I'm married, have one son, etc., etc., etc.).  (I realize the irony about not wanting to lie to a provider in response to this question and yet I'm not exactly being faithful to my wife.)  

Here is the question:  why do ladies ask a hobbyist about his marital status?  If the man responds by saying he isn't married, do you believe him?  Also, what is your view about whether a man should wear his wedding ring to a date with a provider.  I always take mine off (not that you couldn't spot the indentation on my ring finger where the ring was from a distance of 10 feet, let alone when you are up close and personal).  Frankly, I worry about losing my ring as a result.  Do the ladies on the board have a point of view as to whether a man should/shouldn't wear his wedding ring on a date with you?

I personally don't care if you wear your ring or not . I believe that is more of a personal decison YOU must make when venturing out.

As far as ladies asking if you are married ... I know I like to know for a few reasons  1 being that a married man is more UNLIKELY to  stalk a provider .
And each  person is different depending on the vibes I get when I speak to you or am around you .
If you make a lady feel un easy then you are subject to being asked some questions .

Happy Holidays

Layla South

I think some ladies are probably just making conversation.

I think some men probably say their single (fear of it ever getting back to SO). Maybe some do not want to look like a bad husband. I think more are probably honest about it. It doesn't matter to me whether or not he's married. I don't want him to think that I'm placing judgement. I am not a judgemental person. We are all human beings that seek intimacy. I'm flattered that he's wanted to see me. I don't ask him questions about his personal life. Instead, I just like to have a good time. Honestly, I don't find it my business. Men do ask the ladies too. It may be uncomfortable for an attached lady as well.

Regarding his wedding ring; I don't mind either way. I find most men do not wear it around me.

I'm single without children for the record.
lol.


-- Modified on 12/13/2007 2:25:09 PM

I have wondered why providers ask, too.  There are lots of things about which to make small talk.  It would seem that marital status should be irrelevant.  That being said, one provider asked me after approx. 5 sessions with her, and when I answered that I was married, she became very upset because she said she thought I was single, but she also admitted that she had not asked before, and that I had not said one way or the  other before, either.  Go figure.

She was probably just interested in you.

Maybe she saw you as potential boyfriend material ?

Maybe she felt close to you and she felt that you are safer to get close to if you are married and she wanted confirmation ....

Maybe she thought you could be a problem but not if you are married and again felt like she could get closer ?

Not sure but if a girl is asking and taking an interest - it is normally for a good reason on your part.

xo lisa butler

I've seen both married and unmarried men in this business.  I've also had men who remove their rings during the session and others who leave them on.  Either way it doesn't bother me although I find it respectful to take it off.  If I was married, I don't think I'd take mine off though hehehehe.

My perspective on why we ask and does it matter.  I may ask to start a conversation or I may ask if they have kids because I have one who is pretty new and it usually is a good conversation to hear about others experiences with raising a child.  Does it matter if you are married to me?  Not at all.  Men were created with a gene that tells them they need to reproduce as much as possible.  Something that's encoded in them and most animals, hehehe not calling you guys animals by any means.  I think because a man hobbies, it doesn't mean he loves his SO any less, he just needs some flavor or is lacking something in the relationship.  Which is why the removal of a ring shouldn't matter.  

Tasha

It is a part of making conversation, tells me a bit about why you are there with me and what you are lacking. With most married men I have noticed its not so much a lack of sex...well it is that as well but more so a lack of Intimacy in their marriage.
weather it be a change of life deal where their partner has lost interest in sex or if they are both too busy raising kids and working ect... Or if they are stuck and just don't care to have sex with each other anymore.
Compared to the Gent who is single and looking for a wild time. Most of my reg gents who are married enjoy the soft touch they are missing in their marriages as much if not more than the hot sex that goes along with it. Wives that won't do certain things the ladies will. There are a great deal of advantages in knowing why they are here. Is it just variety you are interested in, or is it more Intimacy. This helps to direct our time together in the right direction.
If you choose to wear your ring or not...well that is your choice. I have no interest in anything past the paid time and contracted agreement. I go home too to my Sweetheart.

Married, and left my ring on each time I was in Tasha's company.  We've even talked about the local school principal, and how he would react to knowing about her career.

I've often thought that sharing my status was a subtle way of letting a lady know not to leave any stray scents on me.

and I participate in this hobby for a very specific reason.

The ladies I see don't have to ask because I tell them in advance as part of the "get to know me" talks.
I am not ashamed of being married, I don't deny being married, and the ladies I have seen have been very supportive of my decision when they know me.
Most of the ladies I know don't care one way or the other if you're married.

Just my opinion...
B

Speaking of making conversation, towards the end of an appointment, I am frequently asked about what I am doing next or what I am doing in the evening etc. Is this a gentle reminder that I should start thinking about what else I have planned for the day and leave or just conversation? Of course I'd also like to think it's a hint that she wants to spend more time with me but that seems least likely. Heck, even if I had the time how could I presume it's off the clock and if it isn't how am I going to get a hold of additional cash? Such are my idle thoughts.
Sorry for deviating off the topic.

A hobbyist marital status should have NOTHING to do with the hobby.  A provider shouldnt be concerened if your married other than making sure there is nothing left (on you) behind after an appointment.  i.e. lipstick, makeup, long red hairs, scratches (from fun, not harmful..lol)anywhere on the body, perfume, and god forbid, glitter!!....etc. The married men make up the majority of this hobby..if not married, attached in some way.

I would think a provider feeling she "needed" to know would make me a little unnerved..why does it matter, other than what I stated above??

...no need to elaborate.  I think it is a "duh".

I don't bring the subject up, and I remove my ring.  If they ask, I answer truthfully, but I'd really rather not discuss it.

you would have customers lined up to see you even if you claimed to be a Martian hermaphrodite!!!!!LOL.

How long have you been a provider? Do you really have a preference for married men? Why?

Now I know you aren't a provider, I was being sarcastic. There is no way you can make that statement and truly think everyone else will just slap there foreheads and say "oh yeah!".

Prove that married men are better.

b-

If someone asks about marital status, it's probably just to make conversation or to justify some preconceived notion in their brain like why is this cute guy here with me?

Personally, it doesn't matter to me whether guys are married or not. Hell, in the civvie world, if a guy with a gf asks me out, I'll go. If he's happy he wouldn't be with me. Doesn't matter to me either way.

As for the wedding ring, it's cute that you worry, but whether you have a ring on that finger or just a tan line makes no difference to me personally. You're still the same guy with or without it.

Katie

The majority of the gentlemen I see are married. I may ask them about it after I get to know them well during small talk but I try not to make that a topic of discussion, I imagine you may not want to talk about your wife if your coming to see me. I do not think reputable ladies would care if you wore your ring as it is a personal choice as to weather that bothers you or not and as far as them asking...it is basically poor etiquette on a first date in my opinion.

I don’t ask.  Honestly, I don’t think it’s my place to delve into your romantic life.  That is not saying I judge providers who do ask- I agree it is probably just making small talk.  Personally it makes me uncomfortable- we can discuss your wife, if you bring her up, but really I would rather not think about your nuptials while we’re making out, lol.  If you want to broach the subject- fine but otherwise I think its best left unsaid.  I don’t care if a client is married; I have covered before why I think this hobby makes so much sense- no judgments here.  I do care if you’re claiming singledom, trying to seduce me and turn out to be married but that’s a whole other can of worms.

As a sidebar, I also feel this way about discussing the hobby.  I realize that it is a commonality but I really don’t want to discuss the business if at all possible.  I realize for newbies it is somewhat mystical and you want to get knowledge- but asking about other provider’s activities, clients, etc. isn’t kosher in my mind.  IMHO.  I am a GFE- your girlfriend isn’t going to tell you how many men she’s known biblically and I would prefer not to as well.

XO
Melanie

This topic is actually kind of funny as it relates to something that has been happening to me.  I always wear my wedding band.  Personally, I feel that there is nothing gained or lost by lying about it.  Over the last couple of months I've been seeing a provider pretty regularly.  Things started out like your standard provider/hobbyist relationship.  But over the last month, things are starting to develope beyond that.  She does this weird thing where she will alway take my wedding band off while we are fooling around.  She never did that before.

Like the women care about the bedroom skills of the old men who stop by.
Like a provider from Montreal once said, "I smile, lay back, and think about my car payment."

I don't usually ask but then again if it comes up in conversation that is fine. I have a few clients who talk to me about their relationship troubles as well and it's because I am a good listener and someone who is not judgemental. Each person is in this hobby for their own particular reason just as I am a provider for my particular reason. Respect me, and my boundaries and I will respect yours as well. I think it's safe to say that we don't care either way if you take your ring off or leave it on. I personally feel like if you leave it on you have less of a risk of forgetting it or losing it.

agree if you mean by "better" INCREASED ODDS (though not always true) in terms of stablity, increased safety for the provider (e.g stalking issue), maturity, financial resources, social skills etc. Like it or not marriage is a screening process in of itself in most cases, so the provider is using every shortcut she can to access this particular customer

Once I asked a provider who was about to give me a cbj if she would do it without the condom. She then asked me if I was married. When I said no, she kind of cringed. She obviously made the assumption that married guys are fucking far fewer women and/or practicing safer sex than single guys.

like Bob said...I tell them in the "get to know you part."  I leave on my wedding ring.  Nothing to hide.  Frankly, as I've stated on this board previously, if my wife gave me sex I wouldn't hobby.  She's hot looking and i love her.

that this calculation is far from simple. There are many single guys who have had long term marriages end from death or divorce who present far less risk than a married guy. Let's remember that the married guy, in his most important personal relationship, is likely choosing to repeatedly lie, cheat and steal from communal  funds  in order to pursue the hobby; not the best character reference. Moreover, I've heard many stories of SOs, who when they discover the hobby do things to destroy all involved. Point is that this calculus is far far from SIMPLE.

I know that you did not mean that the way it is stated.... but !  wow!  and yes that is one of the  things that I find attractive about you - you are actually a person that I've met...  that makes sessions much more real.

Love the post!

Thank you everyone for your terrific posts and helpful analysis and advice.  As this was the first time I have ever initiated a thread on the board, I wanted to make a point of thanking everyone who responded.  

Now that I have the benefit of everyone else's experience, I think that ladies have asked me about marital status for a variety of reasons, each different.  I developed a close personal connection with one of the ladies and the connection actually got stronger after she asked (I guess knowing I was married -- and loved my wife -- made her feel more comfortable with me).  Another time it came up in casual conversation talking about where we were both from, etc. and was probably just conversation.  

All of your posts were very interesting to read and very helpful.  Thanks again.

Happy holidays to all.

I don't make a point to ask. Actually I get this info volunteered on many occaisions. As for the ring....leave it on, that way you won't forget it.

With my screening methods, I actually find out who is married and who is not. I prefer the married guys for one reason. They have as much to lose as I do. It keeps both of us on a level playing field.

Figures all the progressives are in New York!

I'm only kidding, but I like your take on this the best. I think the woman saying she used it to feel out a stalker-type person, why not just screen that person out all-together.

I honestly think I'd say , that I'd RATHER not say. That way she can assume I'm married, but I don't have to be a moron and lie, even though I'm single, just to make her feel I'm safe...

I hate hearings things like 'that's how I feel a stalker-out' because it makes me feel like people play games out there.

I just get sick of discrimination against 'singles' and just semed like another form of it

-m

Hmmm.. I doubt that, but I guess it's possible. Could just be a mind game to land more cash. Why I take everything with a grain of salt.

-m

You rock girl, as always Nice response.

By the way, you look AMAZING for having a child, I don't believe it! I'll bet you were even smokin hot pregnant eh?

The point is , is it shouldn't matter other than for ice-breaking reasons. IT kind of scares me that some providers use this to judge 'creepy' guys. or guys that make them feel un-easy .. Like socially inept ones like me ...So I am now afraid to say 'single'.. Though I'm sure it's painfully obvious due to my behavior. God knows!

Coming to LA soon?

heh.

-m

Yeah to me it's bull s*** though. Just because I can't make it through the marriage screening process, doesn't mean my hard earned money doesn't deserve me pleasure.  I get why it might be desirable, but my problem is with any provider treating one customer any different than another.

But that's me

-m

Was she under 21, sounds Naive. Being married means even less in these modern times, to some people.

-m

I guess. I still think everyone should be on a level-playing field as long as they meet your screening requirements.

-m

I never ask. Most tell me upfront in conversation, during screening, or on biz dates.

The ring does not bother me at at all, in fact it is a good reminder not to get too carried away at times.

Sara

i ask about marital status for two reasons: 1. to get to know you; 2. i prefer married men, as they are more likely to be discreet and drama-free than their unattached counterparts.

it's very easy to tell when most men are lying, by the way they speak, their tone of voice, etc....if i feel a man is being untruthful when i'm just asking basic questions, i cease communication or contact with that person. a provider is the last person on earth one should feel they have to be dishonest with.

as for wedding rings, i don't care if a man wears one or not, whatever's most comfortable for him.