This issue has perplexed me for some time.  I thought of asking the Love Goddess, but it's a bit out of her realm.  Ladies, do you think it unprofessional or inappropriate to break the fourth wall with a client by seeing him, no charge, for drinks and meals on days that are not PFP days, and refuse to disclose your civvy identity?  Isn't this falsely leading the client on that there is a civvy relationship, when in reality, because her civvy identity is not disclosed, she is really using him to drum up more business from him?  I read through this scam pretty early on, and was somewhat insulted that she had such little respect for me as a person to do this.  If you are genuine about spending civvy time with a client, you break the fantasy and introduce your civvy self, right?  I have a good reason to post this as an alias, which I will disclose when the thread, if there ever is one, is complete.  Thanks.

I have some client friend that I have had drinks and dinner with and they don't know my real name! Why would you think it's a relationship just because you had drinks and dinner?!! That's not leading you on or being deceptive! There are many providers who actually charge clients for dinner and drinks. I don't know if you know this or not. If she wants to do this, she probably likes you as a person, enjoys your company and wanted to do it. I think it's great but if you think she is wrong for not telling you her real name or you feel it's a scam, then don't accept next time the subject comes up. I have had lunch dates with clients, no charge, a few times because I like their company and usually we had much in common. Neither of us ever assumed there was a relationship nor did any of the guys ask my real name. This is an interesting question and it seems there is more to this story. I am sure you will get many more opinions on them and that your questions will be answered.

On the contrary, I think by maintaining her stage identity she is clearly delineating it is not a civvy involvement. And you that is failing to appropriately read the situation.

I don't to see how having dinner with you was a "scam". How is she drumming up business? By spending time with you for no fee? If so, then you should be grateful that she was willing to and I would think it's quite within professional boundaries to do so. That is usually seen as a gracious thank you to a client. Most ladies charge for their dinner time having dinner. You just got two hours of companionship for free and are complaining.

As for "such little respect"... I don't know the entire circumstance, obviously, but for many ladies the intent is the exactly opposite. They spend time off the clock with a gent as a way of thanking them for being a great client.

It sounds like you went into this meeting with unrealistic expectations and are angry that she didn't live up to them.

My name is Anya and that's the only name you need to know. I don't need to hide behind an alias to tell the TER community I have no interest in revealing my real name.

Honestly, I have spent "civvy" time with a few gentlemen off the clock(lunch/coffee). Whenever my time is off the clock, there is NO physical contact and I DO NOT date clients...ever. In fact, that's not even discussed. Why? Because the few men I have spent time with off the clock respect me enough not to ask for free services.

Thanks,
Anya

Some I've gotten to know quite well. Some have told me their real names, some have not. I have been to a couple of ladies' apartments, and even met a husband one time. If they want to tell me any more about their personal lives, they will, but I don't see anything resembling disrespect if they don't. One lady felt comfortable telling me her real name only after she retired, and I still hear from her on occasion.

I have to agree with David8 on this one. There is no black and white, just shades of gray. I've had off the clock time with some ladies, and have become a friend, and confidant, knowing her real name, and even family members. In all cases there was no free sex.  The trick is knowing what you're willing to freely give without any reciprocity on her part, and being willing to only receive from her what's freeing given; and that's of course without mind games or coercion on your part. Leave any damaged or inflated ego at the door.

Spending time with you off the clock as a way to drum up business? Ya think? I can't think of a more inefficient use of my time than to spend 2 hours for free with you, in the hope that you might pay me for an hour of my time.

If she's willing to spend time off the clock with you, it is a pretty good bet that it is because she likes you and enjoys your company. Enjoying your company doesn't obligate her to be any more open with you than she is comfortable with. How much of herself she reveals to you, and when she reveals information is her decision. That is about her boundaries and her comfort level.

On the other hand, if it really bothers you that she does not allow you any insight into her real persona, that is your right as well. Simply decline any further offers of off the clock company. Its up to you.

But is it unprofessional of her to relax the accepted P4P boundaries, while still maintaining her boundaries about her personal life? Absolutely not.

In other words why would you need to know her real name? Why is this misleading? There is no investment in a relationship in anything you've posted about.

You were just getting some free time with her to go eat. Nothing more and nothing less. She owes you nothing, other comfortable meal together if she is the one initiating it.

Me thinks perhaps you are new to this or might be even looking for a relationships with a hooker right out of the gate, and that my friend, ain't going to happen. If it did, if I were you I'd run for the hills. Since that is not the case, enjoy the meal, bring another envelope for another great session if you enjoy her sexually, OR move on.

This sound all way too weird and could be the seeds of a stalker. I hope I'm wrong.

If you don't want to spend OTC time with her, then don't.

She doesn't owe you anything for a OTC time.  You should be grateful that she was willing to spend it with you.

It does not mean she is necessarily interested in having an SO relationship; it simply means she likes you enough to spend more time with you.

In your place I would be grateful for her company, her interest. I would consider that being on friendly terms would add to the client / provider experience, as well as being, at its most basic, an honor...

**** IF ****

a certain level of *mutually acceptable* boundary is kept in place....

The experience of being with a provider is a fantasy, after all. When it's really really good it is a fantasy for *both* parties.

Why do you want to ruin what you've got by getting your nose out of joint because she won't tell you her "civvy" name?

Somehow I bet that you want some limitations on her involvement in your life....

Geesh....

It's just a salesperson having lunch with a client.

I sell my consulting services. That means sometimes I charge people for my time by the hour. If I have a lunch with a client and they want to discuss a certain amount of that sort of thing and it is off the clock -- that's fine. But that doesn't obligate me to reveal jack shit about my personal life.

Why should it be any different for a provider?

I get along great with clients. Some of them I like as people. But it is the RARE client who gets to visit my home. Capisce? Again -- why would a provider be any different?

You are reading WAY too many expectations into this and if you don't get a clue, you'll likely damage what little may exist.

This stuff exists on a continuum ranging from a torrid love affair to latex gloves for everything. David and Matt are totally right about that.

Just ease up and RELAX and don't sweat this. Okay?

Most men who ask if we will dine with them
are also saying thank you for letting them
be a client .

Sounds like he thinks providers will only
go with him if something is in it for them
such as a review??

We're people and human . Detaching from the
business to dine with someone is important.
If you don't and only go into it with one
thing in mind ( what do I get) in my opinion
it makes for a bad business person. That goes
for both hobbyist and provider.

Huh? Now there are rules for off the clock time? Sorry but no, the lady is never under any obligation to give you her real identity. Ever.  

I'm not quite sure how seeing a customer fro drinks helps a lady drum up business but if you feel that she is somehow taking advantage of you by seeing you off the clock why not simply say no thank you the next time the topic comes up?

I see a girl in South Jersey when I am working in the area.  I have known her for six years but I still don't know her real name.  When she was retired from escorting for a couple of years we still met for dinner when I was in the area but I used the same name and phone number to contact her as I did when she was escorting.  It's the ladies choice.

I am new to this and confused.  I have only one review, her, and did not want her disclosed so I aliased.  If I already had the correct answer I would not have sought adfice.  Thanks for your help or  scorn whichever it was.

where you're coming from. Knowing that you were new, and hence confused, may have changed how you were responded to. Also, you'll get the same level of advice, but without some of the scornful attitude, on the newbie board.

You are welcome. You made the right call to use an alias. Whoever she is, she doesn't need the unwanted attention, and she doesn't need every other gentleman expecting extra time as a matter of course. Kudos to you for that. Take care and enjoy a little extra time when offered. I don't necessarily agree with those who think a man should be grateful per se, after all it is their time too. But do appreciate that time off the clock is a rarity, and in general it is a compliment to you. You must have done something right for her to want to spend her personal time with you

Exactly.I did forget to mention that
when prying into our personal lives
asking whats your real name or is Angela
or Sophi your real name ... it is crossing the
line.

I am sure you can make that any clearer.

  For me personally, it would depend on a lot of things....While there are a very few people who are in my "circle of Trust" who I go out to dinner or lunch with OTC, I keep that down to a minimum because I have to keep a low profile out there in the real world.  It's not that the offers aren't appreciated but it would be kinda hard to explain why I was with someone other than my SO.  

 Many ladies charge for dinner dates, but I am not one of them..With the exception of a few guys who are genuine friends and I have known for years, I prefer not to do dinner dates, even if someone wants one as part of a session and it's just because there is too much of a risk of me running into someone from my regular job, or school, or somewhere else in my "normal life"


 Some guys are going to assume there is a relationship there, some aren't.  She is definitely not wrong for not telling you her real name or giving out all sorts of personal information.  Everyone values their privacy, and while you probably wouldn't use her information for anything nefarious, there are plenty of guys out there who would.

At the end of the day, everyone has their own comfort zone.