TER General Board
Re: Need advice - support group for a provider
Dangerzone411.com too -
Lots of help on how to deal with stalkers and how to stay away from abusive men like that-
Poor girl 
She and her friend should report this. The cops are not too interested in busting her but are interested in a violent home invasion assault. Those thuds targeted her because they beleive she will not report it.
My sympathies to her and her friend.
Not sure where to go but I've been seeing a provider but the relationship has changed and we are seeing each other in a less formal way. On a regular basis I bring her breakfast and we sit and talk, nothing more. However, this morning when I arrived, I was in for a shock. A friend (female) was visiting her during the weekend and someone called in for a meeting. She let him up and he showed up and showed a knife and let 2 guys in whom had not been seen on the camera. They demanded the money and electronics. My sp gave them all she had and pointed out the electronics. However, her friend had nothing as she does not work out of the location and apparently they really worked her over. She ended up in the hospital and lost a tooth plus severe bruised. My sp only received a scratch on her chin and some slight physical trauma.
There has been some notice that a few of the girls in the area have been attacked like this and I previously had asked my sp to get a couple of cans of pepper spray or mace and hide them in locations and not to use the chain lock but only the dead bolt in case she needed to make a quick exit.
She told me that the caller had called from a private number and she had thought about it at the time but he was in the lobby area so she thought he had seen her before and gave it no thought.
She spent Sunday at the hospital with her friend and is closed today and tomorrow to nurse her friend. They did not report it to the police.
She is very nervous now and quite afraid. I will be spending whatever available time I can with her to support her but I think she needs a support group of experienced persons to help her and probably her friend through this. Is there such a group?
That is a horrible story. I mean to me these girls are the salt of the earth, and deserve to be treated with the utmost respect, so shit like this pisses me off.
If I were you I wouldn't pick up the pieces, do some internet searches, I think there is an ad on this site for counseling that I saw. You don't want to get involved in this, be supporting, but I'd probably get her as much help as you can, and check up on her, but slowly work your way out of her life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I think be-friending a provider on that level is probably a bad move. I was an aquiaintance to a stripper once, and it was god-awful, I cannot reccomend it. Of course, some of these girls are finely-adjusted ladies, but there is a lot of mental baggage here just like there is alot with us hobbyists (not all.. ) .
I think both strippers and providers are wonderful people, that being said, and enjoy their company, but your kind of getting bit for what happens when you get in 'too deep'. So it's NOW your responsobility to help since you put yourself out there, but I'd just lead her to water, help her take a few drinks, then maybe just follow up to make sure her mental health is ok. She's not overall your responsobility though.
-M
She and her friend should report this. The cops are not too interested in busting her but are interested in a violent home invasion assault. Those thuds targeted her because they beleive she will not report it.
My sympathies to her and her friend.
Yes, go to the police. And call every single day, if you have to, until they do something about it. And if that doesn't work, have your friends call, and their friends, and the news and the newspapers. The police whom we pay to Protect and Serve often have little sympathy for prostitutes. They take the reports and file their paper work, but often nothing is actually done about the problem.
To wit: in Texas (a state with very strict sexual offense laws and an extremely permissive attitude toward prostitution) a man has raped and robbed an undisclosed number of escorts over the last several years. Each time, he would threaten the lady with a gun, show her a fake police badge and threaten to take her to jail unless she had sex with him. In several cases he made more dire threats, implying the woman would be harmed or killed unless she complied.
In spite of the fact that there are complete police reports and rape kits for each incident, the man has yet to be convicted of a crime. Why? Because prostitutes are considered to be unreliable witnesses, immoral people, and in this particular case, were perceived to be lying because of a financial dispute with said client. Hmmmm. That's a lot of financial disputes. That's a lot of women who didn't know each other, making up the exact same lie in order to slander this obviously upstanding man, just to try and milk him for an extra hundred bucks...
In case you want to lend your voice to help close this still unresolved set of cases, the perpetrator's legal name is Steve Edward Fobbs. Send letters of outrage to:
Criminal District Attorney
Craig Watkins
Frank Crowley Courts Building
133 N. Industrial Blvd., L.B. 19
Dallas, TX 75207-4399
In another recent case a prostitute was brutally beaten and gang raped at gunpoint, having previously agreed over the phone on a price for sex with one or more clients. In court, the judge found that no rape had been committed because the girl agreed in advance to have sex for a price with at least one of the individuals. Her verdict was "theft of services."
I find this reprehensible, and am appalled that the police/courts give so little consideration to the rights of these women, simply because they are sex workers.
Sorry for getting up so high on my soap box, but I, too have been a victim of assault by a client, and even though I pressed charges nothing was ever done. Even though there was clear evidence, and video surveillance, the cops reasoned it away by saying that this poor guy has a family and you [evil whore] don't really want to cost him his family and his job, do you?????
So I lend my voice and my support when ever I can, hoping that some day people wake up and realize that we are valuable people who deserve the same protection as secretaries and bus drivers and sales clerks.
and he just talks to the voicemail.
unfortunately providers are far too interested in telling other providers what they did wrong when something like this happens so your sp probably doesnt even want to admit it.
but she may find some helpful links and resources at http://www.swopusa.org
the dec 17th link goes to the part of the site i just designed as II Tough Media. it is the international day to end violence against sex workers
she'll find the sponsor links to be very helpful as they are all organizations on an international, national and local level that in some way, shape or form help support the cause.
swopusa is still getting organized but theres quite a bit of useful information and i believe maybe she'll find some comfort as well.
Dangerzone411.com too -
Lots of help on how to deal with stalkers and how to stay away from abusive men like that-
Poor girl
This is a horrible thing to happen and I feel sorry for the lady. This should also teach providers and hobbyists alike why VERIFYING is so important. Imagine if the provider had all the information on this guy, phone number, work place, etc...
b-
If you're near a big or good-sized city, there are undoubtedly a number of NGOs that specialize in assistance to providers, including victims of abuse, legal services, support, etc. Some of them are national, but they tend to be small and very busy. The way to start is to google, under sex workers or something like that and you'll find them. If they think they can help, they will want to talk to the ladies directly and won't discuss anything with any go-between, no matter how well-intentioned you might be. So you could sleuth out some contact people and numbers and pass on the info. Hope this helps.
What makes even worse is that the crime goes unreported therefore unpunished. The creeps will do it again. The ladies are being victimized a second time because of their profession. It is a perfect lead in to PTSD.
for the advice, support and links. I've tried to get her to report it but, she is more afraid of the police than the attackers. I agree it needs to be reported if for no other reason so word gets out as this can happen to others and eventually it could be fatal. No one for any reason should be or deserves to be so abused. At the moment I'm concerned about the emotional scarring and trauma as this has affected her quite visibly and it could become a permanent problem she does not receive help. I'm not qualified to deal with the emotional scars and trauma and that's why I came here.
Mminaton, I hear and understand your caution as to the relationship that has developed but at this time it is not the issue and withdrawal from emotionally supporting her at this time could be damaging.
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