TER General Board
Re: Mostly for the ladies... Failing a screening?
it depends on why he failed the screening. If its just a matter of needing more info, I will ask for it and will respond to additional inquiries. However, if he fails because he's dangerous or stalkerish type .....all communication ceases. It's best to end those type of situations quickly and quietly.
So, it's not going to be any big surprise why I am posting this with an alias.
If a guy "fails" a screening or his references, do you let him know or do you just ignore his further inquiries as to status?
it depends on why he failed the screening. If its just a matter of needing more info, I will ask for it and will respond to additional inquiries. However, if he fails because he's dangerous or stalkerish type .....all communication ceases. It's best to end those type of situations quickly and quietly.
If a gent fails my screening just do to my preferences, I will email him letting him know I won't be able to see him.
But if a gentleman fails my screening due to a provider alert, unsafe practices or any other issues concerning my saftey, I won't contact him again.
However, every provider has her own way of dealing with it.
~Bella
As non-communication because of a failed screening is indistinguishable (from the hobbyist's perspective) from non-communication due to poor business practices; a provider can end up on a hobbyist's "do not call list" just because she didn't get back to a hobbyist because of an inadvertently deleted voicemail.
Me, I only contact a provider once. (Maybe a second time via another avenue, depending.) If I don't hear back from her, I assume she doesn't want my business for whatever reason and she goes on my "do not call" list. I must make that assumption.
As demand for providers exceeds supply; the provider is not economically harmed by my personal policy in that regard. There are plenty of providers out there, and I simply take my business where it is wanted. (Or, at least, where the provider cares enough to be on top of her business contacts.) Everybody wins, nobody loses.
This is partly tongue in cheek but the essentials are real.
In all my screenings to now providers have accepted my middle and last name as part of the information to be submitted. I never submited my first name since I am easily Googled as Beresford Tipton: you can find my corporate history, social netwrok contacts up to and including my children and ex spouses ex girlfriends. Basically with Beresford Tipton you know who the hell I am and practically everyone I know. I have done this quite freely since I respect the risks providers undergo.
However I recently had a provider who insisted on my complete first name as part of the screening. I refused to give it. First of all I am a bit embarrassed by Jovian (my uncle is John). If you Google on "Jovian Beresford Tipton" you get additional information about me involving charities and finances that I regard as sensitive and more private than my friends and family contacts. (They know I'm a dog already. When I announced to my children that I was contemplating a happy midlife crisis via compensated dating they got me a designer cologne-deodorant-watch set for Father's Day.)
So although certainly safe and easily identifiable by my middle and last name did I commit some terrible breach by refusing my fisrt name as recorded on my driver's license?
I mean how many Beresford Tipton's can there possibly be who live in my zip code at my address? Don't answer. I already know. One (1) i.e. none other and it is me.
I have over 6 references.
if your willing to post it here that makes it hard to understand why you didn't just tell it to her.
The her take a lot of risks, their freedom, their safety, etc.
Yes guys risk a lot as well, mainly their family and rep.
I have already decided to answer every question honestly.
But that's just me.
Well first of all J_Beresford_Tipton is not my name. Aside from that I've no argument with anything you say. If you imply that I have answered questions DIS-honestly you'd be mistaken.
I have given my middle and last name to every provider I've seen. That alone _completely_ identifies me. My name is very unusual and highly Googleable. I even stated my reasons _why_ my first name was off limits. Plus I indicated truthfully that if she Googled on middle and last name she'd find my first name anyway.
Since there was no additional value to her security (or mine) by giving my first name I decided that the discussion was more about her power, her control, and my _submission_. On that basis I decided that the _chemistry_ would probably not be right and decided to move on. I don't like dates where it is _required_ that I be the submissive LOL!
BTW if you think that only the ladies risk their safety, you need to think again.
I let the guy know as nicely as I can that either is reference is not a reputable provider or that she has not gotten back to me. BUT from personal experience, sometimes the guys take it to mean something negative about them and try and get back at you.... ie writing a fake bad review or bad mouthing you in back channels.
So not sure why they take it personal but they shouldn't. Each gal has different screening and what may be okay with one may not be with another. So if you "fail" with one, just move on to the next on your "to do" list.
never know if it's the real reason anyway.
Let's say she said that the ref. didn't check out, aren't you just going to wonder "maybe it's me, I didn't do/say the right thing, etc"
Ladies don't pass you on screening or cancel for a million personal reasons, don't take it personally, just find someone who wants to see you.
Just my thoughts at 6:45am
If I have written reviews can that clear me if a past provider does not respond in a timely manner?
The answers will vary from lady to lady. If you don't hear back from one, all you know is that you're not going to see her.
If it's a repeated thing, then you should start to get concerned. I've got white listings, plenty of reviews, and good references. Still, sometimes I don't hear back. So far, my money has remained green, and someone still wants it, so I'm not too concerned.
cant tell a guy he got a bad reference for fear that he'll retaliate.
plus once a guy knows he's on a dns list, he'll just change his phone#, handle, etc.
if you fail screening and we tell you why, then that just teaches you what you did wrong and you might figure out how to get around it the next time.
i normally tell a guy that i'm not taking new clients right now... but when they get insistent or question me, i have to ignore.
its troubled territory
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