Ok, last week I had a lengthy session with a TER Top 100 lady. Very well known, obviously extremely well reviewed, stunningly beautiful, really nice, impeccable reputation, the whole package. We met for dinner, hit it off instantly, had dessert (the real kind!), great bottle of champagne, etc. Went back to her incall, amazing sex. So much fun. One of the best times I ever had. So whats the problem?

With about 1/2 hour remaining, we were talking about the business and she started crying. She said the "weight" of the business was getting to her i.e. the moral dilemma side. I was kinda stunned for she isnt a newbie. So I stayed and held her and really had a personal moment with her. We went WAY over our scheduled time.

She called me the next day to thank me for everything and we talked more about her dilemma. She said she struggles badly with the lying to friends/family with what she does, etc. She thought she would get use to it over time but hasnt. My advice was she should think about leaving the business if it pains her so. Her preference is to stay but not sure.

After we chatted, I sent her an email asking her if she would mind if I put her issue up on TER to see if the ladies and the guys could offer her some advice on dealing with what she feels. To see if others fell the same way. I have never had this kind of in depth an emotional chat with a provider about this topic so I dont have much advice. I/she was hoping some of the ladies could chime in and give their thoughts on how they deal with this How they got over it if it was a problem, that sort of thing.

She just got back to me today giving me the ok, provided of course, I dont reveal her identity. She does not post on the general board. Well TER types, a great lady needs your help. What are your thoughts?

that isn't that clear to me.

Does she have the problem with what she does, or does she have a problem with others having a problem with what she does?

In other words, is she taking on the responsibility for what others think rather than standing up for what she does?

I can see the pressure of concealing her life being a pain, but not in the angst-ridden way you seem to describe it.  It's just a cost of doing busness, so to speak.

It sort of bums me out that others might be the source of her woes, rather that she deciding that morally, she should not be selling sex.

I've gotten to know many escorts well over the last 30 something years, and I only recall one or two who expressed their woes with the situation.  One on account of the fact that she wanted to find a boyfriend, but couldn't see doing so if she was working.  The other got involved in their church and decided escorting was wrong.

Both left the buiness, but continue to see me as an exception to their rule.

Probably time for the old scrap heap. She's had too many dip sticks and oil changes

If she's burned out to the point where she's crying, it's time for her to hang up her Loubies.  It's not worth it if it makes her unhappy.

Sounds like your friend is burned out in this business.This could happen to providers as well as gents.
We have seen some gents who have posted here in the past that they need a break that goes for providers as well.Sounds like she needs to take some time off or a brief vacation to see if this is a business that she wants to continue in.Not every lady is cut out for this business sometimes the stress of leading a double life and being a certain type of way with family/friends/coworkers and then have to be another way to succeed in this business can be too much.

When I first got started in this business it did take me some time to get over having to make up a story to friends and family about my occupation.Does it get better?Well,it all depends on the person some can separate that this is a business and that is it and for some the guilt is just too much for them.
They take a break and come back refreshed with a new mind set or they get out of the business.
She needs to talk to someone even if it is another provider she is friendly with I think there are quite a few  providers who have struggled with this situation.

Work is a solid 75% of your waking hours -- so if you hate your job no matter what that job is -- it's not worth the money.

She has to be real with herself and find out what she enjoys doing in life and then go out and obtain the skills necessary to be paid for it. If she enjoys hair and make up, then become a beautician, and work in a salon. If she enjoys marketing, then go back to school. I mean the opportunities are endless.

To me, it sounds obvious that she doesn't want to be an escort anymore -- so the advice is simple -- stop being an escort. What I don't know have enough info on is what does she want to do with her life.

It is very common for providers to have a strong faith, spiritual belief, that directly contradicts what we do here, and I admit I am one of those people. How do I deal with that struggle? I have an exit strategy. If she feels she is somehow "stuck" here, it is no wonder it is killing her inside. Perhaps she longs for a normal life of a husband who does not cheat, kids, picket fence, etc. but she can't seem to find a way to let this go. Be it for financial or emotional reasons, many women stay here knowing it is not what they want. I doubt only money is the driving factor for many, because quite frankly you can be successful at most any business if you have that same drive for it, as you do for this.

I don't know her story, so without knowing all of the details, it is hard to give a one size fits all answer, but I will concede that she is probably done with the business, and can't seem to get out. If that is the case, there are ways but it takes hard work. Seeing a guy for an hour and making a week's salary, is a lot easier than actually working for those 40 hours in some job you are bored with, but if it eats away at your soul, time to take steps to get out.

Most women who have a handle on this business are those who do it on the side...they don't care about their rankings, because being the top hooker is not their only goal in life. For many women, that need for approval is what keeps them here. Call me crazy, but men that are 30 years older than me telling me I am a 10, is not exactly reassuring lol. For some, they actually believe what guys who pay to fk them, say about them.

I've heard this story far too many times...and it is a shame.  There's NO right answer here...as each gal has to find her own way out of this.

But as I said yesterday...many don't and then end up being 35 for years and years and years!

Oh...and guys telling hookers they are hot...isn't just reserved for hookers.  If guys don't tell their SO/wife/GF they're hot...not a good recipe for a LTR!  Women seem to always need to hear that drivel  LOL

She is low volume and likes what she does. Its the outside, societal/family pressures that are hurting her. The "good girls" dont do such a thing mind fuck. And I dont think her crying means she has to retire either. I'd be willing to guess if every women who ever cried about the biz retired, all us guys weould be left with is porn and and blow up dolls.

You commented that you haven't experienced this much...but this is far from an uncommon occurrence.

Some of the hookers use it for personal reasons...and maybe there is more to your story than you've shared thus far?

The family/friends not knowing...yeah...heard that story many times.  Along with the crying game.

Keep your wallet at home next time you see her...maybe that will alter her perceptions of sharing this part of her life with you.

Someone she can develop a rapport with, perhaps a woman who is at least the same age.

Nothing in the OP spoke to how long or what her volume might be, but somehow you decided it was "obvious" to you.

I would agree that she has probably reached a point where she should look at retiering, but not based upon how many people you think she has or hasn't seen.

Back to the original question.

The real question I would ask her, is does she have an exit strategy, and is she in a position to leave?  Too many ladies don't.  From what you describe she should:

(1) figure out what she wants to do with the rest of her life

(2) decide what it takes to do that

(3) estimate how close she is to being able to leave

(4) have an honest discussion with herself about why she doesn't stop; is it really the money, or something(s) else?

(5) another discussion with herself about what it specifically is that she is uncomfortable with; the deception, or the work itself?  It may well make a difference.  If it is just the double life thing, some ladies go the "benefactor" route with one or two guys she is "dating", and that is a story line some friends of mine openly tell their parents, co workers, etc.  The guys are introduced as "boyfriends" and she explains to her family that she likes them both and isn't ready to decide between them.  If it is more than the double life, that may not fit her situation.

When she is in a position to walk away financially, she will likely find that the decision (either way) is much easier to make.

I wish her the best in resolving her situation.  She is far from alone in those thoughts.  Posting on a ladies only board might find some others who can share their lessons.

Many people in various professions are not altogether happy with their job each and every day, so why would this one be any different? Just because she hit a low point that day with the OP, does not mean that is how she feels about this job EVERY DAY. If she is a top 100 provider, most of which can command at least 600 per hour, I doubt she is lining the clients up, because it is rare to find more than a few guys a week willing to spend that. It is more likely that her real life, does not line up with this one.

Be that religious beliefs, her wanting a relationship she can't get whilst doing this, or simply wanting to not fk random strangers for money anymore, I don't think it is fair to say she is "burned out" just because she hit a low point. We don't really know how she feels 24/7, and once again I don't know anyone who loves every single aspect of their job unless they are void of emotion.

I find it comical that hookers are the ONLY people who are yelled at about hating their jobs, when we express ANY form of distaste for a certain aspect of the business.

I understand from your post that you don't think she's burned out and/or hates her work. But that it's difficult for her to explain and account for her time with friends and family. I think madiba51's advise is spot on. She won't be judged by a therapist, that person will simply help her develop the tools to compartmentalize, and it seems to me from your description that this is what she needs. I think it's a shame that any of us needs to explain our actions to others, especially family who should give us unconditional love and support.

And many sleepless nights over the stress. But it pays in the high 6 figures and difficult to replace so I endure. The solace is that in a few years I will be debt free and able to retire.

My suggestion is that if she has provided this long why not endure  a few years, pay off some debt and then get out.

The problem isn't with her; there is nothing wrong with what we do. It's a job, like any other. The only difference is that society tells us over and over and over that women should only LOOK like sex objects, while in reality, we need to be virgins/virginal/chaste if we want to be looked upon as valuable. Pussy is property that must be carefully guarded.

And yes, "valuable" and "property" are adequate and fitting words. This stems back to the days of women-as-property, when women had no (or little) say in who they married. They were property of their fathers until they got married and became property of their husbands. (You can still see this by the walking down the aisle of the bride and her father, being "given" to the husband, in traditional marriage ceremonies held even today.) A virgin was worth more than a woman who'd had sex, since the man knew any offspring would actually be his.

Since I started the business, I've been honest to my loved ones about what I do. There has been only one time that I have lied to someone I care about, and it tore me up inside. The way I see it is, if they actually love me and care about me, they will accept me for who I am and what I do, and that includes escorting. The way I make money doesn't say anything about ME as a person. If someone wants to judge me for what I do, and look down on me for doing it, then that is not a person I want in my life. Maybe I'm blessed in that the few people in my life who I care about accept me no matter what. But if they didn't, it would hurt, but I would move on. I don't need negativity and judgement from others in my life.

From what you've said, it doesn't sound like it's the actual escorting that is the problem; it is that she feels the need to lie to her loved ones in order to keep on working. I can certainly understand how much weight this can add to a person's life, how much of a burden it is- I only lied to one person, and felt horrible about it.

So, I really see three options here: 1) she comes out to her friends and family about it. This would certainly be no easy feat, but she will surely find out who accepts her totally and who doesn't. 2) She continues living a double-life, and tries to find ways to make this easier. (I have no suggestions on how to do this besides to get in the mindset that it's no one's damn business but her own.) 3) She takes a break and tries to decide what she really wants to do- continue escorting and lead a double life.

If it were me (and you said she doesn't want to stop escorting), I'd go with number one. There's little doubt that some people just won't be able to handle this, and will be hurt by it. It will be a very difficult time, especially since these people will not only be contending with what she does, but the fact that she has lied about it. There will likely be a ton of emotional drama to deal with and confront, and so she should make sure she has spent some time bracing herself for the backlash. She will have to accept the fact that there is a good chance some people in her life simply won't be able to accept this about her, and will remove themselves from her life. While this sucks, the upside to it would be that she will learn who truly accepts her, and will have those who don't weeded out from her life. When we let go of the old, including relationships that no longer work, it is hard, but eventually, once the pain subsides, it creates a new space from which we can open ourselves to new possibilities, new friendships.

The best upside, however, is that once it's all out in the open, it will be a huge burden taken from her shoulders, to not have to lie anymore, to not feel the need to live a double-life. She can be free to be the person she wants to be, and if other people don't like it, fuck 'em.

If she does take this route, I would suggest to her that she get some sort of social support system in place beforehand: anyone who already knows what she does, other escorts- especially locally who she can talk to, and to start with those she thinks will be most accepting (and won't run right out and blab to everyone else before she is ready to tell them). Also, if I were her, I would only tell those closest to me. The whole world doesn't need to know; I don't go around announcing to people what I do for a living.

I wish her the best- none are easy options. But like I said, what we do is not wrong, it's not some evil thing. She is not a bad person for being in this line of work, and she should keep this in mind when/if anyone tries to convince her otherwise.

She has no issue with the morality of what she does. None. She told me it is the strain/stress of contantly having to come up with a cover story, another lie, another b.s. story to friends and a very conservative family about what she does. She was really fun during dinner, laughing, smiling, etc. She clearly loves what she does. She tries to balance the stress vs. the fun and she said on some days, not most, the stress wins over the fun. Now, I also only met her one time, spoke with her on the phone once and emailed her 5 or 6 times. So I am not an expert on this lady's total life. Like all of us, we are much more complex than a few threads on a sex board. But I see guys on this board who struggle with stress of running around, lying, etc. So while I dont have any experience with this on the provider side, this doesnt seem odd to me that this lady would struggle with some of the same/similiar issues.

It's pretty clear that if she broke down with you, a random client, that this has been weighing on her for a while.  And at some point, the money just isn't enough to offset the cost she has been paying.  It's pretty clear she is at this point.

She needs to ask herself what keeps her doing this.  Does she have an exit strategy?

you can be her counselor or her lover..you can NEVER be both..your choice..

Get a prescription for xanax or valium and stop worrying about what other people think. Until those other people start paying her bills, it's her life and her decision.

I agree with your insights, but the problem of escorting is somewhat complex. This business fulfils a man's fantasy and does trivialize complex human emotions by marketing a fantasy. Though sex and human emotions were not delinked by mother nature.

This is not our usual commerce based on a product, as we seek or provide instant human intimacy and money. To some extent men may separate sex and emotions, women do find it more challenging and seems to burn out earlier then men involved in this business. I empathize with her dilemma and hope she can find a way out without taking too much stress.

sounds to me like you are trying to make HER personal issues YOURS..to get involved even slightly with these ladies personal issues will surely drive you insane..it is really none of your business..do not try to make it YOUR business..

1. There are times, even prolonged times when people have had it.  I am a really busy doc who specializes in old people (average age of my patients=87.)  I am very very close with my patients for reasons that are unimportant here.  I lose more patients than most because of their age.  There are many family tragedies (death of children or grandchildren is hardest.) I work harder than I ever have.  After a two weeks "on" with night calls, 14 days working straight, etc. I am physically exhausted and somewhat sleep deprived, There are times I feel like I should just quit, but at the base I love what I do and would never stop as long as I am able to give good care.
2. There is a question of the lady's financial health if she quits. (I can quit with no big money worries any time)
3. There is also the fact that it is hard to tell from a moment like you have shared, important tho that was, how deeply it reflects total realty.  

I hopes she can look past the judgement of others and any passing clouds and make her own decision without hardship or regret. None of us can really help.

When did I try to make it my business? She broke down to me. She wanted to see people's responses to her dilemma. Maybe it is cathartic for her to see how many women on this thread have typed out lengthy responses out of care/concern for her. Thats why I posted this, to get the women in who can relate to her situation, and me out, who cannot.

Hello bluepillman ,

I first want to tell you that I admire you for showing your concern it says alot about you and the kind sensitive man that you are. I am surprised to see someone become involved . I am sure you now
seem like a friend to the woman in mention so should she break away can you digest that or will it put where you feel that you want to continue with someone ( her ) as you shared a wonderful evening with someone you had chemistry with?


Hello Provider Out There :

You sharing part of your emotions with bluepillman says that you felt  alot of trust in him, enough to openly share part of your real world with him and he sounds quite special , respectful and discrete which is to be admired in him . Special people are hard to come by in this industry. It would be hard to forget him should you retire I would hope that cutting each other off would be with understanding as it is always difficult to leave the best people behind too. Can you?
 
I gather from reading bluepillman's post that you really need time away from this industry and should by all means take it where perhaps long overdue. Waiting until everything is just right is not the way to
start a new way to seek income. No one day is ever perfect. Obstacles, responsibilities and challenges
are always going to e knocking at your door. You seem to have had your inner voice tell you to earn a civi income in a civi world and you can. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow  stronger each day.

If you have a skill  or a degree you already have confidence to begin and to be successful.If not your resources are out there if continuing education is a need,help is there .You can meet your basic needs
if you are well known and have saved , invested and have returns. If not you can slowly meet your basic needs while persuing other avenues for your future.It's not impossible its change and sometimes change is good for us.

You sound like a really wonderful person who was raised with morals and good people around you. Seems like you are kept so busy you are missing your family and maybe they miss you too if you remain busy in this industry having to cover up why you cannot make some functions with them might be having you feeling so overwhelmed and afraid of losing the special people in your life it brings you to tears and if you have emotions already,it says alot about you and that you
didn't let this industry give you a thick skin yet.    

If you are in a financially comfortable situation where you can meet your own basic needs for awhile do
depart long enough to look into your future. Follow your goals piece yourself together and if it works for you be happy and if at times you feel like you need the hobby maybe you can work with only certain people who would understand, be supportive and happy for you when you have made the change.
It is not easy to do what needs to be done cold turkey.It does look like you should start somewhere.
If you are drivin you will do it.But it won't be done in a month or two it takes time and commitment.
I think it's in you to care enough about yourself to share with us today.

Angela

From your comments, I don't think she particularly hates being an escort. I think she hates the stress caused by making up all sorts of stories to keep her conservative family from finding out. I do NOT think it's a good idea to out herself to her family as a way of relieving the stress. There is no way of knowing how her family would react to such a revelation - they might understand but they'll most likely judge her and being judged in such a bad way by her own family would be devastating.

She needs to see a professional therapist and her minister if she's religious. Hookers and johns are definitely not the correct people to be giving moral advice.

...." I find it comical that hookers are the ONLY people who are yelled at about hating their jobs, when we express ANY form of distaste for a certain aspect of the business."....

Because it translates to each hobbyist  who reads stuff like that...could it be that when she is with me she is not having as good a time as I am? Then they get all defensive and start telling her she is crossed off the to do lists(yeah London we love those types), and she should just up and quit or go flip burgers.

I think it's those hard core / professional hobbyists that have the hardest time with any escort who mentions some aspect of the job she might find distasteful/difficult/ or down right gross.

Yes, I totally understand it's all very complex. I'm lucky enough to have family who accept what I do- I told my mother from the start (because I wanted someone to know what was going on in case anything went wrong). And, I have a small family and few friends, so my own situation is a lot different from some of the ones other ladies face, those with a ton of friends, conservative families, etc.

I agree about separating emotions, but it doesn't seem like that's her issue: it's more the fact that she has to hide what she does, which is a very difficult way to go through life. I empathize as well, and do hope she finds peace in some way with this.

You said, "Though sex and human emotions were not delinked by mother nature." Can you clarify what you meant here?

There are a lot of assumptions going on. All of which seems to be directly tied to the work she does when, reality is, most people have bad days and want to quit their jobs every now and then. I know I do. But that doesn't mean quitting my job is the answer. Sometimes it just means I've had a bad day.

As far as this concept of having an 'exit strategy'? This is hardly specific to sex work. And, my guess is that if this woman was in any other line of work, responses to this OP would be different. Lots of people would love to retire tomorrow. But can't. At least not they way they would like to. Such is life. Doesn't mean they hate their job.

And, you don't have to be in 'this business' to experience your personal life not completely aligning with your professional life. I experience that to some degree all the time. Unfortunately, being queer can still bring out the worst in 'some' people. Regardless of anti-descrimiination laws, crossing the wrong person can still potentially be a career limiting maneuver. Professionally speaking, I've generally found it best that I not advertise that too loudly. At the same time, I find it very frustrating because it's not something I "should have to" hide.  

I completely 'get' how shitty it feels having to worry about other people's ignorance (especially when it's those closest to you---like your family). It is truly tiresome, and can wear anyone down over time.

If I met this woman in person, I would highly encourage her to seek out other providers, and try to establish a closer support network. Sharing personal experiences, with other people who have the same obstacles, can make a very positive difference in your attitude.

Yep...only "hardcore professional hobbyists"

If you keep telling yourself that the johnnie boys YOU see aren't...you'll believe it  LOL

How's that civvy job coming along?  Since you hate being a hooker  

And in that context she is a hooker complaining to the john about her hooker related issues....

Seems that the replies are to that context.

But go ahead and project that the whole world is against the hookers...and on this board nothing could be further from the truth.

If you had any clue how often the gals "reach out" to some of "us"..yes, those "professional hobbyists".

And guess what toots...you and your man hating pal have no fucking clue.

Some gals actually see the "guys" as a real source of information....as in how to actually exit this world.

Those gals don't hate the very johns who support them...yet see a much brighter future not fucking men for bucks.  But aren't afraid to ask those of "us" who can actually show them how to achieve their goals in life.

Yep...even "professional hobbyists"  LOL  

Maybe if you want I'll see if the Grand Poobah will allow you and your man hating pal to attend one of the meetings.  You'll fit right in  LOL

No worries...no beauty contest on the next meeting.

how, exactly, am I projecting that the whole world is "against the hookers"?

And, what? You think I have no clue about my own personal experience? Or, is it that you think I'm incapable of relating to a similar experience?  

Did you even read what I said?

oh never mind. It wouldn't matter one bit what I said,  right?

and i quote" i sent her an email asking her if she would mind if i put her issue up on TER"..if any of my providers confided in me..that is our business..i would never air out her personal issues for any discussion whatsoever..what happens behind closed doors..stays behind closed doors..she never wanted anyone else's opinions..you just talked her into it..i rest my case..

I mean cmon CPA, you know what this is about, so it should not be such a shock to you of all people that many providers don't like EVERY guy we are with. If it ever got to the point where I hated 80 percent and only liked 20, I would hang up my heels. Still, that has yet to happen, but I would be a big, fat liar if I said I loved everything about providing. There are always going to be things I don't like about ANY job I have...this one is no different.

GFEEEEEEE means Girlfriend EXPERIENCE, not a real girlfriend. When a provider has a bad day, how is that any different from the corporate banker crying his eyes out because he just lost a million dollar deal? It's not.

Over the years I have always read your comments.  Several years ago you made sense and were often spot on in your analysis.

But something has changed with you...I don't know why this is the case.  You have continuously made passive aggressive hate comments towards all men.  And I don't believe you really hate men...rather you have gotten tired of those who dislike and make negative comments towards your lesbian sexual orientation.

Frankly I have a large practice consisting of homosexual people.  They are an integral part of my professional life and personal life.  I don't see them as homos or lesbos...rather they are just folks who go about their business.  They raise families...run businesses...and people I can call MY friends and family.

So as I commented on this thread earlier...the hooker who was asking blue for help...I've been there quite a few times.  And many times I have been able to assist gals find ways to exit this world if they really wanted to.  And as blue commented...many times it is a personal issue they are dealing with.

If you have also had similar experiences...great.  We all have had similar experiences.  It's how we deal with those issues tend to define what will become of us.

Maybe the old hotplants that I recall will once again reemerge?

I will agree that it is unprofessional to drop this crap on a client you've only met one time, but I also know countless  clients who LIKE being the shoulder some providers can cry on. Many of us have sugar daddies and even OMG true FRIENDS in this business, where we can in fact get out of the hooker role play and be ourselves, express things that bother us, let our hair down, and even fart lol. Imagine that.

-- Modified on 1/13/2013 10:32:10 PM

And YOU of all folks here should have understood my comment to SS.

Do you know what this signal is?



Starts at 9:00...don't be late  LOL

When anyone...including a hooker...lay's that shit on someone they met an hour earlier...ridiculous.

The folks who seek out my counsel have known me...my qualifications and skills for some time.

So to "tell me their problems" seems not accidental....I've been at this a long time!

And they don't even need to be members of the "Order"  

The urge to have sex with a person is driven from some form of emotional attachment and sex ideally should increase the bonding between the persons. Therefore while sexual urge may subside after a session the attachment and bonding remains at least for a while. But I believe that our jumping around suppresses the emotional fulfillment of a relationship and we tend to fill that void by having more and more with sex. I don't know if I am making any sense at all.

Would that be the "old hot plants" that was not regularly, repeatedly.. attacked, by you?

Would that be the "old hotplants" that has not waded through (and to a very large extent, ignored) your (very obvious and repeated) taunting-fests via your considerable accumulation of alias's? Is there ANYTHING I can post on this board that you will not immediately jump on and respond to with a personal insult?

I mean, really CCPA, WHAT WAS IT.....and please do be very specific... that you found so objectionable in what I said on this thread, that it warranted your rude response?

"the old hot plants" my ass. You see a post from me. You pounce. You want to see a "nicer" hotplants? Stop being an insufferable asshole.









-- Modified on 1/13/2013 1:05:28 PM

Where is the meeting? I need to grab some nachos and my big gulp bwahhahaa.

That should shed plenty of light on your quizzical reply here.

My comments over the past year or so have been directly related to your elevated condescending posts.

I know you read these posts that I put up...and many are playful (to posters that also have a sense of humor).  Yet you have NO interest in dropping your "guard" and actually have fun on a board that is essentially for entertainment.  The comments by many here regarding you and SS are often...and similar in context.  Do you honestly believe that EVERY one of those handles is CPA?  Well, many were CPA...but were primarily for Serpius  LOL

While you have never been a light hearted read here...you also weren't a read that could kill an army!

And since SS is reading this as well...perhaps you two could spend some time trying to understand why so many handles mock those posts.  It's not a coincidence.

Offended at this LOL

Some might mistake that for the Joker's about to make an appearance    And that usually meant some mayhem!

The meeting will be held at Serpies again.  And he is supplying all the refreshments this time!

And quite honestly---I was much more pointed and blunt back then.

And I don't give a shit if not ALL of the attack alias's were yours, personally. How is that supposed to be helpful here? You were more than heavy in the mix and a significant number were you. You have a very distinctive posting style and I am not an idiot. And, sorry, but you'll have to pardon me if i don't find those kinds of unrelenting personal attacks "all in good fun".

The irony, of course, being that others are just supposed to sit-back and 'take' the onslaught of attacks. But as soon as anyone responds in kind, WE are the ones being an asshole. Or we, somehow, 'have no sense of humor'. Great. Damned if we do and damned of we don't, right?

And, frankly, I'm about beyond fucking sick and tired of you falling back to some kind of back-handed reference to me being a lesbian in nearly ever response you make---or this ridiculous (not to mention completely unfounded), but continual assertion that I hate men.

Seriously. It's stupid. It's lame. And it's tired. Try to find a new way to respond.





-- Modified on 1/13/2013 1:55:56 PM

I assume you might mean what is known as a "soul tie?" Just because your heart does not seem to make a connection during sex, does not mean that something other than your body actually does not.

-- Modified on 1/13/2013 10:29:06 PM

My God what a piece of condescending bull shit. It "stays behind closed doors" if she wished it so. She WANTED the opinions of ladies in her position, for advice. I gave her the option. I didnt talk her into anything. Grow up.

well excuse me..you must be the new village priest now taking care of all of our weary and forlorn souls..tend to your own flock..she can handle hers without your meddling condescending 'big brother" bullshit..

Maybe you can tell me what else we talked about? Apparently you know more about the situation than I do. Excuse fucking me for trying to help out someone going thru a tough time. Why dont you follow your own advice, butt the fuck out, and stop being the board nazi. Do you see ANYBODY else saying what you are saying? No. Why? Think about it. Next time try for "human."

time for your blue pill..little man..

I can tell you almost the month I will retire from my current job.  The exact date will be determined by unused time off I can apply to my service time.  Not to say I am done working at that point but I may move on to another line of work.  

You mentioned women who tie their self worth to their scores here which is not healthy.  I personally don't place much value in people opinion of me if I don't respect them.  Very few people in my life have enough value to me to influence how I feel about myself.  If I cared about every persons opinion of me that I come in contact with everyday I would go insane quickly and I would be posting from inside my own personal padded room.

Everything you just said...+1

Except the farting part. For the love of god, can we just keep up one part of the act!?!

LMAO

And the same negative and hateful reply is all that you could muster.
If I cried about every negative comment that some alias posters make towards me, I guess that would make me you.  
Like I said a couple of posts ago, you just have no sense of humor.  And on a board like this it simply becomes fodder for many.
So you can continue being Ms. Grumpy Slacks and post your negative oxygen sucking out of the room drivel.  And the critical posts will obviously continue.  Or try and crack a smile now and then and lighten up an have some fun.
Sheesh...you're acting worse than Wednesday was trying to smile so she could play Pocohantas in the Addams Family.

But how ‘light’ of a budget can she live on after existing on the divine "weight" of successful provider's purse? Unless she has one or more VERY heavy-weight acronyms/subtitles after her name, or some seriously networked friends with influence; she will be trading several thousand Dollars CASH a week, a flexible schedule, no drug tests, and constant adoration from the opposite sex for 40 hours on a stamped time card, one (or possibly regular) subjugations of her personal toxicological privacy, and a paycheck destined to have her signing up for “Pay-day” loans.

  I’ve been reading these boards for ten years, and I’ve seen a shitload of “Retirement” notices posted by providers. More often than not, and within a year or two the quiet, moral, un-conflicted emotional solace of retirement gives way to the need for that “weighty” cash sodden purse.  

  Tell her to take a short sabatical, recharge and re-focus. Then get "Fuck'n Real"!          

Hey there --

First, you're a great guy for caring.

Advice?

She should take a break (because it sounds like she needs one) and think about things.

If she doesn't want to or is not in a position to cut cold-turkey, and she doesn't want to "come out" to her friends or family, I'd suggest spending less time working and more time doing other things. At least for me, not telling the people I don't tell is less stressful for me when I have a lot of other things (school, a part-time job, volunteer work) going on in my life. Then I'm not so much "lying" as "omitting." If she's on-the-fence about transitioning out of the industry, being in school/having a part-time job/doing volunteer work can also help once she totally transitions.

A counselor/therapist could also help. I'm not sure where she's located, but if you PM or she PMs me, I can give the name of an organization that can refer her to someone who's worked with providers before/is adult-work positive/non-judgmental.

that we have to deal with day after day here. I don't see hobbyists yelling at Doctors here when one expresses a distaste about the HMO bs.

This is a brilliant, eloquent response, hotplants.

I would also recommend the young lady find community with other people in this line of work.

It is so sad that we have to live this double life, and it is probably the single most stressful thing to have to deal with. That and the whore stigma (which leads to having to lead a double life). I hate dishonesty, but this little profession is just rife with it. It is what it is. But one thing I think would be helpful for anyone to try to do in this business is realize that being a sex worker does not make one a bad person. This work is a profession that takes skill and intelligence to pull of successfully, and while I have had the misfortune of meeting a couple of crazies in it, most of those I have met have been incredibly strong and resourceful people who know what they want out of life and know how to pursue it. I find most providers much more fascinating to hang out with than civilians. Once you've lived this life, civilian life can be a bit... tame. Sometimes it is hard to find things in common with your civvie friends. (But having said that it is also true that we should vehemently endeavor to remain connected to our civvie world- never become so embroiled in this profession that you lose sight of what is important "out there".)

So bluepillman, it is extremely important that this young lady find other providers to talk with. I would tell her to email a few in her local area to see if any would be willing to meet for drinks, coffee or lunch. I once went to a meeting where many providers happened to be and was completely taken aback at how wonderful it was to be in a room full of people who do the same thing as I do- to be able to "talk shop" with them and know they will understand and not judge; to be able to share experiences, tips, and tricks, and to be able to laugh and make friends. It was life-changing for me. I still remain close to many of those ladies (and a couple gents), most of whom have retired and moved on now. But it is wonderful to be able to pick up the phone and call one of them to vent over something.

I noticed that Eros Guide seems to have a gathering for providers once a year. Have her look into one of those maybe.

And my heart goes out to her!

HCH or PH have this almost pathological need to order around escorts that don't tow the line. Rule number 3. Escorts have to love every aspect of their work or they should just quit and go flip burgers. It's in the manual...

-- Modified on 1/14/2013 6:51:59 AM

I dont think she needs to quit because she may have crossed a professional boundary with me. I didnt have a problem with it. She's a real nice girl who had a bad few hours in my book. Does she have some thinking to do? Sure, and she is, thats why she wanted to see the responses on this post. But I would NEVER tell anyone to make a snap decision to quit anything without really thinking it through, talking to people, go on an extended break/vacay, etc. Remember, she REALLY likes what she does and it shows. SHe is a tremendous provider, an amazing conversationalist and an all around fun and personable person that loves sex and meeting new people. And to the people that keep pm'ing saying its all about the benjamins and sugar daddy, we dont live near each other and she knew that from jump street so move off of that. It aint true. I offered her money for the time we went over the appt tme and she flat out refused to take one cent. She's a class act. Period. Sheez.

to take weight off her shoulders from lying.
she will never know how others will react. it could be for the worse and she would be even more unhappy.
I came out and everyone seemed supportive, but eventually would make comments, thinking they were being supportive or whatever, but they were hurtful. in a relationship, it always came up as a way to put me down during the heat of an argument.
and i told my family I stopped a couple of years ago, but they still say little comments like about the brand new car I got...wow, you have a good corporate job with doubts that I'm not still seeing clients. It's a stigma that stays with you, people don't forgot.
It might seem cool today to tell, but tomorrow not so much.
so I wouldn't recommend #1 in Amanda's post. eom

b/c it's already tearing her up and if she can't come to grips with it, this tearing her up is only going to get worse and could lead to addictions to cover it up. if she has a savings, she may want to take a short break to see if she can live with lying or how to accept that weight on her shoulder, it's the worse feeling ever. I've been there, you like what you do but you can't tell anyone, you're constantly living two lives, paranoid when they'll collide, feeling terrible b/c everyone in society thinks you;re the lowest of the low for selling pussy. I've taken breaks often, and let my savings and a small group of committed regulars support me during those times.
I wish she didn't have to feel this way, but public perception won't change anytime soon, the pressure of lying won't go completely away. she has to figure out how to deal with these unfortunate factors or find a different line of work for the sake of her mental health and soul.

-- Modified on 1/14/2013 5:19:04 PM

... when I clicked on MrFisher's comment in the thread by Middleman 'Are you willing to destroy a species?', I ended up with this comment from WondersOfTheWorld in a completely different thread.

I guess we all now know who WondersOfTheWorld is, don't we MrFisher?

Serpius

... telling everyone how much of a moron he is. ChgoCPA is doing a good job of it, too.

Serpius

Old or new hotplants... it doesn't' matter to me as long you are standing your ground and not letting morons like ChgoCPA dictate what you can or can't say in the forums.

Serpius

... even mention my name as an example of his usage of his MANY aliases that he used before TER finally put a limit on the number of aliases we were allowed to have? Besides that, what I changed were my TER IDs not my aliases as ChgoCPA has claimed.

ChgoCPA's arguments are becoming more and more desperate because you, Hotplants, is wining the decisive battle of wits.

Serpius

It's not that Mr. Fisher and WOTW are the same people...btw, one is male and one is FEMALE, but that it is glitch in TER's site right now. It has happened many times over the past few months where you click on a reply, and it takes you to someone else's reply in a different thread. Mr. Fisher has never said a mean word to you, and now you think you're fkin Sherlock calling him a fraud? What a douche!