I know I'm new here, but this is a serious question and I'm not joking.

Due to an injury, it is almost impossible for me to orgasm.  I'm in excellent physical shape, so I can go practically forever, and never pop.  Prior to my injury, I would pop almost once the clothes came off.

Before joining TER, I had several bad experiences where providers would literally quit and walk out, or practically yank my member off trying to make it happen.  It won't.  

Since joining TER as a VIP I've had good experiences, but I'm unsure of whether to tell a provider up front or not.

My concerns are that if I tell her upfront, she will think I'm bragging or trying to challenge her and it will be the one time I pop in the first few minutes. I've then lost credibility.  Or that she won't really be in to it because she knows the task is too difficult.

Conversely, I want to tell her, because I don't want her to kill herself trying or for her to think there is anything wrong with what she's doing.  I usually always stop at a certain point, because it starts to not be enjoyable for anybody involved.

I still really enjoy sex, I just rarely orgasm.

Opinions?  Tell upfront or not?

I have a spinal cord injury.  It's pretty obivious that I use a cane...  but I do explain to my dates during the initial chat.  I always have a great time...  I can O once but it takes a while.  Sometimes it's a HJ to fnish me off but it's all good.

not sure if I am understanding what you are saying?
if you have a problem I think you should tell the lady upfront especially ift yuo want to pump the lady the whole hour and not climax.
if you dont tell her it is due to an injury beforehand, i can see why the lady would get peeved about it. she is trying her hardest to make you happy and it is wearing her out.
on the other hand if you explain to her about the injury and say in most cases I cant climax   because of it and it wont be your fault, then the lady can relax and try her best and if you do climax that will make her happy and not hurt your credibilty.
If you do just enjoy pumping away the whole time remember that is tiring and really pretty boring for the lady. You may want to think about pleasing her a little and doing different things during the session that way she can get a break and you may cum to find out that you enjoy different things also instead of just screwing her the whole hour.
but i do think you should explain your situation to the lady you see so then she can better prepare herself for it and won't get peeved at you because she was aware ot it beforehand.
one of the reasons women like mature men is because they can explain their likes and dislikes where as a younger man will try to impress a woman by staying hard and pumping her for the whole hour and waiting for the last minute to cum. that has put quite a few men on the dont see again list and leaves the lady with a lasting impression of you but not the one you were going for.
Dont get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with a good long hard screw and it can be fun but it is best to be upfront about it in this situation.

I've seen some men who have hard time finishing.  Of course I do everything I can to help, but I feel like neither party is really happy with this kind of session if they are unable to finish.  So I'd appreciate a warning, and hopefully you still enjoy the time and still be happy if you don't finish.

I know it is hard to believe but orgasm and ejaculation are 2 different things.  If the guy is having all those tingling sensations along the way and does not orgasm, he still had a good time and should leave the session feeling energized and focused.  It is really important to tell the provider first so she is aware.  If she knows that you are getting pleasure just not able to produce liquid evidence, she should not mind at all.

I think that is one of the differences between girlfriends and providers, its easier to communicate this stuff to a provider than a reg GF.
its most important to communicate and it goes for females also.
It feels good the whole act and its not always necessary to orgasm/climax to enjoy the act itself woman or man.

IMHO, you should do three things:

1.  Explain the whole situation to the provider so she doesn't think you're bragging.

2.  Also explain that you know that can be hard on her so you'll take breaks even if you don't pop.

3.  Keep your word with respect to #2.

just the destination.  I enjoy lots of foreplay, both pleasing and being pleased, and sometimes only have time for one pop.

Thanks for your post - I am in a similar situation.  I was on an anti-depressant for three years that caused anorgasmia(the medical term for what you describe).  I was still able to get hard and had the desire, but I could not orgasm.  I learned to fake it with my partners which is pretty easy to do for vaginal sex.  I switched meds about a year ago and no longer have the physical imitation, but the psychological effects remain and I still find it difficult to orgasm sometimes. I just started the hobby and have learned it is near impossible to fake it with a provider.  I also learned that the advice given by others in this post is accurate.  Discuss the situation before hand with the provider, perhaps during the introductory chit-chat.  It will be less stressful for all involved to have it out in the open.

You should definitely let her know. We are there to pleasure you, and we're going to try to work until we know that's happened. It can be VERY frustrating to feel as though something is wrong or we're not pleasing you even though we're working so hard at it. I think it would be courteous to let her know. That way she can pace herself. If you're waiting until it's started not being enjoyable, then you've waited too long.

And while you might not be able to ejaculate, orgasms are mostly a mental thing. I've been with a few men who could not ejaculate (spinal cord injuries), but a couple of them were able to orgasm.



-- Modified on 7/12/2008 8:45:00 PM

Of course, you should be honest. Most of these ladies are not only professionals, they have great empathy or could not be good at what they do.  
There has been some confusion here.  There is a difference between ejaculation and orgasm as two or three posters have said, but --as I understand it-- it is not simply a failure to ejaculate, you are often unable to orgasm.  None the less, you enjoy prolonged and pleasurable feeling.  If I were in that position, I would always book at least two hours so there was time to enjoy those feelings, and --of course-- be absolutely clear with the lady.  Eventually, you will find a few favs who will bring out the very best in the experience for you.

It's my own belief that anyone can orgasm, it's just that some have a mental block against it that prevents them from doing so. While ejaculation is a physical thing, isn't an orgasm more of a mental thing? Among women, there are many women who have never orgasmed and eventually come to do so. Could this be true with men as well?

It is true of many men, but there are physical conditions which make it very difficult to have an orgasm and --in some cases-- impossible.

Was it a prostate injury that you've had ?  If not consider trying the prostate massage. 80% of guys come when you milk their prostate. If you are willing to try it, find out in advance if the lady of your choice has experience with this.

I haven't met a guy who was not amazed at what a little prostate stimulation can do.

-- Modified on 7/13/2008 7:17:23 PM

-- Modified on 7/13/2008 7:16:28 PM

Most important to me is the itimacy one gets from their meeting. The first kiss is the beginning.                                  

Being stroked is the most relaxing yet erotic thing one can do. Now when I say stroke, I mean with your tongue, your hand or maybe a leg slithering as it wraps around you.

Now passion is the next thing that comes from the connection between two people. In the heat of passion all cares are gone and the bliss of everything you do feels never ending. If one has an orgasm is that the end or is it the beginning?

Is it actually necessary to get too that point to have a mind blowing experience?

Just something to think about
  Kisses Haley

-- Modified on 7/13/2008 3:18:02 PM

It is not a prostate injury.  Truthfully, I don't know what a prostate massage is, but when the urologist touches my prostate it's never been a pleasant experience.

As for some of the other comments... ejaculation is different from orgasm.  I do not orgasm, or very rarely anyway.

I appreciate all of the comments.  Some providers I have told and some I haven't.  When I tell, I usually get the impression they don't believe me and I'm just bragging.  I'm not.  I wish I could cum.  

However, I enjoy all aspects of the experience; talking, touching, caressing, tasting, DATY, etc.  I usually request longer sessions and truthfully I don't normally spend a lot of time on intercourse, because I know it's not going to happen and I'll just wear the poor lady out.

I guess the consesus is I should be upfront, but it's hard (no pun intended, ok.. sort of) because most woman don't believe that a man cannot achieve orgasm.

I have also been with men who have difficulty finishing.. But they also have told me about their situation.
To not tell her is keeping back some real important info needed to ensure both parties have a good time, which is the whole point here.
Now if she's walking out on you pissed sounds to me like you were not interested in pleasure at all just using someone as a sex toy, all that hard pumping as someone else had said, can wear on a person. Maybe if thats what you want you should just jerk yourself off.
Personally it has to be a give and take, both people involved need to enjoy themselves The pleasure in part comes from pleasing someone else, giving pleasure.  
No matter what honesty up front is the way to go.
Good luck...

I personally believe that you should be upfront with her. I do not know a lady that would not take you seriously if you presented the issue sincerly.

But from a womans point of view, from both being with gentlemen and from having other ladies discuss different clients with me, I know that being with a man that cannot acheive the Big "O" can be frustrating if one does not know beforehand of the situation.

Leaving for her frustration to possibly lead to anger, with her feeling as though you might be playing a game, and trying to make sure that you work the hell out of her, instead of allowing for it to be the most pleasurable expereince on both your parts.

Being upfront with her, and allowing her to know, may allow for her to find other ways for you both to induldge in other sensual aspects of play, that may bring both of you to an even higher level of appreciation and pleasure than either one of you were even aware that could be reached.

Much Pleasure....

The Elegant Paramour

See my post above, I'm not interested in using someone as a sex toy.  The woman who walked out was an early expereince before I found TER, and after just a few minutes she was yelling at me, finish, come baby finish... that did not help.  I told her it wasn't going to happen, so she left.

I enjoy all aspects of the experience; talking, touching, caressing, tasting, DATY, etc.  I usually request longer sessions and truthfully I don't normally spend a lot of time on intercourse, because I know it's not going to happen and I'll just wear the poor lady out.

I've been with 3 TER reviewed providers, one I told upfront, one I told afterwards, and one I didn't tell.  Truthfully, my best experience was with the one I didn't tell.

It appears the consesus is I should be upfront, but as someone new to this, it's not the easiest subject to bring up because most woman just really don't believe that a man cannot achieve orgasm. Then it seems to become the focus of the whole session, and that doesn't help.  Sort of like when a man is constantly asking a woman, did you orgasm?

I just want to relax, enjoy each other, and not have to worry about if it happens or not.