I will disagree about "having to" stay in a sexless marriage for decades. Say what you want to rationalize your own reasons for saying, but nobody "has to" stay married, unless you are that one guy who is married to a mafia princess who's father will kill you if you try for a divorce. lol

But to answer your OP seriously, I think there is a lot of "not wanting to know" on the part of many wives.  

Us guys do the same thing, I currently have a "novia" in Costa Rica who I "take care of" IOW I pay all of her bills and she has no need to work if she chooses not to, and by work I mean being a hooker which is how I met her.

She claims, and I sort of believe her that she no longer works and I am the only man she is with now. As I said "I sort of believe her" but I go out of my way to make sure I DON'T ever catch her. I could lie in wait and try to catch her showing up at the Del Rey, but why would I want to? I am perfectly happy with our arrangement, and I have no inclination to upset the apple cart. As long as she practices safe sex with her clients, who am I to insist that she "stay faithful" to me?

I think in a similar fashion many wives feel the same way, as long as their nose is not rubbed in it, I think "many" but certainly not all of these wives have sort of a "don't ask, don't tell" attitude about their husbands getting it somewhere else.

There are those of us who have had to endure for a variety of reasons, sexless marriages for months, years, and dare I say even decades, having turned to the hobby at some point along the way.  I had a discussion with a woman not long ago who says at least in her opinion, that the wife absolutely knows because women know these things.  She said if it remains unspoken and not thrown in the wife's face, that there will likely be a tacit understanding and going about your hobby life without hurting her will be quietly absorbed into the relationship from her end.  

Maybe she is also getting a little on the side and he is such a disgusting pig that she knows the only way he could be getting any would be to pay for it.

Or I will start calling you a pedantic putz as well. lol

Fucking spellcheck, it's even worse when I forget to change back to an English keyboard after typing something to send to my novia where I use a Spanish keyboard. It will change my words into something that looks like it was written by AnnoyingFungus or our latest moron MtDew. lol

Or actually it's just as likely that I just made a typo, either way you are more than welcome to GO FUCK YOURSELF!!! please. Please notice, I did say please.

I do agree with you that no one needs to stay married and in a sexless marriage.  I think though sometimes it is easier to endure it than not until that breaking point is reached, and I do think there are extenuating circumstances that can delay the inevitable in some marriages, BUT now that I am moving on and had to face the facts as you put it, I totally see the wisdom of your comment.    

..he turned to escorts and when his wife found out he just threw it in her face - "Yeah, thats right. What do you expect me to do now that you no longer want to fuck. IF you think I'm going without it your fucking nuts". She actually admitted it was her fault. They are still married, she still doesnt put out and he still sees escorts.

A lady I had a session with recently told me that I was kidding myself if I thought that my wife does not know.  I have always been the Cheshire cat, smiling, thinking that I am getting away with something, but I  am no longer sure.   The comment from my wife that really jolted me happened last month, about 4 days after I returned from a week long trip to Asia.   In the middle of intercourse, she said to me "hon, do you want to know what I wish?"  I said "no," and she replied "I wish you did not bring me a gift that will keep on giving."   I did not reply, but I am probably skating on thinner ice than I thought.

I don't buy that it was exclusively her fault. We all have to work at relationships if we want them to succeed. And it's not typically the big stuff that's responsible for most estrangements- it's the little stuff. Everyday things like communication and romance and the spark of a little something new now and again.  

Most wives know deep down in their women's intuition that something isn't right, but aren't willing to face it and are in denial. It's easier to pretend everything is peachy keen. Truth hurts

This reminds me of a gentleman I saw once who told me about when he started hobbying...his wife was so wiped out and the thought of sex was just another chore to her, just another tiring thing on a checklist.  The kids took all her energy...
Till one day she got fed up and told her husband just to hire someone. She was angry when she said it, but there was truth to it.
So he did, and it actually improved their sex life. She knows about his hobbying, and has even joined in a few times. And now she is somehow hornier than ever!

I can't say I was in a sexless marriage, but it wasn't as much as it should have been, I will say I knew my husband was unhappy w it and I told him to do what he had to do to get it out of his system, but I honestly never thought he would do it,because he HATES cheaters, so to turn into someone he hated devastated not only him but me as well, lucky for me (and him) it was only a one time thing, and now we have sex at least 4 times a week, but no I never knew, he got busted because I knew how many Viagra we had and one was missing when he went to vegas........

funny that there are so many comments about grammar on a fuck board.  That is not to say that I like the trolls who write in mumbo jumbo on purpose.   BTW, pedantic would not be so bad in the scheme of things, but I will not make it a point to comment on grammar, I just could not pass the opportunity for a a little dig at our top poster.

Let me set up a hypothetical situation. Imagine you're in a sexless marriage because, through no fault of her own, the wife has severe health issues. All of her time is spent on surviving, one hour at a time. She's so fatigued all day long, and in endless pain, it interferes with certain senses, especially her sixth sense. Because of her health you don't even sleep together, so she isn't even there to notice any little subtleties. She could care less about bank accounts, how many Viagra are left, why you shave on some Saturday mornings and not others, why you're endlessly on your laptop, etc. Maybe she doesn't even know there's Viagra around. The one time every five years she feels like fooling around just a little bit you can't get it up, because you're not going to waste one just to fool around. That gives her the impression you too are suffering the ravages of age, and she doesn't have anything to worry about.  

We were about 40 when we married...  she had 2 children under 10.  She said "She could take it (sex) or leave it."  That was FALSE.  What she didn't say is she would rather to leave it.  
She seemed to have a good time when we did.    
25 years later, it's gone from annual sex to not at all.  That IS how she wants it.  I am tired of having my advances rejected.  I got the message.  For a few reasons...  I can't afford to walk.  
I can't play like I'd like...  but I'm getting more than I ever got at home.

Bravo, very well-put! not to mention very sensible and logical. Unfortunately my experience is that most women do not operate on the same logic scale as men -they tend to be affected/afflicted more by emotional feeling.

Well at least for sure unless there's proof beyond a reasonable doubt or he confesses. However she'll probably have strong suspicion.

She was quite the naïve one, and I got away with murder for about 7 years until I fucked up and she caught me.  I felt a bit bad about it because it really shook her up.

She made me agree no more escorts but I couldn't resist and got caught one more time.

Then she decided I was a hopeless case (She was right.) and just decided to let me go about my business while she pursued her own romantic interests.  I think she was trying to get me jealous, but I didn't care - in fact I was glad to see her have her own interests, it made me feel better about hobbying.

That lasted for about 3-4 years, then she decided to cash in her chips and move out.
It was expensive and nerve wracking, but eventually worth it.

and I hope it stays that way.

I have to agree. Never got caught red handed blah blah blah then she left. Took 3-4 years to re-build life blah blah blah couldn't be happier now. Some men are meant to be married some are not.

'nuff said

so why fuck it up?

and lube doesn't help the walls

Both men and women can convince themselves of some pretty fantastic shit, e.g. he's perfectly happy not having sex at home for months at a time,  she's having a perfectly platonic relationship with her he-man trainer that she can't stop talking about.

In your last paragraph. I agree with that wholeheartedly....even in the case of severe medical problems.  If one makes a unilateral choice it leaves the other high and dry. I would then advocate this type of thing finances allowing of course

She always asks me why my browser history is always empty and why I never answer her calls on Fridays until an hour or two have passed.  She has flat out asked if there are any other women or was I cheating on her.  My answers have always been no and the browser thing is re: privacy ( I am very outspoken on Libertarian issues and 'net privacy). Sort of a free speech issue if you ask me.  As far as the phone call thing, I Never
Pick up the phone.  I always screen and call back unless waiting for a specific call.
She is a very insecure person due to her weight issues and being teased by the "pretty girls" in JHS.  She is also very possessive and a jealous sort
  However.  She us not "street smart" in the slightest and knows nothing of TER nor my post marriage whore mongering.  (She knows about my pre-marriage whore mongering though).  Now if she would only fuck me in a regular basis I wouldn't have to hide because I'd be satisfied enough not to bother with the rat race that is "the hobby".

then I can see why she doesn't want anything to do with them in the bedroom. Personally I hope she laying someone else.

The kind of openness to sexuality that Sarah suggests not only can strengthen marriages but also sometimes enable established  couples  to bring passionate intinacy and deep emotional love back into their lives.

Before I started stepping out on my wife with civilians and escorts about ten years ago (and after about 20 years of marital fidelity), I complained about infrequency and tried to get us into joint counseling without effect.  Paradoxically, once I stopped relying on her for sex, I became less unhappy in the marriage.  We enjoyed lots of other activities together.   I initiated sex with her less (she virtually never initiated) and frequency gradually dropped from 6-8 times a year to once a year.  My wife is very smart, not naive, and is a senior VP at a multi-national, publicly traded company.  After a few years I assumed she either knew or was in wilful denial and/or didn't care as long as I was discreet, didn't embarrass her and she didn't have to face it.

Correct.  They think there is a mistress but they do not really know what this scene is all about.   They do know that something is going on though.

No she does not know.   I've always been ultra-conservative  (until recently) so there would be no reason to suspect.  It's the usual issues.. Sexless marriage, but more importantly she so independent that she's oblivious to any marital issues.  So I'm the one identifying the issues, setting up Counselling etc.

That's a generalization -  perhaps in some cases the child rearing has been the focus more on the wife.. But it's not always the case.