Have you ever considered why you hobby? I mean the real reason.  

I originally thought it was because my home life missing something.  Sex seems to be a lower priority the longer a relationship lasts.  We’ve all heard the war stories – long term relationship, sexless marriage, but overall happy with life (not wanting a divorce or major change).

Now, I am not so sure.  My dad passed away last year and I remember sitting with him in hospice room as he was passing (over a 2 week period).  We spoke about the most important events in his life.  The bottom line was that life is short.  Don’t let fear or hard work stand in your way of achieving what’s most important.  Less than a month later I was hobbying.

Now, I am not saying hobbying is the most important.  But, in reality is pretty damned important.  When you think about the time, effort, and resources that serious hobbying really takes.  We’d all have to admit it takes a real commitment.

Between researching providers, reading the boards, communicating (email or phone)to book, going to sessions, thinking about both good and bad experience into the late hours or early morning hours, and funding this endeavor – there is no other way to put it.  It’s a fairly massive undertaking.  

Back to my original question.  If you knew why you started hobbying or if you could go back to that time before you started would you stop yourself from heading down this path (knowing what you know now – and let’s face it, even a short timer like me learns a great deal in a very short time)?  

As for me, I don’t have an answer to this question.  But, I am giving it serious thought and would be interested in the community’s responses (guys and ladies please).

T2007, I'm a short-timer like you, only been doing it for 2 years.  I would definitely follow the same path toward the hobby if I had to do it over again.  Being retired, I have the time to research, and do all the other stuff necessary to hobby successfully.

I've never been a bar-hopper nor very good at approaching strange women that I am attracted to, so as to try to 'pick them up'.  Hobbying lets me meet gorgeous ladies, talk to them, and consummate a relationship in the usual way, without having to go thru all the preliminaries needed in a civilian relationship.

I love women, and all the pleasure that comes, no pun intended, with their company.  Let's face it, how long would it take in a civilian relationship to get to the last step in a relationship.  Frankly, I have no interest in dating for a period of weeks or maybe even months, and getting no more than some good night kisses, or maybe some good old-fashioned making out.  And then, just maybe, finally having sex and all that goes with it, before I get tired of her or she gets tired of me.

I would not change anything, but I wish I could hobby more than an average of once a month (due to budgetary concern).

I have met some lovely ladies, made some good friends, and had some wonderful sex along the way.  So I have no thoughts about giving it up at any time in the near or distant future.

Hope that is what you are looking for T.

Swim

Hindsight is wonderful. I'm also very new and was all over the place. Finally tried a couple over a time and found 1 who was not an immediate click but was interesting enough to visit a couple of times more. I decided to invest some time to see if we could develop a relationship that met my needs and was acceptable to her rather than running all over. it took a few visits and she appreciated that an effort was made. A couple of times I used someone else but it was like starting all over. Click was not immediate and finally decided to see her as a regular and stop running around playing the field. Of course she is making a career change but has suggested maybe we could still see each other though not in a compensation for time arrangement.

My advice, do your homework but DO NOT let it take control of your life and compromise your work, etc. It is a hobby and focusing on it and planning on what you want and want out of it will make it easier and help avoid (hopefully) becoming an addict.

Life is short and I want to experience all that I can while I am healthy enough to participate.  At some point, the equipment will stop functioning and I will only have memories.  

Any ladies reading this, THANK YOU for what you do for us guys.

But, ironically, not for the same reasons as I ultimately did. I missed the chance to do it in the 90s, when my earnings were going up.

Fact is, I love women in generally, but the feeling has never been focused on one woman. Also, I'm just a bit of a perv-- polyandrous women fascinate me, no matter for money or not. In general, the women I've seen and read are pretty interesting people.

That's where I'm at now. But things do change.

however, i probably know more hobbyists than you do and so i think i can provide some insight here.

i think that most men who hobby are predisposed to do such regardless of their personal situations.  if you had chosen another path, you wouldve still come here eventually but depending on your situation, you would alter the way your justify it to yourself.

single guys -
-not enough time to invest in civvie

-dont want to deal with the bullshit of civvie

-dont want the head games and getting used for their money anyway

-civvie girls dont like their uh . . issues or their um.... .preferences

married guys -

-not getting enough at home

-no variety at home
(wifey dont want to experiment and tells you that you're weird if you suggest doing anything differently)

-wifey got fat


unless you happen to go back and choose the path that lands you a 'mrs cleaver' type to take care of your children but who also has a bunch of slutty friends she brings over to rock your boat pornstar style.

But I knew exactly why I was going into the hobby in the first place.

I can't get laid.. (see: easily) never have been able to , just missing a strand in my DNA -- or have one that repels I'm not sure.

You know, I'm not the guy in the building the new secretary bangs, or the 18 year old naive sales clerk lusts after. I'm the guy that watches over the managers and fleet people to assure they aren't banging the girls.

I'm the guy that stays till 2 am every night and puts out fires while 100 people below me do everything in their power to make as many mistakes as possible.

Let's just say for the time/money/etc I'd invest to get some in the civvie world, I'd have a less satisfying sexual experience for the price of around 5 paid ones.

Plus I'm a LTR type of guy, girls have a sixth-sense for that, and won't touch you because they aren't actually attracted to you , but see a giant wallet otherwise.  The sex is these situations is usually unsatisfying, and the odds of infidelity are infinite -- as they aren't with you for chemical reasons.

Women, generally, are always looking for the next big thing, and when you hold zero attraction to them -- the next big thing comes easily, believe me I know

However if I was attractive and sex was readily available, with my conservative old-fashioned morals (which I had to leave behind) I wouldn't think of doing this in a million years. Would probably be married with some kids and would be content.

However, when your dealt the life-equivilant of pocket dueces sometimes you have to bluff.

Oh yeah, and I agree with Keystone -- thanks ladies.. some of us need ya!

-M


-- Modified on 1/29/2008 8:40:47 PM

Great Question.

I've had similar experience/thoughts.

Simply put: "Why do I Hobby"?
It is who I am to the very depth of my soul.

I still love my wife, I still love my children, I still  go to church, I still volunteer for community activities, I am still a good person, I still pay my taxes, etc. It hasn't changed who I am. It has given me insight to experiences I would have never imagined. We walk this planet only a certain number of days, then **poof** one day it's all over. So, I hobby for me and for no one else... To satisfy my needs (which are huge).

I do realize that I am a hypocrite (mostly because I maintain my anonymity by keeping things very much low key and I always play UTR...)
So what? I can live with that.

Basically: I've found that hobbying is fun and gives me enormous pleasure. I take care not to hurt my SO and I always play safe (I have never brought any unwanted presents home).

So tell me, what's wrong with that?

You present like you are asking a (one) question, when it seems like you are asking four questions. One of which seems unanswerable.

1. "Have you considered why you hobby? 2. I mean the real reason."

Two answers to two questons: 1. Yes, 2. and I do not believe anyone does much of anything for only one reason. We usually have multiple motives behind why we do any one thing, and that is my experience regarding hobbying.

Your second question is really two questions.

"Back to my original question (which has been modified and not completed). 3. If you knew why you started hobbying (And, now has morphed into a completely different question) 4. or if you could go back to that time before you started would you stop yourself from heading down this path (knowing what you know now...)"

The issues of why one started to hobby and if they would stop themselves if they new their true motives, along with a knowledge base gained from the experience of hobbying is incomprehensible, sorry. At least to me.

Once, again, as I suggested in one of the threads you  began, I believe last week, try sticking to one question. Design a question that transparently makes known what it is you are seeking.

I'm not trying to be critical, for the sake of being critical, but rather explain why I'm experiencing a great deal of difficulty in participating in this dialog, when in reality, I would like to do so. But feel like I'm being given a Rorschach test to free associate to. I don't like that feeling and I will only do so with someone I trust.

If I get the drift of what you might be seeking, I would be asking two questions. 1. Would anyone on this board like to share their motivations to hobby? 2. Do you have any regrets having started hobbying?

If you would ask me those two questions I'd be happy to answer them


-- Modified on 1/29/2008 8:45:09 PM

Right, I just interperted the question and answered it. It was sort of scattered though. Yours was a little more concise, but I got the general drift.

-M

Hey Ana - it was actually a question for everyone (guys and ladies).  It does take two to tango (or hobby I mean).

You pretty much nailed it.

because I screwed up. Other than being more careful I wouldn't change a thing. I've meet some fine Ladies & you folks on the Board are great. Please recheck your security procedures & save yourself lots of pain & money!

I enjoy this hobby, but I realize it is a hobby. I have met some wonderful women that I otherwise would not have met, and I got to have sex with them. What more could you want?

As to why I do it, see above. Don't over think it.

If I knew then what I know now, only difference is I might have started earlier and spent less time in strip joints.

Thanks Matt - it did ramble a bit.  Feel free to answer your questions (or even call them our questions since they were nearly a collaboration).

Seriously though, what I am wondering (perhaps question #5 coming) does anyone realize what they are getting into when they start to hobby?  It can become an enormous part of your life.  Of course, there are massive potential benefits.  Perhaps what I was/am saying that I was unclear of the price that one pays not just in dollars but in time and effot as well.  I don't regret any of it and wasnt really asking that at all (perhaps you should leave the rewrites to others).  

In fact, I have outing scheduled later this week.  I was simply commenting that (for me at least) the hobby turned into more, a great deal more than I expected it to be.   It's like art imitating life, but in this case hobby imitating life.  I just want to make sure that I have basic control over it.  And, currently I find my work life, personal life, even my sleep life affected by the hobby (unexpectedly). It’s high time that I establish some boundaries and set some limits as I have not done so yet.  I was not even aware it was necessary until recently.

I guess I was reaching out to see if others also felt a little overwhelmed by the hobby.  I am just having a hard time finding the right words to ask that question.

I hobby out of neccesity, always have and probably always will.

If I could have relationships that were mentally and physically fulfilling outside of this arena, I would.  It has just not been an option for me in my life so far.

If I could go back and change things in my life, sure I would, but that is not reality.  

Am I trying to change things in my life, yes.  That is reality.

JMTC

Well your married right? That's why your overwhelmed.

You have to balance the time between your wife and your family, kids? and work, with this.

I'd agree it's a bit much, If I were you I would stick with a few ATF's or regulars, and call it a day . . would take out the legwork. I'm still finding people and it's taken me awhile to setup my lineup. I've got the basics for different locations ironed out (I travel a bit..)

You seem to overthink things though, and maybe that's why it takes up too much time? I'm guilty of this too, but moreso with my personal life not with hobbying (a few emails or calls here and there a reference check here and there..) ..

-M

I'm a happy provider and really appreciate the hobbyist. Just watching Fatal Attraction is enough to make anyone not want to stray with a Civvie.  At least with providers you don't have to worry about calling the next day let alone finding your child's rabbit cooking on the stove.  Happy Hobbying to all.  

Ms loversrock

If I had known about this prior to my marriage, I seriously doubt I would have ever entered into another LTR with anyone.   But it also would have seriously fucked me up because I wouldn't have been able to maintain the mental separation I can today.

I'm single, and hobbying is actually cheaper than dating. I also know that everything is on the up and up and don't have to worry about her leaving if I can't afford to buy her a $300 shoes every week.

he's decided that the only thing stopping him from being a gigolo is means and opportunity. lol.

Katie

... as for me, I hobby, therefore I am.

and it has been for different reasons at different times in my life. I understand what you are asking but I prefer to deal in the here and now.  I can't re-live the events in my life that led me tom where I am and, even if I could, who is to say things would turn out any differently, any better? maybe worse!

and just for money reasons. I'm single and under 30, and I have no ethical issues with the hobby. I agree with Katielady's friend, if I thought women would actually pay me, I would love to be a gigolo. I just know if I had used my spare money on school debt, I would be much better off financially. I wouldn't have to fight my guilt of knowing I should be paying higher loan payments instead of having a good time. I'm hoping once my SO gets out of school, and moves in, I'll have all I need. At least until we get married, she gets fat, quits taking care of me, and I come back to you sickos.

Sen - very honest and thoughtful answer (too bad you used an alias).  

I have similar feelings.  My question to you would be how do you manage it?  With all of the life’s other necessities how do you stop from over indulging (which seems to be the direction I am headed)?

If I but knew what I know now, I would have started earlier.  Of course, there is a significant finacial factor here too.  10 or 15 years ago, I didn't the resources I have now and let's face it, this is not a poorman's hobby.

I agree - everytime I think of hooking up with a civvie, I think of that movie.  The hobby is so much safer!

Hey, sorry I went off on you. I think my patience is wearing thin due to listening to too many politicians being given simple questions and giving convoluted answers.

I find the reasons for my hobbying primarily stem from early childhood issues along with having a few experiences that got me intouch with my mortality. As I've stated before, I feel like I've spent my life in the candy store, wanting to sample all that caught my eye, but being good and keeping my hands in my pocket, only tasting that which was given to me. Now, at age 59, I'm aware that I'm still very hungry for much more in this store, and it's soon going to close for good. Though I do go to church, my faith is running on fumes. I do regret that I'm not satisfied with what I've been given (the three SO's in my adult life), that my faith isn't stronger, that I am stronger. Do I try to justify what I do. Never. If I were caught, I would never verbalize, to my spouse, the explanations I just mentioned.

I do very much like the experiences I've had while hobbying, and I find it difficult to control. I'm as careful as I can be to keep myself and spouse safe, and so far it hasn't effected us financially in a negative way, though I'm dreading the day when I am limited due to reduced finances. Not certain if that answers your questions, though it does bring up someother issues for me, which I probably need to bring up on a different thread, since this is running long.

Hi Transcend -

I am only speaking for me here....

1. I'd say I have control over teh urge 95% of the time. The other 5% I could easily slip into an addicition. Maybe I'm fooling myself on the 95%, but I honestly feel that way and I've been doing this for over 25 years now. (I started by accident, met a provider, thought she was a civvie, we hit it off, the rest is history).

2. I didn't have any support group and no one to talk to. To bounce any ideas off of or to share feelings. In order to stay sane, play safe, and keep my life together, I learned over time to rely on myself and the need to set (my own) boundaries.

3. When those overwhelming feelings start to creep in (and they do from time to time) I try to be self aware and nip-it in the bud. So far it's worked. I have two other addictions (besides the miracle and the glory that is BEAUTIFUL YOUNG NUBILE WOMEN!) they are Chocolate and McDonald's French Fries. I've successfully walked away from McDonald's French fries. For the past 10 years, I've allowed myself one large size fries once or twice a year. As for chocolate, it's still out of control. As for the hobby, it's controlled by sheer will, my mood, opportunity, and finances.

It sounds like you are just about to go over the edge. I'd strongly suggest you catch yourself or
if you can't, consider therapy, taking a 6 month or 1 year break, or joining a 12 step type program. (consider first taking a break and see how that goes to clear your mind and focus on work/family). NOBODY (fellow hobbyists, providers, SO's, civvies, whoever) wants to see any hobbyist self-destruct. All addiction's have that as a real possibility! Even casinos will tell someone who's playing tooo hard or too long to take a break, they want you back as a happy repeat customer, not as a broken former specter of yourself.

IMO, You are something that has already begun. Take care of yourself. You and the people you care about deserve it. Just remember, "Do no harm". I wish you the best.

PS: I used the alias because it's just another layer in my crazy UTR scheme of things... Call me nuts. But, now that I began this thread with an alias, TER policies require that I to continue to use it.

I've been there and done that already and if you want to PM for any advice, I'm at your service.

to find out what the onion really is.

Whether it's as simple as we just like it or whether it's because my mom wouldn't buy me a Roy Rogers cap pistol, it doesn't matter.

We do it.  And it's been going on since the dawn of man and maybe before even that.

And I bet it's going to continue for a long, long time too.

And that offer, mrfisher, is one of the things that makes this such a terrific site.

You are all awesome. I am so glad for the hobbyists and for my fellow providers I am getting to know.
Guys, you have needs.
You work your tail off and so much of the time you get no recognition or TLC.
You fall into a slump and sex is mundane.
Variety is the spice in life.
Live it up because, like so many have already said,
L I F E  I S  S H O R T.
L I V E   I T.

It is an escape.
No one ever treats me as bad as the civvie business world.
I hated the sexual harassment and the oppression.

I am going to start dancing again now that the smoking ban is in effect but only as long long as I can stand being in a potential druggie zone.