Men of the world, here's a piece of advice: There are many ways to bring happiness to your Johnson, but sticking a fork into it isn't one of them.  

That's about the worse thing I have ever done to my dick. I am rather attached to my dick, and it repays me by working every time I ask it to, even after massive quantities of alchohol. I would never disrespect or damage my favorite appendage by doing anything close to what you posted.

Ok, I will fess up, I have actually fucked more than just one fugly in my life, there were only witnesses once though, so that's the only time that counts. lol

Alcohol+Fucking Fat Girls= a long life?

I was a teenager at the time.  It did not go well.

That cat didn't last long.

in high school, the word got out that the guy in school that had the biggest dong (yes we do look in the locker room to see how we compare) used to fuck watermelons.

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You doofus...everyone knows that fkin apple pie is what makes your d(ck big, not watermelon.

Try a stump broke cow next time.

Perhaps you would have had better luck if you had used a cuntaloupe!!

"My first piece (of liver) I had in the privacy of my own home, rolled around my cock in the bathroom at three-thirty and then had again on the end of a fork, at five thirty, along with the other members of that poor innocent family of mine."

Eponine?

Do you know "the funkhouser joke?

...of Albert Brooks whose real name is...wait for it...Albert Einstein!

Their father was "Parkyakarkus."

Best of luck to you.  Would love to see your rate structure.  It used to be, well, creative.

LOL. Me too, a college bonfire party at a local farm. The shock was bad, but falling onto the barbed wire strand above the hot wire was worse. I'm glad there was a keg present.

GaGambler,, can we be BFF's ?!?!?
We can talk about all the icky fat girls we fucked and do eachothers hair and nails ,,  
it will totally be so much fun !!  

to include Burger King and a tanning bed.

why do your calorically challenged bretheren have so little sense of humor, if we can't joke about ourselves on an anonymous fuck board, then just where can we let loose and have a little fun?

BTW I don't take offense to "little dicked asian jokes" If I can dish it out, I need to be prepared to take it every once in a while, and by "take it" I mean jokes at my expense, Not "little asian dicks" homey don't play that. lol

One other thing, while I don't see us "doing each other's hair" I may be a metro sexual at heart, because I do enjoy getting scalp massages, manicures, and yes heaven forbid, I even like pedicures. lol but I stop at sucking dick, sorry, not a gay bone in my body. Mens bodies are just too "yucky" for to ever turn gay, but I am secure enough to admit that except for the dick sucking and the taking it up the ass, the rest of the "gay lifestyle" looks kind of fun.

That would be like the dungbeetle talking about brains. lol

Tried to fuck a CD rom once....you know that little hole in the middle....and amazingly it fit.  :     with a little lube

And my doc says my liver is "in the pink."  She told me "Just keeping doing what you're doing."  The Vodka industry was very pleased to hear that.

AWESOME!! if you ever get to the twin cities, call me and we will have a girl's day out..

but once upon a time I could eat an entire roast or down a dozen pork chops, and yes back then I probably didn't weigh much more than 140 lbs. I'd balloon up to three hundred if I tried that now.

As for promoting love and not hate, you will notice I have several, several thousand posts here, only a handful making fun of "fat broads" I make fun of spineless, weak kneed men at at least a ten to one ratio than I do "large women"

My late father was a paramedic back in the 80's & early 90's, & I remember one story he told where a young man had stuck a needle in the tip of his dick....and it got sucked right up in there. His excuse was that he had read about it/seen it in a Hustler magazine & it was supposed to do something sexual??.... don't know how they got it out, & I was probably too young to be hearing the story in the first place..hence the look of horror on my mother's face when he told the story...at the dinner table, lol.