He came to see me for the first time in October. He was the INSPIRATION behind offering a KISSING MASSAGE. He's single, has a brain and doesn't seems to make decisions with the other 'head' like so many do. Recently the lines have started to blur between client and "boyfriend" and I have found myself having feelings for him beyond that of provider/client and I don't know how to re-establish those boundaries that keep the relationship from becoming more than it really is. I don't want to quit seeing him as the chemistry between us is EXPLOSIVE! I'm afraid, however, if I don't stop seeing him those feelings will continue to grow and I will end up hurt in the long run. Any HELPFUL or CONSTRUCTIVE advice would be appreciated.

Matters of the heart are never easy. So slow down and enjoy what you have. Take it day by day.

Preventing isn't going to happen since it already did happen...you fell for the guy already!I think you want the situation to be pain-free but there is going to pain no matter what so you're gonna have to deal with that aspect of it.Your mind wants to say no but your heart is talking faster isn't it?
Unless you been seeing him on a regular basis that doesn't involve the provider-client dynamic,there's no foundation there for a true relationship.I just don't see it.My personal take on this is,it'll eventually phase out as emotions cool over time.How's he feeling about it?Maybe that level head of his will bring you down to earth a little and remind you what the reality of what is going on w/you two really is.My gut tells me,on the surface,if you make it more than what it is,it's going to really kill what good that exists from this setup.This doesn't begin to answer what you're questioning but I hope it's a start to that eventual answer.

Thanks Beth for keeping the board lively,we don't need people like Harrison007 making things boring w/good sound advice. lol Take it easy.

I appreciate all advice that is constructive and not given by someone who just wants to be mean. I hear you and I have tried very hard to keep the relationship with my clients professional yet personable. With this particular man, the lines started getting crossed when he stayed a full night with me. I made mistakes that night that I shouldn't have and you are right in saying the pain is already there. I guess I just wonder if there are any suggestions as to how to re-define those lines without loosing him as a friend as well. Can there even be a friendship when it comes to the provider/client relationship?

It sucks when you let your heart get involved. I had no intention of falling for him, but the time we spend together is just so amazing that I have developed feelings and he sees it as just a friendship...ugh! What really sucks is I know I can't see him any more, but knowing it in my head and getting my body and my heart to be ok with my not seeing or feeling him again are two different things...Ah well, time to try for some beauty sleep

I'm sure he has this "special chemistry" with all the other hookers he sees along with his SO!  Don't be so nieve!

can only happen if you build up some expectations that don't happen.
The pain of love and relationships are not brought on by the other person, pain is limited to the fantasy you build up, being torn down.
Understand that it won't be a fairy tale all the time, then enjoy what it is. Enjoy what you have without demanding an encore tomorrow. It won't be happily ever after, so let it be happily ever NOW.
You cannot get hurt if you expect nothing.

Of course you have to realize that he seems perfect because the chemicals mask any imperfections.  In time the chemicals will subside and you'll notice a wart or two.  At that point you'll see that there was no way you and him were ever going to be THE couple.

So, enjoy it, and don't let any "oopsie" moments occur that will make things difficult, if you know what I mean.

Consider dating someone outside of the industry. It could be a wonderful distraction.

Clearly a jaded point of view from someone that must have been hurt.

The challenge is how do each of you overcome:

1. How many other "professional" girls has he seen and is this the person for me?
2. How many guys has she provided for and is this the type of person for me?

Those will be the hardest challenges to overcome in my opinion.

Just my .02

Beth,

I hope you aren't talking about your first reviewer - "happyrich" - who claims you provided BBFS.  

He is not your friend.

in this hobby..you will always meet those special few that you have a true connection with..you care about each other..have feelings for one another..but the boundary always has to be there..you have your life..they have theirs..this is p4p..not Match.com..you are simply.." looking for love in all the wrong places"..

hurt? more like wounded which is why he/she can't stand this business or the people in it. beth, walk away. simple as that. unless he returns this same feeling, not much you can do about it. also consider he 'convinced' you to do the kissing massage which is something you had not done, so sounds like that might be a forecast for what is to come. him convincing you of a lot.

jjj1 it's naive not neive.  

Beth:
1) You have already fallen; too late now; admit it.
2) Does he love you?
3) Options:
a) Stop immediately seeing him. That will hurt; you will always dream of the if...
b) Continue seeing him; enjoy; your feelings will even increase; eventually it will end which will hurt you terribly, unless you both get disillusioned and  the feelings phase themselves out over time.
c) Declare yourself in full; offer to stop escorting and see whether he wants you. If he does, it might work, since you are old and mature enough. If yes: good luck to you. If no: go to a).

Hi Beth,

I am sorry that you find yourself in this spot, this is the most intomate of services for which we contract and this is going to happen from time to time.  But I know, sucks when it is you.

I don't see any choice but to be honest with him (again) and cut things off if it doesn't work out.  You are only going to experience increased pain over time, with the same outcome.  Some people just are not at the stage of life where they are looking for the relationship and it very possible (seriously, now) that it has nothing to do with you.  It just isn't where he is.

Aside to the guy who posted "Your mind wants to say no but your heart is talking faster".  Donny Iris wants his royalty money!  Ah Leah is one of my all-time favorite songs.....

:-

I really wasn't looking for it, didn't want it to be honest. Part of the reason I do enjoy this line of work is because I don't have to be stuck in a relationship with one man. I can have fun and don't have to think about you again until the next time you call. I know where I screwed up in letting this happen, I was just looking for advice on how to deal with the the emotional issue when this happens. I wasn't asking anyone about WHY this happened, just how to keep it from happening again. And what do you do when you are NOT looking for love, but it is still finding you?

first off once the cats out of the bag thats it theres no going back.
you need to remember you are the one who controls the lines and yu are the one who needs to keep things in order.

I have a bf who was a client theres no going back from that.
Step away for a while let things settle and try to reestablish the connection keeping him at bay to some degree.

Good luck

Wow =, there really is one in every forum. Why is it guys like you always bring that up? No it wasn't happyrich I was talking about and what does my review from him have to do with the question I posted?  Why do people like you insist on saying something totally off topic. Something like pointing out he SAID he got a BBFS is really the main reason I don't post on these boards. Every time I try to get a little advice from others in the biz, someone like you always goes off subject and I'm so annoyed with ppl like you doing this kind of thing. Have you ever tried leaving a comment that has to do with the original question asked?

Thank you! Constructive advice, exactly what I need to hear. THANK YOU!

Thank you. I knew that was what the outcome was going to be, but I guess I also wonder if anyone has any advice on how to avoid this happening again without sounding like a materialistic bitch? And what to do if there is a connection in bed that makes those butterflies tingle the pit of your stomach? How do I keep myself from falling into the same trap again?

If he didn't get BBFS why do you have a creampie picture of yourself on your site

Is the concern that you will not have your feelings returned? Or is the concern that you feel this way at all and do not want to?

If the concern is that you will feel this way and he won't all you can do is ask him. I don't know him, is he married? Maybe he feels that way about you but thinks there is no chance you could feel that way about him. Honestly I would just ask him. Risk vs reward. What is the best that can happen? You live happily for the rest of your life. What is the worse? You loose a client. Worth a shot imho.  

If the concern is that you don't want to feel this way in the first place you have to either stop seeing him all together or at least for a little while. I would stop all together though.

It's a little of both I guess. He's not married, but he's not in a place in his life to commit. I knew that from the start, but then we began spending more and more time together, and then money stopped coming into play (guess that should have been a clue!) I just want any advice to keep me from falling into this trap again. Thanks for all the ppl that stayed on topic!

If you must know, those are pics with me and a close friend/ prior boyfriend!

She mentions him as being the inspiration, which to me means there was something spur of the moment that clicked in her head as being something she can offer to other clients. She does mention that she's offering it widely too - doesn't sound like she needed any convincing.

I posted this, with some trepidation, in partial response to a post above this one.  But I woul dnot have done so had I not read and responded to your post, first.  I guess you kind of brought it out....

***********
I would counter that many of us, myself included, are in this for the emotional satiation first and the mind blowing sex with gorgeous young women second.  It took me a a while to figure this out and I frankly didn't like it very much, even denied it for awhile, but it is what it is.  That is what is missing in my marriage in decade number 3.  I have had more than one provider tear up at the end and tell me "I have never had a man treat me like that before, thank you so much".  There is tremendous gratification in pampering and making these beautiful young women feel valued and needed rather than just desired, and even more gratification when you actually feel that way.  If you can slow them down and make them other understand the value of making love rather than fucking, then the point really gets driven home.  Yes hoons - I understand we are not making love to them.  It is a mental state of caring during the act that translates into....the best sex ever, emotionally and physically.  
************

It is those providers who have teared up Beth, I almost quit the hobby after the first time and did actually back out for a while.  I was asking these women for an intense emotional connection because that is what I needed, they were extending themselves to meet my needs, and then I was asking them to just let it go afterwards and go see the next guy who just wants to fuck her brains out.  Ultimately, these are providers who have been able to separate things out and appreciate me for who I am, still turning tricks and paying bills with the other experiences while genuinely looking forward to our time together.  This sounds conceited at this point, and I just don't give a shit.  There are providers who want to feel needed and pampered during a session, and when they meet a client who has a need to make them feel that way then the quality of that provider-client relationship reaches a whole  different level of satisfaction that the "fuck and get out" clients and providers don't want and that is wonderful - we are in this for different things.

So I don't know Beth.  I can separate it because I am very much vested in this marriage in my 3rd decade, not just house, kids, 401Ks and all of that, but her.  I love her very, very deeply.  We have our reasons that have nothing to do with sex and everything to do with the world around us that the intimacy has left, but I am quite certain that it will return and when it does, I will be done with the hobby.   There are life changes coming for us before Fall that may very well represent that change.  I will miss these women tremendously at that point whenever it is and I will be, only to a lessor degree, where you are now.  Feeling an emotional loss even though in my case (the "lessor degree") that vaccuum will be getting refilled by my wife.  But it will hurt, a lot at first and I do believe that we will remain friends.  95% of intimacy is trust, I have said it a dozen times on this board, and I have some provider relationships in which a tremendous amout of trust, and intimacy, has been achieved.

My Italian side came out baby, I am talking to hear myself talk now.  I don't know what more I possibly have to share, but if you want to just sound off some things on a guy PM me.  I AM a good listener and I understand there may not be people in your "real life"  with whom to share these things. I hope things just work out for the best for you as that is all we can ever hope for.  Emotional pain is just the worst Beth, but it passes babe.

are you not the same girl who had bbfs as an option on your site not long ago then removed it because you had a sudden light come on? if so, don't wonder why you're falling for your clients. what do you mean by "the money suddenly stopped happening?" have you been seeing him for free? wow.

Bullshit!

You're crazy, and full of shit. There is quite a bit of STD risk in hobbying; but condoms go a long way...

BBFS is a flagrant, don't give a fuck, move for all involved.

Good luck with that.

if you fall that easily, may not be the business for you to be in. you're an older woman who might just be in need of some affection, and if so, you will keep running into this. if you can't keep this business in check, learn how to handle yourself or someone will take advantage of you, or you will be taken advantage of. wanna know the easiest way for guys to get free ass? pretend to like you.

WOW..kind of early for our weekly train wreck..

So this one is tough for you and I understand. The thing that I am reading is that he does not feel the same way for you. Is this something he has told you? It has been my experience that sometimes people will tell you things to try and keep their guard up because they don't want to get hurt themselves. Have you told him that you are starting to have feelings for him and how did he reply if you did tell him?  

It really sucks to tell someone how you feel, but never hear it in return. You start to feel like you were wrong to feel like you did. All the while this guy might be feeling the same way for you but never told you. You may find yourself asking why didn't he just tell me, things might be so different?

True connections and chemistry are rare he may be hiding the way he feels "to protect you" but does feel the same way. On the other hand he may not.  

It is a difficult business you are in for a relationship, because of the way the two of you started out it may be hard for him to see a transition to being your SO. I'm sorry but I don't have an answer for you only an understanding, forgive him if he says or does something wrong no one is perfect and people make mistakes.  

I could be way off and you may want nothing more than for him to return to paying you, but I think I am reading between the lines that there is more. It is good to know that someone cares for you enough to fight with you and for you, otherwise they really just don't care.

Good luck,

MM

takes the right kind a person to pull this off.
many try but only few know how to seperate what we *do* from who we *are*.
jealousy sets in
the uncomfortability of what to tell friends
whats the history like
is there a future

then theres the guy who feels hes rescueing you...what??? I wasnt aware I needed saving.

oh and the guy who wants you to quit at some point...preferably sooner...than later.

dating clients I see as a No No.
you are wiping out your income not a smart idea

if hes not in a commiting place hes not going to commit, its pretty simple
dating someone who knows what you do takes away the secret aspect so thats nice but opens up a whole nother can of worms. Tread lightly and dont leap too fast.
Make him work for it,
Let him date you if you think this is doable. NO SEX just date for a month or so. If hes interested still he'll stick around if not you have your answer.
My BF was my client for 5yrs then my friend no sex for a yr then my bf with him its the real deal. But we became best friends first...
again...good luck

-- Modified on 4/8/2013 10:11:31 PM

I've had this happen once and my heart ended up broken.  He felt the same.  We dated.  I met his friends, all of that normal dating stuff.  But after three months he just couldn't handle what I do and I cannot afford to quit.  So I broke it off.  It's been two months and my heart still aches. I ran into a friend of his and he told me this man is still not dating anyone else.  I had never met anyone I was so in sync with on so many levels.  Crap!

So now I have decided if it even looks like a business relationship may be turning in that direction (hasn't happened, just making rules for myself), I will cut him off completely.  I simply can't go through that heartache again.  No amount of lost money is worth it.

 

When the lines blur then they've already been crossed as far as your behalf. You can try to maintain the appearance of them remaining in place but they're no longer there for you as far as he's concerned.  
Go with the flow is all I can say to you. We walk into this lifestyle knowing the risks, sacrifices and pros and cons. But in the back of your head even if it is AAAAAALLLLLLLL the way in the back. He's still a client. And to him you're still a provider. No matter how close the relationship may be, it's P2P. It hurts sometimes but you have to realize the position you're both in and the responsibilities that come with the territory. Are either of you prepared for that?  

You can pm me if you need someone to listen. Not like I do much else nowadays. Best of luck dear.  

Wow, that was exactly the kind of thing I was looking for when I got on these boards...a chance to get some real, HELPFUL and CARING advice and insight. I really appreciate your sincere and thoughtful words. They were well heard and appreciated!

You hit the nail on the head hon. Thank you. I've done some soul searching and we are going to be discussing some changes we both need to make in some areas, but we are going to give it a chance to develop as it may. Either way, I was wrong in some things that were holding him back (NOT WORK RELATED!!!) and it wasn't him that pointed these things out to me but my step daughter. Anyway, thank you to those of you that offered good, underestanding advice. It's what I was hoping for!

If we could only turn off our natural desires at the DNA level, this would be an easy answer, because it would never happen.  However, despite our best efforts, our desires to be with someone that "appears" to fill that void will ultimately win out and create the dilemma you are now in.

Once the line has been crossed, it will be very difficult to go back across (trust me).  But you must and so must he.  He was must place you back in the Provider Zone and you must return him to the Client Zone.  If you cannot, the emotions will eat away at you.

Providing is your financial stability and unless he can commit to something long term, you cannot risk giving that up.  I suspect, as I have said in prior comments, I believe the lure of the $$$ will be too great for you to over come, even if you are willing to "be exclusive" and therefore you will not end up being exclusive.

I believe  there are two types of providers (this is where I will get in trouble because of my generalization):

1. Those devoid of emotional connections and view this as a job that will be a part of them until they are no longer desired by clients.  Gravity eventually wins and aging is inevitable.
2. Those that view this as a short part of their life and use the financial rewards as a way to take them where they ultimately desire in life.

My only advice is you should both be 100% upfront and truthful about the difficult situation you are in and see where it lands you.  

Good luck and as always, this is just one persons opinion.  If you don't like it, then pull your bottom lip over your face and swallow :0)

Great advice! And its always appreciated when it comes from a place of sincerity.