One of my Favs... opened up to me the other day, as we were lying there in the afterglow... about her personal life. She had told me on a previous occasion that she was married & I had admitted I was also. So on this occasion, she's telling me about her kids (older). Before I left, she arranged with her husband to bring her dinner.
Part of me wonders what kind of a man is ok with his wife providing. He's not sitting home, he's working. Part of me wonders if she's doing this to save her house /morgage.
The thing is it really burst the illusion bubble. Ya know the one... "If things had turned out differently, we could have been together... " It really kind of turned me off.
S-
I never disclose the fact that I am married. I want to create a fantasy when I am with someone. I want them daydreaming about me. I want them thinking about me. I want them thinking that, "If I was 20 years younger..." "If only we had met a different way"
That is part of the fantasy. I want to BE the girl that they dream about, fantasize about, and lust over. It keeps my car bills paid and my savings account in the green.
Projecting myself as an uninhibited sexually liberated bisexual female with a figurative hard-on for anything with a dick is a good way to ensure that I stay in the forefront of men's imaginations and fantasies.
Telling them that I'm married with a couple of kids and this is how I pay my car payment and mortgage just doesn't cut it. My personal life is just that, personal. This is work, enjoyable work but work nonetheless.
And if you would have used your regular TER handle we could have read your reviews and drooled over you pics. Some of us need a visual.
I've shared on a very personal level with a couple of ladies. One, I actually met the husband. That was extremely awkward, not to mention a little scary. He was about the size of New Jersey.
I still see the other lady on occasion, and we still share little pieces of our personal lives. I actually look forward to it. We talk about a lot of things, and she seems to enjoy it, also.
Depending on the woman, I have learned many things about some of the women I have met. One of my favorites who has since moved away I used to help with programming homework, A couple of them I helped with their computer, etc. I actually like to know the "backstories" of the women I see because it makes me more comfortable knowing that the money they are earning is going to a good cause, not up their nose.
Hey, I am in this to have a great time of course, but also to make some friends. I find that aspect of the encounter to be more exciting.
I gave up the illusion a while ago. I guess I'm more of a "take it for what it is" person. My ATF disclosed that a long time ago, and we talk about her kids.
To me, that makes it a more personal relationship. She's comfortable enough to share that kind of information, and I'm comfortable hearing it. By now, we can tell when we talk/see each other when something is wrong, etc.
I enjoy having that kind of intimacy. It doesn't turn me off at all. As far as the husband thing - I think it depends on the person.
Everyone is different. Some providers don't want to share any personal information, and that's okay. Some men don't want to hear about that, and just want the fantasy. That's okay, too! Some, like me, prefer a friendship outside this hobby, and do like the personal side. Just a different perspective.
The one thing I really don't want you sharing with me is any information about your SO, if you have one.
If I become friends with a provider that I have either stopped seeing professionally or that I have never seen professionally then sharing that type of information is totally appropriate.
OTOH If I am a client, I don't want to hear about other clients, husbands,or boyfriends.It just spoils the glow so to speak.
In most cases, the less said the better about personal lives. Hobbies (including the biz of course), favorite movies, songs, whatevers, etc. are all good topics. I don't want to hear about your SO.
and they have real lives. Once I know a provider, I want to know everything about her. I not only want to know about the SO, but I want to hear about him. I want to have a real relationship with my atfs. And I do.
Maybe I am the odd one.
Getting to know the private lives of the providers doesn't detract from my enjoyment at all. And I feel a greater connection to them when they share with me. It makes me think about them even more.
...for different folks I guess. I too don't mind talking with a lady about her personal life. I don't want to hear every aspect though. Personally, I think it's kinda hot to be with another man's wife.
I did another man's wife... as a much younger man I was seduced by a woman 10 years my senior. We had a white hot affair that I had to struggle to break free of. What the F*ck was I thinking? Made a lot of bad choices... using little head, not big head.
Back to the original question... I love sharing personal bits except SO... This one is my current Fav & I'd now replace her if I can.
...not throwing it in your face.
It's one thing to share some personal stories as a way to build a connection...quite another to call your SO in front of a client.
Boundaries are tricky to navigate for some... :-/
xoM
She thought since you were comfortable talking about your family that you would be comfortable with her talking about hers. It was a shared intimacy and too bad it was a negative for you.
I'm not judging you, we all have our little fantasies. Mine involve the woman being in the business because she just loves sex, especially with me, and the money is just icing. So I'm happy to talk with her about my kids, my wife, and her kids and SO, as long as there is no specific identifying information. If she's relaxed enough with me to share soccer mom stories, so much the better. For me the downer would be if she let on she'd seen three guys before me and had two more to go, even if she said I was the best.
told me that she was married. I find it strangely exciting that I'm with another guy's wife. The next two were married but separated. This year one was married and another was divorced but continued a sexual relationship with her ex and was moving back to her home state to be near (with?) him and their two kids the next day. Maybe some providers divulge this info to keep their clients from getting too close whether it's true or not or, maybe they think that some guys might think it's a turn on to partake in what society tells us is taboo.
The one thing you will realize the older you get. Not every one goes through life with "traditional values". For example, I have a friend who is a swinger. He's 51 and his common law wife is 37. They have been in a committed loving relationship with each other for the past 15 years. She is a fox! He is deeply turned on via watching her suck off hundreds of men per year. Many of them fuck her too. This is THEIR special love binding relationship. It is not based on monogamy, but they share a love for each other that is deeper than most traditional monogamous relationships.
Personally, I am a hobbyist. When I did have traditional relationships in the past, they were always monogamous. I never cheated. IMO, the many alternative lifestyles that you see today are a direct cause of the 1960's woman's liberation movement which caused a break down of traditional family values, higher divorce and a more open mindedness towards alternative life styles.
Honestly, I think you are thinking too much. 
Just accept the fact that many people have different motives in life for why they do what they do. Appreciate her for what she does for you and don't over analyze the situation.
JH1
