but that is your choice, as for her being a former provider, I don't see a thing wrong with it, and I think you being honest with her was/is the right thing to do. Once she thinks you are a lying cheating hobbyist all the trust in your relationship will be gone, most likely forever.

I don't see myself ever getting married again, but if I am being completely honest, I would say the most likely type of woman for me to marry would be an ex provider. I hate to lie and I can't imagine any other woman besides a provider or ex provider could ever understand that I have been with thousands of women, a huge percentage of them hookers. How can you tell a civvie woman something like that?

My last GF was an active provider and all of her friends were P4P related. I had been with a couple of her friends before we had ever met, and I am pretty sure she had seen a couple of her friends BF's on a professional basis as well, but it was never brought up and there was never any awkwardness, and I of course refrained from seeing any of her friends while we were together.

There are a lot of challenges in any marriage, I don't see what she used to do for a living should adversely impact your future together, I for one wish you good luck.

where you mention a provider inadvertently learning your real name, and you NOT being blackmail proof.

Reading between the lines here am I to assume that you are seeing hookers that you are NOT telling your future wife about? If so, I would strongly recommend you listen to you lawyer and get that prenup, if you are cheating on her before you are even married, and asking advice about it the very same day that you announce here that you plan on getting married, you may very well be needing an ironclad prenup

(I am a confessed lurker...My first post here but go ahead and let me have it. )

I am about to propose to a provider I fell in love with...Three years in, one year into living together. You don't know me from a hole in the wall, so I know this could sound like a troll post. I know the subject of provider relationships has been covered on this board many times before (what hasn't been?). AAR, I will share anyway because I can't talk about it with my family or her. In case anyone was wondering, she does not ever come on TER now or ever. She ran her former business outside of TER and kept a limited circle of regulars. Maybe like the former L-R, but not exactly. Of course I met her through this business... Our relationship then was platonic (never got around to it for geographic reasons until we became interested in each other...long story for another day). I also avoided falling for anyone I had sex with here for all the good reasons people talk about. I hate Manginas and I am convinced I am some kind of pussy today...

My angle is I bought the ring, so it's "go time," but I am still scared shitless. I am sure it is not unique to guys who propose. (This is my second time.) However, even in our business, the circumstances are not exactly everyday. She gave up providing but we "swing" from time to time. I can "hobby" with her as a couple or when she gives me "holidays" and "gift days." (I got a coupon for my birthday once.) I have to say that part of the relationship has always been perfect. I have also confessed my prior sins, particularly as it relates to this world, in general (not in gory detail).  

A big scary part for me is that her entire social circle are in the P4P world. You can guess what my fears are then. I know I have to live with my fears and accept her for her. It did not help when we ran into a guy in a restaurant who recognized her and called her by her stage name (uncool and not the point of this post). She is a little scared too. Every once in a while, a provider I used to see texts me to help her out of a bind. Just so you understand our relationship, in those situations, she asks who it is and I tell her the truth (stupid huh). She generally doesn't get mad, just mildly jealous. In only one case has she asked me to block the girl's #.

Furthermore, I want to enter into this the risky old fashioned way. Asking her dad...wedding in her hometown...but also no prenup... That is probably the part where fellow mongers will blast me for. Yes, I know what it means. One way I see it is that she gave up her business for me so I actually want her to get her share of the estate if it doesn't work out. Especially if we ever have kids. I am a big cynic in every other aspect of my life so I am probably acceding to wishful thinking here. Regardless, it feels like she is the love of my life.  

She didn't ask for these concessions- I am offering willingly. Dumb, huh? Hence, I am "fucking insane," so my lawyer literally said in my last unsuccessful "intervention."

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results

Why fuck it up? Your tax bill can't be that high.

Most of 'em are worthless materialistic, superficial money-grubbing whores. Hey........wait! Oh yeah lmao

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You can always have the provision that she gets your stuff if you do something crazy and she gets the ice pick out.   IF you get hit by a semi, your will should trump the prenup, and who's going to fight your poor widow getting what is rightfully hers.

Your lawyer is correct. He's there to cover and protect your ass from making avoidable mistakes.   Just remember if you have kids, and something happens and she splits, you are on the loosing end of that proposition when it comes to support.    

If you've been living together for a year, together for a couple more years before that, and nothing horrible has happened, you may be on the right track.  It's not like you both are worried about the other finding new dick/pussy to play with being an issue.  One can always hope to find the one.   Where it happens is meaningless, but be safe and roll with it.  

Good luck to you both!!

I know several girls who are married to former clients.  At least you've been honest and you're going in with eyes open.  The part about former clients recognizing her would be no big deal to me.  For all they know you're her client, too.  It can be handled.
A minor technical point but your reference to your estate is incorrect unless you're dead.  I think you mean you feel she should have part of your assets if it doesn't work out.  What this makes me think is you should talk to an attorney about marital law in your state so you understand things like "marital assets."  This is something anyone should do and has nothing to do with the fact you want to marry an escort.
Good luck.

I don't want to be in business with the woman, I am supposed to be in love with. I understand discussing your marital aspirations with a lawyer. However discussing your supposed loved one with a lawyer, does not sound like the beginnings of a stable relationship

give her part of your estate, you can do so in your will, or voluntarily.

I personally wouldn't recommend marriage, but if you must, definitely go for the prenup. You have a shaky relationship as it is, or "complex" due to underlying circumstances. Better to protect yourself, divorce makes people angry, and makes them do things that may hurt you financially way too much.

Those big box stores .........!  

"greatest mystery of the universe : Women"  

Dr. Emmitt Brown in Back to the Future.  

Trusting her to stay out of providing would be tough for me to do, especially if she is letting me play around.  Why is she doing that?  Could it be that she is enjoying the same?  I get the swinging, that's cool as long as it is upfront for both of you.

I'd be concerned about a prenup if there was a significant age or income/net worth difference between you two.

Best I can say is good luck.  Try to think with the big head here and if practical, you might consider relocating to somewhere that she's not known for her providing, otherwise that may follow both of you for a long time.

It's what you want. Your integrity is yours and you are the one who has to live with the consequences of your actions. If you were to try to impose your integrity on me, I would have a problem with it. But I respect your right to commit your life to whomever you want, I don't understand why you would want to do this because I've made the mistake of marriage before and now that I have found the hobby I know that I'll never enter into that union again. But I do respect your conviction.  

Be yourself, no matter what happens in your life, no one can take that away from you.

It lets me communicate with all my friends from other planets, like Mikey, CPA and even McDonald000!  I just love it

Some cheapie '50's SF flic, I think.

It's one thing to impulsively rush into marriage
It's one thing to marry a provider.
It's one thing to forgo a prenup.

But this story is like the Fool in the Tarot deck, eyes lifted toward the sky, stepping off a cliff, a dog yapping at his heels, and a walking stick in hand that could one day be worn down and become the magician's wand... But he's stepping off the goddamn CLIFF!

Looks like a thong bikini

Have you asked her how she feels about it?  
If she doesn't care get the prenup, if she does get a stronger prenup.

 

If she ran a business once can't she run one again?
I'd set her up to do or become whatever she wants, own a store/restaurant perhaps.
Anything that will make her feel independent and will also bring her/both of you income.

IMO this is the pitfall of giving up ones job/living/livelihood for a SO...
If she goes from making her own coins to having to ask for money and having nothing better to do than shop and sit around scratching her pussy all day, you're headed for trouble. Invest in her and yourself, keep her busy and sleep better knowing if she fucks that up your estate is safe.

You'll find that while a true few may be forever most of her P4P friends will disappear because they'll have less and less in common and she'll be busier than shit running her pastry shop (took a swing).

Google is your friend.  Just google "interrossiter" and you'll find it all.

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If she has good character, positive values and personal goals for her and as a couple, marrying an ex provider should not be that big of a deal. In nowadays, it is quite complicated to find someone who you have chemistry with, fun and obviously that you love. Everybody has a past, baggage etc.. but those should be overlooked when you want to build a future together. Nobody is perfect, we make them perfect under our eyes.
I praise you for going old school in the proposal, asking her dad, hometown wedding, etc.. I imagine that the day you get married should be like a fairy tale.
While I think prenup may be something to consider, in a way, starting a relationship thinking of a divorce already may not be ideal. Plus, you never know what is she is capable of achieving on the personal level, a prenup just send a somewhat wrong idea of minimizing the talent of a person. Maybe signing a conservative prenup could be a solution also, where maybe she is not fully entitled to 50% of your estate, but at least comfortable should you guys not work out.

It was pretty cool.  The movie is even half decent.

My fav sci-fi gadget is the dictarobiter which translates alien languages into English (Until atmospheric interference in outer space sets in.)

That's from Ed Wood's Plan 9 From Outer Space.

I think we've digressed a bit from the theme of the thread, no

We don't know you, we don't know her, and the possible permutations are greater than the March Madness Bracket Bet.

So, let me just say that you need to consider things carefully and go with your gut after you do so.

As for advise, a lawyer is not a very good choice to go to.  An accountant would be better.  At least they know your financial situation, and they also see divorces more often than most lawyers, and get into the nitty gritty of them more than the lawyer does.  For example, when I went through a divorce about 12 years ago, my lawyer had little to offer to me than to fill out some forms.  My accountant told me the facts of life and gave me the best advice of all:  See a therapist, pronto.  

Also, talk to friends and family who know you well.  They'll give you council.  Especially a sibling if you are close to them.  They know you the best.

Which ever way you decide, we'll be here to offer a shoulder to cry on should you need it.  It's not a lot, but it's the best we can do here

Yes, you would be crazy not to have one; but she would be crazy to accept one.

So would you rather be a sane person marrying a crazy person, or an insane person marrying a sane person?

As the saying goes, choose your poison

"You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.”

Good luck my friend...love passionately, but tread carefully.

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First of all, GO FOR IT! You both partook of this world. She needs to incorporate some new civvie friends asap. She can join Meet Up groups who do things she interested in. In fact BOTH of you can!

The more new friends she has outside of this world the less she'll depend on ladies still in it. She can of course still choose to see her gal pals here, but the more comfortable she becomes outside of this world the better.

As far as a pre nup, ummm they are not just for the guys ya know. Sustaining a successful marriage these days is running at about 50% maybe a tad less. Marriages that start with prenups have an even worse success rate-and that's a fact!

***Ask yourself this...Do you want a pre nup because she was in the P4P world? If she hadn't been, would you want one?*** That's what this really is all about.

My advice is for both of you to break off from this world entirely, completely. Maybe not overnight but down a short road. It's HARD to do. If she wasn't even on TER it should be as hard. As she gains more friends outside of P4P I'm thinking she will gradually start spending less time with her friends she met "this way".  If she's hooked on this life it will be harder. All of this HAS to be her choice and at her pace.

Be happy and don't listen to OSP...he has issues, lol! JK, well maybe not!

Remember lawyers make money with prenups, and if you want one, I hope she has the smarts to get her own lawyer to look out for her since you're looking out for YOU. Who knows maybe she has a nice nest egg!

Ya'll should be looking out for each other.

xoxo,

Steph

-- Modified on 3/21/2014 6:28:56 PM

You said you both are swingers, well, get your free pass there. LOTS of like minded people on LOTS of swingers site.

Of course she'll get free passes too? Shit why don't ya'll go to a swing club or private swingers party, lol!

Really...

Steph

That said let me offer mine.  As you probably know, a prenup is simply a part of the entire marital contract and estabishes the dispositon of the marital estate upon divorce.  It can say whatever you want it to say.  The best thing to do is discuss it openly and honestly and perhaps most important, is to do the math.  How much are you worth, how much is she worth and what are each incomes?  You can come up with a fair percentage.  You can also reserve ownership of pre-marital property.  She may not want you get her favorite AP panties, nor you, your 57 'bird, for instance.

Of course it depends on whether or not you are in a separate property or comunity state. You should both seek independent counsel.

It is true that I am not blackmail proof, but it is not because of my SO and possibly being caught cheating. The escort who figured out my name was one I saw on my SO's "free pass." I only saw her  two times a month ago. However, not that I am famous or anything, but apparently the escort saw my picture on the internet and recognized me. I told my SO this in the spirit of honesty already, so I'm good on that front (not cheating). However, my SO is a bit annoyed that the escort knows who I am and could hold that against me/us...Still, the prenup is not a bad idea- still mulling it over.

-- Modified on 3/21/2014 6:05:40 PM

First thing's first. We are headed upstate next weekend to a noted romantic B&B in an old manor house/mansion... dinner reservation's already made... I am planning to pop the question at some point during the weekend...We'll see...

-- Modified on 3/21/2014 6:22:32 PM

That show is from the 1950's.

It sounded over the top to me as well, at first. But from my perspective, and guy wanting to marry a woman is completely ridiculous. This is not to say I wouldn't like to find a woman to be exclusive to, because I would. But marriage is just simply a lose/lose for a man and a win/win for a woman. A woman can immediately after the vows deny sex or restrict it so that she can use it as a tool and the guys only recourse is to divorce her and lose half of everything he has and half of his portfolio and pension. But he sounds like he is in love and that he's going to do all the ceremonious things that go along with asking her to marry him. That in itself speaks volumes as to how enamored he is with her, as long as this is what he wants.

I was rather struck by the fact that she gives him "holidays" and "gift days" and that they ran into one of her previous clients and evidently he got upset about it. He needs to consider that whats good for the goose is good for the gander and that if he can get away to play, she should be able to as well.  

But I guess my main point to his post is that it's his integrity, ultimately it's his decision to make and I hope he makes the decision that will make him happy.  

I made the decision that made me happy, I divorced my ex and started my hobby, I haven't looked back.

we don't always have to agree wicked, I think we do more often than not but it's all good. I loved your story about the fool in the tarot deck, I'm going to have to check that out.

Happy Hobbyin

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He wasn't mad at his SO for "running into a client" he was mad at the guy for his lack of discretion in calling her by her hooker name.

We've had that discussion a thousand times here about the etiquette when running into a provider in public. The guy should have known better and was a jerk for talking to her in the first place.

As far as getting married again, to anyone, yeah I share your opinion, NO ONE is getting all my shit again. As I've said before, "I can't guarantee that I won't ever get married again, but I will guarantee that I'll never go through another divorce" There will be an "accident" well before we get into divorce territory. lol

BTW, I didn't say I'd ever seen it.  Just heard about the interrossiter.
Now go google "Barbarella Excessive Machine."

-- Modified on 3/22/2014 9:06:50 AM

At least not if the latter is properly written. But any good lawyer would make you re-write the Will to conform to the pre-nup.
In the case of the Will and pre-nup not conforming, with the result your widow was financially harmed, a judge would most likely throw out that portion of the Will.

and if the latter document gave more rights and bucks to the missus, it would prevail.  
Then again, I'm not a lawyer, and have been on the wrong side of the law more often than not over since the Carter administration....

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