...we woman are just as wired for non monogamy, but we are socialized as women to want it. It's total bullshit. But that's beside the point for your question.

I, for one, have a very high sex drive so you can't paint this scenario with a single "one size fits all" brush stroke. I know some men with sex drives way lower than their spouses. It's not that uncommon, but you'd better believe that none of those men want it known. Who would? Some of my straight (cougar) female friends have had their sex drives reinvigorated by hooking up with some young cubs. Finding young fresh meat seems to invigorate both sexes. What's good for the goose is good for the gander

I think most of us are aware that everyone, not just men, tend to have hypocritical tendencies.

These guys want to see providers who genuinely enjoy what they do.  OR are very, very good at faking it. LOL.
Seriously, most people don't want it made too obvious that they're being used as a means to an end.   The male ego can be a very fragile thing.  So a lot of men would be highly insecure if their SO had a super high sex drive.  He might take it personally and would see it as him being unable to satisfy her.  
Or he'd be a judgmental prick and simply call her a whore who can't get enough.  Although many men fantasize about it, I personally think the percentage who could really be in a relationship with a woman like this is pretty low.

As to being "justified" in cheating?  I don't ever feel ANYONE is justified when they cheat.  
It's quite often UNDERSTANDABLE and/or reasonable..... but not justifiable, IMO.  
(Actually, upon further reflection, I recall a few very rare instances that I thought were justified..... but by and large, NO.)

xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoox

 

 
NOONER: (noun) A sexual encounter during lunch hour, especially one that is illicit

Regardless of which party is not getting his or her needs met, if it's a good relationship in other respects then it's best if they can work something out together.  But I can see situations where cheating may be the best option.  For example, the man is unable to meet the woman's sexual needs due to physical or psychological issues, but he wouldn't abide by his partner having sex outside of marriage (although he should do that if he truly loves her and wants to stay with her).  If the woman likewise wants to stay in the relationship but can't live w/o sex, I think she's justified going to professionals for that and not telling her partner.

You make a good point. There is a lot of whining here but a lot of it, IMHO, is contrived.  

And I'm sure that most of the men would approve of their wives and SOs getting a little sumpin sumpin on the is side fair game. LOL

Especially if their special delivery services are lacking at home, for which there are a myriad of reasons. I know, it goes back to cave men. LO

"I think men think women cut them off cause they don't like sex but it's mostly we just  don't want sex with THEM.....lol"

Boy did you nail that one!

I don't know which is sadder - men not caring or clueless about pleasing their partner, or women being too timid to say what they want/need. Seems that if there was better communication in the bedroom there would be alot less sexually frustrated people.

Yup, there are a bunch of guys who can't seem to grasp how someone they just met isn't genuinely, deeply into them. If there's any acting, then she's a fraud, and if she refuses to act then they can't handle the truth. Often, you ladies just can't win.  

Regarding your question on ladies cheating, the short answer is YES. Desire will naturally ebb and flow in a LTR, so partners should be patient with each other and come to some sort of agreement on dealing with that. But in the case when one partner unilaterally shuts down sexual activity while denying the other partner an outlet, then the cheater is justified IMO.

Unless he was a bit of a whore too ✋... it's been a fantasy of mine to find a woman IRL with my sex drive/libido. Still, my mind makes some promises my body can't fill. But inside ... full speed ahead.

Won't get into relationship details, but I'm pretty sure I could walk away from the hobby cold turkey for a like minded woman ... and stay retired from the hobby. I wouldn't make it a personal challenge, but with the right woman ....  

BTW, it hasn't happened so far ...lol

Nooner wrote:
The male ego can be a very fragile thing.  So a lot of men would be highly insecure if their SO had a super high sex drive.  He might take it personally and would see it as him being unable to satisfy her.    
Or he'd be a judgmental prick and simply call her a whore who can't get enough.  Although many men fantasize about it, I personally think the percentage who could really be in a relationship with a woman like this is pretty low.

Because the person who shuts down the sexual activity, esp when it's the man, can actually create the environment and rationale to cheat, electively losing interest so he can cheat.  

The unbelievable array of desirable woman I'd love to fuck on here is off the charts. Very tempting. I'm glad I'm single and don't have to make this decision.  So I believe, when a guy "wants some new pussy", he can create his own self fulfilling prophecy.  

The same can be said for women too.

We as human beings, have physical needs, those don't have to have feelings or emotions attached to them. I know men that need sex, based on their wife or gf of 50 years not having a sex drive anymore. I have a favorite who's girlfriend of 40 years hasn't had a sex drive in 15 years. He sees me and then goes back to his lovely gf that he loves and will never leave her. That's admirable.

Some like variety, but will never leave their wife. Some feel guilty but still need something different.  

For a providers perspective. This is my job, when I'm done I go home or stay home, shower, take a nice bath too. And go back to my outside of work life and I do not think about this, I am the best GFE you'll have but once we are done. I'm no longer that person.  

 So this is not a bad thing and it's not cheating on your spouse. Cheating is when that guy falls in love and leaves his wife for his escort. That's when it's bad.

The same guy who is 150 pounds overweight will complain that a woman is 10 pounds too heavy.

Without a doubt men can have totally unemotional sexual encounters. Just looking for an orifice to stick themselves into. A lot of adult bookstores have booths with glory holes that a guy can put his erection into. Who knows what is sucking on the other side.

IMHO a lot of guys are very uncomfortable with the P4P thing. Any number of reasons, religion, society views, wedding vows plus the possibility of arrest or disease. If they think the woman is getting off it changes that equation a bit. "Well she got off so it's like a date." The only difference is a direct transfer of cash to her as opposed indirectly via dinner and a show. So to these guys it is like a date. Easier to justify.

Cheating is cheating. If a lack of sex in your marriage is that bad, divorce her and play the field. Of course when you have lost half or more of your stuff you aren't as appealing to the field. They want it both ways. Keep their stuff and get some sex on the side.

It is still cheating for the women as well, unless she and her partner have an agreement. Same for a guy BTW

I know several swinger chicks who pile up the guys while their husbands watch or occasional join.

I cheated on my wife because I mistook physical intimacy for emotional intimacy.  We had drifted apart due to external factors in our marriage, and we just weren't intimate very often and when we were it was more of getting a chore done on her part.  I was not blaming her, as I understood the things that had happened to her over the past few years, so I didn't feel it fair to complain about sex, but I thought I needed more physical intimacy.  So I actually convinced myself that I was doing her a favor by not bothering her with it. (what a fucking idiot)  I didn't want to have an affair, as I didn't want anyone to come between my wife and I, so I went the escort route.  So, long story short, I was found out, and lost my entire family.

yes the secret of eternal youth for men?   younger women.

And the secret of eternal youth for (straight) women?   younger men.

and with an up-scale provider, in any case, they includes a performance that is designed to make us feel like your one and only, at least until we walk out your door.  Of course we don't truly believe it much as we know that Laurence Olivier isn't really Hamlet when we see him up on the stage, but we expect him to do his utmost to make us feel it given the bucks we shell out to see a play.

As for the last part, yes, what's good for the goose is good for the gander

It seems to me the wide variety of thoughtful responses here strongly suggests that there is no single right answer to the eternal question of the rightness or wrongness of cheating.  Nancy Reagan's "just say no" (which she was applying to drug use, I think) doesn't work as a universal standard.  
Some years ago, I met an unusual person in an AMP.  She was a former schoolteacher, very pretty, well educated and smart as hell, also a devout Christian and prominent in her church.  She was working in an AMP due to domestic difficulties not of her making.  She was a skilled masseuse but strictly limited it to HE despite strong urgings for more from some of her customers, and despite the fact that she was popular and could have made buckets more money with a broader agenda.  Her English wasn't great but she was so smart she could somehow sum up a complex topic in a few words and have it make great sense.  One day I asked her how she felt working in an AMP despite her strong religious beliefs.  Her answer:  "Happy ending illegal, but not immoral.  Men need."  I asked, "and what about you?" She said, "I don't need but sometimes I want."  Well, she answered the question to her own satisfaction and she kept to her beliefs, and it didn't bother her that others felt and acted differently.

IMHO, if you are going to obtain personal services of any kind, it is counterproductive to treat the person providing those services badly.   If you make a habit of being rude to waitresses, for example, you will end up eating a lot of spit.  

This does not mean that you WILL obtain good service by acting decently - it just means that you most certainly won't if you do NOT.

Another way of looking at it (extending Mr. Fisher's metaphor) is that a good performance requires a good audience as well as a great performer.  

And - as usual, Mr. Fisher has it right - What's good for the goose is certainly good for the gander....

my favorite kind.

And you can best bet I'm shooting for an Oscar.  8o)

How come all my clients seem to be obsessed with making sure we have 'mutual pleasure' and ask questions like 'oh you must find it hard not to get emotionally attached to clients' errrr no I don't - I MAY like you and respect you and have fun with you and even occasionally have an orgasm with you, but anything beyond that?? No sirree. Likewise in civvie life I've had hot sex with a stranger in my distant youth and not even known his name the next day, just as I've had very strong feelings for a man with whom the sex was a bit dull.
I think many guys are more in need of connection and intimacy than they let on, and many of us ladies can do perfectly well without too much of it )

Communication is soooo key here! I wish people found it easier to just talk to each other- check in to see how each partner is feeling about stuff. Good luck with your situation.

And that's probably why "sin" was originally attributed to women (Eve, the concept of the carnal woman, vagina dentata, Malleus Maleficarum, etc.). There's been a systematic denigration of women and sexuality since god was considered a woman. [Mainly] monotheistic religion-come-patriarchy has recast woman as the fragile, emotional creature we've been beaten into believing we are.

In my travels over many years, I was always up for a good romp with a handsome (or not so handsome- heck- almost any) stranger. It was always the guys who wanted more involvement, and who got bent out of shape for my lack of desire in continuing a relationship. The women I'd been with were happy if we had sex, but not terribly interested in any lingering emotional connection. Friendship, yes, which is all I could offer anyone. But the guys were way more emotionally attached. Bless 'em.

Are men or women more prone to emotional attachment?

While ANYONE can feel emotional attachmment, I think men are more prone to it. IME, women seem to be more in touch with their emotions, more able to read them and more able to manage them effectively and flexibly. Guys seem to become more overwhelmed and feel the need to act on their emotions, rather than manipulate and manage them. As a result, I think guys tend to be much more fragile emotionally than women. Men and women both feel emotions, but deal with them much differently. Not saying either one is good or bad, bettter or worse; just different.

Do men or women have higher libidos, and should the "rules" be different for the woman with a higher libido or who has been "cut off" by her SO?

Neither sex has a monopoly on high libido. If there is a mismatch, the "rules" should apply evenly. I think in the situation where a woman has the higher libido, she tends to seek out an emotional connection that leads to sexual satisfaction as well. I point to the relative lack of attached women in p4p and few male escorts as evidence of this. I guess I might conclude that women seem to tend to "cheat" in the manner of finding a new relationship, whereas a man might tend to cheat in p4p and try to maintain his current relationship. I'm of course generalizing, and exceptions abound.

Do clients want providers to "fake" emotions?

In a word, Yes. At least to the extent that we probably want to feel like you enjoy our company and are into having sex with us. Cold, clinical, robotic or impatient trysts... they are usually what I hear as complaints. Warm, friendly, mutually enjoyable connections... those are the ones that I see receiving accolades.  

Just my .02.

Everybody is different! Everyone has has a different perspective on life, cheating, morals, sex, justification etc....and the way it should be. HELLO LIFE! And a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Come on people!  
#justsayi

Just kidding.

I AGREE WITH THIS 100%  

"Neither sex has a monopoly on high libido. If there is a mismatch, the "rules" should apply evenly. I think in the situation where a woman has the higher libido, she tends to seek out an emotional connection that leads to sexual satisfaction as well. I point to the relative lack of attached women in p4p and few male escorts as evidence of this. I guess I might conclude that women seem to tend to "cheat" in the manner of finding a new relationship, whereas a man might tend to cheat in p4p and try to maintain his current relationship. I'm of course generalizing, and exceptions abound. "