and they are particularly well suited to caressing the cock in a way that no other part of a woman's body can come close to.

Plus, there is the active use of the woman's hands that has a lot to do with it.  To be on top of someone humping away is nice, but how do you know that she is really doing anything active?  On the other hand, if she is doing a really good HJ, then you know that she is putting her own effort into it.

Third, it allows you to see her face looking into yours and from time to time at her hands on your cock.  That makes for a nice exchange of vibes.

Lastly, the site of cum running down a gal's hands is a lovely visual.

I'm not advocating nothing but handjobs, but once in a while it is a lovely way to go.

The women I've known that haven't liked giving handjobs complained that there was nothing in it for them.  Perhaps if you saw it as a selfless act of giving pleasure to another person, you'd find it more in keeping with your more submissive personality.  Even if it's true that you're in control, your actions are directed entirely at another's pleasure.  Maybe that helps?

I personally enjoy receiving a good HJ because I don't think men get enough touch in their lives.  Sure, we can touch ourselves, but that doesn't compare to a woman's touch, even if it's less than perfect in finding exactly what feels best.  It doesn't have to be perfect, it's the fact that someone else is doing it to you that makes it erotic.

Women that have good skills can also deliver a great orgasm because the hand is stronger and more versatile than any other body part.  As I've gotten older and lost sensitivity (especially with a condom) a HJ is the only thing that really gives me enough stimulation to enjoy (BJ's work too).

There are so many techniques or combinations of things that can be used other than just simple stroking.  If you want to learn there are plenty of videos that will show you everything you need to know.  HJ's get a bad rap because they're frequently associated with teenage sex before intercourse, but the fact is, they're just one of the many ways to give/receive pleasure.  I've always felt they should be part of every woman's bag of tricks.

This instructional video should answer your questions (or leave you with more)

the thread below where several gents commented on their immense enjoyment of this particular activity has triggered me to ask/learn about something i've long pondered: what exactly is it which makes a handjob so arousing? and is it something most men enjoy? i must ask because believe it or not, i have NEVER actually given a handjob. short of one or two hasty and awkward fumblings as a yearling where my guy du jour would place my hand "down there" and force the motion himself for a minute or two (never to anything remotely nearing completion)...i'm quite certain that there is something more to it?

it is no secret to anyone that i am very shy and somewhat timid, so it would never actually occur to me to take it upon myself to touch a man that way. and if i were specifically told to do so (which i never have been), i'm afraid i just plain would not know what to do. in addition to my shyness i am analytical to a fault, and my logical brain tells me that if the touch and motion of a hand on his cock is the type of sensation which really arouses a particular man, then surely his own touch will always be superior to mine...after all, he instinctively knows the proper pressure/rhythm/pace/etc. is this truly a logical conclusion, or is there something specific about a female touch that makes the experience more pleasant? the other discomfort level has to do with my submissiveness, and the idea in my mind that touching a man in such a way could almost be aggressive, or at least manipulative, which is sooooo not me. as i've stated, no man in my long and colorful sexual history has ever requested this act of me. i have also had more than a few partners who specifically demanded that i NEVER place my hands there. even when i perform fellatio, my most beloved erotic activity, i am instinctively hands-free, unless a gent tells me to do otherwise and then i will admit to feeling awkward.

so i pose these questions to both the men and the women here experienced in the art of the handjob...am i missing out on something by lacking this act in my sexual repertoire? more importantly, are my partners missing out? and, is there a demure way of performing a handjob?

I am new to this and your shy, logical thinking is where the issue is. I HAVE it as well , so I know of what you speak . I am still learning to just listen and understand that not matter MY thinking and shyness , EVERY woman is designed to enjoy a males touch ( exclude lesbians I guess ) . On the flip side we are designed to enjoy and seek a womans touch - nothing we can do about it !
Until you understand this I think you are hitting a road block .
For me a hand job is something I usually am doing once a day - gets old so I SEEK a woamns touch - I WANT IT !!!  Since it is a common thing for me it is not usually something I am looking for - DATY - HELL YEAH - WHY ? I know she probably wants a little tounge action down there - see I have stepped out of my logical brain and KNOW she is just designed that way .
Again for me ........You need to be seductive , slow teasing . LOOK AT ME AND SMILE , Step out of your shyness and realise I am now HARD AS A STEEL BEAM and LOVING it !  Nothing I can do - I am designed that way !
Ask me if I want it in a different place ( enter suggestion here ) then tell me ( while looking at me and SMILING ) that that will have to wait Slowly pick up the pace , maybe a intermitant touch of the lips and then back to the stroke . Maintain a smile and some eye contact ,then ,WHEN YOU DECIDE tell me your ready and assume the position .
I am VERY reserved like you . A reason I am here and trying to overcome that - I seek women ( for right now ) that are vocal and REASSURE me to break out of my logical , shy thinking. I just about have it I think . Once a man UNDERSTANDS this part of nature, and lets go he has - CONFIDENCE that women spot a mile away !
Again this is me and I think of a hand job as a activity that is the prelude and not the finish .
Hope it helped - Until you 100% know that I chose you and WANT you - Its just programming that is ..........

-- Modified on 7/26/2011 11:17:45 AM

...woman's body is as well suited to caressing a cock."

Have you ever tried Russian - between the breasts.

Or Italian - between the butt cheeks.

I have every had...  administered by an expert.  Manual stimulation is quite one sided, even if the reciever tries to reciprocate.  The giver has total control, can take the reciever to the edge & back off as many times as they like...  can try one technique after another...  can make a man beg for completion.  The very best watch for cues as to how much pressure the reciever can take but does keep going until R is completely drained.    

There is plenty of information on sites like cosmo but an intriguing site is www. handjobadvice. com (realizing that the site is to sell lube)  but the information is pertinent.

Most civies do not appreciate the male sex drive or need for relief...  but it is dooubly a shame that civie women do not learn to do this well.  

Anything sexual is "S E X"...  and there are times when other activities may be off the table, does not mean that other sex can not or should not occur.
skb

was one time that I actually enjoyed it.  She was sitting on my face and reaching back, gently beating me off.  It was a nice experience, but it wouldn't have been that nice if it was the only pop in the session.  Fortunately, I finished CIM later after a great fuck.

If you are not very good at it, I'd suggest you practice on your BF before you start doing it for money.

If it was an on the clock activity, I'd be disappointed if that's all there was.  It's another story if we're spending a week together and you want to see how many different ways you can get me off.

That's one thing I haven't been able to teach the SO.. I keep tellin her she ain't tryin to start the weedeater.!! But it doesn't sink in..

..Saw a new provider last week and "L'il John" was being a bit uncooperative so she broke out some lube and proceeded to work me over manually. Schweet.
Almost didn't want her to stop for the BBBJ..  Almost..  d;^)  Schneeks..

I like a HJ very much. It is the fact that it's a women's hand. Yes, I can masturbate & that's a HJ. But it's not the same, no matter what anyone says, as a women doing the same thing. As a previous poster said, it's the touch of a women that we want and a HJ is an intimate part of that. How skilled she is matters but anyone can get better if not great. ...But I consider it part of the foreplay. I don't want it to be the finale unless the situation requires it. If it's a stolen moment in a semi-secluded place or what have you. Sometimes a HJ like a stolen kiss can be extremely erotic and satisfying. It's personally very satisfying to have the lady take the hint if I push her hand down and even more so if she initiates it by reaching down on her own.

I have been saying this for many years, " the hand job is the most underrated sexual act of all time".

I love a good hand job.  I think the civie world is a better place to look however.  If I'm going to see a provider, I want more than that.

...a man masturbating, that is. i find male arousal so intensely fascinating and primal and just plain beautiful that i could watch a man pleasure himself for hours. unfortunately, to date my presence seems to have prevented my seeing the act carried out to completion, sans interference.

and thank you also for the tips!

When you are giving a hand job you are not getting anything from it besides the joy of watching the guy enjoy himself and  be in awe of your service. It can be a submissive act or a dominating act just like any other sex act, it is all about the attitude of the giver and her goals. I will take your questions one at a time as this is a key ingredient in pleasing me sexually.

"what exactly is it which makes a handjob so arousing?"

For me it is a few things. First, it is really relaxing, especially if coupled with a massage. I don't have to do anything but be pleased. Second, if done right it is about me. Men like to be pampered as well. If I am not paying it shows a willingness to serve more so then any other sex act other then perhaps fellatio, and it is a great complement to your favorite sex act. Third, on days I am worn out it is sometimes the only way I can get mine, it is very intense and there is nothing hotter then a lady beating me off to completion on to her face or waiting mouth.

"and is it something most men enjoy?"

Yes!

short of one or two hasty and awkward fumblings as a yearling where my guy du jour would place my hand "down there" and force the motion himself for a minute or two (never to anything remotely nearing completion)...i'm quite certain that there is something more to it?"

Yes there is. A good hand job is a work of art and it takes time to learn. here if a few good how to links:

http://www.handjobadvice.com/hand-job-advice-intro.html

http://www.sexinfo101.com/pm_handtechniques.shtml

In addition to knowing the skills, you need to learn how to read a man to be truly great. You need to be able to tell what he needs based on his reaction in order to give him the maximum amount of pleasure. Every guy is different. You will need to really be in tune with the guy to maximize his pleasure with the right touch, and speed.

"in addition to my shyness i am analytical to a fault, and my logical brain tells me that if the touch and motion of a hand on his cock is the type of sensation which really arouses a particular man, then surely his own touch will always be superior to mine...after all, he instinctively knows the proper pressure/rhythm/pace/etc. is this truly a logical conclusion, or is there something specific about a female touch that makes the experience more pleasant?"

It is true if the goal is to cum as soon as possible, no one can get me to cum as quickly as myself. The thing is a masterful hand job is not just about cumming, it is about being served (or dominated in some cases) by lovely lady. It is about enjoying the lady herself. It is the conversation, the touch, the feel, and the looks of/with the lovely lady. Very few things are as enjoyable as a FBSM with a hand job by a lady you care for and is willing to serve you in this way. It is far better then sex for sex sake.

"am i missing out on something by lacking this act in my sexual repertoire?"

Yes, a good hand job can be a total act of submission. If you get off by pleasing your partner, you would likely enjoy giving a hand job.

"more importantly, are my partners missing out?"

In my opinion, yes. A good hand job is one of the great pleasures in life. Other then giving and receiving oral it is my favorite sexual pleasures.

"and, is there a demure way of performing a handjob?"

Yes, and it is all about your attitude. If that is what you bring to the table then it will shine though. That is one great thing about hand jobs is the attitude of the giver often shows and sets the tone of the act. The act is not inherently anything but sexual, the lady preforming the act sets the tone. You control that in how you approach it. If you start of with a slow, sensual, soft touch, seeking only to please, almost shy, and gradually intensify ir it will come across as very demure. If you approach it that way it would be a huge turn on for me. Think of it as a form of worship, just like I know you know fellatio can be.

Hope I was helpful.

scoed

I appreciate a good handjob. Who the fuck wouldn't? But not to completion.

I don't even want a BBBJ to completion. Sometimes it's so killer I have no choice, but that's not the end result I'm shooting for, pun intended.

My deal is for you, the lady, to get me so hard to stick it in your pussy. Or your ass.

Wish I could say I was sorry, but I'm not. I appreciate your work, and you wanting to get me off. But if you REALLY want to get me off, you'll get me up so I can stick it in your pussy or your ass. Plain and simple.

I've fucked ladies, then laid there talking, fondling each other, then telling me I'm ready to go again. Cover the bastard up, and commence for WTF I signed up for.

Don't get me wrong. I loooove eating a girl's pussy. And I love her going down on me. Same time? Fuck yeah! Finger fuck me in the ass while you're at it. It's a mutual gig, know what I'm sayin'?

But my main objective is to fill your orifices with ME!

I bet you it's more like 15 total minutes in your life. lol

for us old fucks who have sensitivity issues, secondary to meds.
Love em!!!

I think scoed did a fine job with his answers to your specific questions, I appreciated mrfisher's comments as usual also. I'll just add a few comments of my own that I hope may be helpful.

Some guys will say "Why get a hand job? I can do that myself" They just haven't had a good one.
The difference between masturbation and a hand job may be similar to the differences in pleasure you feel when one of your partners is fingering you or you are fingering yourself.

I would expect that your fellatio skills and stamina may have mitigated the need to learn this skill so far. Hands-free fellatio is a common preference, but not always an indication that hands are unwelcome at other times. I think that having had some partners who specifically demanded that you "NEVER place your hands there" has probably also added to your reluctance. Giving a hand job can be very much an act of service, in the same way that giving fellatio, giving a massage, or riding someone with the cowgirl position can be an act of service. The recipient might be "physically passive" during those acts, but there is no doubt it is likely that he is being served and pampered.

A partner who is good at providing verbal instructions and feedback will be a good choice when starting to learn. Receiving verbal instructions and direction may also help you feel comfortable, reassuring that you are indeed in your role of being of service.

Hand jobs can provide a higher level of physical stimulation and friction. This can usually be helpful with someone who is having difficulty reaching orgasm, whether it's trying to achieve yet another pop, or whether the difficulty is caused by some other reason. For those who find it necessary for various reasons to wear a condom during fellatio, a hand job can safely provide the "bare" feeling that is otherwise missing.

If you need additional information on the hand job subject, it may be also be worthwhile to post on the "massage parlor" board, as the massage providers tend to have substantial experience along these lines.

Is there a demure way of performing a hand job?
I think that if you have a demure way of performing fellatio, you can find a demure way of performing a hand job. I visited a masseuse who was quite shy, even though she was experienced, she had me wear an opaque eye pillow at a certain point during my first visit so that I could not watch her. Perhaps your partner(s) may be willing to initially have their eyes covered while you learn to get comfortable with it, if you thought that would help.

and was getting into the HJ/HE.  She was letting me lick & suck her breasts & a finger on her clit.  What's in it for her?  D@mn, I don't know but SHE was pretty close to cumming too.   This isn't our first rodeo together & it does not always go down like this...  but if the woman wants to get something out of it, it is possible.

this is a fascinating subject for me and the comments shared have given me a lot to digest. the feedback and advice from scoed, philogyny and olivia especially have been enlightening. and although i am definitely not a "technique" kind of girl (i'm more the let nature take its course sort), i intend to put some research into the actual practice of handjobs, just so that it will not appear to be such a foreign language to me. i now have a greater understanding of the pleasure some men find in this act, such as in the pure delight of a woman's gentle and feminine touch. however it does seem that some of my theories on the psychology behind the act were correct, at least in the case of some...such as the potential for a handjob to be an act of domination or control, or even on the less aggressive side of "making" a man experience a certain sensation, or cum, etc. that side of things could never be me. even when performing fellatio, it is never my goal to "make" a man cum, or never do i feel in control of his pleasure. i simply feel that i am the tool he is using to accomplish his goal, whatever that may be, and focus purely on his pleasure, both physical and mental. as an example, if what would most fulfill a particular gent is to use my mouth thoroughly, for an hour or more without cease, and something i do causes him to cum within minutes, i am utterly devastated. i feel i have failed, not triumphed.

so with that mindset an act as seemingly controlling as a handjob would have to be approached quite differently, and very carefully. i believe that philogyny was exactly right when he suggested a partner who would be very verbal and directive. and of course it would have to be someone who truly loved to be served in such a fashion, and who wasn't simply seeking the pure sensations of it. but if/when i ever have a partner who demands this of me, i do wish to be prepared, and you all have certainly helped me along that path.

My ATF, who I have seen 50+ times in the past 12 years, gives a hand job that is better than 95% of the BJ's and fucks I've had.  So good that we almost always finish that way, with her sitting backward on my face where I can DATY and DATO while squeezing her ass and/or cupping her breasts.  I never realized a HJ could be that intense but am totlally addicted to hers now.  Sorry, but she doesn't advertise or take new clients, thus has never been reviewed!  Just hope she keeps seeing me for a few more years.......