Young, HOT - ridiculous hot (if I saw him on the street I would get  my high heel stuck in a grate trying to watch him), charming and really down-to-earth considering who and what he is.
3 rounds, two back to back after the first chat-chat recovery, INSANE off-the-hook sex (and not by business standards either, by oops, I landed and fell on a stranger's dick standards)!

He said that today was the first time he'd had sex in three months because post-kids his wife won't fuck him anymore.

I have never been the type of provider to engage clients who rant about their wives because to me its inappropriate.  But honestly?

What in the hell are some women thinking?  If I had a guy like him at home I'd stop being a ho, cook, clean, have some babies, be in the PTA, mow the yard - whatever!  OH AND fuck him 2-3x a day.

Jesus why does marriage warp some people?

God I love what I do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tis one of the ironies of life--the marriage thing. Sounds like you'll have him in your boudoir again soon. I am guessing you were not his first provider?

Not for us older guys, anyway. It's probably not as common among the younger guys. I went 3-1/2 years without sex at home before I saw my first escort. Nobody's fault, just the way it is.

as soon as it starts to feel just a bit to cozy, or the first honey-do list appears, I'm outta there....

Maybe she just wanted the kids from him and is really not that interested in men or sex with men. Good Lord I have three female clients who are married and don't want anything to do with the men in their lives but come and see me regularly. Great sex and these are very sexy and passionate women..who would have thunk it.

And when she isn't fucking me, she does the pool boy, the mailman, the gardener and the UPS delivery guy!  No wonder she is tired by time he gets home!

It happens. I've got one of those right now, thankfully, they're separated and on different sides of the continent. Smoking hot, smart, successful, ambitious and let me tell you, peg A fits into slot B!!
The day he gets divorced is the day I ask him to marry me, lol!

As long as sexually indolent and/or frigid wives exist you're going to have a large, eager, and repetitive market for your services.

Why do they have to be sexually indolent and frigid? Maybe, just maybe,  the guys who do most of the complaining are not doing their part, or are just using the wife as a walking masturbation tool. I mean we only ever hear one side of the story. I will agree that it happens way too much and that even makes me think why even bother with marriage at all if this has been happening for ever. I mean if we were to "review" the typical marriage and do due diligence no-one would bother getting married in the first place. I sure as hell won't ever bother.

In all honesty some of the clients I see are not the best in bed...I personally don't care but if I was the wife...yep I'd care a whole lot.

Just saying there is always the other side and we are all on our best behavior when we meet...we really don't know what the hell goes on at home.

My SO's idea of good sex is:

Doesn't even bother gettin' foxy for me......

Honey yer so FRIGGIN' HOT in that same fuckin' holey sweatsuit you've been wearing everyday this whole week after work!

0 seconds.....

I'm supposed get hard.

I'm supposed fuck her.

She comes.

It doesn't matter whether I did or not.

360 +/- 30 seconds.....Finished.

Yeah...how friggin' romantic.

You the nail on the head...except that happens (or so many of my married female friends say) in the reverse. It's the husband who wears the grimy sweatpants, spends 2.2 seconds on foreplay, comes, grunts and falls asleep. No wonder the ladies aren't interested.

Come on people, can't you see that it goes both ways?

Well........This dog needs to eat.

Now I eat WELL again.

Guilt?

NFW.

as is the case with me, that nobody is at fault, and the blame can't be cast in either direction. Sometimes it's just the way the cards fell, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

To spark it up........

She put on 100#'s. Blames it on how I cook. I'm an EXCELLENT chef and I do not fatten things up. I make fish 3 times a week. Always fresh vegatables. I cook Thai, Mex, Italian, Portuguese, French, American, Cajun, etc....Dinner is always slamming and healthy. If you don't move your ass though you're going to get fat. She's on a pill for everything. Drugs are easier than reality.

Now, I got nothing against BBW, been there. I married a fox. She still is. Just overweight and tired because of it. Doesn't want to hear it.

Not a generous lover at all, doesn't know how to be. Not within her. I got the pre-marital BJ's, and she was good at it too. Once we got hitched, that was the end of any freaky-styley!

The thought of saying, "Hon, you really suck in bed now, maybe we should both move on?". Then I see all the $$$'s flying to the lawyer. I'll leave the FUCKING country before that happens.

I got some ex-pat VFW bro's living overseas.

I gotta wait for the kid to get into college.

I try to motivate her and all I hear is excuses why she can't this, or my (random, joint, bone or muscle)  is sore...etc....

I have injuries from the military, skiing, hockey, nerve damage in my arms from guitar playing, etc.....Pain is NOT a big fucking deal unless you let it become one.

She's a princess. Wants me to shut her nightstand light (arms-length) for her when she goes to bed. She's gotten like a spoiled infant at times. According to her she has every menstrual syndrome under the sun. Pre, Post, During....I'm lucky if I get 3-5 days out of the month where I'm not dealing with a moody PITA.

I bought bikes for exercise to do together. I lost 30# and ride like a madman. She's ridden her's once in 3 years. "It makes me tired"...errr no shit. It also makes the body feel good.

Trips, going out, live music, movies, museums, art...

Our libido requirements are at a severe mismatch.

Other than that she's a good domestic partner. No fights, arguments, etc....Balances a mean checkbook.

Just no sparks. Ain't my fault either. I didn't get complacent. I'm done barking up the tree.

Ok  I can certainly see your point. Now I want to smack her...lol. No seriously dude, that is one long freaking tunnel with a pinpoint light at the end. My last SO got fat and drank like a fish. Now if that ever happens, unless there's a certifiable medical reason, I'm outta there.

Hobby on!!!!

I had a girlfriend, newly married who didnt want to perform oral pleasure on her husband.

I sat her down and told her point blank..

"What you will not do, another bitch is able and willing."

Her husband called me a few days later asking me what it was I told her. He said it was a pleasant surprise to come home and...well, get sucked off before bed.

Yes, I have weird friends.

That is one of the absolute "truths" I hold near and dear. This "truth" has found me in some pretty interesting situtions.

eh.

Dear Provider Boyfriend:

Hey baby, here is the list of things I want you to do for me aroun the house this Saturday afternoon ...

1.  F*ck me on the kitichen table

2.  Make breakfast

3.  F*ck me on top of the dryer

4.  Fold some socks and underwear

5.  DATY me on the bathroom floor

6.  Put in a new tub and re-hang my towel rack

7.  I'll BBBJ you in the garage

8.  Change the oil in my car

9.  F*ck me more, more, MORE!

xoxo, your favorite provider, Alexandra Marie


NOTE:  
I actually gave a list like this to my ex-boyfriend and his first response was, "Uhhh... I've never done an oil change before.  Shouldn't you go to a mechanic for that?"  

I dumped him and kicked him out in less than 3 minutes. (And I was really tempted to show that list to my mechanic -- I'm sure I wouldn't have gotten any complaints!)

Thank goodness I'm a provider -- a girl's got needs, ya know?

things....

Sex. Possibly one of the most addictive activities in which humans can engage.  I would offer the old addage, "never go to bed mad at each other" should be ammended to "never go to bed without PHYSICALLY DEMONSTRATING your love to your partner"

and some women wonder... why they get ditched, or why their hubby strays.... many (most) of the married men I have met in this hobby tell me of their continued love for their wives... but that they just can't stand not having physical intimacy with a woman....  this is incredibly difficult to understand.

Thanks for a great post )

leaverage or the like. Sorry ladies;that's been my experience. Until men refuse to allow that,it will remain the trend.

she proceeded to deny him a bj for the next 30 years. And, like yours, no sex in 3 months. It's crazy and grounds for divorce, if you ask me.  Changing the rules the day after the wedding??   She can't say she didn't like the way he was doing it because when you are newlyweds and young, you can learn together.  Sex is fun when you are newlyweds and shouldn't be hated and thought of as a chore!!  I have no idea what this man's wife was thinking when she denied him.

and "In all honesty some of the clients I see are not the best in bed"

Perhaps do you think just may that they are not there to MAKE YOU HAPPY? Could be they are just paying you do dump a load and get out of Dodge.

Just Maybe, just sayin

a food that can completely diminish a woman's sexual desire. It's called wedding cake.

I was the last girl who gave him one, before he was married, I was also the last one, who gave him one, since he's been married.

I'm in the exact same situation.  Since my youngest child was born (nearly 7 years ago) my wife has had almost zero interest in sex.  We might have sex 3 or 4 times a YEAR. I'm in good shape, work out every day, bring home a healthy income, and provide a nice lifestyle, but get almost ZERO sex at home. AND...we get along well. I can't figure it out.

recognized as justifiable reason for divorce by the catholic church.
Doc

Yes I know that. That's what I get the big bucks for. I was merely referring to those same men doing what they do with me to their wives. Don't get so damn defensive. My clients make me happy by paying me to be with them...that's all I require. My job is to deliver that which makes them happy and I do.

At least make a decent attempt comprehend my post in direct relation to the post above me.

You know that never ceases to amaze me. Why do it in the first place only to have your SO pissed of and straying. I know that if oral sex was denied  me after a serious commitment, I would be gone...poof. It's not like nobody is going to notice.

Like, just thinking about what happened earlier today is like "huh, what? Are you serious?"

I can't believe that there is a woman walking around bored with the person that came to see me today.  Its just like, unfathomable.  

He says that he bought her a $15k ring for an anniversary present - and didn't get laid that night.


I understand there is always his story, her story and the truth but most clients don't bother to tell lies as genuinely as his story rang and especially not on a first meeting.  He's seen other ladies, I encouraged him to continue seeing other ladies, gave him is references online already so that he could continue doing so and have NEVER felt so good about facilitating sin.
He's freebie material but I'm going to resist that urge ahahahaha.

LOL

I don't get it married people.

Ok I keep hearing this. Do you try and talk to her? Do you try and romance her, help with the kids and if she works, help around the house? If you do all that and she is still resistant, I think I would sit her down and say this...I am your best friend and also your husband. I am getting what I need as your best friend but not as your husband. I'd like to know why and if you have just plain lost interest, there are two things that can happen, #1 divorce or #2 I am going outside of the marriage to get what I should be getting in the marriage. And if there is something I can do to make sex more enjoyable...just freaking tell me.

If my SO bought me a 15k ring I'd stay up for days doing it until they called "uncle" or had to visit the emergency room...which ever came first. Now that's appreciation!

he didn't care.  No oral!  No orgasm for me!  No kissing!  Just wham bam thank you ma'am!  

I tried over and over to spark him into wanting more.  It was futile.  Now I get to enjoy lots of GREAT sex with many wonderful gents.

I don't know why some people (men and women) lose their desire for sex.  I never did.

Enjoy your hot client simplesyrup!  He sounds delicious!

Now that's what I've been talking about..the other side of things and I'm sure he thought he was fine, only you didn't lose interest, you got rid of him and now look at you...

OMG..that's awesome. I just sent my SO an email today that was very similar to that one.

yes. yes. yes. We have one child and she does not work outside the home. In my experience, a discusion that involves ultimatums is counter-productive. So no: I don't say do this or else. I've been divorced before...I'm not gonna do that again (voluntarily at least). And finally, the end result of all of our discussions has consistently been that she just no longer needs it.  She is satisfied with other types of intimacy like hugging, cuddling etc... Who knows, maybe its hormonal.  Regardless, its not fair to me and it makes me very angry.

Good LORD!! For you, Bellissima, I would gladly fulfill your "honey-do" list....'

I do not mind the simple chores of life when there is a good balance of fun and of appreciation '

So - when are you going to visit me in DC ??

I'm making my list - and checking it twice '

I was always fun  and always loved palyin with my husband and long tme BFs I have had in my life.

I never held  back unless I was sick, like with the flu  even pregnency didn't keep me from having sex wit my partners.

There are some ppl who are passionate sensual and very sexual ppl BY Nature they will always be this way. Then there are those who are not by nature, sex is just to them a phase in their lives. Its not just women its also men, some men are not passionate or interested in exploring a sexual aspect of their relationships. It goes both ways.

there are alot reasons relationshios lose their luster in the bedroom not always the wife being uncooperative.

I may find out.

First off, the average married man gets laid (by his wife!) 2-3 times a week, right up into his 50's. So folks dissing marriage on the basis of the *exceptions* need to start thinking about the rule -- and the rule is that married men get laid a LOT more than single men.

Second, the modern situation in which women find themselves is utterly non-conducive to being in the mood to lay their husbands. Women are now EXPECTED to hold down full-time careers, PLUS do all the stuff they would have done at home as a full-time homemaker. By the time they get out of their (usually) thankless job that they work out of necessity, pick up the kid from daycare 15 minutes before an extra fee applies, get home and make dinner in time for hubby to roll in from his commute -- she's ready for a freakin massage and some pampering.

INSTEAD what she often gets is the privilege of taking care of the dinner dishes, taking care of the kids, keeping track of everyone's schedule and the whole nine yards right up until bedtime. While hubby soaks up some R&R in front of the idiot box.

Is hubby getting laid? No. Hubby is NOT getting laid until he gets his sorry ass of the couch and does something to help make his wife's life better.

Sex within marriage occurs AFTER the wife's basic needs are met. Those basic needs include attention, commitment, assistance and caring just for starters. A wife doesn't need a $15k ring to be appreciative. Just picking up the phone and calling her at work, telling her you were thinking about her and you'll be taking off from work an hour early so YOU can get the kids for a change works wonders.

What I'm saying here is that the single largest cause of gravid females not laying their husbands is that their basic needs aren't being met. Husbands can TALK to their wives, find out what needs to be done, and put forth effort to get those needs met. (In post-menopausal females the usual causes are hormonal and beyond hubby's control.)

Third, and I know I'm going to catch some heat for this, but what the hell. Too many women have been programed through TV and movies to essentially be dissatisfied with marriage anyway. In fact, studies have been done demonstrating pretty solidly the contributions of the values delivered through TV to women initiating divorce. Prior to that, of course, the sex stops.

For more information on this, including citations, please see my prior post here: http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?BoardID=12&SortBy=DateCreated%20desc&Search=hypnosis&SearchType=1&Author=johngaltnh&DayFrom=180&DayTo=0&MessageID=337073&frmSearch=1

MUST there be more TVs than PEOPLE in this country? Again -- hubby has some control over this. Maybe, instead of sitting like a mindless zombie next to his wife he can cancel the cable subscription and undertake ... oh ... I dunno ... some interactive conversation, a new joint hobby or business or even board games with her. ANYTHING to turn OFF the TV and turn ON life.

So -- for the largest contributors to frigid wife syndrome among gravid females; men are NOT powerless to change things.

Yes, I DO understand that some wives are simply entitled, unappreciative princesses who think they are worth more than their husbands, and that their husbands should be appreciative that they even deign to speak, much less fuck.

And when a woman like that has a guy's ass over a barrel because she has the legal power to basically say to him: "You are going to be chaste the rest of your life or I will reduce you to poverty" -- he's between a rock and a hard place. Usually.

My first wife was like that. Yet, I managed to get lots of sex out of her -- at least until she became convinced that her boss was gonna leave his wife and marry her. How? I had read an article on how to tell if your husband is having an affair; and simply adopted all the trappings BUT the actual affair. I even had a confederate make a few "hang-up" phone calls. Worked beautifully. Manipulative? Sure. But I wasn't about to be chaste for life at 25 either.

But sometimes that won't work. And I'm afraid that's where providers enter the scene.

Same occurs with wives who are post-menopausal with zero drive or have issues due to sexual trauma and stuff. Until those things get fixed, the guy gets his sex elsewhere unless he cares to abandon his wife; which seems to me an inferior moral choice.

But ... NOW ... as for the fact clients often suck in the sack. I'll admit that I can be a pretty crappy lay with a couple of exceptions. One of the two knows how to turn me into a good lover, and the other has spent hours teaching me how to please her specifically.

The average provider has had sex (according to LG) with over 860 men. Sex is her PROFESSION. She had darned well better be good at it.

But I have not had sex with 860 women nor do I wish to. It is not my profession. So if a woman wants me to effectively pleasure her; I will NOT be insulted if she tells me how or corrects something I'm doing. But if she doesn't speak up because she's afraid of bruising my fragile (not) ego; she has nobody to blame but herself for me being a shitty lay for her.

I tend to repeat, so instruction time is well-invested unless you want to endure session after session of crappy sex. LOL Why endure when you can enjoy?

he's doing better than I did with my ex.

While most of the comments here have focused on the marriage as being part of the problem, the OP made a point of telling how the client wasn't getting his needs met "post-kids." The chemical and physical changes that a woman undergoes during and after pregnancy are huge, and involve almost every hormone and system in her body.

Couple that with the physical changes that her body undergoes (and many can't/won't make the lifestyle changes needed to correct those changes) -- well, it's a recipe for sexual disaster. It's amazing how quickly the fun and light-hearted person you married can turn into a despondent, surly and (suddenly) 80 pound heavier monster who wants nothing to do with the person "who did this to me!"

...but maybe I'm the only one who went through this?

at least the first part. I didn't have the time or energy to read through the whole thing. But, in my marriages the average sex per week was between 2-3, and even toward the end of each, at least once a week. People find it difficult to make love to someone they are angry with or disrespect. And, they also find it difficult if they are too tired and stressed. Generally, wives just want to know that they are appreciated, and their needs are taken seriously by their husbands.

This the fascinating thing about human relations and why the hobby is an outstanding thing.  In a marriage, the wife will ultimately use sex as a power tool when the husband is desirable and successful.  Unfortunately, this is because a woman with a successful man feels extremely threatned and hopes that by withholding sex they can bring down the man's confidence.  That strategy works for many women because the man usually has no idea that the hobby would solve this problem.  In my experience, once you start hobbying, the wife senses that her attempt to emasculate you is not working and she starts sleeping with you regularly again.   It is my theory that this is why polygamy works in many societies. Free market competition stimulates excellence.  
Women have a certain ability to sense that you have other options.  Of course, one never reveals that they are hobbying.  One must always play the role of the good nice guy husband.  The wife assumes that there is a secret girlfriend somewhere. I always feel sorry for successful married men who do not hobby.  Unfortunately, I do not want to risk my marriage by telling other men who might slip up and let the secret out of the bag.  If I knew about the hobby earlier in my life, I probably would just find a good woman to have children with and never get married.

The harsh reality of life is that most woman want to get married to satisfy their family and society.  Behind closed doors they are only going to be sexual enough to maintain a great lifestyle that is being provided by her successful husband.  

For me personally, I love my wife but I am not going to allow my wife to dictate my frequency of sex while I provide a great standard of living for the family.  It is simply not a fair deal.  

With hobbying, I can stay happy and the wife looses the sexual leverage she used to have.  Now, if she wants to withhold for a week, it does not bother me.  I am confident she will come around.  Her natural womanly intuition will force her to know the limits of the withholding trick...

Rickshaw, I'm sorry that does suck. I am a little more confrontational but in a very calm way...I just can't see why you have to live the life she deems fit and have your needs unmet.

This hormonal thing is often used as an excuse...Good lord I don't know how old your wife is but I am considered mature as far as age goes and as horny as a snake.

I feel for ya  really I do.

I know its unpopular but if you want truths here...some men suck in bed. they aren't romantic and they only seem to take in the sexual aspect of a relationship. There are women like that to. If its a one sided thing where one person isn't being fulfilled they tend to lose interest in it.

I am and I ain't complaining. And, during a 20 year marriage, which we averaged 2-3 times a day until the first kid, and raising three more, and both of us working, 2-3 times a week was just right for us. With the new wife, and our age and energy level and work schedule, we are both quite satisfied. The trick is matching up with someone with the same sex drive as yourself, not about the maximum possible times you can get it.

Until recently, we were unaware of the effect that hormonal birth control can have on mate choice.

It turns out that an important ingredient in chemistry for a woman is her ability to detect the man's immune status and the presence/absence of certain factors that, when combined with hers, will make a healthier baby. Normally, she can detect this within seconds of meeting a man. If he has the wrong immunological profile, she does NOT want to lay him.

Hormonal birth control turns this mechanism OFF making all men seem pretty much the same to a woman immunologically. This means that if a woman is on hormonal birth control when she selects a mate; there is a chance she will have selected a man that, immunologically speaking, she shouldn't have.

When she goes off of hormonal birth control later in the marriage -- like after the birth of the first child -- in those cases where she selected an immunologically bad match, her husband will no longer be desirable to her. AT ALL. She may get along with him fine, like him as a person and all that jazz, but any spark for sex will be GONE.

In fact, in couples counseling where women report a lack of sexual desire for their male partner, their top complaint is that they can't stand the way their husband *smells*. (Herz, 2007)

SO -- this problem can be avoided by making sure that prior to marriage there is a period of a few months without hormonal birth control; and see if the sex situation changes for the worse. If it does -- don't go through with it because you are asking for trouble later.

Sources:

Herz, R. (2007) The Scent of Desire: Discovering Our Enigmatic Sense of Smell

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-10-10-birth-control_N.htm

http://www.healthfinder.gov/news/newsstory.aspx?docID=631716

Present that case in a genderless fashion. It works well.

Nevertheless it does not address compatability issues that creep up over time. I for one believe that falling out of love is a perfectly natural and acceptable thing. No one is perfect and we should not punish ourselves for our nature.

As far as the cable TV goes....I'm so with you.

I tried to nix the idiot box, to no avail......

I hate the thing.

What John had written was from the opposite gender perspective?

I now sometimes this happens and its very sad. Not the person you fell in love with anymore. It sucks

but if one changes the rules abruptly and without warning, without communicating their wants and needs, without giving the other spouse a chance to grow and change with their partner, then that's a deal breaker in my book.  You work towards a common goal and work together or you grow apart.  A couple's sex life works the same way.  You work together to make it mutually satisfying.  If one or the other is not fulfilled.. well, we all know what the outcome will be.

I am married to a woman whom I intensley adore. We have been together for 14 years, married for the last 5 years. Things were great till the marriage, great sex, romance etc for 8-9, years, not bad for a year after that, but two kids after things have come to a complete stand still. Problem is except for the sex and romance, she is still excellent companion for me. since both of us are still pretty young( and she looks really hot, which makes it worse), I cannot digest the fact that my sexual life is numbered. Thankfully I have discovered the hobby.

Sitting down and talking with her, guilt tripping, cajoling, romancing her, being exceptionally nice....nothing has worked. However, I still have not felt that divorce is a solution as the same story may repeat the next attempt and we may not be compatible in other areas as well.

I hear that... I was married to a Doctor for 7 years he didnt like SEX. I am surprised i got 2, smart beautiful children outta the deal. Every 3 months would have been a bonus!

RR

Kitty, all I can say is unbeleivable, and could anyone not like sex with you!

Good, well said, post.  However...that ain't my situation.  Wife (age 39) with one child who is at school all day.  She doesn't work outside the  home AND we have a housekeeper. She doesn't cook that much. Usually I bring something home during the week and we go out on weekends. We get along. We don't fight much. We hug and cuddle. We actually like each other. I provide almost every finacial benefit you can imagine. I keep in shape. I'm clean.  I brush my teeth and use mouthwash. We go on expensive vacations. She drives a very nice expensive SUV. She has expensive jewelery and furniture. She just doesn't want sex anymore and I don't believe she is getting it elsewhere. I'm totally frustrated and at a loss to know what else to do.  Thanks for letting me rant.

My first wife...  sex was once a month (hormonal) but she was busy milking he finicially.  When the money ran out, she became obnoxious until she succeeded in driving me out.  Beginning to end took 5 years.

I thought I did better the second time around with a sexy widdow.  Her young daughter tried to break us up...  continued until she went to collage.  There was no sex at home.  Once a year we'd go away on a business trip...  & do it once.  SHE was just fine with this!  Holy low sex drive!  
Since the children are out of the house it is better but still rationed (late on Sat night), unless there's an excuse.  She just lays there & soaks up any & all I'm willing to give...  but never reciprocates.  I get one shot intercourse.

I play once a month typically...  a morning, mid-week, when I have more energy.
skb

Well I'm pretty sure we can remove the hormonal thing, unless there's something about her you don't know because she has not told you. I know it is a bonafide medical condition but nevertheless, I still feel it's used as an excuse.

It just seems puzzling that at 39 she has a great life, little stress (from your perspective) and a husband who adores her. It does not really matter  what ails her, if there is something and she is not prepared to try and get help you are in a very unenviable position. I am guessing that the hobby is your only outlet that really minimizes any interference(an affair) that you don't want or need. Very sad but what's a person to do?

But study after study has demonstrated that money really does NOT equate to happiness.

I realize that people who don't have much money tend to think having more of it will solve all their woes. But in practice, people with more money tend to be less happy, rather than more.

I am NOT a psychologist; but let me give you some thoughts that may be of help. The following is based indirectly on the ideas of Dr. Viktor Frankl as expressed in his book "Man's Search for Meaning."

Okay -- her core material needs are met. Good. She is treated with kindness and respect. Good. Hell, she has all sorts of status symbols and barely has to lift a finger.

Hmmmmm.

What is the meaning and purpose of her life? WHY is she alive? What matters to her? Is there anything larger than herself (or offspring) about which she cares?

It is my opinion that without this focus, true happiness is not possible. Humans need to be productive and effective in SOME realm -- regardless of their sex. And they need a motive, something they really care about, to inspire that productivity and effectiveness. Being a kept woman looks good on paper, but I suspect most halfway intelligent women would lose their mind in that role in short order.

Logotherapy focuses on inculcation of a sense of meaning in one's life. This can be done in one of three ways:

(1) through a deed, actions, by creating, accomplishing, putting forth something that was not there before;

(2) through experiencing something, such as love, caring, or compassion; and

(3) through an heroic attitude, the ability to choose one’s reply to fate which can not be altered. (a)

I would respectfully suggest at least exploring the option of introducing your wife to meaning-oriented therapy. Possibly, as she gains meaning, her sex drive will return. Sex, after all, is a celebration of the goodness of life; and fully happy people want it more.


a. From Maritime Institute of Logotherapy

Thank god I am not married anymore.

Great points all.  I agree that money does not equate to happiness. I was responding to concerns over the potential that she was overworked, stessed, etc... I suppose it's possible that there are some unspoken needs here, one of which could be a lack of purpose, but I don't think so. She seems to be a happy, well adjusted, person who loves her life. She speaks her mind. She is not a wall flower who would keep something all bottled up inside. Now granted. There has be some component to this that I'm missing because if I truly understood what was going on I might be less frustrated by it. And...I'd try to constructively address it. So...all suggestions are indeed welcome and there are some very bright, articulate, knowledgible folks posting to this topic. So...believe me...I'm listening.

So much of a woman's sex drive is completely out of her husband's control.  I've been married for almost 17 years.  I consider myself a good husband (show affection regularly, we live comfortably with a six figure salary, she stays at home, I help raise our children, we take expensive vacations, etc.).  Even her family and friends have told me I'm very good to her.  What I've learned is a large percentage of women, not all, are simply moody.  Everything pisses them off and can ruin their entire day including their sex drive.

When a woman first meets a man she is interested in, she "works" to keep herself in a good mood.  As the relationship progresses and she feels more comfortable with him, she opens up.  While this sounds like a good thing, the end result in a lot of situations, by opening up her feelings, she is also becoming influenced by those same feelings to the point it's difficult for her to remain "happy" for more than a few days at a time.

Men and women both have feelings and have times when they simply aren't interested in sex.  However, since women have a lower sex drive to start with, this occurs in women far more than men.  We tend to focus on men not fulfilling their spouses needs when I think we should take a step back and recognize when it comes to a desire to have sex, it's not an even playing field.