(Sorry for alias..necessary in this case)

ok ladies:  What do you think is reasonable or unreasonable for sleeping arrangements on a multi-day date?

I've had some fun times with one of my ATFs on multi-day dates.  I've found (originally to my surprise, but later discovered this was relatively common) that sharing a bed for the actual sleeping portion of the festivities is not a given.  On one occasion, she just kind of gave me the king-size bed and slept on a sofa in our room.  On another, we were renting a private home, and she just kind of took one room while I took the other.

Now we're planning another little getaway, and her conditions are becoming even stranger--she's expressed a desire for separate rooms altogether.  I think this is going way too far.  I countered with the idea of a two-bedroom two-bathroom suite, so she could have total privacy, not have to worry about ever looking less than her best when with me, etc.  She's even giving me s--- about that.

I'm being accused of being something I have never been in this crazy world of ours--a haggler.

Go ahead, let me have it:  Am I out of line?  Is she out of line?  Both?  As it is, I may have messed up my thing with this gal, possibly forever--which makes me very sad, indeed.

I do multi day "dates" all the time, and if she isn't going to be sleeping in the same bed with me, then I am finding another date.

Any woman that wants to put those type of conditions on a date is going to have to find herself another date IMO, because that just kills the mood for me. I want a GFE not a "wife experience"

I don't think that you are the one who messed up, I would have told her to take a hike the first time.

If she was into you she would want you to sleep with her.  Okay, so maybe you don't care if she really likes you and you are just paying for the fantasy.  Lord knows what you are paying for these multi day dates.  That said, shouldn't your money at least get you the fantasy.  The one where she acts like she is into you and does what you want (within reason of course)?

She is getting paid well and she is being demanding and treating you like her little bitch.  The obivous thing to do is dump her and find another one.  I'm guessing that wont happen.

..she likes me, and I like her (except when we get into these weird tiffs), but (not to make excuses for her) she is super-high-strung, super-high-maintenance, and really does need a certain amount of time to herself (the dynamic between her and her IRL boyfriend isn't all that different).

I'm down with all of that, because I really do enjoy her company.  I thought two separate rooms was over the line.  I think her attempt to try to maneuver this situation towards calling a rainout had more to do with her having too much travel on her calendar to begin with.

And even that is not an attempt to make excuses for her.  The circumstances of our little get-together were very unique, sort of an outgrowth of "hey, by chance, we're going to be in the same city at the same time, and for the same reason" syndrome (a conference which has absolutely nothing to do with the hobby, and which she never would have known about if I hadn't told her).

So I'm feeling really bummed by this.  I hate feeling like some dumb inconsiderate slob, when I'm actually one of the most generous hobbyists around--and I hate that the recreational part of my going to this conference is shot to shit now.

…and I know that for sure.  This gal hates to be seen looking anything less than her very best.  She spends hours in the bathroom every day--make no mistake about it, it shows--she is absolutely f'in gorgeous.

But on one of those prior multi-day dates, I did see "the real her".  Minus all the makeup and primping, with the hair color washed out, etc.  It also allowed certain other attributes to show through--like the lines left behind from an old (and kicked) drug habit.  I didn't mind--I still thought she was beautiful even in her "Clark Kent" guise--but I guess we have to expect all women to have a certain amount of insecurity about their appearance, and providers even more so.

I think stuff like that is a big part of the reason why she wanted the two rooms--and why I thought the two-bedroom thing was a good-faith counter-proposal.

Meanwhile, it looks like I've totally messed this one up…I can't believe it...

I didn't want to sleep with them every day. Sorry, but it sounds weird on her part. At worst she doesn't really like you?

and change your alias while you are at it. It gives me the willies for some reason.  

Many people kick, snore, fart, etc. in their freaking sleep, and most are courteous enough to know this, and offer other arrangements. You fk, you fall asleep, then she or he gets up in the middle of the night without the other person even knowing it, sleeps, jumps back in the bed for the morning bj. It's really not all that absurd to not want someone punching you in the damn face whilst sleeping.  

Do I have to start stipulating, "I'm a cuddler, if you're going to punch me in the face I am not the girl for you."

and the Lone Ranger wasn't on my mind either.

I'm sorry if that's insulting, but it is. It's one of the few times where I, who consider myself very independent and not here to fulfill fantasies, will say, "dude, you're paying."

I won't move, and I won't know either ha ha ha. I am a good sleeper, but I always wake up with bruises.

I'm hardly ever on time, byproduct of my job where I was bothered too much and made late to meetings, flights, and whatnot. My ex almost didn't speak to me during a vacation when I made us miss a flight to Brazil and we thought we'd have to wait a day for another one. I take a while to answer emails, I don't answer my phone, but I always make it up, and so I don't consider that to be high maintenance. High maintenance I consider to be someone who over dramatizes simple situations. If you take 2-3 hrs to get ready because you do a lot to prepare it's one thing (you cook so that must take a while), but if it's because you can't make up your mind about which pair of black pumps to wear, that is over dramatizing.

If it's already becoming so contentious you would do best to move on.  The signs say this date is already ruined.

...I thought she needs to chill. Sleeping with me is the reason I would do an overnight or multi day. She is definitely out of line on this. "Wife experience" expresses it quite well. You as the client do need to be reasonable but don't let her walk on you.

I'd say a 2 BR suite is best. Don't want to let realty intrude.

Sounds like she's planning to bring her boyfriend with her and trying to get you to pay the cost of the hotel room for them.  While you're asleep in your own room, she'll be fucking him in the bed you paid for.

Dude...this sounds like a complete nonstarter. This is supposed to be fun, not stress inducing. Move on.

you enjoyed spending that much time with her Cat, you wouldn't be on here with an alias asking the questions you have. You know deep down what you need to do despite your feelings for this woman. Something's not sitting right and perhaps it's time to move on and find another, maybe that's why you're here seeking more confirmation that it's not 'you'.  

If you're paying for the Room, then you should be able to say what the Sleeping arraignments are. You're already paying her to be there with you.  

You are just too polite.  
It is an honorable trait. It also gets you nowhere.

I get it...your inflatable ATF never has to shit, fart or burp.

Get a couple of them...I think they're on sale thru Saturday.

This guy explains it well:

but I've done GF getaways in the past...   I think a reasonable amount of privacy is just being civil...  I wouldn't mind separate beds or even rooms FOR SLEEPING if there was a good reason like snoring or ??   But this is a paid travel offer...  I'd be expecting the full treatment.  Jumping into bed together...   Kissing, cuddling, yes, sex...    The norm is sleeping together in the same bed.    

Not the other way around. Frankly, I can never figure out why guys would pay to see someone else eat and sleep. But since you are paying for it, the accommodations should be on YOUR terms, not hers. Come on man, are you really this pussy whipped?

And now that I have a major sleeping disorder/Sleep disturbance problem, I have to get a minimum of 9 hrs of sleep. There's nothing I can do about it.

It's worse when I'm not at home in my own bed. On the few times I travel now, the amount of supplements and meds like muscles relaxers, sleep meds, and more is beyond what most can imagine. then there's the stuff I have to take to be able to get up and stay up: more supplements and meds. I f'king hate it and I need my privacy.

And yes I like my own time when I'm getting up, it takes me about an hour to feel alive and ok everyday. Believe me I HATE it.

Now a few members of the opposite sex have seen me sans makeup, and some have seen me when I'm doing my hair and putting the finishing touches on my makeup on an extended date. So if I really know the guy well, it really doesn't bother me too much, lol.

Now me, I'd be ok with a two bedroom suite, I don't understand why that doesn't work for her.

Would she be ok with two separate rooms beside each other? I swear I don't get why she wouldn't be cool with a condo or house though.

Despite all the "grow a pair" advice you're getting IMO, it boils down to this: How badly do you want to take a trip with her, and what kind of sleeping arrangement can work for BOTH of you?

All might not be lost, be honest and ask her why it's important to her because you want to know what's important to her. If YOU think her reasons are something you can accommodate and feel good about it, do it. The only two that really matter here are you and the lady.

But as pointed out, you paying so she should try and be reasonable for her comfort level.

xoxo,

Steph

PS...there's no overnight rate on my website for a reason, lol!

FOUR hours, and I have witnesses!

.. with the advice to move on to another provider who won't cuddle with you in one bedroom. I can understand she is your ATF and possibly you have feelings for her, so it's probably hard to let her go. And you already mentioned she has a bf.. So there's the factor that she only will do some things with her rl bf that she won't do for clients. My ex-atf did not let me take photos of her without her face turned away. That hurt

Did someone take your handle? I would have thought your post would have been more like mine lol. Holidays must be making you a softie.

Even though some have imagined a few good reasons for her to want a separate room, she's totally out of line, pushing you around and deserves to be dumped.  Look, if you're in a city big enough to have a convention there must be lots pros there.  Do some homework and find someone who'll happily fuck you for money.  End of problem.  Unless you like sleeping and cuddling with someone. I don't, but, hey, to each his own.

the holidays do make me a bit 'soft'. But with the loss of someone I actually had the privilege of working with years ago prior to 'fame' taking over really thru me for a loop the past week. He was way too young, super cool and a totally sweet guy. Total shock...he was just getting started. Beyond upsetting to me.

Maybe something about you bugs her.  Who knows.  In any event, I would stop wasting my money doing get-away dates with her.

Forcing, coercing or harassing isn't wise.
She clearly states what she is comfortable with, he can take it of leave it.
Dumbfounded that her choice was not a consideration

It sounds like she might be planning to make some extra $. This is why im not big on over nights and multiple day get togethers. I take it your paying the bill on this other room, if so I would let her know that the arrangement needs to change otherwise I would consider a possible cancellation. We all don't know how you two are together. Maybe something happened. Anyways good luck buddy!