In 3+ years of reading reviews on TER, this is the first reivew I have read by a SO. If all SO's were that understanding, this world would be such a better place.
sorry about the touchy subject, but I am curious, do your wives know that you visit escorts. Does she know and let you go anyway? Does she go along with you sometimes? Do you love her, not tell her and go anyway. Do you worry about STDs? I might be married next year, and am worried about the implications. I am in my 40s and have discovered this pasttime recently and would like to continue it occasionally.
To all questions a resounding NO! If you want to continue, never tell, never confess your indiscretions. This will not enhance your relationship; most women won't approve. On the other hand, what is good for you is good for her. If you think she's never been with anyone else, think again, because the odds say that she has and with whom might be just as surprising to you.
Confessing involvement in this hobby to any civvy is likely a kiss of death. This is particularly true if the person is an SO.
I follow the "Don't ask, don't tell" rule with potential girlfriends. I do not ask them about their sexual past even if they offer information, and I certainly would not divulge one minute of my past. My only concern is that I am clean when I chose a GF and will not give her a sexually based disease.
If STDs are a concern, stop sex with everyone and get tests for STDs until certified clean.
I did not hobby while married - however, I did not make a secret of my fascination with porn while dating my ex. I even got her to watch movies with me (VCR & DVD's). I NEVER hid anything from her with respect to this pasttime. And when she became pregnant - and was curious about how others have sex during pregnancy it was she who asked if there were DVD's depicting sexual acts by pregnant females. it helped our sex life during pregnancy enormously.... BUT
When we were going through the divorce - that was her hot button - I watched porn and for heven sakes I kept - gasp - Playboy around.... OMG.... I tell you this - not to say do this or that - but just to let you know how things may play in the future...
For the record I married in my 40's also - and had had several significant others prior to my wife... so be careful out there.
I love my wife and I will not tell her. I think she knows because she hints around and calls me a player. She always calls the cell phone to see what I am doing. I make sure that I get tested and ask the providers that I am with if they are tested to get around the STD worry. The only reason why I got into the hobby is because the wife decided to play games and not give up the pussy. If you are getting married focus on making your wife happy and give her the attention she needs. Instead of spending free time looking for the next provider to play with spend the time with the wife. Evently you will get caught like I did. My wife asked me where I was at a particular date/time. I could not help to break out in a smile. My wife no longer plays games anymore. If she can give sex to me 3 or 4 times a day she does. Amazing what fear will do. In my area there have been alot of busts. As a result she realizes how easy it is to buy pussy all types of shapes and sizes.
-- Modified on 2/12/2006 1:13:15 PM
"If you are getting married focus on making your wife happy and give her the attention she needs. Instead of spending free time looking for the next provider to play with spend the time with the wife."
I might get kicked out of this board for saying this, but historian05, I think you should first give your marriage a chance.
-- Modified on 2/12/2006 3:09:39 PM
If I was getting it at home I never would have started in the hobby. If I ever start getting it at home again, I will stop hobbying. Give your marriage a chance. This is all business anyway, it is a fantasy world.
Women can be driven to be self centered, at least the one that are not already that way. If you have a good open woman, treat her well. If you have one that is obviously self centered, lose her and find someone better suited for you.
Though I have not engaged an escort's services yet, I feel that my time is coming. It's been said that you don't go looking for what you can get at home. Whether it's conversation, respect, attire (stockings, heels, lingerie), acts (oral sex), or whatever, I wouldn't look outside my marriage if I were satisfied at home. I am 50 y/o and have been married ten years (first marriage) and seldom get my fill. Ladies, I'm not saying that my fill is a dozen times a day -we're talking that I'm lucky if I get sex once a month! There was one period of time where I went well over a year without sex! This isn't what I bought into when I got married. Of course there were lots of promises about all the wonderful things that I could expect once we were married, but that ring seems to have given her amnesia.
So, if there are any ladies in the metro Dtroit area, or southeastern Michigan, that are interested in taking care of these issues....
I come from the school that says women are stronger than men. Their key advantage is being female. A woman can and often does punish a man that is the focus of her desire by ignoring him, even when it damages her. The capacity to pull that off takes deep internal fortitude and patience.
Maybe your wife is playing along because she realizes that there is no one else as good for her as you. Good for you.
~I have had a few clients in which their spouses knew of their involvement with me....
After changing my name... a clients wife emailed me, stated she knew of her husband's involvement with me and was hoping I would still see her husband. (*It seems it made their marriage stronger without the added sexual frustration involved*)
I am aware of some wives who know of me, but I have never communicated directly with them nor would I ever, regardless of how many times they email me... trust me nothing good could come of it.
However, if I see a husband and wife together, then the situation is completely different. This creates more of a "swingers" type lifestyle only the male doesn't have to share his wife. This is not unusual... you can read the details of such an experience at the link provided.
If you are suggesting surprising your wife, I would be very cautious... if you are suggesting a confession I would say tread very carefully!
~Best of luck and thank you for the post....
kisses ~Tori
In 3+ years of reading reviews on TER, this is the first reivew I have read by a SO. If all SO's were that understanding, this world would be such a better place.
I know that an impending wedding makes most guys nervous and knowing that escorts are available might seem like a comforting thought and a good back-up plan. But that's not the way it works in my experience. You should do everything you can to make a new marriage work and to build the bond with your wife. If you don't think you can do that at this point in your life, or with this woman, then you really shouldn't be getting married (speaking as a guy who made a similar mistake).
Maybe you've heard the old saying- a hunter can't chase two rabbits. Well, it's true. You either devote yourself to building a relationship, or you split your efforts and keep a foot in both camps (married and single). You either commit to making your relationship with your wife what you both want and need, or you get what you need on the outside and let her fend for herself emotionally and physically. And don't think that can't happen. If it does happen, it usually initiates a downward spiral of emotional distance and decreasing physical intimacy with the very woman who is supposed to be your main source for both.
I've been married, divorced, single with GF's and single seeing escorts so I have some reference frame on the subject. Just remember, nothing beats being in a loving and happy relationship- whether with a wife or a GF- escorts and everything else we men do is just a substitute for that.
And I hate to be blunt, but if you really don't feel that way at this point I really wouldn't get married next year (I have the cancelled support checks to give weight to that opinion).
Having said that, if things don't work out as planned AFTER you've given your relationship with your wife your best shot, then TER and all these escorts will still be here. But don't do anything to hasten that outcome and subconsciously subvert your chance for success with your wife. That's just my opinion, but I'm speaking from unhappy experience and if I could go back in time I'd definitely change things that I did that resulted in our divorce.
-- Modified on 2/12/2006 11:32:11 PM
....to read your"nothing beats a loving and happy relationship"!! Nice to see
Smiles,
Heather
I am single but am dealing firsthand with the consequences of ignoring a woman that is giving off signals of wanting deeper intimacy. Now, at least for now, I have been pushed away. I tried a session with an ATF as balm for my feelings and could barely perform although I had no problem when with her during the past. For me, hobbying does not come close to making up for the potential emotional intimacy and support that I can get from a considerate SO. I do not know how my situation will work out, but every single person and married person should save a post like yours and read it upon waking everyday.
One of the best, esceptionally coherent, intelligent, thoughtful and sincere posts on this issue that I have ever read on this board. Well done, CED!
Ok Chill! I'm just kidding!
Seriously, you have the luxury of 40+ years of wisdom. Don't marry someone you're going to be afraid of. She should know who you really are. I guarantee you that if you like seeing multiple women, you'll be miserable as a devoted married man. IMHO, give it some serious thought and let your future wife know about your weakness. Hopefully, she's old enough to be out of the "Disney Princess Stage", and will understand that the traditional marriage does not take in to account the hugely varying personalities and physical needs of human beings!
About your questions, do a search on the topic and you'll get a ton of discussions regarding this topic.
Good Luck
Oink Oink!
but that did not make her happy. Instead I started to focus on making me happy. That made my wife less happy, and eventually she divorced me and took a lot of $ with her, and that me somewhat unhappy, but all in all, I am happier now and she seems happier now. (Who wouldn't be with all that $?)
In any case, I am now with several women and Ms. Fisher who makes me VERY happy.
I'm not sure what the moral of this story is, except that do what makes you happy and live with it.
actually better than laughing out loud. peace.
There are sexually enlightened women out there. If you are not cut out for monogamy, LOOK until you find a woman who fits with your ideal. You CAN find her. Don't settle. Just don't! If less people "settled", what would become of the divorce rate? I understand a lot of the men that hobby never intended to do what they are doing/are staying in the marriage for the kids, blah blah blah... But if you have the choice to find what you REALLY want and you're not yet STUCK, FIND WHAT YOU REALLY WANT!!!!!
In my case it just took me a long time to realize what I wanted actually existed outside the Playboy channel.