I read a thread from a day ago, the provider stated she when a client asks "so have you been busy today?" something like that. My question is why does the word "busy" have to imply that the hobbyist means "have you seen a bunch of clients today?" Could the client just be asking about your normal day in general? Did you work out today, run some errands, finish writing a 10 page paper because you're currently pursuing a degree?  

Early on I once asked a provider that question, mistakingly I phrased it wrong and in hind sight I meant nothing harmful by the question, maybe it was just nerves. But to allude to the subject line, why are there so many facades in what is supposed to be a no strings relationship? Providers provide and hobbyists hobby. If you're a well reviewed provider, it's for a reason right? And if you're on TER as a client/hobbyist, then it's for a reason as well. Otherwise we'd just stick to BP or try and strike gold on CL.

I was once turned down from seeing a provider because the reviews I have written indicated that I was not experienced enough with mature/curvy women, WTF? I mean sure I enjoy bolt-ons/Man-mades/enhanced boobies, and shapely porn-star type, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy natural GND curvy women. There are lots of interests I'd like to pursue within this world that I normally wouldn't do. My point is, I thought enough about said named provider's profile/ad to give her a call or email my references etc. Clients do it as well I'm sure i.e. "I'm single" or "I don't do this a lot." I've read enough posts/threads as to why providers tour, and offer certain services, for the bottom line, it's beneficial for business. So why do both clients and providers get defensive about non-invasive questions?

refer to one's business, so try "How's tricks?" instead.

(jk)

Gals do refuse to see guys if they think the match up will not work out.  They'd rather give up an appointment than get a poor review.  It does make it tough to vary one's repertoire, but keep trying and eventually you'll succeed

Think about it: two people who either don't know each other or who barely know each other engage in the most intimate of activities together.  It is said ti be "only sex" but only sex is about everything else as well: our self worth, our need for intimacy, the very biological reason for our being: to have sex and produce so our genes and the race survive.  
I have always felt that being a provider is a profound thing (and been -on occasion- merciless teased for saying so.) I still think of some of the ladies I have seen even a decade o so ago, even just once, that have touched me.  One day, perhaps if I can every get myself to retire from taking care of patients (another profound thing), I will ask some of the true philosophers like My friend Fisher or like Lovelee who was in Seattle and is now in Florida or Samantha who was in Cleveland or the superb Kim Kelly who has I believe long left the profession but who approached it with a deep understanding of what it was about or Tnisha who also understood the intimacy involved and write a book about both the meaning off the sex and the unwritten rule of the hobby and the professionals who make it possible

how is asking about the frequency of how a lady uses her vagina non-invasive?  seriously, stop man-splaining to a woman what she should be offended by.

tbh, some ladies i see have no problem talking about the hobby as it pertains to their business and money making activities.  but none of them particularly want to share the number of clients they have seen before me or will see after me.

other ladies react as if i asked what their mother's vagina tasted like.

also, it could be just the day they're having...is it a good day, are guys hassling her, did you touch on a nerve (maybe "busy" meant fending off creeps who are trying to get her to bbfs all the time, or maybe she's avoiding a stalker, or maybe she was bailing out her best bud who got busted for soliciting...)

it's hard to make small talk when the lady is already operating under a nom-de-guerre...by nature the hobby is built on facades.

my rule of thumb is that i don't ask about a lady's life (especially about her providing business) unless she has already volunteered information, and then i only speak about that information.  "so have you been busy today" is a pretty crass thing to ask a provider, as opposed to, "so how's your day going so far?  any fun things lined up?"

or hell, what ever happejed to "see any good movies lately?"

what we are doing is intimate, and intimacy implies between that which passes between you and another (tho i guess you could expand it to include all consenting adults, but even then, don't ask her about her other consenting adults without their consent).

keep your small talk about (a) your own life if you want to share it (b) what has happened only between you and the lady or maybe (c) a weird thread or posting you saw on ter or another site.  

a lady's business really is none of yours.  i made that mistake a few months ago with girl i had seen before, and liked alot.  very innocently i asked "so do you have a lot of appointments lined up for your oc tour?"  she very politely but firmly said "i dont' think that's your business" and she was right.  i quickly clarified: "you're right, let me just say, i hope you have exactly as many appointments as you want."  i was just trying to be supportive, but of course, her providing business doesn't need my support beyond my patronage.

sure this is intimate, but it's physically intimate, not necessarily (if ever) emotionally intimate.  

and you don't get to decide what is and isn't offensive to other people.

well, a person that has a busy life away from here will definitely answer with.
Yes, life is busy, it's important to prioritize life and time.  
To be able to use our day wisely.

Life is about "balance"
Health, family, work and play time. Let's not forget our own time...

So, if a woman has a life away from here. I would assume she will answer this way.
I know I would.

Yet, if she isn't open about her life. And if it's a new client. Then she might Answer differently.
This is where one female  is different from the other .

Live, and let live....
Love, for not all are loved...
Laugh, its contagious  
Respect other, doesn't mean you will get respect.It will define our character.
Oxox
Vivianna

ago. Guess I found my limit of what I enjoy... Blindfolded and supine on a trapeze board hanging by four chains from the ceiling, hands and feet chained high enough to the suspension chains that I was hanging U-shaped. Lady alternately whacking my ass with some kind of flogger, pinching my nipples (ow! shit! stop!), and shoving a few fingers up my ass (not long enough!). This definitely did NOT increase my feelings of self worth or intimacy and seemed counterproductive to any survival of my genes.

So clearly, BigPeterJohnson, you understand how to read (By you quoting the last sentence of everything I wrote). But clearly you misinterpreted what I was saying. Instead of skimming through the context and jumping to a conclusion of what the entire passage is about, maybe read and comprehend the entire thing? The overall point of the post was not to jump to a conclusion about a question that is somewhat ambiguous. Meaning why think that a client is referring to how many "johns" you have seen if he asks "have you been busy?" One could take the same inference and react similarly to someone asking "How's (the provider) life? or "How has your day been going?"  

In the same response you offer your definition to Intimacy, but made it to only be one-sided. As I said before, that question doesn't have to mean "have you had a lot of clients."  Busy can and may mean anything and not necessarily the worst of what you can think of. So I don't think I was man-spaining anything and I certainly was suggesting what a woman should be offended by.

Your experience was clearly a disaster.and I'm sorry you had that experience, BDSM takes particular skill and sensitivity and I can tell you that two of the women who have touched me the most did so by accepting control of me and using that control to touch me deeply emotionally and sexually.  
I can also tell yo that when I have been in a BDSM relationship with a sub, I had to work particularly hard and carefully to make the experience a rich one for her.

What's that chestnut about better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

END OF MESSAGE

sorry if i came off too condescending.  my bad.  but i think previous posters have established that, in this hobby, "have you been busy" is 99% of the time interpreted as "how many guys have you done today."  so really, it's an obviously invasive question.  

as i said, i have been guilty of asking similar invasive questions.  but yeah, dude, asking a hooker if she's been busy is pretty personal.

again, i reiterate, try rephrasing the question:  so how's your day going so far?  or, any seen any good movies/plays/ball games etc.?

i guess the ladies are thinking that if clients want to know a hooker's business, they should start being hookers themselves lo

you try!

-- Modified on 3/8/2016 11:14:29 AM