Here is another one of those catch-22's. I am doing this as one of my main reasons because I am seeking some feedback that I am a good lover.. Not getting it in current situation, feeling inadequate looking for some vindication that I am pleasing in the sack.. Probably never been heard before...

Here is the predicament... How do I know when the provider tells me that I am good that the assessment is honest. Seriously, what provider would answer any other way and risk losing repeat business? How am I ever going to truly improve if I am lacking in an area if I can't trust the feedback I am given..

NOt disrepecting the providers, but would be your incentive for providing it? You want to make those that see you feel good, including our fragile egos...

Ask your provider to teach you how to be one.  I'm certain she'll be happy to.

When a woman once asked him, Mr. Armstrong, "What is Jazz?"
He replied, "Ma'am, if you gotta be told, you ain't ever gonna know...!"

Seriously, there is no formula. Different people like different things.  Last time I checked, women (providers or not) are people.  Misty has good advice, ask her what she likes.

Try different things with women and by all means ASK them if they like it.  Pay attention to their body cues, not just what they say.  Relax and have FUN!!! This is not a test!!!

Now, if there are any providers who aren't sure they know how to best please a man, I'm here for ya' darlin'...  LOL

sometimes it is within. You have to believe that you are good and that the provider is enjoying themselves.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
If seems to me that if you are not good, that the provider should tell you. That is a hard one for a provider to tell you.
Also, if you see a provider again and again odds are you are good. Remember personalities need to match too.

By any chance along the lines, did an wife, lover, g/f, etc make you feel bad about yourself. If so, let it go. People can say mean things. Your talking to a provider who couldn't get a date to her prom. S**t happens... you move on.

Shaye

Body Cues are what I go by ... You can tell if you click and asking how you can do something better or putting the provider in a teaching role also works ... But for me it's Body Cues ... There are certain cues a Woman can't hide no matter how incredible she is or isn't. Another exemple when your DATY and she runs her fingers through your hair, presses your face down a bit deeper and says "right there" ...hobby safe hobby well hobby all you can be .....

-- Modified on 1/8/2003 3:21:31 PM

Shaye,

I hear what you are saying but the fact of the matter is if I was secure, I would not be here... I know that not every hobbyist comes to this for these reasons. But I do know that as long as I do my homework and choose a provider that has good reviews and is known to have a heart I will be fine...


You must find it amazing how much emotional baggage we men often carry into the bed. All that macho stuff is alot of crap.

I wonder if providers have a greater or lesser like of men as a result of what they see? Thanks for the good advise...

Your question reminds me that, even though I considered myself fairly knowledagble about how to please a woman (and took great pride in it) I learned a lot from "The Guide to Getting It On!"

It had a lot of interesting information/tips for pleasing the opposite sex.

You said yourself that the answer will be positive, if only for the provider's concern of losing future business.  I used to ask that question years ago, in my youth, and received only one, IMHO, honest reply.  It was from a provider who told me she was a lesbian, and no man had ever completely pleased her.  She then told me not to worry, just lay back and enjoy the ride, which by the way was a very good ride.  I then asked her to show me what to do with other women, and she gladly agreed.  It still stands as one of my most memorable experiences in this hobby.

Nowadays I don't ask.  And most providers are smart enough not to say anything at all in this department.  If you're doing something right, her body will react, she will try to direct you more to her pleasure spots, pull your hair, scream in your ear, bite your neck, etc, and you'll know.  Then afterwards, if she does pay you a complement, you'll know it was genuine.  To those of you out there that will say something like, "good providers know how to act out and fake it", I reply as follows:

Maybe so.  But I believe that under most circumstances, and some of the other replies here have alluded to "Body Cues" and such, you will have some sense of what is real and what is disingenuous.  It is then your decision as to whether or not repeat with that provider.  But you should not allow performance anxiety to get in the way of having a good time.  As my old lesbian friend said, lay back and enjoy the ride.

Just one more suggestion:  A provider I met in Florida last November had this book out in her living room, and suggested it to anyone concerned about the topic.  the book is:

Satisfaction, The Art of Female Orgasm.  By Kim Catrall (of "Sex and the City" fame) and Mark Levinson.  I recommend it as well.

Sorry this post is so long, but every once in a while I get energized.  Hope it helps.

Enjoy,

F.

What kind of provider would risk losing repeat business?  A provider who is so popular that she doesn't need YOUR business.  I think we've all come across providers with stellar reputations and reviews.  Some have even been lucky enough to see some of these favorites, maybe for a number of times. I, as have others I'm sure, have had trouble booking time with some popular providers.  You just can't seem to find a mutual time based on your (and usually her) busy schedule.  Some might not even return your call or e-mail because she's booked solid for quite some time.  Someone like this might be able to be totally honest because she doesn't fear losing your negligible business.
    I'm not trying to make somone like this sound bad, it's just a reality. Don't you agree?