Recently a member of the Boston board community posted regarding his frustration with a local agency. According to the poster, he was refused services because he is black. Other threads relevant to this topic have appeared this week on the Florida, Boston, Atlanta and National boards.

This topic goes beyond the issue of racism. Some would say that providers should see everyone. We know that, realistically, this is not the case. Some ladies impose age restrictions or weight or other restrictions related to physical appearance as well as race restrictions. What is the answer?

A. See everybody or get out of the business.

B. The other restrictions are okay but restrictions based on race are not.

C. It’s her body; she can impose whatever restrictions that she feels necessary.

D. The answer is C but she must tell us about it upfront.

E. [Your solution]

This is a hot button topic without question. Take a look at the existing threads.

http://theeroticreview.com/msgBoard/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=19377&boardID=9&page=6

http://theeroticreview.com/msgBoard/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=77725&boardID=12&page=1

http://theeroticreview.com/msgBoard/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=7407&boardID=16&page=1

http://theeroticreview.com/msgBoard/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=15420&boardID=18&page=1

http://theeroticreview.com/msgBoard/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=19878&boardID=9&page=1

I would like to invite everyone who has an opinion on this topic to a chat in the Boston chat room next Wednesday, February 18th @ 9:00 P.M. ET/ 6:00 P.M. PT. (If you’re located in another time zone and you’re confused, just enter the chat room the night before. At least you’ll be guaranteed a good seat.

thirsty

I vote for 'C' or 'D'

First off,

I would not restrict service based on that, but what I will base it on, is IF he has treated another girl bad, ie, not paying, not paying in full, hitting, etc.

BUT,

Don't you gents restrict service with us. Some of us ladies you are NOT attracted too, sometimes we are NOT your first choice.

I know for myself I really don't care that I am not what some people want. They look at me and make their choices. That is fine..you will miss out on a great provider.

Same way with the gents, so some gent might be overweight, so what. I have found out that most of the bigger gents I saw where a blast. (PLEASE NOTE, I AM ONLY USING THIS AS ONE EXAMPLE. I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST BIG PEOPLE.)

Anyway, each person is different. There are some ladies who will only see white men, skinny men, etc.

You can't change that. Just look for a very open provider.

Shaye

ps. Sedonda, is that better than a one line answer?? LMAO

Hey all,
my "understanding" for the restrictions towards black males may not be entirely racist. In Atlanta, I was told that black men are often suspected of being LE. So I guess the providers either a racist or just trying to be cautious. Go figure. Thirsty, I say c or d.

Well it is her body so she has the right  to place any restriction what so ever.  I think I interpret n-w-guy's post differently than most readers. Its not about being "obligated to serve everyone".  Non-white-guy clearly says "I don't understand the logic of your restrictive policy". He doesn't  want to sleep with a racist the notion may even sicken him. Sometime its decent to have our human dignity. It also bothers us when people seems to think if one Black person does something then we all must do it. I remember a co-worker  enviously saying "those black guys don't even have to work out to have good bodies".
I said right you know Al  Roker, Forest  Whitaker and I, were just talking about that. Now he's an engineer, how could he have possible thought that???

The question is "why" or better "what's going on in your head?"  I wonder this same thing whenever I see internet clubs which advertise for (well endowed) Black Men to have sex with their wife. What's with that? Why is their some kind of Black fetish. We're not some magical creature. If you cut us do we not bleed the same blood? And why wouldn't a well endowed White guy do?  Are us not so well endowed Black guys can we get a pass on the  various rudeness of everyday American background prejudice, as we don't enjoy the full benefits of our race?   It seems sometime that we don't exist separately from kind of mythos or folklore.

BTW scientific american says that 30% of whites have African ancestry and Blacks have up to 80% European ancestry. Many Black move to different town, different states and "pass" as white. So does the restricted provider use DNA testing to determine ancestry or just the paper bag (anyone lighter than a brown paper bag is ok)?  Restricted providers probably break their own rules without knowing it. What will the ramifications be?

I do think a provider should inform her client of any restrictions, that's only fair play.


BTW2 Dr Sue Johnson  ( http://talksexwithsue.com/) says that penis stuff is a myth.

Great post Shaye!

I am the same way - I only restrict visits from people that have treated other ladies poorly in the past - which is why screening and references are so important.  

I always feel so bad when I hear of someone being restricted because of race - for the gentleman and the lady involved.  For the gentleman the loss is obvious - he can;t see the lady he was hoping to.  For the lady it can be more subtle - she misses out on the chance to meet some wonderful men based on either past bad experiences or just based on her own discrimination.

I have met wonderful men of all races and colors, and I can;t say there is any way to generalize who treats me better or worse than others.  Growing up in north Iowa I did not have the advantage of knowing a lot of different ethnic diversity, and I have had a lot of fun the last 2 years getting to know a lot of people from different backgrounds.  

I know it is a common wish, but this whole country has a long ways to go in accepting people as they are, and judging them by their own actions, rather than by holding someone back and refusing to get to know them based on just the color of skin.  I will do my part to spread good will as much as I can

Hugs,
Amber

..but I would choose D, just be upfront about it.

A provider can choose whether or not to see anyone she wants to. It's her business. Yes, I am a black female here, and I am also a voluptuous/bbw, as well. I know that I get passed over for a slimmer woman, but that is the person's right and perogative to do so.  I can only do right by myself, and accept everyone into my household, for we all God's children. But, what I don't agree with is a "witch hunt" on any person, because of his/her personal views. If a woman decides not to see anyone but her own race, that is her business. Who am I to dictate otherwise?????? I may not like her personal views, and no matter how I toss it up, it's not going to change her way of thinking, either. Sometimes, it's just best to say your piece, and go about your business, and make sure that you look good in God's eyes, instead of worrying about what other's are doing. Anyways, just my personal thoughts

Mel

My answer is a firm D.

Every woman, no matter what she does for a living should be able to decide who she has sexual intercourse with.

If a WG is made to have sex with just about anybody, then it would be like consensual rape.  

I feel that she should make it clear on her website if she has one, what her turn offs are.  There are ways of wording such things without causing offence.

Across all "races", our DNA is 99.5% common. Amazing isn't it. But our hobby is one the most intimate acts that humans engage in. So everyone has to be inside their comfort level. I vote "d". Then we all come to this with common expectations.

I vote for d. I'm a black male so naturally I don't like it. But we are talking about a very intimate act so I'm not sure there is any satisfactory way around it.  I would prefer to see providers who are women of color. That's my personal preference so I can see where the providers are coming from.

On a related note there are nonblack civilian women who really like to date black men. To some extent because of some of the same stereotypes that some providers use to not see black men (i.e. they're big, last a long time, are dangerous or exciting somehow). Sometimes racial stereotyping works to my advantage. I don't complain then ;o)

and I am sure there are ladies who agree with me, is that I will see anyone at least once, if they are respectful and considerate in making their appointment.  I have known some providers who choose not to associate with Black men because of the bad reputation their predecessors have given them.  Although I don't discriminate once they get past my screening, most of the ones I have spoken with don't make it that far due to a demeaning, presumptuous attitude or a *bargain-hunt*.  That, or they want me to talk them through self-service on the phone.  YUK.  It's unfortunate that 80% of the Black men I've dealt with over the phone are this way, but it doesn't cloud my judgment on the other 20%.
I also won't see anyone who does not speak English well enough to make an appointment, not to be rude but simply because, if they can't speak my language, they certainly can't read my ads or website and understand them!  Besides, what would we talk about?
This is all part of my screening process, though, and once someone makes it to a session I don't care who you are.  One of my favorite regulars is a Black gentleman whom I drive an hour each way to go visit.
Basically, if you have the proper intentions, hygiene, and attitude (and the money helps!), it doesn't matter what you look like.  We are all pink on the inside.

Very good question, thirsty.
Thanks for reading,
Sydney

Lady Sterling

You have so much integrity to carry on like you have that you should be awarded with some recognition.  You mentioned that 80% of potential black clients behave inappropriately, are rude/crude etc.  The easier solution would have been to categorically exclude all black men.  

But, no - you chose instead to treat men regardless of back ground on the basis of their behavior, attitude and demeanor rather than pre-judge all on the actions of many.  That is all a man of any background can ask for.  IMO your mode of operation should be the model.  But others have disagreed.  I thank you for your open mindedness and wish you happiness and prosperity in all that you do.

BTW - although I am not black I disagree with any mode of exclusion based on the filter of race!

I don't disagree with anything you've said. If a provider chooses to use any criteria, including race, to screen out clients I believe that is her perogative. Why not be upfront about it and avoid the akwardness that will inevitably arise if the issue doesn't surface until the client is at the door?

I think it would be a good idea for TER to add a category for rating providers that describes the types of gentlemen the provider will not see. Many times it may not be known, so it would be left blank. But those who do have first hand knowledge could indicate this under the provider's reviews. THis would save some guys a lot of trouble. Isn't that the purpose of this board?

I know no one will read this because its so old but I dare not start a new thread.

I think are two points worth making still.
1) No one want to 'make' anybody do something they don't want to do. Blacks largely avoid racist places of business (see boycott).
We don't want to be belittled. The rumur of racism will cause Black to avoid a busines. Therefore Racist providers should advertise that fact. One does in SD.

2) This "Most Blacks think yada yada  blah blah", means nothing because its not a causal relationship. How can somebody who I don't know effect behavoir any more that Hilter effects your behavoir.