Is the monetary aspect  of an encounter with a provider more like the monetery aspect of dining at a restaurant or that of buying a car? Someone would be considered a little nuts to cavil over the prices on a menu, but it's culturally expected  to bargain over the price of a car. But there are many ways to bargain, some crass, but others respectable.


It seems that many folks are phobic about "haggling" over price, as if it were a mortal sin here. But there's haggling and haggling. i'd prefer to call it polite negotiating. For example, say a hobbyist decides he's got 350 to spend on an encounter, and in his telephone contact beforehand, the gal says her fee is 400. Does anyone thing it's "impolite" to say something like. " Well, I really like your reviews and your pictures, but I only  put aside 350 for this weeks entertainment, so if you think that's all right, lets set up an appointment. If not, maybe I can call you when i've got a bit more free cash." Polite, and nobody loses face.


But, after al,l there's such a thing as a lost volume seller. Is the gal losing $50 by agreeing, or $350 by not agreeing. Of course, I can see that a girl does not want to get a "rep" for being "easy," ie highly negotiable, I don't think it's offensive to ask in a reasonsable way. If the gal has more than enough business she can, also politely, refuse. There can so much nonverbal "negotiating" involving permitted and unpermitted sexual acts--dfk, bbbj, greek and so forth--that a bit of preliminary--pre-event==negotiating should not be offensive.


Haggling at the encounter itself would be offensive, and worse for those who consider themselves sophisticated, totally declasse--if your already at the tollboth, you don't cavil with the toll collector.

That is what I call it, when it becomes offensive. The funny thing is, 90% of the men are not car salesmen lol It makes you wonder if that was their first job, right out of highschool.

I don't mind dropping my fee, depending on the mood that I am in. Also, the tone of his voice when speaking with me, will also dictate, if it is a deal breaker or not. But, you can bet your bottom dollar, if someone is coming off to me in a non-gentleman manner, the only thing that he will be getting is a non-returned email or a hang-up call..

1.  Ladies post their rates and hours.  A guy should pay them or not book an appointment.  It can be very frustrating and demeaning to a lady to get beat down in her rate. And she won't be happy in providing you service.  In the scenario you mention, I would only think it was polite if the guy did not know that her rate was 400.

2.  I don't recommend negotiating, but it's definitely one thing to do it before booking and another to do it afterward. To book an appointment for a certain rate but then when the lady comes to town offer her less is the same thing as bait and switch - and we guys know we don't like that right?

3.  I don't think it us terribly ungentlemanly to let a lady know where (at what price-point) you could be her client in an email.  Not verbal negotiating.  Just an email with a price - she can then delete it or she has the option of saving it and contacting you.  It is important for ladies to get a sense of the market in determining how they should rate their services.  But the operative idea here is that you let her contact YOU.

4.  If you are talking about multiple hours or days and rates that are not listed on her website then I think more activity that could be called negotiation is acceptable.  This is entirely different than 1 or 2 hour services as she would list on her website.  For one thing, there are relatively few men in all probability booking such appointments with her and consequently the deal you strike with her would not present an unfair situation to another man.  There is plenty of incentive for her to take less per hour for a relaxed, much less active involvement.  But still the idea is for it to be a win-win situation.  Always remember that you get the best service when the lady is happy with her rate.

The hobby is expensive.  There are a lot of ways to ensure you stay within your budget.  If you find a provider you like and she is out of your price range. I suggest that you e mail her explain to her you can afford $x and ask her if she will be runnning any specials.  I sometimes get someone who is interested or a no thank you.  In fact I recieved a very polite no thank you the other day.  It was worded like this" I will keep you in mind for any special."  My feelings were not hurt, nor were hers.

If a price is not posted or someone contacts me about maybe getting together and she has a posted price .. I will open it up for discussion .. also if I am a past client and she has increased her price since I have seen her .. I will also make a subtle comment about price ... just be polite ... .02 worth.

My ATF quoted a price for an overnight that was, in my opinion, high.  After reading the notes on this board and understanding that ladies generally don't like price discussions, I called her and left a message that I wouldn't be able to join her for the evening.  

She called back, wanted to know what was up, and I shared with her that her price was well above market.  She explained that overnights were rare for her, what did I have in mind for $, and we'd make it work.  

Bottom line:  honesty is best, and haggling can be done politely.  Understand that either party can be unwilling to make the deal and still depart on friendly terms.  

-- Modified on 6/22/2003 1:40:51 PM

The lady in question had posted rates on her site.  When I called her to book, she quoted me a substantially higher rate.  Usually I wouldn't haggle price because I believe it gets in the way of pleasure, but I usually know the rate before booking, as I thought I did in this instance.  I did mention to her that the site had lower rates posted, and her reply was that she hadn't been able to contact the person that maintains the site to effect the changes, and that she was absolutely firm on price.  If she had done this face to face, it is likely that the little brain would have kicked in and I would have caved.  But over the phone I did not like her attitude about the whole thing, so I took a polite raincheck and have never contacted her again.



-- Modified on 6/22/2003 12:41:56 PM

Everybody knows that when you go in the store, and the price tag says this, that's what you're going to pay (or less, not more).
I've had to ask for the managers a number of times in the store when I've gone to pay for something and they charge me more. The "I'm sorry it's mis-marked, or that's an old price" or whatever is not acceptable and any good customer service person knows to sell it at that price to the customer and check the stock and pricing on the other items, later. I will NOT pay for their error.
If the girl that Fortitude mentioned had simply stated that she was undergoing a price change and it had not yet taken affect, and that he was RIGHT, and would therefore be happy to book at her (old) prices still appearing on the website, she not only would've had the opportunity to be with him, he'd also be happy knowing he got in before the price went up - and who doesn't like a bargain!?
Dumb, dumb, dumb..

In regards to your second paragraph, I agree completely with Brownhound. If you don't have it, don't call until you do. But..
I agree with the other gents, too, as to suggestions on taking the same circumstances and using a different approach, as that is the appropriate way to handle it.
The ladies adjust their rates for Repeat Clients; offer specials etc..and you're always fine asking to be aprised of that.
In regards to EL2's post regarding the 'special occasions'..occasions that aren't listed on her site can easily be discussed, as you can't possibly post the rates for all the different circumstances. Or, for example, I don't have an hour and a half rate, but can, and will should that come up. Sometimes 2 hours is a bit too long, and an hour is not enough..

is the line: "my webmaster hasn't gotten around to updating my rates" ... frankly, it's so transparent it's laughable. my usual retort is: "then until he does, i won't be paying that price!"

there's a ROB on eros-boston who had her alleged $250/hr up on her webpage for years and used that tired old line about how it's really meant to be updated to $300. the psychology is pretty simple but effective: the cheaper-than-normal rate reels them in and while on the phone she sweet-talks them into submission at the higher rate. once you're there the "coup de grace" is delivered as surely as an axe falling! ... now that she's been publicly outed she simply removed the rate so she can still play the johns flexibly on a case-by-case basis ... so pathetic she is!

regarding bartering for goods in general, i think it's par for the course in a free market enterprise (and this down economy), as long as it's done with utmost class and finesse ... then, neither party would feel "icky" because of it.

about once a week, and it's also on my schedule, in my website. It works well with me What I don't appreciate is someone who wants to haggle over a fee, that I never met before. For one thing, meet me, get to know me, if things work out well, I have NOOOO issues in giving you a discounted price, if you plan on seeing me again. But, for someone who doesn't even know me from Eve, please respect the fact that my rate is what it is. I would rather give discounts to my clients, who have been very loyal with me. Those are the ones, who will always keep coming back for more

just my opinion..purr

Mel

In the current environment if the lady has posted her rates on her website it is considered politically incorrect especially in the eyes of the ladies to negotiate their price.

Some of the confusion exists on this issue because prior to the internet a whole different environment existed.  Prior to the internet very seldom was a $ amount posted in a newspaper or elsewhere.  So if you saw an advertisement for a lady who you had not seen before when you called her you had to inquire about her rate.  If the rate was higher than your budget you could either tell her that she was higher than your budget or just thank her for her time.  In my experience in either case the lady would start a negotiation about 70% of the time provided you were basically offering market rate.  

In today's environment if you don't have the money for the lady you need to wait for her to run a special.  Sometimes that is a disservice to both you and the lady but those are the current rules of the game.

And here's why:  by asking if she will be running any "specials" you are acknowledging that her standard rate is her rate and that anything lower is in fact, something special, not usual.  You're not asking her to lower her standard rate.

We guys have to remember that when a lady sets her rate that it's not only her evaluation of market conditions but also somewhat her evaluation of her own self worth, how she sees and evaluates herself.  You attack her standard rate in a direct manner and you are basically attacking her.  Not really respectful and not a smart way to get good service.

I think your right, in that it is all in the way it is presented.  I think many a lady would take such an offering, if it were sincere but again, we do get a bit cold and calloused, myself included, because of the many gents out there that are looking for a free ride.  It is a job in itself dealing with that twenty four/seven.  

The last major scam was all the military men that were shipping out before the war asking for discounts and freebies, but it was funny how a majority of them couldn't or wouldn't present any ioda of proof that they were military shipping out and expected to you take the word of someone sight unseen.  Not all gents are honorable and can be just as sleezy as the women out there ready to scam each and every single one of the gents.  

It is the reasoning while a lot of ladies, including myself refuse to haggle on the first meeting.  And as the rest of the ladies stated.  After meeting the first time, tend to be more open to that and offer those percs that the gents hear about and want to be a part of.  

Even then it could be subjective and do believe YMMV comes into play for if the lady truly enjoys her time with you, then she will most likely offer discounts and percs.  She will expect those discounts and percs to be kept between the two of you, for although she may offer discounts to others she may  not offer it to the extent she does with you to anyone else.  Trust and comfort play a large key in that for some will even try and take advantage of the discounts and percs she does offer and she must be very discerning.

In a perfect world it shouldn't be a problem, but unfortunately it is the bad apples that take advantage and scam that makes it difficult for the sincere and honorable people out there.

Lauren