A couple of recent threads made me ask this question of myself and I think it might be a good one to ask ourselves periodically.

For those people, hobbyists or providers, who have taken a chance and formed caring relationships with other people in the hobby- were/are those relationships worth the cost?

I'll go first. So far, my answer would be an unqualified yes! When I decided to pursue a caring relationship with a provider, I told her that I knew that I'd be putting more into our relationship than she would since we had very different circumstances. It's been surprising to me to see how much I've received from this relationship as I've learned to focus less on what I want things to be and more on what things actually are. As I've become better at not loading the relationship with my expectations, I've been able to get to know my provider friend as she really is and not just how I want her to be and this has carried over into other relationships outside the hobby.

And, I haven't even mentioned the incredible fun! What a great hobby, eh?

OK, well I guess that I will answer second,
I have no regrets what so ever, each relatioship
that I have had, has allowed me to grow,
even though there is pain associated with that
growth, it was still worth it to have formed a
special bond with the two ladies that I dared to
open up to.

As well, I know first hand, that it was the same
for them as well.
Really though, the one thing that I desired and
miss out on, is the acknowledgement that I had hoped to receive from those ladies.
That hurt me, as I gave quite a bit in this past
year, and received very little in return.
but I still love her deeply and always will continue to have good memories of our times
spent together.

Of course it has been worth it.  And also as you said, WW, a lot of fun.  I have established a relationship with a provider whom I really care about, not marrying care about, just person caring about.  She probably won't read this.

But we just hit it off fantasticly.  Love her to death.  But I know it is just a client-provider relationship, and I am cool with that.  Just enjoy spending time with her.

Swim

Wwood,

Maybe there is much more to the "caring relationship" you reference than I am aware of. If so, forgive my ignorance but I'm not following. I say that with all due respect. But I'm hoping there is a lot more to this story...

Paid relationships, with very few if any exceptions, are not the same as "relationships outside the hobby." I read so many of these types of commentaries that I think some of these guys forget that. What does it mean that you will be putting more into the relationship than she? You are paying for her time and companionship. What is the role of a "paid companion" if not to make YOU feel good in any way you need- as long as you are paying for the service.

You said, "I've learned to focus less on what I want things to be and more on what things actually are". Why would you be paying someone for companionship that is not meeting the needs/things you want? Focusing on what things actually are seems more relevant with g/f or wifey. You sound like a provider's dream client- Continuing to pay for something you're not getting and happy about it.

It almost sounds like you are trying to buy love. Seems to me that the intimacy business is just that- and as long as you are PAYING for this relationship you ought to be focusing on what YOU want/need out of it not on the way "things actually are".

Are you trying to date a provider off the clock? Is that what you mean??? You're not paying her anymore for service and are now attempting a "dating relationship"??? Sorry, but I'm confused(a not uncommon thing for me, btw).

I look at it like this-- It's like going to a shrink. You pay to get your mental health needs met. You're not there to help the shrink meet his. Seeing a provider is a fantasy. Trying to make it reality is a mistake made far too often by men that should know better.


###postscript###  ----

If I sound like a prick here, well, I kind of am sometimes. I used to worry about that but after reading your post I'm going to be focusing less on what I want things to be(not being a prick) and more on what things actually are(I am sometimes, a prick)--LOL.







-- Modified on 7/1/2007 4:30:14 PM

What I mean is that I may want circumstances to be different so that a closer relationship could be pursued outside the business  but the reality is that's more than likely not going to happen.

I fully understand your point about the mistake of 'trying to make it a reality'. That's part of what i mean by accepting things as they are- not trying to pursue the fantasy beyond what it can be. But, how do we determine what the relationship can be unless we invest something into it? I mean besides money.

Nah, you don't sound like a prick- LOL

you are paying for her time. Some of you guys need to wake up!!!!I agree completely with Golfman's comments.

-- Modified on 7/2/2007 4:41:07 AM

I have a paid relationship with all of my clients, no exception- that is why they are called "clients." However, there is one with whom I feel closer than most, and I do consider our relationship to go above and beyond the envelope, as does he. I still have a paid/business relationship with him, BUT there are times when we do things off the clock. We both know that the paid appointments are the basis of our friendship, but, for example, I know I can call him if I'm upset about something, and vice versa. We VERY OCCASIONALLY do things, such as picnics or walking our dogs, off the clock, but not so often that it becomes a burden or a blurring of boundaries. We have discussed this and know that the business relationship will always be a part of it, but that it is not all there is. I think that, although rare, there are indeed situations when a paid relationship has a real emotional/social connection that extends beyond business.

I would have started in the hobby at 18, only because that is the legal age.  And if I was 18 at the time of the senior prom, I would have brought a provider.  I wish a good provider was my first sex experience.  I never would have gotten married or had girlfriends, for that matter.  I would have eliminated the overhead and middle-women and gone with the voluntary, intermittent expenses of the hobby's providers or whatever they were called back then.  I'm just glad I eventually found nirvana.  When they bury me, I've requested in my will an envelope of a few hundreds for the back pocket.  

Trick forever!

re-read it again.  Especially the part about 'having paid  relationships with all my clients'.  There is no basis for any real relationship when one party is doing all the 'paying'.  And I'm not limiting this to provider/hobby relationships.  So I say congratulations to all you guys who only have 'off the clock' relationships with providers when it's convenient for them.  
I don't know about anyone else, but I refuse to have relationship where my needs and desires take a total backseat to someone elses.