How do providers and hobbyists deal with feelings that they may develop for someone when they really feel a connection? I have a provider that I see and the connection between the two of us is different than any others I have seen. How do folks deal with these feelings and what is realistic?

Danger Will Robinson Danger!!!!!! Nothing good can come of this.

-----Yogi Berra

Pity Yogi doesn't post on this board.

like thinking a stripper in a club really likes you, they don't. this is a job, they may enjoy the job, but they are not here to fall in love

Easy.

Stop paying her and see if the sex is still as good...or still exists at all.

My secret is absolute unambiguous immersion in reality while contextualizing feelings as EXACTLY what they are: feelings.

Feelings are not facts.

Feelings will not wash your car, pay your bills, or change the direction the earth rotates.

When you give feelings too much power; you start to act in a fashion contrary to your best interests.

I am not at all afraid of feelings. I have them all the time.

Like this morning when a hyper-aggressive asshole demonstrated that he held my life to have NO VALUE; and I had the FEELING that I should catch up with his idiotic ass and blow his brains out.

But, then, I applied the test of SELF-INTEREST to that feeling; and realized that exercising behaviors based upon that feeling would be seriously contrary to my enlightened long-range self interest.

So I experienced the feeling, even savored it a bit. Then I put it away in a nice little box labeled "fantasy" and continued on my path.

MY secret is that *I* control my "feelings" and my behaviors rather than the other way around.

Enjoy them, savor them, and then properly contextualize them and have a nice day.

Ha_ha! I've been reading your posts for a while and I don't think you have any secrets! (-;

I still have plenty left.

But hopefully, what I reveal here is helpful in one of a handful of ways.

"It Aint the Heat, its the Humility"


This guy is such a pompous ass, he makes George Steinbrenner appear humble by comparison.

but rather the meaning one gives them in regards to the basis of their existence, and attempts to do whatever it takes to control and possess, what one views as, the originator of those feelings. When one can hobby, experience all the positive feelings that arise, and then not apply inappropriate meaning to them, then that person can fully enjoy the experience, while treating the other as a whole human being, and not just an object of sexual gratification.

and Prosper!

Just be really, really careful. I had one take me for a ride that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I have never developed feelings for a client. They come, they go. When with me it might appear that I have certain feelings, but let me assure you...it is part of the play. I do not lead anyone on by saying things that I don't mean.

She just might be so very damn good at her job that she has you feeling this way. Does she feel the same way? Has she said so? If neither of the previous has happened, then my friend, it's all in your head and she has done a damn good job of creating an atmosphere much like a real GF.

Now, I am certain that real feelings have occurred between a client and an escort...I read about it on this site all the time. Definitely a very real thing.

For me work is work and my private life is just that...private. I place on my work hat and when done, take it off. No muss, no fuss and no confusion and I have been doing this for quite a few years now so I do know what I am tali,king about as far as my personal experiences.

... when my first wife started calling me "Spock."

LOL

After all, I am just a poor dumb farmer.

Certainly nothing that a dead NFL coach would find impressive.

You really don't follow sports, do you John?

I almost feel that way right now, so I understand.

She is soooo fucking good that I BELIEVE that she is really into me.  She may be...I don't know...and I never will.  The day I don't set the donation down and she asks for it will be proof.  The fact is....I like the mystery...it gives me something to think about....drives me crazy...and powers my workouts with sexual frustration.  I would never DREAM of messing it up.

I have a fantasy that she calls me and says, "no charge, I just want to fuck you...can you come over now?"  IF that happens then that will be the DAY!  But I am not holding my breath.

BTW...I feel like I am cheating on her by scheduling with another provider...WTF?!?  I will blow off the other provider just for the chance of being with her!!!  AND I HAVE ONLY TO END UP ALONE AT THE END OF THE NIGHT WITH A POCKET FULL OF C NOTES!

I just know he was some football dude with a few pithy quotes.

Liek I said -- I don't have a TV or follow spectator sports.

It's funny when people ask me about the Red Socks. I can't name a single player or their coach.

Who cares about bread and circuses?

Have the feelings. Enjoy them! Relish them! Revel in then!  ahhhhhhh

But don't let them confuse you into what is really happening.

Which is: a woman that wouldn't otherwise give you the time of day is letting you have total access to her most intimate charms, for a very limited time, in exchange for a whole bunch of cash.  hmmmm

A sobering thought, indeed!

Except for that part about "wouldn't otherwise give you the time of day."

Never sell yourself short!

The "Help, I fallen for a provider and can't get up" syndrome. If you check out the board, she gets a post like this frequently.

to find your ultimate soul mate.  This i not a game!  It's true and lasting feelings.  Do you know how she pines when you leave?  How she sits by the phone awaiting your next call?  The way you feel when you finally hit cloud 9, and you know this is the one for you?  Let the hard asses talk about the envelope, and it ends when the session ends.  We know better.  We know that these are lasting relationships, destined to lead to a perfect mind and body meld!  You are in the right place.  The place where all your dreams will be fulfilled!  Tell the next lady you see that you love her deeply, and that she was meant to be with you forever!  This is the road to true happiness!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyBcHUe4WeQ

You get it...you really get it. Sad but it is the bare truth and some people love to make it all mushy or PC etc, but the truth is still the truth.

Someone summed it up this way.

1. I love to Lust my providers

2. I Lust to Love my Civvies.

3. I refuse to confuse the two, and cause  my World any more complications than necessary.

disclaimer..If a provider wants to be friends after the donation time is up, tells me she's hungry, and tired of room service , asks me for a ride to KFC, I'm fine with being a friend off the clock, and obliging.
If I think a provider likes me more than anyone, I know she did a great job that hour, and she goes on my favorite's list.

I knew this would come in handy, but I didn't think it would be quite so soon.

Warm fuzzies are good for the soul and we all like to feel that someone can really see and appreciate us.  When I have a good connection I enjoy it very much, and then let it go... the process of letting go makes room for the next great connection to form.

If you are struggling with this, you should either stop seeing the party or put your cards on the table.  Realistically you might expect the other party to stop seeing you to avoid complications.  Most of us are *not* here to find partners.

If you're tellin me that your style of writing is just that, an online alter ego, then i guess I didn't say everything that i said.

PS - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yogi_Berra

Its going to happen! Especially when sex is involved. From a providers opinion the only way to think past it is if you are willing to give up doing this or not. And even so...you still met this way so that in its self puts a big wall up in my opinion. Thats the reality of it. I fell hard for a regular, who I no longer see* my choice* But I still see him alot out and we are friendly with eachother but it is what it is.

I so agree.. You couldn't have said it better. Sometimes the feelings a gentlemen might have may only be because we are non-demanding and we come when called and make you the most important person for that time we are together.

In real life trying to have a relationship with someone in this business, is a recipe for disaster. At first, you will see her as the person you have gotten to know. (in your sessions)But, in time, you will see a different person. Then you will not like what she does for others, and it will end up hurting you. Has she changed? or have you changed the way you look at her? Your best bet is to keep the fantasy alive..

reality is never as good as the fantasy...

I have a few regulars who I adore seeing. I look forward to out appointments, enjoy the chemistry and the friendship that we have built. But that is as far as it will ever go.

I agree as a hobbyist. We have the fun of two lives and we should keep it that way. Walk out the door and remember where your life is.

But then again I know a few strippers that I kinda have little crushes on, so I might be who knows. Still don't think I could ever have feeling for a provider because, and this won't win me any friends here, but I just don't have any respect for what they do. I'm glad they do it. It comes in handy. But I think their job would preclude any real feelings on my part.

I'll also admit that I like variety and don't see a girl more than once, so feelings would be unlikely anyway.

likely she'll stop seeing you or keep you on a short leash.  Unless you are single & well enough off finicially to take care of her for life...  then there is no place the relationship can go.  
I rotate among a small number of Fav ladies...  helps to keep my head in perspective.  
skb

and ask other people. You ain't going to handle it the same way others do.

Thanks for asking the question a millionth time!

Right on

Absolutely

You are very leveled headed about the whole business

Good idea

All so true

Not necessarily so.  Reality can be superior and less superficial relationship once a lady let's down her defenses and phoniness of being a provider.

and all most of you can do is ridicule him. Feel better about yourselves?

In answer to the OP, you need to work hard on not becoming attached to the young lady or the feelings. The negative stuff that people are warning you about don't stem from feelings, they stem from attachments.

Enjoy the time you have with the lady for what it is. That doesn't mean that what you feel (and what she may also feel) isn't real, it just means that there is a peculiar context and type of relationship within which these feelings arise. If you change the relationship/context, you are going to change the feelings. Maybe that will work out but probably not.

One of the big benefits of hobbying is that you can enjoy these feelings without having to deal with all the baggage that accompanies a 'traditional' relationship. Maybe you want some of that baggage but be careful what you wish for!

First of all a very valid question, I think anyway.
second, you can fall in love for an Hour or two, after that forget it. One good way to snap out of it is to go see someone else. One thing I learned in my short time on these boards is you have to keep it lite. You are seeing the best of her not the nagging, holding of the purse, screaming drag down fights.... Those are what comes with an actual relationship. It's not all bbbjcimfmtlma toss my salad. Ok?

The feelings shared with my special friends are real.  The connections are real.  That said - they are limited, and connections are not ties.  I can love and adore someone and that does NOT create any relationship beyond that which this is.  "No strings" must go both ways.

Beyond that, I do agree that most men who think they actually want to *date* their favorite provider are projecting their fantasy and ignoring reality.

Not long ago I saw one of the highest (and most frequently) reviewed providers in her city -  a city overrun with top level ladies.  She was everything the reviews said except that we talked for most of the time (about three times what I paid for) because she was having major issues separating her feelings from work - with another guy (kind of rules out the idea that I was lost in my own fantasy!). She had recently spent a long out of town trip to an exotic location with a wealthy, attractive, etc, regular, who professed his love and intention to leave his wife and family for her. Call her dumb and him an asshole, but she had definitely fallen and was struggling when he didn't follow through.  I was surprised because the amount of consistent, 9-10 reviews suggested she was a real pro who would be able to handle it.  Bottom line:  yes it happens, but as a hobbyist, don't profess something that you'll regret in the light of day, and don't accept sweet little nothings whispered in your ear as a sign of everlasting love until you've heard them again (and again) in the light of day, or as has been noted, in the light of no pay!

As long as you have no expectations that there is anything that comes after that. The “fantasy” aspect is where a good part of the problems arise with emotional confusion within P4P.

I much prefer reality. And, if there happens to be real emotional connection, (whatever that may be at any moment), all the better.

Outside a P4P context, when two people experience an emotional connection, typically this triggers a chain reaction; both people begin to have expectations about ‘what’s going to happen next’.

Inside a P4P context, there may be genuine emotional connection (or, probably more often, a good enough facsimile to complete the fantasy). But, nothing comes after that. It *is what it is*. And, this can be confusing.

If you’re able to embrace the “reality” and compartmentalize your feelings within the boundaries of the time spent together, great. Enjoy it for what it is.

If you begin to have expectations, hopes, entertain the “fantasy” that there might something more, probably a good idea to back away. This is supposed to be all in good fun, after all---not a source of emotional conflict.

I have enough of that already. I’m not interested in buying more…