My wife is having a Pap smear and results coming back in a couple days. If it comes back positive, it's pretty obvious that I've been cheating (she is monogamous). However I never did BBFS.   But of course it can be transmitted through DATY.   As far as I know I do not have it but it's not really easy to know that without having a scope exam by an ENT doctor.  That and I am only allowed to do minimal DATY on her but you never know.

Lie out of your ass....or plan B and fess up.

I'm glad you're not my significant other.Gooodluck!

but helping a guy explain how he "didn't" give his wife an STD when he knows full well he did is beyond my ability not to puke while giving advice. Even an asshole like me has his limits.

You should have posted under your alias.Now I will make sure not to have a session with you ever.Im smart enough not to bring diseases to my loved ones

I mean, why not go down being a total prick?

You are worried if she has an STD she will realize/think/suspect you of cheating, and blame you.  
Therefore, I presume  she does not know you cheat/hobby.

For years, decades even if they don't have something trigger them. She could even have had it. I would keep my cool offer to get tested. If you test clean and she tested positive it would be pretty hard for her to blame you.

The first words out of your mouth should be something indicative of giving a flying fuck about her medical wellbeing.

Tell her it is not your fault.  You fell on top of some other woman and you tried to push yourself off of her... 500 times.

You need to let every hooker you have been with that you might have left something nasty behind.

Nearly everyone has or has had HPV at some point.  

In all honesty, I actually agree with GaG, but I've never been married and almost certainly never will be, and I need to lose some weight so I'll go ahead and make myself nauseated.

I do not one bit disagree with your sentiment. However, a couple of things spring to mind.

not STD. If it is positive then she has cancer and she will have more to worry about than if you cheated on her. What is it that you think you have

If she is diagnosed she probably caught it years ago before she met you. The doctor will have her get a colposcopy to get more tissue out of the cervix. It will get tested to confirm the pap smear.  

...or are other STD tests included?  HPV is a separate test.

She will be in a lot of pain if she has to get a colposcopy for further diagnostic HPV testing.

Just to be clear...

It is highly likely she caught it from someone else before he met her, imho.

THANK YOU!

To stop the epidemic.

But you are correct. Epidemic it certainly is. Something like 80% of people sometime in their life.

That's right folks, the various strains of HPV can lead to cervical cancer, penial cancer, and cancers of the throat, tonsils, and anus in both genders.

Most likely her pap is just a normal part of her annual (or bi or tri-annual) GYN visit... likely nothing to be alarmed about AT ALL. And IF she happens to test positive for cervical cancer or precancerous cells (AKA cervical intraepithelial neoplasia), the odds are that she was exposed to a causal HPV virus long ago. Just remember that most women fight-off HPV just fine, and there are some odd correlations that you have nothing to do with -- for example, women on birth control pills have a higher risk of cervical cancer even if they are not more sexually active than the test group average. (BTW, cigarette smokers and overweight women are also more likely to contract it.)

end of message

a whore, and say, "How dare you cheat on me!"

The adverse reactions (like death, paralysis, autoimmune issues, infertility and yes, even cervical cancer) associated with that vaccine causes far more problems than it is supposed to "prevent". Plus, HPV resolves in 90% of cases and is asymptomatic anyway. So when you look at the recommendations and even some proposed mandates, all you have to do is follow it back to the money because it is the most expensive one on the schedule.  

Everyone here, if they want to reduce risks getting or transmitting HPV that can cause oral, vaginal, and anal cancer, should ask their doctor for the vaccine. Even though it's not recommended for those over a certain age, that's only because they think you've already caught (and hopefully cleared) the bad strains. They didn't do clinical testing on the older age groups because if you had it already, the clinical trials would show less effectiveness than they wanted to demonstrate (and that's why it's not recommended - there are no clinical trials). However, the vaccine is likely to be effective if you haven't already had all 9 strains that are included in the new vaccine. You can pay out of pocket if your insurance won't cover (some insurers will only cover if you're in the recommended group). You can also go to a local Planned Parenthood clinic to get the vaccine if you are uncomfortable talking to your doc.

Can this happen? My dick always touched the toilet seat at work. I hate the feeling.

and don't forget a pap will tell you if you have a yeast infection if your hoo ha isn't already screaming at you!

I hate when my dick touches the bottom of the bowl.....that water is cold.....lol. Fucking with ya!!!

What if someone jacked off into the toilet and your dick touches it....?

Well, that's all good information to have. Thank you. I know men can't be tested for it and are not hurt by it, except in pretty rare cases. Also know vast majority resolve themselves with no major problems, especially for men. (See other posts above)

It's funny (frightening) what they do and do not test for in trials. You know how millions have been on Prozac for years? Last I read, it was never tested for use beyond like six weeks. Okay that's off topic, but I was reminded of it.

First, I can completely understand the perception that it offers some kind of "protection". And I am in critical thinking mode at the moment, so by no means am meaning to come across as a jerk either, the analytical side is going 90 miles a minute. Anyway, my issues with the new push for boys & men are that:

And because the 4 strain vaccine is already quite effective, the new vaccine was phased in as supplies ran out of the older one. By now, if you go to a doctor or clinic, you are likely to get the new version.

...samples with my tongue, but stopped after the AMA frowned upon it.

...to get it.

As BPS said, first of all the Pap smear is only for cells that are a precursor to cervical cancer.  It proves nothing about an STD.  Second, while it's true that many cervical cancers are caused by the HPV virus, statistically, virtually every sexually active adult in American has been exposed to HPV.  So unless your wife was a virgin when you met her (and I assume she wasn't), she probably picked up HPV years ago from one of her first sexual partners.  Thus, if she's positive for HPV (NOT a Pap smear result) it proves nothing about your cheating.
Still not a doctor.
PS: As for all the criticism (including mine above), on reflection it was stupidly judgmental because you probably did't infect her with anything.  If you've been careful in your mongering you are no worse than any of the many cheaters on this site.

A Pap smear (also called a Pap test) is a screening procedure for cervical cancer. It tests for the presence of precancerous or cancerous cells on the cervix, the opening of the uterus.

Pap smear either comes back as normal or abnormal if it's abnormal more tests need to be done for cervical cancer and HPV.  Also, the doctor will offer to test for gonorrhea and chlamydia but if your wife doesn't think you are cheating why would she want those tests too?
Either way, if you always use a condom and the providers you see take good care of themselves chances of you giving her something are veryyyyy slim.
Now, only certain strains of HPV are actually cancerous! I think I read once there are 15 cancerous HPV types and if you get one via DATY it can lead to throat cancer.

Just keep quiet if you haven't already confessed to seeing escorts.  Many have explained what a PAP smear is for......So don't think you are doing her any favor by fessing up at this point in time....Just go with it....most PAP tests are negative anyway...women get them on a regular basis......

Cervical dysplasia is often the precursor to cervical cancer, as a result of HPV  
Once the warts start to appear...they are almost nonexistent in some people, by the way...it's pretty damn obviou

Shmear is cream cheese on a bagel.
Pap smear is the female equivalent of a guy's annual prostate exam

Something similar happened with a couple that I know of. He was having affairs left and right and when confronted said it was because his wife no longer had sex with him. They vowed to work it out, went to counseling, etc and started intercourse again and wife got pregnant! She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. A beautiful brown baby girl. They are both white. Yeah seems wife had a black boyfriend for the past 8 years. They are still married and both are still cheating but remain together for their um or her baby's sake. True story.

Pap smear tests for pre cancerous cells.
HPV is common and can lay quiet and can cause cancers.  
A positive smear does not imply STD.
The worst thing to do is to act guilty.  What would you say if you had been totally faithful?
"Positive smear, darling, are you all right?  What does the doctor say? What do we need to do?'
That's what you should say in the unlikely even she comes back "positive."
Different story if she comes back and says: "You SOB, you gave me gonorrhea"
In this case you might says: "What? That's not possible."

Thanks for the great responses everyone.  I don't have any STDs so please no one blacklist me.  She doesn't have test results yet.  As everyone has said, an abnormal PAP suggests HPV infection which can take years to develop.  There's no telling who might have given it to her.  But, for 25 years we both allegedly have been monogomous (for a myriad of reasons I have little reason to doubt her).  So a + pap would implicate me even if I don't know I have it.  I'll just cross my fingers and if necessary deny and claim a college boyfriend was the culprit.  And he's now dead so no one can confirm.

I hope you saw the other responses.  No one knows if they have HPV usually.  If I do have it, more than likely I got it from a provider.  You might have it.  You may have been infected more than once.  It's just something we all live with and only those of us in supposedly monogamous relationships have to deal with the social after effects.  Be well.

Well said.  Thanks.