I took one for the team...a beautiful provider in NYC from Italy who starts to go straight to the 'main event' within minutes of my getting there.  Well, it just didn't work.  While we went through every imaginable position, I just could not climax and my mind drifted off...this is very weird if given that this woman was drop dead gorgeous.  She was not cold mind you as she was relaxed and clearly trusted me as you will soon see.
Anyhow, after I give up, she asks me what is wrong and I tell her that there is something odd, she seems to be rushing or perhaps it is just me but I told her (the truth) that I felt as if I was violating her.  At this point she spills the beans and tells me that she is married, her husband has no idea she does this, he is home with her 2 year old...oh god!!!!!!! She needs the money...indeed she confirmed the fact that in a way, I was part of that dreaded cliché of selling her body to support the family!  While this was an extreme case, I felt horrible to be part of this whole thing.  While I only review a small segment of those I see, you can see in my reviews that I have seen some very delightful women that appear to enjoy their profession.  I feel that several of the providers who post regularly to this and local boards are not shilling for themselves but look at their profession...well, as professionals!  There is one that I dream about seeing again if I could ever get back to North Carolina.   But for tonight this was another gritty moment of truth in the big city.

I spent most of the weekend working so I could provide for my kids...and I suppose you were in town through idle holiday travel?  

How nice that you and her worked out a way for her to leverage her natural assets to help her and her family enjoy a better life than would be possible if she sat at home watching tv all day.  Easy work that comes naturally to most, is a pleasant way to pass some time together, and likely improves her marital relations at home.

 -- Deep 'not seeing the ocnflict' Heat

While this exact thing has not happened to me, I have had experiences that remind me that the ladies we see (and truely this was a lady) are people first, and providers second.  Just as we are people first and hobbiests second.  

Her decisions, are her decisions.  With respect to her marriage, well, she will have to deal with that.  It sounds like you are a sensitive individual, and she is a confused person who maybe needed a shoulder to cry on....  

I have been a shoulder to cry on in a couple of instances, and that is ok.  just your response, says a lot about you as a decent person...

I have no clue with respect to DeepHeat's response.  
Best to you.

It may sound odd, but more than half the women that you have seen have young children. Some are making ends meet because of deadbeat dads and others just have found the money too good to pass on. Still others are happily married and their current spouses or SOs know about the activity and either support it or support it silently because not to do so would be the end of the gravy train. If it helps, be less concerned about the "whys" they are there and just have the fun your donation allows. You did call her, right? The majority of the ladies are not forced into this life. In her case, it's clearly a choice. So it's not as extreme as it may seem to you. There are ladies with stories that will piss you off and some with stories that will make you cry. You can't wear you heart on your sleeve everytime you hear a sad tale; there are too many. You my friend are a part of a massive food chain and by your participation, many people are with heat, lights, food, and running water. This "little" economy will exist long after all of us are gone and it will churn out new victims every year; most just like your date. Most all of your dates have stories that will make you give pause. Be thankful that you hear very few of them or you would just have to walk away.

-- Modified on 9/19/2005 7:58:38 AM

never been in your situation. Though I'd prefer not to be in your situation, I can understand how you feel; we hobbyists are ordinary people just as the providers are. We have compassion.

I don't know if it's prudent to say that I've been fortunate that I've only met a handful of providers who have families and kids, to my knowledge anyway. When I see them, I prefer not to talk about their families unless they come out during a casual conversation. I usually try to avoid the subject; I'm there to enjoy and have fun. Part of my screening involves avoiding the very situation you've faced; it's hard for me to go thru' with the acts if I know she's married and her husband is at home looking after her kids. *sigh*.

I'm living, working, and playing in Europe for a few months.  You wouldn't believe the number of Russian, Czech, Serb, Croat, Turkish, etc., ladies listed with various agencies in London alone whose ability to speak English is listed as basic.  I know that many entered the business having made the same circumstances and choices as the ladies in the states.

However, there have been numerous reports recently of the size of sex slave trade in Europe.  These women have been forced into this "little" economy, and kept in it against their will, receiving little, if anything in return.

I enjoy getting to know the ladies I meet, and through either their posts or our conversations, the marital and family situations of most of ladies I've met since I more active in the hobby this year.  I'm confident that these women are in the business by choice, and I think, really enjoy their life.

My biggest fear is that I will inadvertanly seek pleasure from someone for whom even seeing me is agony.  Any suggestions of how to prevent this?

My point was simply this: there is an economic reality to her working.  Its neither good nor bad, but it is what you make of it.  And you two were making it work, both sexually (she did her part) and financially (you did your part, and she provided for those counting on her).

YOU were freaked out with a peek behind the scenes of the fantasy...but never said anything about HER being either freaked out nor exploited.  Perhaps a little nervous, which is easily explained if she is either new to the biz or an infrequent provider (i.e. side income augmentation rather than regular provider).  Either way, the freaking out part - and all the negatives - were in your head, not in her bed.

Nobody wants to think of their bed-partner as having full-time boyfriends/husbands/lovers/kids/others, but in truth they have full-time lives as rich and challenging as anyone....perhaps even more so.  She may have been a bit nervous, but so are folks in other lines of work - from getting up on stage to fighting fires to being under fire.  But the work goes on, and you deal with the performance anxiety - on both sides.

I'm in the somewhat strange position of loving & living with providers for most of my (adult?) life, and perhaps I'm bent in being more comfortable with the reality of that life.  Behind the scenes...after the clients go home and the makeup comes off.  I cant imagine living and loving a cop, firefighter, or soldier would be all that different...scary, rewarding, and sometimes hard - same as any real relationship.  Most of the regular working ladies I know work it as a lifestyle - i.e. are not in it JUST for the money, but its still exciting, stressful, and frankly hit-or-miss as to connecting with a client.

I do my job because I enjoy it mostly, because it allows me to reap the benefits of decent renumeration (i.e. cash), and that in turn allows me to live in the lifestyle I want - new shoes for the kids, mortgage, and sometimes even a full tank of gas....Sometimes its a thrilling rewarding job, but sometimes I'm grinding away, and other times I panic with realization of the weight of the lives counting on me doing it well.  She could easily choose a different line of work, but sounded pretty clear that nobody forced anybody, and nothing seedy nor inappropriate was involved.

So I still dont see the conflict...and thought you came out way ahead with her revealing intimacies a more jaded provider would never have shared.

Lastly as to Jazz's comment about how to never sleep with someone who is in agony sleeping with you, I'll look to LexL's comments and reply tounge-in-cheek: Dont marry her.

 -- Deep 'didn't think this was that hard' Heat


   ...always nice to add a visual....

-- Modified on 9/19/2005 9:01:51 PM

http://www.brama.com/issues/havrylenko.html

http://glossynews.com/aol/whiteslave.php

http://www.npf.org.tw/PUBLICATION/NS/091/NS-C-091-305.htm

http://www.aftenposten.no/english/local/article970131.ece

http://www.ziaruldeiasi.ro/forumimg/Forum1/HTML/000116.html

http://www.standartnews.com/archive/2005/08/28/english/bulgaria/

http://www.walnet.org/csis/papers/doezema-loose.html

While you both make an outstanding case for what is truly wrong and I agree, but save that for another thread because my comments were largely in response to what typically happens in this country. Knowing full well that teenagers and others are forced into the life, I don't say this without compassion. But I do my part by not seeing women under 25 and believe me, there are some that can pass if you are not careful. The only advice I work off us is to work with independents as much as possible. Agencies can work, but it's hard to find anyone that really takes a moral stand in this biz and are not just out for money and run these ladies fast and hard and teach them to deceive others.  I have yet to run across a lady who was in the biz involuntarily.

My biggest fear is that I will inadvertanly seek pleasure from someone for whom even seeing me is agony.  Any suggestions of how to prevent this?

Use basic common sense. Anyone doing something against their will exude an air of sadness. Look for that characteristic in the behavior of any provider that you meet. If you find it, help if you can, but if you can not hand her the money, keep your pants on and walk away.
One of the moments in the hobby that I will always remember was one of the sadest that I have experienced. I called an agency and had an outcall lady come to my hotel room. She was a young very nice looking blonde. I noticed her sad, quiet, almost uneasy demeanor but she was so good looking and I was so horny that I moved across the room toward where she sat to engage her. I then noticed the unmistakable signs of physical abuse on her face, arms and when I looked legs. There was no way that I could touch that woman so I turned her away, without any funds exchange. I think of that encounter occasionally and wonder what happened when she went back to her service without any money from her visit to my room. One lesson that learned from that encounter if that if a lady looks like she does not want to provide, or if she shows sign s of being on drugs, I would rather give her the money and send her on her way rather than have sex with her or not give her any funds. Maybe my approach now is soft and wrong. Maybe anyone that want to call me soft at this point in my life is right, but I know that I sleep better and do not add to haunting memories.

I know that my first month was nerve wracking. My first client Charles was great but several after him expected me to read their minds.  Some of my clients do want to start the private session with lots of talking and caressing and they buy 1 hour. I do spend more than an hour with each guy to be on the safe side but my biggest fear is having a client before a doctor's appt or a family event (they don't know) and have the session last three hours because they want to talk and shower and drink and the eat the stuff they brought to the private session.

If a provider is new, maybe you could mention that you need lots of foreplay. I have a few clients that do need that or they need to see me in certain outfits. I can accomodate if informed

I posted quite awhile ago about the knockout women from E. Europe that one readily finds in France and UK and elsewhere.  The sites, such as they are, that are the most equivalent of TER are not as good.  Any chance we can start site-specific reviews for our Euro-providers?  I know we can review them here (I have) but they are rare and hard to shop around.