Question for the guys who provide references when scheduling an appt.
Do you provide the name and contact info of reference?
Do you ask your reference first before using her as a reference
And the question I really want to know has any gent ever followed your email exchange with another provider as proof of a reference?
I was visiting a city recently and had a gent contact me for an appt.
He forwarded me the whole email conversation between him and his reference when they set their appt.
I saw her phone# that is not published online,I knew which hotel and room# she stayed in and all emails leading up to their date.

I declined to see this gent due to in my opinion a big case of NOT being discreet. I did not want the same thing to happen to me if I did see him and he wanted to use me as a reference.
Also was very shocked that he could not understand what the problem with doing that.Forwarding a private conversation is not cool. This business the need for discretion is a must.

Opinions?

Nice to see you posting Jaydalee.

I use P411 for references, first time appointment requests, etc.  A one stop shop.  

No one should ever share private correspondence with anyone else, especially if it includes other personal info.
And, yes, I would always ask a reference first for her permission to use her as such before giving her contact info to someone I wanted to see.

Yes, I agree what he did was a huge breach of confidence to the lady in question, and I fully agree that he is NOT a guy I would trust not to do the same thing to me.

 
As for myself, I have been a member of P 411 for what seems like forever, and any woman I contact is free to contact any or all of the women who have Okay'd me. I don't send additional references except in the rarest of occasions.

She can reach out to the girl herself and get me verified.  This keeps it clean.

 
I also do let the one providing reference know that so and so will be reaching out to her.

-- Modified on 9/30/2021 12:42:41 PM

...any combination of name, email, phone and website info that is already published in the provider's ad or listing.

I would never reveal any info that isn't publicly accessible like if she had given me her private phone number or personal email address, etc.

Doing so wouldn't even be helpful for the prospective provider as there is no way for her to verify that private phone number or personal email address is legitimate as it's not publicly linked to the reference provider. 

The prospective client could have easily used one of his own "burner" numbers or created a fake "real looking" email address and attributed them to the provider he's using as a refernece so that he could answer his own background inquires and write glowing references for himself lol. That's why any contact info given for references must be already published in a provider's ad or listing.

I have never asked a provider for their "permission" to list them as a reference because I feel that would only double up the "hassle" of providing a reference for me, first needing to respond to me and then responding to the inquiring provider, besides possibly being taken by the provider as pressuring her to give a good reference for me, which could result in the opposite happening.

Besides that, I only put down as references providers who themselves had asked me for references before verifying me as it would be hypocritical for them to be against providing references if they themselves engage in the practice of reaching out to other providers to background check on potential clients.

I wouldn't, for example, list as references any porn stars that I've seen that were booked through an agency as the porn stars weren't directly involved with verifying me, but I might list the agency I booked the porn stars from as a reference as they WERE directly involved in verifying me.

To use any private correspondence with a provider as some sort of verification proof is extremely tacky and indiscreet, and you are entirely correct in deciding not to see this prospective client as undoubtedly he would be as careless with your information as he was with the provider whose communications he shared with you.

And besides, these conversations can easily be doctored or framed out of context so really the only reliable method for you to verify the legitimacy of any reference is to communicate with that provider directly.

I would always ask permission from a reference first. It gives me a chance to remind her of who I am and that I'm a good guy. ("No, I'm not the guy with 10". ... No, I'm not the guy who flew you to Paris. ... Nope. ... Uh uh. ... No. ... Yeah! THAT was me!")
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I would actually include the public (Profile) info IN the message to the hostess I am hoping to meet. I want to make it as easy as possible for her to check things out. I don't want to hear, "Send me her working email 'cause I'm not going to waste my time looking it up."  
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How many times do people on the Boards complain about having to take an extra step to follow up on a post? Often. "I didn't click on your link. It isn't a hot link because you didn't remove the "S" from httpS, so screw that." "You've got Qs about Mary TER ID ######? Provide the link because I'm not going to enter ###### into the Search Reviews form."

I only use P411 now and nothing else.
The idea of giving personal information with every new girl is just not worth it anymore. I ended up changing my email and phone number because both were bombarded with spam after I started giving out info for every new girl I wanted to meet.

Yes--I ask the lady before offering her as a reference. I've had only a couple of ladies decline over the years.  

Yes--the guy in question was terribly indiscreet. Not sure whether it was an accident or whether he was trying to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt he really knows the other lady. Either way the effect is to show serious thoughtlessness.  

Some years ago I got an email from a provider alerting me that she'd be in town. On the address line, my email address was displayed with about 20 other clients' addresses. It may have been a simple mistake, but it was one I didn't want repeated. Reprimanded her, blocked her, and never saw her again.  

Yes--I concur with your decision to avoid him. Not that you need my concurrence.

I never give out personal information.  Most of the time I just provide my TER Handle and tell her that she can contact any of my white lists.  Never had a problem.  

It's rare for me to have to provide references, since as other have said, I mostly use P411, and so do the ladies I see.

If I do have to give a reference I ALWAYS ask permission of the reference first. All I do is say that some other provider will be reaching out for a reference and is that alright.  

I have had a few ladies on P411 ask if it's alright to contact some of my okays, and I say that's fine as long as you tell the lady contacted that I did not specifically give them as a reference and you're reaching out on your own. I understand that some ladies don't want me to pick which okays I will use as a reference.

I would never include any private information for the reference and would certainly never include private texts or emails exchanged between me and another lady. That's just not right.

I did have a lady, unbeknownst to me, reach out to one of my okays to ask if I was "really okay". The lady she contacted is very well known and actually BCC'd me on her reply. She wrote that yes, she has seen me and that I am a gentleman and a sweetheart and that she would see me every time. Generic reference with no details yet it said a lot.  I thought it was very nice of her to let me see that. I have never had that happen before.

P411 works for me; I mean isn’t that what a verification service is supposed to be?  It works both ways though.  That is why I never divulge my  personal information.  I have never been pressed to do that once a lady has verified me.  If this were to become a requirement, I would definitely pass.

That "gentleman" was the opposite of discreet. That just isn't  cool to share private communications without permission to do so. Well unless in way of warning for truly dangerous behavior or similar. And you should always check to see if is OK to use a lady as a reference.

I ask my references ahead of time and then only forward the information the lady I want to see asks for.  

I appreciate that gents here get the need for discretion.
P411 does make things easier to check references.

...when discretion is a two-way street? Surely hobbyists have just as much cause and concern for "privacy" as providers do, and it's always appreciated when providers understand this and reciprocate in return 🙏

I never ask for reference

I provide name, number and website.  

I usually do not ask in advance.

Would never forward communication

First of all, if another Provider wants you to know about any hobbyist in anyway, shape or form, then I am sure that the Provider would post it on this site.  So, being respectful of others privacy is a 100% must do. If another Provider hasn't place that RED FLAG in the air.  Then take the bull by the horns & ride it out (Lay out your rules & etc. And see what happens). If a hobbyist and a provider can't respect each other's boundaries, then walk away from the situation.  

As many here realize the need for discretion. It is always amazing when a person cannot seem to comprehend this but wants to book a provider.

I don't see the point in a client giving references, because you can't always believe what is told to you. Because each Provider has a different experience with the Client(s).

There are some ladies who screen solely with references and others who do not require them.
Every lady is different I do reach out to references but do not require them.
I find that references that are reputable in some instances are very helpful.