I see a provider that was very new the first time I saw her a year ago. She's very cute, we have a great time together and we get along very well during the downtime. I enjoy seeing her, good action and I like her as a person. However, she will text me quite a bit and say when are you coming to see me again? Let me be perfectly clear here, I have no illusions that she wants me to come see her for any other reasons than the donation. She has told me her situation and I understand exactly where she's coming from. I am quite sure that she enjoys my company, you can't hide and fake that much for that long. But the bottom line is that she wants to see me for the donation. And that's perfect, that's exactly what I want, some good action with someone I enjoy hanging out with and absolutely no emotional strings. I'm just a little taken aback by her texting me and asking when (her cash cow, my words not hers) I'm going to come see her. I have to travel to see her, only a 3 hour drive. I travel quite a bit for business and often when I'm home on the weekend I want to be home and relax. She knows I travel a lot but I guess in her mind it means I should be used to it and a short 3 hour drive is nothing. She has indicated to me that business is slow, but that is not at all my responsibility. I always give her and every provider the donation that's asked for with no haggling and I even gave her a Birthday gift. I helped her out once with a last minute flight in lieu of the donation and the flight was 150% of the donation and that's ok I was happy to help. I just don't like the feeling that "hey come see me I need the money". Has any other hobbyist experienced this and could offer some advise? Do any providers have advise as to how to handle this?

Tell her if the drive is no big deal she can come to you. Offer to pony up for the hotel if need be and some gas/drive time $. I have ladies that drive 3+ hours one way to see me. It's a safe visit, I take care of them and they get to enjoy a new environment. You're in charge. Not her. Within reason. If she says "no" problem solved.

It sounds like this arrangement has worked perfectly fine for you for a year, and now, for whatever reason it has become too intrusive. Maybe it is because she is getting more aggressive in her demands. Whatever the reason, you have let this happen for a year, so the first question is what, exactly, do you want now.

Once you figure that out, tell her clearly and without any complaint, reproach, or threat what you want. Maybe it is that she stop texting, or perhaps you want to take a couple of weeks off, or whatever. Tell her and she will probably do what you ask. You do not need to tell her that if she does not you might stop seeing her - she will understand that perfectly well, so saying it just opens the door to ugliness. And if she does ask what happens if she ignores your request, challenges you on that, I would say nothing more than "I will have to think about that" and then go home knowing you should never see her again.

Be aware that you bear as much responsibility for this happening as she does. Now you need to be clear and firm about the limits

Most likely she will try to get around them by creating another crisis. She will really need to see you, need your help, some disaster will happen if you are not there for her, etc. When that happens, say you are really sorry but your situation right now does not allow you to help her. Then do not engage in any further discussion about it, other than to listen to her and restate your apology and that you would love to help, but you cannot. Practice those words - "I would love to help, but I really can't right now," because the odds are you will need to say them a few times. Do not offer advice or make other suggestions, as she knows perfectly well how to take care of herself.

Eventually she will get the message and go elsewhere. The odds that you will stop seeing her are also pretty high, as on some level she will be angry and feel like you have let her down. She may not reply as quickly to your calls, or perform as well for you, as in the past. You will no longer be her favorite, the one she can count on, and that will probably show in how she treats you. This is not an easy transition and one or both of you may decide it is not worth it to continue.

good luck,
zig

... provider that was almost exactly like the way you described.

After frequent interruptions from her texting while I was working, I told her to stop.

She didn't listen.

Finally, after so many STERN words to her, I told her to stop for good. She hasn't texted me for over 2 years now.

It's up to YOU how you want to deal with this provider you are talking about. I can only tell you my situation and how I dealt with it.

Serpius

Sorry, but that is just tacky and unprofessional and I am amazed at how often this happens. Why are you guys giving providers a phone number they think can be used any time they want? Your money is supposed to BUY you discretion! We don't call you...you call us, when YOU are ready. Tacky!

I have a local girl that does that with me. I found it flattering at first that she was comfortable with me enough to check in and see if I was interested.

But then the calls started coming a couple of times a month and it was almost always an emergency. I finally put my 'big boy pants' on and told her it had to stop.

The calls are much less frequent now and she understands that if I say no I mean it.

The only one that can allow you to be taken advantage of is YOU! Just draw a line in the sand and move on if necessary.

I would think those 'relationships' entail a lot more back and forth. Isn't that often what a SD wants?

And then hobby email!  It's annoying & creepy...   You get to decide how to answer unprovoked solicitations.  YOU have no responsibility for her.  Most of my lady friends 'Need the Money'.  But I can not support two households.  How you handle it is up to you.  Remember she's probably sending the same message to all her repeat clients.  If she's due for a visit, you can go ahead.  If not, either ignore or reply 'Sorry!'

She has hinted about a SD/SB relationship. I think she's looking for me to be the regular that she can count on so she can plan her finances.

It's what I've been thinking since it has come to be a problem with me. At first I was seeing her more often because I wasn't traveling as much during that period of time. I think she got used to it and lately it's tailed off because of my work travel. I suspected the bulk of advise was to be the "I would love to help but I can't right now" sort of approach and that was my thought pattern before asking for this advise. I struggle with the cold approach in my personal life with people that I like, but I've come to the realization that I need to be more business like in this given situation. Thanks for your input.

That seems obvious. You just have to ask yourself what YOU want. Based on your OP, I'm thinking her constant requests are annoying you. Just lay your cards on the table as far as what you want from her. If it begins to feel like harrassment, it is time to walk away. There are many other fish in the sea.

set clear boundaries between hobbying and the real world.  The first part of this post is why this is happening (she has told me her situation - Really?  Why?).  

Here is where I am prepared to take the hit as ASSHOLE.  Everyone in this life needs to keep their Hobby life and Personal life separate.  THERE IS NO NEED TO KNOW EACH OTHERS' SITUATION.  That is just making a complicated situation even more complicated.  Anyone care to know that I had to take 2 days off work because my kid is home with strep throat?  Thought so.

So she is having financial problems.  The majority of the damn country is as well.  Can you personally solve that?  Man, you are there to have a good time!!!!  When she starts talking about her "personal situation" you just became her damn shrink.  You are her Hobbyist and she is your Provider - period end of story nothing else needs to be discussed.   The next time you are with a Provider and she starts talking about her "situation" just state "if you don't mind I would prefer not to discuss our personal lives it just makes me uncomfortable".  If she gets a shitty attitude respond with this "OK I will listen and when my allotted time is up I plan on staying for the exact amount of time that you talked about your situation".  Your head will spin with how fast she shuts the fuck up

If you want to help the less fortunate donate to the Salvation Army.  All the $$$ stays local and you can walk into one of their centers get food, job counseling, etc.  They help everyone regardless of who you are.  I give to them and I give proudly.  After that I am just one man.  I can't solve all the damn problems of the world.

P.S.  3 hours is a long way to "drive" for pussy.

Very true, but where did any of these guys say that is what they wanted? I don't just ASSume an escort client wants to be a SD, and start calling or texting him unless he has said he was single, and it was ok. Even still, I don't see the point. Escort clients call me, not the other way around.

-- Modified on 1/16/2013 2:37:32 PM

should not get that close to a provider. Once you are that shoulder to cry on, you can bet your ass the money and date requests will start coming. Problem is, that is exactly what some of these guys want, then they bitch about it after.

-- Modified on 1/16/2013 2:40:00 PM

Right, I seem to recall an article I read a few years ago that reported on a study as to why men visit escorts. While most ranked sex as the number one reason,  a surprising percentage of those who responded, ranked "attention" higher than sex. I guess for some guys, having a beautiful women make you the center of her attention, even for an hour or some, can be confusing when you are starved for attention.

Sex without intimacy is hollow.  It is only natural that the sexual becomes personal with your ATF.  HOWEVER...  you have to think of it as "work" friends and "real" friends.  This is my best example:

You have clients that you have known for years.  You probably know details of their personal lives and enjoy having business lunches with them.  They feel the same and you provide them with great customer service.  The customer continues and/or grows their business with you as a result of the combined personal relationship and good service.  Now you find yourself needing to increase sales.  Do you call this customer and give them a sob story begging that they increase their business with you? No.  It's unprofessional.  

She is crossing lines here and acting in an unprofessional manner.  You are allowing it to happen.  Time to set limits.

Good Luck.

clear.

This has no place in the hobby. She has crossed the line.How can (both of) you not see that?

if you kept bothering a provider and calling her just to talk or for free time don't you think she'd tell you to go pound sand?

I've never experienced this and I hope I never do. I would definitely get a new phone #.

playing with fire, aint you?

from previous visits and is taking liberty with being proactive. Like how I said that all PC and shit, lol?  LR, you idealist biatch, our money doesn't buy discretion, it buys pussy and you know that you pussy purveyor you. Once they have the number, all bets are off...

Turn the hobby phone off and stash it away when you're not hobbying. If you guys are giving out your real phone numbers, I take pity on your souls, big mistake.

I agree this is going on, they put the ad out on private channels because they're only allowed one per week here. I haven't received any mass text messages but I have received them in email. I don't care about mass emails, they don't cost anything and deletion is easy. I wouldn't like mass texting burning up minutes on the hobby cell though.

OTOH, I don't mind getting texts or calls from my ATFs. I see them often enough so if they have an opening and I'm free, cool. If I can't, they're cool with it as well.

I love this thread. This sounds very familiar to how a certain stripper used to treat me.

Tell her that you enjoy her company but that unfortunately the job is keeping you very busy, and that you will see her as soon as you can.

Sooner or later, she will get the message.

Lots of girls in this business are hustlers.  That's all she is doing...she is pushing as hard as she can to get money out of you (not in a bad way), and until you establish boundaries, she is gonna keep pushing.

Exactly...One has to look at these relationships as "work" friends.   It can be tempting when you enjoy someone's company to hang out with them quite often.  However, one should always remember that human beings are human beings and if you give too much of your time to a woman...look out!! Expectations increase very quickly.

-- Modified on 1/17/2013 1:35:14 PM

I have two guys I see who have become very attached and I do afford them more time etc, but am not shy when I need to reset the boundaries for them. They both know I have a busy life and there are times when I cannot give them the same amount of attention. Sometimes they pout and this is when I very gently remind them of the situation.

I have had to cut off a couple in the time I have been doing this because things got too clingy and awkward. I don't get mad at them for their feelings as they are human, but having said that, I am not responsible for how they feel either...that is their choice. I am just doing my job to the best of my ability.

Just direct them here and let them see how pathetically NOT busy you are.

And they can also see the hooker side that hates what she does...and the men she does it with.

See...I told you that was easy  

Yea gotta call bs on that one. If ALL they wanted was raw sex, the "She did not rub my back for 2.4 hours, fetch me a towel, look in my eyes," bs would not be in reviews. Back in the day all you had to do to get a 10 was suck and fk, now you have to do that twice in an hour and pretend to actually listen to what the dude is saying lol. Some wonder why the rates have gone up bwahahaha. Damn!

Would you leave her alone CPA! I am going to beat your fkin ass when I get back to Chicago!