Ok, so any gents out there ever end up confessing about their extra curricular activities to their SO when confronted? Then after the initial reaction and shock the SO professed their love to you and gave you the decision to make on if things were over or if you are moving forward together.

Yeah, that just happened... what the heck does one do? Completely thought it would be over but owed it to her to be honest. Maybe I'm just a dunce.

20 years together (14 married) and I do love her but haven't been "in love" for a long time. Just not sure if I'm too far gone or not to really give it a go.

stay married on a fuck board is probably not the best idea. Having said that, I am going to give it a shot. Deep down you should know what you want to do. But I see only 3 choices.

#1, apologize and make up, stay married and stop hobbying.

#2, apologize and make up, stay married and continue to hobby.  

#3, Split up and get ready for a nasty divorce ( it almost always is nasty, very nasty ). Unless you are one of the very few lucky ones - like lottery winner lucky.

 
#1 is probably what your wife would like you to do.

#2 is probably the best outcome for you, but given that you got caught the first time around. Not sure how good you will be at keeping it a secret...Especially now she will be constantly checking.  

#3 might seem great: hobby full time-no more sneaking around. But I honestly think that this would be a short-term gain. The great sex physically or happy feeling emotionally last only till the clock runs out. I dare to say even OTC sessions will not last. You can ask any provider if they are willing to spend the rest of their natural life with her OTC client/buddy and I am willing to bet 99.9% would say no thank you.  

You sound a little depress in your post, just look at it this way. It is not like you just found out you have cancer and you only have 2months to live. I hope everything works out for you

Agreed this is not the best place to look for advice but figured some might have experience in similar situations. Thanks for taking the time to give your feedback... much appreciated!

No matter what you do you are vulnerable now.  Even if you have an epiphany.  Burn everything.  Erase everything.   Go under ground.  If she hasn't spoken to an attorney yet she may still.

and wound up with #3.

The divorce was long and drawn out (The better for the lawyers to pad their pockets.) One glitch was that her lawyer got appointed to a judgeship, so she had to change horses mid-stream.  It was not outwardly hostile.  In fact, the judge gave both of us props for being so civil to each other in the court.  We decided on a division of assets between us by mutual consent.  I got screwed pretty badly but my main goal was to protect my kids from any animosity.  

I hated the whole process, but in retrospect, it was probably the best thing for both of us.  Sort of like getting your gums fixed.  It's hard to put a price on freedom.

Look deep into your soul and see if you can be happy with option 1.  Don't accept it just to go the path of least resistance, you'll never make it.

Try number two.  Some guys are very careful and make it through life that way.  I was very careless.  This was before I was a faithful TER reader.

Best of luck to yo

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you have to decide for yourself what is best for you.  In the end, you have to live with whatever decision you make.

Personally speaking, if I have a SO, then this world ceases to exist.  I'm either committed to that person or I'm not.  Straddling the line is not something I could do.

I never admitted the hobby, but I did admit adultery so the divorce could go faster.  I had deluded myself into thinking I was doing her a favor by doing this and not bothering her about sex (we were down to about once every couple months), and when I saw the hurt in her eyes....the look of total betrayal....I still see it.....7 years later.  If she had given me that option, I would have taken it in a minute and would have at least tried to make it work.  Who knows, maybe she never will totally forgive you.  Just be prepared when the grudge fuck comes.  

Oh...and start stashing some cash  .....LOL. -- Modified on 8/8/2015 9:59:21 AM

to gauge your feelings on what to do...

flip a coin

if your very first reaction is joy or relief go with it
if not...then go the other way

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for all the input and suggestions. Some really good advise and thoughts!

My wife moved out. We are just waiting for the cooling off period to end. She never knew about my hobbying however hobbying made decide not to try to fix us. Why do that when the aex sucked snd there is a high chance she would discover my secret world. If you are hobbying, one or both of you hsve checked out.