I would have only posted this on the Newbie Board, but to be honest some experienced hobbiests are screwing up in this department,too.

Things to do when asking for a date:

1) If you're not sure about the lady's schedule, it is alright to ask her about her availability before giving out personal information. However, by the second email, please give the lady what she asks for in order to check you out.  Remember: If you're not comfortable with some of these things, then tell her so and do not schedule with her. It's your perogative, just as it is her perogative not to see you. But, please don't waste our time on several emails trying to get the information out of you that we need. Most of us do not sit around our computer all day. We have other jobs, perhaps families and a personal life. Some of us get over 100 emails a day, so be considerate with the amount of emails you send us.

2)  Please do not save our conversations back and forth with one another so you can use that for another lady to prove you've seen me. I don't save your emails. That is even worse evidence in court than just having someone's name and phone number written down. That is proof for LE,and it is personal what we say between one another. It's dangerous and an invasion of privacy. Some may feel differently, but have consideration for those of us who are more discreet. Ask first if you feel the need to do this, please!

I had one gentleman that needed a reference from Date-Check and all I asked for was his last name so I could be sure I had seen him. I'm sorry, but I don't remember TER handles with the face. Instead, he sent the provider in need of the reference my personal emails to him. Bad boy!

Sorry about having to do this reminder, but I've had so many this past month that have done the above, negative actions. If you're not sure about someone's policies/needs, then ask first.

Have a great week everyone!

Hugs,
Ciara

the SO finding the e-mails! lol!!  What a recipe for a total meltdown... and don't forget to empty the "sent box" as well....  

How did some get outta high school?

But, I'll get that you 'member the Bizzare green one...!  bwahahaha!!!

It's definitely an invasion of privacy.

Hugs,
Ciara

-- Modified on 2/17/2009 8:47:35 AM

Excellent post.  My requirements and how to schedule an appt are clearly listed on my website.  I've had way too many this month as well - "Hi. Are you available tonight?"  "Hi. Love your pics. How do I schedule an appt?" (if you've seen my pics, you know how to contact me. lol) "Hi. We've never met but I know so and so and know you're friends with her. Are you available tomorrow?"  

An initial email finding out first if our schedules will mesh before doling out all your info I understand.  However, the longer you string me along, the quicker I'm going to lose interest and take the appt from the guy that makes things easy for me and provides all the info I need.  

Or as was previously said - if you don't want to provide your info, you're free to see anyone else of your choosing.  

Is that the moment you give out any personal information you lose control of it... regardless of your own personal safeguards.  How do I know my personal information really is being deleted after a session?

When engaging in an illegal activity that could result in losing your family, your job and who knows what else, is it really that smart to give out personal information?  I understand the need to safeguard providers, but once my information is out there, I am vulnerable.  Too many mistakes with information can happen.  A stolen laptop or Blackberry and suddenly someone I don't know controls what he/she will do with my info.  Not good.

How many people are going to want your personal information?  Heck, I've been contacted by wives over foolish men who didn't protect my info... they certainly didn't do a good job of deleting it.

Usually stolen laptops and Blackberrys are password protected and disconnected and reconnected without the info available.  Thieves tend to want the goods, not the data.  Of course, if you are giving your SSN to ladies...

You have options - verification services, reference only providers, CL trolling, etc.  You worry about losing your family and job status, we worry about losing our lives.  It's no contest.

I'm in no way downplaying the need for your personal safety.  There are a lot of crazies out there.  But the crazies are on both ends.  You don't want a crazy walking in your door, and I don't want a crazy having personal information on me.

To answer your question of how many people want your personal information... you'd be surprised.  The trafficking of information is vast and lucrative.  People have had their lives ruined by someone taking information off an address label on a magazine subscription!  Thieves want your data because it can be sold in seconds.  Why would someone steal your laptop and not find a way to extract the information if its somehow going to be more profitable?  

I save all e-mails exchanges in a pass word protect account. Only upon completion of the appointment do I delete the E-mails. This practice has come in handy on the few occasions to clear up misunderstandings and and prevent meltdown that sometime arises in this hobby between a Client and Provider.I suspect most Providers also save the e-mail and delete them only after the appointment

I agree with you.  I, too, will save an email until the appointment is made. That way, I can remember the date, time and whom I'm seeing. If there's more than one email, I save the one that gives me the time and date and delete the rest (the reference-checking emails). I wasn't talking about deleting something the minute you read it. But everyone needs to use common sense.

However, no one should save it once the meeting is confirmed, cancelled or has taken place.  If the meeting is a month from now, then write it down someplace with a number and delete the email. And, no one should share others emails with another person.  However, I like the fact that you have a locked way of storing your information, but I don't think anything is safe-proof.

The only time I'd save an email and/or share it with someone I could trust is if someone is being threatening to me, in case of possible physical harm to me or someone else, or intent to ruin my business.

Hugs,
Ciara





-- Modified on 2/17/2009 8:34:01 PM

"People have had their lives ruined by someone taking information off an address label on a magazine subscription! "

Please direct me to stories of this being true.  I do know of cases of stolen mail that caused problems for people, usually banking and credit card info... certainly not address labels.  Your name and address is public info easily available in dozens of data-bases online.  To traffic your info in any lucrative manner I would need more -  DL#, SSN, financial account info, mother's maiden name, passwords, etc...

"Why would someone steal your laptop and not find a way to extract the information if its somehow going to be more profitable?  "
Because hard theft is over equipment, not hacking the equipment.  With less effort, a good hacker can steal and dump thousands of truly damaging records from an on-line data-bank.  This happened with my mortgage company last year.  Actually, it was tens of thousands of records stolen by an employee.  Why would they bother stealing thousands of laptops to try to crack into if that is what they were doing?!  They could just send email keylogs and wait for the information to roll in from unsecured networks.  Yeah, you should be worried, you really should!  But not about me asking you where you work.
: O

All that aside,
You don't want anyone having your "personal information"?  I suppose you've never ordered a pizza.  That damned driver has more sensitive and potentially damaging information on me than I've EVER asked for in screening.

Most providers, the reputable ones, HAVE to be careful with the personal information they receive. My reason for being so careful??? My business would be ruined if word got out that I wasn't discrete and couldn't keep private information that could be damaging to others!

I have a system that once the appointmentis complete, your personal information is destroyed. I then "code" you so the next time we meet I know that I have already done all the verification needed.

Smooch!

Lea

I am paranoid,
Just to help you get to sleep at night I've included a link:

http://www.scmagazine.com/

I've bookmarked that site.  It should be interesting reading... you know, when I wanna' freak out at the holes in our national security and the entire financial "industry" with it's stranglehold on our life's earnings.
; )

Some things I don't worry about.  I don't give out my SSN to anyone anymore (I've all the credit I can imagine ever needing, short of some refi stuff I may do in the future) and strongly password with encryption services, use a "secure" mail center, yadda yadda, yadda.  I've got credit notification and safeguards on my credit.
You do what you can do.  What more can you really do?

Hell, I'd never get in my car and go anywhere if I let myself be paralyzed by the "what if..."  Start looking at the death stats from daily commutes, heart attacks, cancer and the like - if you REALLY want to live in fear.