I think I need a little strength or support, advice, or just a place to vent.

So late in October, I break it off with my ATF. She stood me up when it was time to go to take her out for her birthday. It was all supposed to be OTC, but I was really hurt when I got the text I the way to her place that she didn't want to go. I figured that I had been led on and that she never intended to go.

I wrote her some angry emails about it and we both parted ways. This lasted 6 weeks until early December when I get a call that she needs help and has no one to turn to. I being a pushover loan her a few hundred dollars. I don't expect to get the money back, but she says how grateful she is and actual repays me within a couple of days with some outstanding sex.

So this sparks a renewed "friendship." Lots of emails, texts, and many sessions, that I pay for, but which she sees me at a discounted rate.... and lots of OTC time.

We are friends on Facebook again, I know her real name, age, and she tells me that she cares about me. We do things outside he hobby with one another. By this time, I have fallen for her pretty hard. She talks to me and alludes to things we can do in the future, like taking trips and stuff.

Last week, I tell her that I was going to see another provider and she calls me jealous and pleas with me to see her instead. She says that she feels sad that I would see someone else. However, I only want to see someone else, so that I will stop obsessing over her. Anyway, I see her and tell her that she means a lot to me. She tells me that I am very special to her and that she is sorry for being jealous.

Anyway. Today, I totally destroyed the relationship by telling her I was obsessing over her. It all turned negative and she told me to basically fuck off and stop going on and on. It got nasty when I said that I was too smart and confident to get stuck on her like this. She read it really negative, like an attack. Anyway, I self-imploded and destroyed it all with the obsessing and demanding attention, negative or not -- yes, I have my own issues I guess. She said I was acting crazy and I guess I was. I was crazy for her.

I don't know if I should be relieved or in grief that it's over though. It's like I was addicted to her. I have my doubts whether she was sincere with me or not? Or perhaps she was playing me like a fiddle.... and is a master manipulator? Is it uncommon to kind of sucker guys in with emotional ploys to make them loyal customers?  I guess I will never know if she truly cared or not. We shared a lot together, had great times, but I can't help but be cynical. I guess I needed to destroy things with the negative to get a clean break.

I said my final good bye. However, I have no idea what I'm going to do if she tries to reconcile again? Do I throw all caution to the wind and follow a love affair which may be real or just an illusion? If she is kind maybe she won't get back to me. Honestly, I think we would both be nuts to continue on after the meltdown today.

Deep down, I pray for the strength to have a clean break. Anyone have any words of wisdom or advice?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHID8hMgWKc

...via Skype.  Just don't fall for her too. You won't be able to get up.

Damn if it were my birthday and you got mad because I changed my mind  I would take that as disrespect.
Maybe she wanted to do something with her friends. I think you getting mad on anyone birthday because e you did not get time with them is a little childish . It was HER DAY not YOURS how can you say she stood you up? Did you pre pay for a hotel suite that you lost money on? A trip ? Would you have paid her fee?

Her swaying you to "come here " don't go see someone else is a manipulating thing to say to someone when she KNOWS you have feelings for her.Gosh the very idea of you hobbying with someone else and SHUCKS how she needed that money of course baby come here you know i care about you so much .
I call it emotional abuse . She talked to you about future to lead you on to make sure you see no one but her. More emotional abuse .

I suggest you to cut off the texts with her and pick up with someone else. Do not get involved with someone and start to vision a future with them. Keep it kind but keep it business . If you start feeling close to someone maybe you need to talk to someone professionally and I don't say that in a sarcastic manner because you do sound like a nice person who  should have a few providers to see.

Maybe you forgot it  was an "arrangement" and maybe she knew that . Some people take advantage
where money is concerned. I hope you cut your ties and move on to meet other ladies who will be happy to introduce you to friends when they cannot see you and maybe you can work on your self esteem to not let yourself wind up in a "relationship" with anyone and call them when you want to .
There was no need to tell her you were going to see someone else you gave her the opportunity to
reel you in . Maybe you wanted that?

Angela


   

Which is what it started out as, where it should go, and how it should remain.

While it sucks that she called an audible at the last minute, on the other hand, how would any hobbyist think that a provider wants to spend her birthday with him?  I mean, she does have a regular life outside of appointments and seeing guys for money, right?

She is a provider, and your relationship is based on you paying for sex with her.  OTC doesn't mean that she likes you more than she cares enough to sometimes give you time for free.  That's all it means.  OTC time to me just means good business.  It's like giving away something for free so you can generate more business.  I don't mistake that for "friendship."

In fact, here is how I define "friendship."  Do I feel comfortable asking that "friend" for money without shame if I am in a pinch?  Or am I totally cool with that "friend" asking ME for money without feeling that it would fuck up our relationship if the loan wasn't paid back on a timely basis?  Or ever?  If not, they aren't "friends."

Sounds like the two of you are totally unstable in this relationship.  Time to talk away.  I don't need to get into examples why, but clearly your history with her is insanely bad.

And in the future, keep it to sex versus money.  That's it.  Don't ever read too much into it if she gives you OTC time.

complete with all the bells and whistles of jealousy, manipulation, recrimination - all on a shaky foundation of pay for play excellent sex thanks to a strong chemical attraction between you two.

In other words, a God awful train wreck.

Well, at least thank the lord you didn't get married or get her pregnant (Let's pray for that last one anyways.)

You both have a lot of growing up to do to even consider keeping this thing going, I won't even begin to keep track of all the penalty flags I would have tossed had  I been the referee during this game.

In the meantime, yes, you should avoid each other, which is a lot easier said then done, and I wouldn't bet my rent money on you staying away from each other either.  I've sat through this show too many times now.

And yes, do take BP's suggestion and contact the Love Goddess.  She might be able to help.

(By the way, LG and I are now over our thing and are just good friends, in case anyone was wondering.)

I mean, sounds like the perfect match.

This is why she is a hooker

She got you hooked there johnnie boy!

Go and find another ASAP and see if you can get that one to cannibalize your wallet as well  LOL

BTW...she and I had a great time on her birthday...Sorry about that  

Lets not forget the hobby is about NSA fun. You wouldn't be the first hobbyist to fall for a beautiful, sexy, attentive lady that treats you like a king, however seeing someone an hour or so at a time is not a meaningful relationship. Maybe it's time to take up golf

Stop obsessing over hookers and get a life..

What happened to the time when guys talked sports, drank whiskey, rode dirt bikes, went hunting?


-- Modified on 1/14/2013 11:37:11 AM

Thanks for the words of wisdom Mr. Fisher. I am determined to make a clean break from her this time. I wish that I wouldn't have been suckered back in after the first break, where I was happy seeing other girls, but then returned to her as I was played like a fiddle by a sad story. Just like last time, I'm not going to contact her, that's for sure. However, I hope that my resolve remains firm if she contacts me. I can almost imagine the call of need, weeks or months down the line, but I will have to say NO! I cannot help you any longer.

The rest of the responses in this thread aren't really worth responding to, so thanks again for the thoughtful message.

The closer you allow yourself to get to a professional, the more it is going to hurt when reality slaps you on the ass. STOP paying her a dime and ask her out...see what she says. If that answer is "NO" then I think you know the rest. Why do you guys complicate such a simple business transaction with your overblown emotional bs? It is beyond annoying!

If we wanted to see you off the clock, we would! You should also never loan her money, but because you got so involved in her personal life, she feels she has a right to depend on you. YOU brought that on yourself. And facebook? Really? So she lets clients on her family and friends page? Wow...brilliant! You two are made for each other.


-- Modified on 1/14/2013 1:10:35 PM

I got my ass kicked by a turkey after I shot it!
Do not approach a turkey unless you are sure it's dead.
The fucking thing went karate kid on me!
Flew straight up and latched onto my head.
Everyone was laughing at me run around with a really pissed off turkey on my head.
I got really hurt! Blood and feathers everywhere.
That isn't the first time that has happened in my circle either!
I should have known better. You live you learn? Not me. I have the scars to prove it!
I'm not even a big fan wild turkey! But that motherfucker was delicious!

I remember the first and only time that happened to me...I nearly shit my fucking pants.

They do taste damned good though!

Yup. Those fucking claws. It went for my face, but got my shoulder. The wings are really strong too!
They are very tough! I had a solid hit. 4/10 though. If I ever go again 20 gauge only.
I'll pick out the extra buckshot, or blow its head off completely.
Same thing happened to my neighbor in VT.
BTW. Don't fuck with Geese either! They will team up on you

with some pals of mine. I am a rookie at hunting, so learning the ropes myself. But its so much fun

When you bag one, and have to remove the cavity. I puked the first time.

I have to remind those motherfuckers that if they need a designated driver, they better be nice..

Obviously you want to so, why beat around the bush. Tell her you will give her a Mercedes SL 550 as a wedding present and will forgotten and great sex thereafter.

You dumb fuck, you never write email or talk to anyone when you are mad.

Does this mean that I'm not getting my Halestorm CD back? Because that ain't cool. :-P

Would you really want to be with someone who only wants you around when they get into a bind themselves.  If she doesn't want you to see anyone else, but gets made when you tell her you can only think of her I would question her motives.  It sounds like she wants you on the string just doesn't want to be on one also.  Move on and don't answer if she tries to contact you.  You will be happier long term and I bet the messages quit pretty quick.  She'll find someone else fast.

Thank you. This has helped me get things into perspective. Yes. I think have been on a string.... There is a lot of wisdom in your words, so thanks for taking the time to write.

Liar! Look up your butt :-P

Hopefully you can find a new ATF soon and get back to enjoying the hobby the way it should be.

I feel sad for you and I do not like the girl who did this to you . I was hoping to read that she intended to
at least pay you back in work or money. I read neither. Somehow did you think that she let this esalate
into the mess to get off clean without paying back money she owed?I think she knew all along what she
was doing . Take the high road and start a new.

Angela