I've had this ongoing debate with a provider friend of mine and I would like to invite others in this community to offer their perspective.

She is of the opinion that happily married men can, and will, be monogamous provided that their wives stay in shape, maintain their appearance and are responsive to their man's sexual desires. Basically, any man that would be married to (or in a committed relationship) with the likes of her, would be unlikely to ever stray "because he would have no need to".

I am happily married to a very desF

It just isn't that cut and dried.

IMHO modern man retains enough of the primitive characteristic, which is why we are soooo horny all the time. At the same time, primitive man was not bound to one woman. I would venture to guess he had several. He was fruitful and multiplied all over the place. I prefer that theory to "Adam & Eve" which makes us all terribly inbred from the get go.

So in closing, I feel that it takes dicipline to be monogamous.
Because show me a beautiful woman anywhere in the world, and I'll show you a man who is tired of fucking her.*

Paraphrased from a recent movie..Sidewalks of New York.

I know, I know, I don't have to cite sources, but just got through proofreading my 17 yo's research paper. Old habits die hard.

Peace

I guess I disagree with some others here. Assuming the thread would have ended with the gentleman feeling that men cannot be monogamous............... I would offer that they can be. I was in a marital relationship for 23 years and remained monogamous for the majority of it. It was only when we both stopped working at keeping the relationship fresh and sex exciting that I found my way into other adventures. After my divorce, I found my way into a 13 year non marital relationship and remained monogomous for all of it.  If a guy can get great sex at home from a woman he loves and adores, and who in turn loves and adores him, who would ever have the need to look elsewhere? Does that suggest that I never looked or fantasized about another woman? Of course not, I wasn't dead afterall!

At a very basic level, the purpose of life is to pass on your genes.  Men don't need much time to accomplish this, and don't necessarily have a vested interest in the resulting offspring.  Therefore, it made more sense for men to take many partners in order to 'father' the maximum number of children.  As well, a male could never be certian that resulting offspring we his.

On the other hand, woman do have a vested interest in their offspring.  9 months at the very least, and often many years.  For them, being selective of a mate became important.  They were looking for a partner who would hopefully stay around long enough to help out with the child rearing and be a good provider.

Men who chose to be with multiple partners passed down their genetic code (including the trait for preferring multiple partners) to many more offspring.  Therefore the preference for multiple partners in men has been naturally selected for.  

Now, this is certianly not to say that men cannot be monogomous.  We all have freedom of choice and are responsible for our own decisions.  Just because we have a preference or tendency doesn't mean we need to act on it.  Nature vs Nurture  Your genes, culture, upbringing, religion, societal acceptance and norms, as well as your personal creed will influence the choices you make.

went something like this: Lee and some friends were at a restaurant, when a drop-dead, gorgeous blonde walks by. As the others fantasize with their eyes, Lee says, "somewhere, some guy is tired of that!" They all nodded. Chris Rock said, "show me a man that hasn't cheated and I'll show you a cat that's never had the chance. You can attribute "higher brain" functions to enabling men to be monogamous, but it seems to me the reason the instinct is repressed varies greatly (religious beliefs, fear, etc.)

I am happily married for 19 years to a beautiful woman who loves sex almost as much as I do.  I must stress the almost here.  I was monogamous for the first 18 years but my fantasies and desire to have sex with another woman has turned me toward the hobby.  The passion in my marital sex life does seen to come and go and my need for hot passion is what has led me to hobby, not some internal desire to spread my genes all over the country.

Hi Sedona,
I agree with you that most men will stray no matter, but he is less likely to stray if you meet his need and will stray less often if he heads for work in the morning having had wake up blow job. The better you treat him the less likely he will find another woman that treats him as well.

If my wife would "be responsive to her man's sexual desires" I can assure you that I would be completely faithful.  I wouldn't even look at another woman with sex in mind.  In fact, this used to be the case, for the first couple of years we were together.

And I don't even care (much) about the "stay in shape, maintain her appearance" part.  It's the thought and enthusiasm that counts.

However, I do know guys who have great-looking wives who like to fuck, and some of them cheat anyway.  I don't understand that.

My 2 longest relationships were 6 years and 1&1\2 years. Never cheated in either of them. Men can be extremely loyal when they want.
However the girl in the 1&1\2 year relationship cheated on me. I left her immediatly. I feel that man or woman has it in them to cheat. Both can act without discipline and with selfishness.

Parrots, to start with (and many other species of birds).

I am no expert, but I would expect males to be monogonomous where there is an evolutionary requirement for them to participate in the raising of children.

I suppose it would be possible to be monogamous, if all my needs were met. However, I've had providers dress up in schoolgirl outfits, tease me in sexy lingerie, let me take pictures of them while they're masturbating/teasing me by spreading their pussy lips, perform BBBJTC while another girl is performing DATY on them, etc.

The male mind (at least mine) has an incredible capacity to generate fantasies. My experience is that most girlfriends are not as open minded as providers. I've had difficulty exploring as many of my fantasies with real girlfriends who are waitresses, flight attendants, business owners, etc.

I'm no biblical expert, but I seem to remember they didn't have any daughters, just three sons, one of which got killed by his brother.

So how did they continue the race? Have sex with their mom?

Doesn't monogomy (for either sex) depend greatly on the individual?  Some will be, some  won't.  One time in my life I once was, for a period of 10yrs...not because of lack of hormones, interest, opportunity, blindness, relgion, society's view of morality.  I was simply because my own sense of what I thought was fair to her, & knowing that I'd be left with feeling of guilt that would have been far more lasting & important that a few fleeting hours of pleasure.  There were other times when I probably 'should' have been, but wasn't.  I think it's an individual thing & based on particular individual circumstances.

Okay, I get you now, but you're making it sound like a foregone conclusion.  It isn't.  It depends on the man.

But, that's based on everything I've ever seen..

Sure it’s possible – the research I’ve seen shows that most (maybe just barely) men are monogamous.  I’d guess close to 100% are not in their heads from time to time…

I will only talk from some direct (know), but a lot of indirect (assume) experience and make a sweeping generalization (which by definition are almost always untrue!).  I don’t think the happiness of the marriage has anything to do with men straying.  I’d guess there are as many men who are absolutely miserable in a sexless marriage (and btw may deserve what they get) who don’t play around as there are happily married men who want to have some variety on the side.  It’s my experience that the most miserable people in life like to wallow in pity while doing nothing about their situation many fulfilled people go and make things happen.   While I would guess that the search for love outside of a marriage could have more than a random correlation to extracurricular relationships I’d guess as far as this hobby goes there isn’t a correlation.  I’d go a bit further out on a limb and say the man who needs to blame his wife for his actions is a man not taking responsibility for his actions or his life.

My wife has lost all interest in her appearance and/or sex. This was my initial "excuse" to start seeing providers. I quickly discovered that I won't even remain "faithful" to any one provider for even a short period of time. It's one and out for this f**ked-up tomcat. You can blame genetics or whatever you want but I just continue to lust after new providers!

Fidelity is no easy thing for a man with our hardwiring as such(guess that's why true fidelity is honored in our culture). It is however possible especially if the woman is attentive to her man. It is only a matter of time however if the woman is insensitive to his needs either physical OR emotional.

-- Modified on 12/10/2003 1:55:20 AM

My late & wise Grandfather used to tell me, "show me a beautiful woman and I will show you some guy who is tired of her shit!"

I would add that it probably works in both directions, too.

Here's a past post which I always enjoyed,....I just want to know if it is true. If so, then this may answer your question.


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