I have been seeing this particular woman for the past two years. It all started when she started providing for a now defunct agency in the DC/MD area. I was one of her first clients. We had such a great time that I actually stoped hobbying just to see her exclcively. This eventually led to overnights and weekend vacations. Once the agency closed, she went underground. I still continued to see her but more like a sugardaddy. Everytime she had problems, I would get a phone call. Car breaking down, needed dental work, late on her rent, owed the state of MD back taxes, guess who to the rescue? I honestly did not mind because I have a pretty successful business, plus these expenses were not huge. Whenever she needed money, she sure did know what buttons to push to get me to open up my checkbook.

For almost a year I did not hobby aside from only seeing her. She had and still has the same boyfriend that she had when I first met her. A bonafide, certified LOSER. Not that I minded because as a veteran hobbyist I learned the hardway to keep my emotions out of hobbying.

Now here is the problem. I recently started hobbying again. Not only that but putting up reviews. Ever since I did, she has been on a rampage. Cold and distant converations, dry (literally) emotionless sex almost businesslike. Under normal circumstances whenever I called her she would be over my house within an hour. Now she just comes over and watches the clock, yawns and lays there in lazy-dog position for most of the night. Yawns some more and gives some lame excuse that she cant stay long.

I know it is time to move on and find another ATF. Before I do, I just want to ask hobbyist and provider alike, if there is any way that I can salvage this relationship. I do care about her and still want her in my life (I don't mind paying all the way) but I do want to hobby also.

That sucks. She still has her boyfriend. You didn't mind she had still been with him all this time while you were her atm dad outside the hobby? I would continue to find a new atf and then see what happens.

and I hate to say it, but you created this.

Do not ever get into a situation where you are the great savior with the check book.  She will just get more stuck in her unproductive ways, and will become like she is now, resentful and a lousy lay.  This is a lose/lose situation.

Maintain boundaries, keep it friendly and enjoyable.  Who knows, without you to depend on she might get her no good boyfriend to get his act in gear.  (Not likely, though)

There is a great lesson here for all of us.

Thanks for sharing it.

Change your ter handle to something she doesn't know is you. Use your current ladies you have seen as your references.

But it does seem that you need to cut all ties with her. You both have crossed boundires and she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

Find a provider that truly appreciates you and doesn't act like a 2 year old...

Just being honest ok: If you let yourself be taken advantage of.........it's going to happen.

Its time to part ways.

Hopefully you can remain friends but she's not interested in the relationship anymore and not motivated.  But no harm, no foul.  Neither of you "lost".  You didn't spend money you didn't have.  She enjoyed being your exclusive "provider" for quite some time-- but now she's a little bitter and no longer into it.  

Go out on a high note and part ways as friends.  Theres nothing worse than prolonging a relationship that one or both people are not into.  

Im sure you care for her and will be there for her, maybe not from a financial standpoint, but as a friend, should she ever need you.  (If you really care for her, you'll teach her to manage her money.  An old saying comes to mind... "You can give a man a fish and feed him for a day, or you can...."

I hate to be blunt, but ... you never had a relationship.  There is nothing to salvage.  Your AFT has a boyfriend.  It sounds like you have been supporting both her, and her boyfirend, for several years.  Now that you are not providing her, and her boyfriend, with so much money, she is no longer pretending that you are special.

If you have the desire, and the money, to be a sugardaddy, you should be on a sugardaddy site, and find a lady who is going to make you her exclusive man in return for being supported.

In the meantime, there are a lot of great ladies at TER, who would be happy meet your recreational needs until you find what you are looking for.

I understand where you coming from, as I have enjoyed my relationship with my ATF for over seven years.  That being said, my lady friend nor I ever became cold or distant when things happened that could have led to us parting ways...we always kissed and made up.  That doesn't sound like what is happening with your situation.  You mentioned that you recognized that it was time for you to move on.  Maybe it's time for you to man up, and admit to yourself that it's over?

don't be a douche bag here...if her boyfriend is a "bonafide, certified LOSER" and this chick stays with him....what does that make her? waaa waaaaa waaaaaaa my boyfriend is a loser....waaa waaa waaaaa  my boyfriend can't pay the rent, I owe back taxes, my car shit the bed....you went waaaaay above and beyond for this girl...I say girl because REAL WOMEN do not behave like she is...I guarantee you that she could give a rats ass about YOU...let her go...summer is just about here...embark on a new journey...set your bar a lil bit higher...and by the way, my rent is due....WANNA FUCK? ;o)

in all likelihood, you have been helping to support her loser boyfriend, too.

Your post should be required reading for all the guys on TER that:

1. Fall in love with women they're paying for sex.
2. Buy into the never-ending sob stories and open their wallets for same.
3. Think that they can fix someone else's life for them.
4. Allow themselves to get treated like shit and say "Thank you" and come back for more.
5.Try and try to please women that aren't giving them anything in return, until finally they have no self-respect left.

I've done more things on the above list than I care to admit, and NONE of it ever got me anywhere, and it never will.

Just reading most of the reviews on TER you would think we were all Adonises, capable of giving women countless orgasms. Men are played by the fairer sex for suckers!

I am not looking for love, vaidiation or any of the other horsecrap pschobabble reasons that many on this board are fond of using.

I love to fuck, more specifically I love to fuck young, desirable women less than half my age, and I like to fuck dozens of different hotties every single month. How else can a non rocker/superathete in his fifties manage to live a lifestyle like what I describe?

Unlike some people here, I own a mirror and have no delusions about my "studlyness" lol, I dont expect anything deeper than a few hours of pleasure, but sometimes I get more than I ever expected, I have met some real cunts in this "hobby" but I have met some truly remarkable women as well. I don't let the actions of a few jade me to the real gems that are out there.

I think the key is managing ones expectations, if you don't expecct much, it's hard to be dissappointed, but becoming so jaded and cynical that you close yourself off in fear of being taken advantage of is hardly the answer.

Sounds like somebody I know, just the BF part.

Yeah dude, you're fucked. I can appreciate you wanting to continue seeing her. She's hotter than fuck and WAS a great lay at sometime I presume. So if she sucks now, and not in a good way, dump her ass.

You're not doing either of you any favors by continuing this.

Well, she seems to be saying she wants you to be exclusive. And, if you want to be truly miserable, why not marry her? Then she will have what she wants, and you still won't be getting any sex from her!

Salvage!?! No, there's nothing here to salvage!

Even if you continue to see her your relationship, at least the one want to have with her is over. You can allways reminisce of the good times you spent together. Chances are you were supporting to bad habits.

You are a human being, and you have value. Human value.

Your time, your money, your regard, your kindness and even access to your body have value. These are finite, and should not be given to just anyone. Even in hobbying, they should be reserved for women who at least recognize their worth.

When men allow themselves to be shat upon repeatedly and then come back for another heaping helping; it simply encourages women to behave abominably.

You need to assert yourself by depriving her of your value because she has repeatedly proven herself to be unworthy of even the most tiny investment of your time, effort, regard or money.  And she has further shown herself to be unworthy to touch your body, whether for pay or not.

You have subsidized her and her loser boytoy; and she has shown herself both ungrateful and undeserving. Cut your losses.

Men, in general, need to get a handle on this concept. Things that you subsidize, you will get more of. Men need to stop subsidizing women kicking them in the teeth and treating them like shit.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled fun.

#1--Giving up all others to devote your spending exclusively to her, and (I'm guessing) LETTING HER KNOW you had done that.

#2--Not cutting her off right away when she turned cold towards you and the sex lost its sizzle. See how she likes getting no more calls, no more withdrawals from her ATM. She could tell from your reviews that you were having your fun, so she'd know her only recourse would be to drop the sulking and put out again. Whether she'd have the spirit to do it might be another matter.

At this point, sorry, it's probably too late to undo the effects of either.

In this business. I much prefer to have LTR's.. but, at the end of the day it is business. I am never ever allowed to expect you to see just me and the day I start thinking that way it is time to let you go.. This is still business at the end of the day.. you can play and enjoy each other but there are still lines and boundries.. It happens. I have cut two loose because they or I felt more of a coneection that was safe, Learn from it and move on..

Posted By: Dudenextdoor

I have been seeing this particular woman for the past two years. It all started when she started providing for a now defunct agency in the DC/MD area. I was one of her first clients. We had such a great time that I actually stoped hobbying just to see her exclcively. This eventually led to overnights and weekend vacations. Once the agency closed, she went underground. I still continued to see her but more like a sugardaddy. Everytime she had problems, I would get a phone call. Car breaking down, needed dental work, late on her rent, owed the state of MD back taxes, guess who to the rescue? I honestly did not mind because I have a pretty successful business, plus these expenses were not huge. Whenever she needed money, she sure did know what buttons to push to get me to open up my checkbook.

For almost a year I did not hobby aside from only seeing her. She had and still has the same boyfriend that she had when I first met her. A bonafide, certified LOSER. Not that I minded because as a veteran hobbyist I learned the hardway to keep my emotions out of hobbying.

Now here is the problem. I recently started hobbying again. Not only that but putting up reviews. Ever since I did, she has been on a rampage. Cold and distant converations, dry (literally) emotionless sex almost businesslike. Under normal circumstances whenever I called her she would be over my house within an hour. Now she just comes over and watches the clock, yawns and lays there in lazy-dog position for most of the night. Yawns some more and gives some lame excuse that she cant stay long.

I know it is time to move on and find another ATF. Before I do, I just want to ask hobbyist and provider alike, if there is any way that I can salvage this relationship. I do care about her and still want her in my life (I don't mind paying all the way) but I do want to hobby also.

I couldn't agree more. Now you are supporting someone who does not respect you nor provides you with the pleasure you paid her to provide. Kinda sounds like a bad marriage, doesn't it?

Time to get divorced.

I got in soooo much trouble for using that very expression just 2 weeks ago.  Glad to know that I'm not the only one that's fond of that phrase.  BTW, you're spot on with your observation.  Winners tend to not date losers long term.

Now she's acting out & not giving the proper providing.  If she wanted to keep you coming back, she wuld have stepped up her efforts.  Instead, she is sending you a message that it is over...  that she does not care.   I won't get into the lines that were crossed but as she kept the loser BF then she has no right to expect any but a professional relationship with you.  
She's turned into a bad lay, that you would not go back to for a second date.  I had this sort of treatment from my ex...  who wanted me gone.  I suggest you play nice but it is time to cut the strings totally & move on.  It was fun while it lasted...
Happy Hobbying  

It's just a bad relationship that you participate in.  Make no mistake about it, you are 1/2 of something you don't like.  What are you going to do next?

I know this from a first hand (recently separated) experience 12 or so years ago...the guy was hot and great in bed...but was dumb as a stump...couldn't hold a job and I have had better conversations with squirrels lol...but he was what I needed at the time and easily tossed aside when I was all done lol

Sucker.

I love this lifestyle. I fuck whom I please whenever I want. I'm in complete control of my dick whereas in a civilian relationship the woman controls my stick.

First, you know as well as I that this is a business transaction. I gues that makes every man who has ever paid for sex a "Sucker." Second, the money has never been an issue for the simple reason that I can afford it.

I am not talking about a provider that you saw one time for an hour and had mind blowing sex, conversation and a what you believed that was mutually felt. I am talking about that but over the span of 90-100x (over 2.5 years) and not limited to one hour engagements. Throw in gifts, travel, overnights, dinners.

I have been hobbying for several years and have my fair share of reviews. So I am not new to this.

How is it possible for you to see a woman at least once a week, screw like heyenas and not develop at least a friendship? If you can be so intimate with a person for so long and remain totally detached then there must be something wrong with you. I saw other providers while she was my ATF. I never fooled myself into thinking that we were in a relationship. As the matter of fact  what made it special is that there were No Strings Attached.  

Oh and for those of you who think I was supporting her BF. I never bought her boyfriend La Perla Underwear or a a dental bridge, he never came with us skiing, snorkeling or even to dinner. She lives with her mother (who I met and is confined to a motorized wheelchair due to MS). I paid her taxes one year and she paid me back with pink money. I never thought of it as anything other than a business transaction. So if she wanted to spend the money that I paid her for her time, ass and attention on her loser BF then that was her decision.

If you want to see the ultimate "shit the bed" scene, watch the harrowing British movie about young drug addicts called "Train Spotting."  You will never use the phrase again without seeing that scene in your mind's eye, and it ain't pretty.

First, after re-reading your OP, it's clear you became highly involved with her emotionally, no matter what you think.
Second, you describe a long pattern of supporting her various needs because she could not.  It's clear that she's a dysfunctional mess and your emotional involvement fed into your support of her.
I tried to imagine myself in your shoes.  I could even imagine it being hard to say "no" to lots of the ladies I've seen.  Then I realized that none of them --  at least none of the memorable ones I'd see again -- would ever dream of asking me for money.  Why?  They are all well-reviewed and successful women who have their act together and will never need anyone's help.  Further, they would never jeopardize their business by asking a client for this kind of help. In the future, you should stick to women like that.  They aren't hard to find.  There are lots of them listed in the Reviews section of TER.

i was just wondering if she was worth maintaining a friendship with. I guess not

I went this route myself, serial meeting with a single Favorite Lady...  eventually, I found quality & energy suffering while the same compensation was expected.  I took a long break...  gave no explanation...   In the meantime, I proceeded to meet new ladies whom I felt had the potential to become Favorites.  (I have no interest in notching my 6 guns / headboard as many times as possible.)  After nearly a year, I've added said Favorite lady back to what is now a rotation among the Favorites.  I continue to see new ladies whom I think have that "Fav" potential.
Original ATF...  things are fond & friendly when we are together...  but it is more cut off when the door closes between us.  I kind of miss the old relationship but is was dead already.   My rotation plan works for me...

if it described a marriage.  the idea of paying for that is vaudeville/theater of despair

I know it sucks being used like that, but she obviously doesn't have any respect for you.

People like her are poisonous to you. You don't need BS like that in your life.

Count yourself lucky. No marriage. No alimony. No child support.

Fucking move on to a provider that will treat you better.

Don't call her, just move on. She will call you begging for help when things get tight probably make up some lie that she broke up with her BF and is lonely (and it will be a lie).

Don't return her calls.

DO NOT ENGAGE HER.

Quoting - "Unlike some people here, I own a mirror and have no delusions about my "studlyness" lol, I dont expect anything deeper than a few hours of pleasure, but sometimes I get more than I ever expected, I have met some real cunts in this "hobby" but I have met some truly remarkable women as well. I don't let the actions of a few jade me to the real gems that are out there. I think the key is managing ones expectations, if you don't expecct much, it's hard to be dissappointed, but becoming so jaded and cynical that you close yourself off in fear of being taken advantage of is hardly the answer." end quote

I have to say I agree.

Dude, I get it and hope you didn't feel flamed by anything I wrote.  But there is a disconnect with what you've written.  On the one hand you acknowlege having developed a friendship and there's nothing wrong with that.  I also get that you're not new to this and know your way around.  But you're trying to hard to paper certain things over, like that her BF must have benefitted in some way from your largesse whether you know it or not.
But mainly, the fact that you allowed your friendship for her to permit her to regularly be less than friendly and enthusiastic and still continued the arrangement.  There is only one way that can happen:  you became much more emotionally involved with this girl than you're aware of.  If there's another explanation I can't think what it is.  Anyway, think about it.  And, for Chrissakes, stop seeing her.

......... it's clearly time to move on.  LOL

that you are willing to put up with this kind of treatment, then go on and continue.  In fact I suggest you marry her - at least then you'll get some tax advantage.

I have friendships with providers going back over 20 years, and I've also been were you are now, or close to it anyways.

Now, I just value myself so much that I won't put up with that kind of treatment and cut the person off if I must.

What you decide is up to you, but since you asked....

I would suspect that on a "per pop" or "per hour" basis he probably made out quite well.

and if you hadn't noticed he isn't griping about the money, just the recent lackluster service.

The OP seems like he has had his eyes open during this whole time and just wants validation for what he already knows.

I am normally the first one to jump on someone on a "I have fallen for a provider" type post, but this post has a different ring to it.

My only suggestion to the OP is to let time take care of it. Cut her off completely for a month or two and see if her attitude doesn't change when she finds that her "safety net" is performance based. More than likely it's a lost cause, but you already know that. Good Luck, and there will be another even better than her right around the next turn.

It's not just the money.  It's the fact that you have become an ATM for a loser with a loser boyfriend that you help support.  You became infatuated with her and the only thing she was infatuated with is your wallet.  You have been played and your only excuse is well I can afford it.  You know you're being treated like shit yet you still want to keep the money flowing her way.  And she is just saying, wow I treat this guy like shit and he still gives me money.  What a sucker.

with all the girl out there...move on

We always spoke at least every other day if not every day. I simply stopped calling and answeing her calls. Today, she left a voicemail telling me the same crapola about how she is going through so much right now. That her dog had to get put to sleep (which is true beacuse he was blind, arthritic and had intestinal problems as well as advanced age), how her mom's condition has deteriorated, how her loser BF was fucking some other loser chic, how she is struggling to pay  her rent, student loan, car and insurance and that she may get laid off from her shitty cold calling job with an insurance/investing company.

Normally, I would have felt sorry for her and told her to jog over to my office in sneakers, tights and a tank top, so I could bend her over in my desk while my clients were outside in the waiting room. Then after work I would have met her for dinner at some swanky downtown brasserie, where I would have cut her a check for her services. This was not the case today though. I simply told her taht I am very sorry and told her that I was busy.

She has called possibly 8 times since lunch. Now I am getting a kick out of how she is turning on the charm and acting all caring and sweet by the tone of the messages she leaves. No plans to see her anytime soon though. Time to HOBBY

Thank all of you who participated in this thread. I appreciate all support as well as criticism. Criticism especially, for not ever listening to criticism, one will always remain ignorant to his/her faults.